Is My Son Gay or Is a Phase? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• GAY YOUTH COMG OUT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL
• YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?
• IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?
• EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAYTIMOFDIATHE DIFFICULT JOURNEYUNRSTANDG, ACKNOWLEDGG, AND SHARG ONE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN WH THE WORLD, IS EASY FOR SOME, WHILE FOR OTHERS THE JOURNEY IS LONG AND DIFFICULT.GETTY-IMAGCOMG OUT ISN'T EASYGAY YOUTH OFTEN FACE THEIR SET OF CHALLENG AFTER G OUT ABOUT THEIR GENR PREFERENC.GETTY-IMAGTHE ROLE OF PARENTSAS PARENTS, ALL YOU N DO IS PROVI THEM WH LOVE AND SUPPORT. THIS N START OM AN EARLY AGE IF YOU N INTIFY THE SIGNS OF YOUR CHILD'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN.GETTY-IMAG​DRSG UPIT MAY SEEM STEREOTYPIL, BUT SOME REARCH SUGGTS THAT KIDS SHOW THEIR CLATN BY THE WAY THEY DRS UP. GETTY-IMAG​SPEECHAS PER A STUDY, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE SPEECH OF KIDS WHO ARE CLED TOWARDS THE SAME SEX. THE CHANGE THE TONE N EASILY BE TECTED EVEN WHEN THEY ARE FIVE YEARS OLD. GETTY-IMAG​TOYS PREFERENCEWHEN ROLE-PLAYG, IF A BOY OFTEN TAK THE FEME ROLE OR THE GIRL LIK TO PLAY ROUGH GAM, THEN YOU NEED TO PAY A LTLE ATTENTN. GETTY-IMAGYOU MAY ALSO LIKECOVID: WAYS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR KID'S IMM...
• I’M A BOY OF 13 AND I THK I’M GAY BUT I HAVEN’T TOLD ANYONE. WHAT BOOKS N I READ?
• THIS IS HOW I REALLY REACTED WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY
• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• MY 14 YEAR OLD GAY SON IS SEEING A 17 YEAR OLD
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR KID IS GAY
• I THK MY 14 YEAR OLD IS GAY

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

When parents learn that their child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, they n experience a range of emotns. As a matter of fact, you might someday look back and fd that you are grateful for the experience of havg a gay or lbian child. Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups.

GAY YOUTH COMG OUT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL

If you jt found out your child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, you may be thkg that such ias are prepostero. The tstworthy nfidants let them vent but also rrected some of the misperceptns they absorbed om society, such as that gay people are lonely, unhappy, promiscuo, not fay-oriented, unable to have children, or sted for an unhappy life.

They immediately clocked as gay, while we immediately clocked them as we warmed up to another, one mom anxly said: "I have a qutn: I am pretty sure my son is gay, but I don't know what to do. "For example, if someone the word "gay" place of "stupid, " remd them that the two are not terchangeable, and suggt they should say what they actually mean stead. "The rourc n help:PFLAG: The untry’s largt anizatn ung parents, fai, and alli wh people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and Spectm: Offers groups, trag, and rourc promotg genr sensivy and cln for all youthGLBT Natnal Rource Database: LGBTQ+ digal directory of rourcNatnal Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network: Directory of therapists/unselors who are people of lorNatnal LGBTQ Task Force: The progrsive advocy arm of the LGBTQ+ movementDurg LGBTQ Pri Month, TODAY is sharg the muny’s history, pa, joy and what’s next for the movement.

YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?

Are people who e out as gay their teens sted to face rejectn, bullyg and inty crisis? MARTIN: Now, how did you notice this trend of younger and younger children intifyg themselv as gay?

I read a lot about youth culture and I was talkg to tors and, you know, lears of gay youth groups and they were all sayg the same thg. When realy, if you talk to a gay man, you know, many of them lookg back will say, you know, I noticed my same sex attractn, you know, at 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 that ballpark.

You know, recent studi are showg that kids are self-intifyg as gay anywhere om 13 to 16. The other realy is that 's still very difficult for a lot of gay kids to be out middle school.

IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?

I mean, one of the tertg thgs that we have to look at is this, is that much of the anti-gay bullyg and anti-gay harassment that's gog on middle schools and high school is more about genr non-nformy than really is about beg gay or lbian. You say, look, on the one hand, is an eighth-grar who says he's gay jt experimentg?

But you say that when to kids who say that they are gay, 's almost like we want to talk them out of . Is that beg gay or lbian is still enough of a pariah inty that parents want to take off the table as long as they n, or is jt that parents really feel that all kids are sexualized too early the days, and they don't want their kids at this age thkg about, you know, hookg up? So was really - and a lot of parents, when they heard their kid, their 12-, 13-, 14-year-old say, you know, I'm gay, or I'm bisexual, or I'm lbian, they tomatilly went to oh my god, that means he's havg sex, when realy wasn't about that at all.

EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAYTIMOFDIATHE DIFFICULT JOURNEYUNRSTANDG, ACKNOWLEDGG, AND SHARG ONE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN WH THE WORLD, IS EASY FOR SOME, WHILE FOR OTHERS THE JOURNEY IS LONG AND DIFFICULT.GETTY-IMAGCOMG OUT ISN'T EASYGAY YOUTH OFTEN FACE THEIR SET OF CHALLENG AFTER G OUT ABOUT THEIR GENR PREFERENC.GETTY-IMAGTHE ROLE OF PARENTSAS PARENTS, ALL YOU N DO IS PROVI THEM WH LOVE AND SUPPORT. THIS N START OM AN EARLY AGE IF YOU N INTIFY THE SIGNS OF YOUR CHILD'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN.GETTY-IMAG​DRSG UPIT MAY SEEM STEREOTYPIL, BUT SOME REARCH SUGGTS THAT KIDS SHOW THEIR CLATN BY THE WAY THEY DRS UP. GETTY-IMAG​SPEECHAS PER A STUDY, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE SPEECH OF KIDS WHO ARE CLED TOWARDS THE SAME SEX. THE CHANGE THE TONE N EASILY BE TECTED EVEN WHEN THEY ARE FIVE YEARS OLD. GETTY-IMAG​TOYS PREFERENCEWHEN ROLE-PLAYG, IF A BOY OFTEN TAK THE FEME ROLE OR THE GIRL LIK TO PLAY ROUGH GAM, THEN YOU NEED TO PAY A LTLE ATTENTN. GETTY-IMAGYOU MAY ALSO LIKECOVID: WAYS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR KID'S IMM...

DENIZET-LEWIS: I thk that there's no doubt that sort of as you have more posive portrayals and, I would say, accurate portrayals of gay and lbian life the media, and kids n go onle and fd all kds of rourc, that there's no doubt that that's gog to have an effect on kids, and that they're gog to possibly e out earlier bee of that. Now, I don't thk that those posive portrayals of gay life is gog to sort of make a kid who's not attracted to the same sex sudnly say, you know, hey, this seems really ol.

What I thk that the more posive portrayals popular culture has done is 's ma a ltle b safer for kids who do feel that they're gay or lbian to be able to e to their parents or school unselor and talk about the issu, which I thk is a real step forward bee for many years, kids who had same-sex attractn or were nfed, they uldn't talk to anyone about . You know, granted I lived San Francis, but none of my iends were gay, or none of the kids my age were gay. There were still not a lot of posive portrayals of gay and lbian life televisn.

I’M A BOY OF 13 AND I THK I’M GAY BUT I HAVEN’T TOLD ANYONE. WHAT BOOKS N I READ?

So, you know, nsequently I sort of went nial mo, which is what a lot of gay kids have done for many years, and then my early 20s and mid-20s and late 20s, as many gay men do who don't e out until late, we sort of try to relive our gay adolcence that we weren't allowed to live. And so what's remarkable, now, is I thk we're gog to see, as more and more kids e out younger and are sort of able to have a normal adolcence the sense that, you know, I talked to kids who were havg arguments wh their parents about gog on dat when they're 15 or 16 or 17 or gog to the prom or sort of, you know, havg their normal adolcence, I thk 's gog to create an entirely different kd of gay and lbian adult the next 10, 20, 30 years.

THIS IS HOW I REALLY REACTED WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY

As I relayed When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterlg, 2016), I found out that my son was gay om a note wh our son's name entwed wh another boy's, surround by a heart.

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

Had I asked him if he were gay when he was 13, he probably would have fensively said "No! San Berland, the mother of a gay son who ach parents of LGBTQ kids, utn, "It's not a good ia to ask.

Acrdg to my -thor, psychiatrist Jonathan Tobk, "Gay children feel credibly vulnerable when g out to their parents, and tak time to work up the urage to do this. In a way, you have an advantage by not knowg; giv you more time to prepare for the day (if ever) when he do reveal he's gay. People who are homosexual are romantilly and physilly attracted to people of the same sex: femal are attracted to other femal; mal are attracted to other mal.

MY 14 YEAR OLD GAY SON IS SEEING A 17 YEAR OLD

Beg straight, gay, or bisexual is not somethg that a person n choose or choose to change. Gay people are reprented all walks of life, across all natnali, ethnic backgrounds, and all social and enomic groups.

Dpe myths and misnceptns, there is no evince that beg gay is ed by early childhood experienc, parentg styl, or the way someone is raised. Efforts to change gay people to straight (sometim lled "nversn therapy") have been proven to be effective and n be harmful. Knowg one's sexual orientatn — whether straight or gay — is often somethg that kids or teens regnize wh ltle doubt om a very young age.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR KID IS GAY

Some gay teens say they had same-sex csh childhood, jt as their heterosexual peers had oppose-sex csh.

By middle school, as they enter adolcence, many gay teens already regnize their sexual orientatn, whether or not they have revealed to anyone else. Those who didn't realize they were gay at first often say that they always felt different om their peers, but didn't exactly know why. But the experienc, by themselv, do not necsarily mean that a teen is gay or straight.

I THK MY 14 YEAR OLD IS GAY

And spe genr stereotyp, mascule and feme tras do not necsarily predict whether someone is straight or gay. Once aware, some gay teens may be que fortable and accept their sexualy, while others might fd nfg or difficult to accept.

Like their straight peers, gay teens may strs about school, gras, llege, sports, activi, iends, and ftg . But addn, gay and lbian teens often al wh an extra layer of strs — like whether they have to hi who they are, whether they will be harassed about beg gay, or whether they will face stereotyp or judgments if they are hont about who they are.

Many gay teens worry about whether they will be accepted or rejected by their loved on, or whether people will feel upset, angry, or disappoted them. It n take time for gay teens to procs how they feel and to accept this aspect of their own inty before they reveal their sexual orientatn to others. In some suatns, teens who are openly gay may risk facg more harassment than those who haven't revealed their sexual orientatn.