There's More Than One Way for Gay Men to Have Sex | GQ

Contents:

• HOW TO BEHAVE AROUND GAY PEOPLE IF YOU DON'T ACCEPT THEM
• I’M 43 – BUT I’M MA TO FEEL LIKE A DOSR BY YOUNGER GAY MEN
• JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS ASSISTANT COACH KEV MAXEN MAK HISTORY AFTER COMG OUT AS GAY
• SIE MCCABE: ‘THE WORST ADVICE I’VE HAD? DON’T BE TOO GAY YOUR MATERIAL – MEN WON’T LIKE ’
• LBIANS MORE ACCEPTED THAN GAY MEN AROUND THE WORLD, STUDY FDS
• JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS ASSISTANT KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH MAJOR U.S. PRO LEAGUE TO E OUT AS GAY
• JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS' KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE COACH TO COME OUT AS GAY MAJOR U.S. SPORTS
• GAY COUPL, CHOOSG TO SAY ‘I DON’T’
• BEG AGAST GAY MARRIAGE DON'T MAKE YOU A HOMOPHOBE
• I AM A STRAIGHT GIRL, BUT WISH I ULD BE WH A GAY GUY.
• THE FACT NO ONE LIK TO ADM: MANY GAY MEN ULD JT HAVE EASILY BEEN STRAIGHT
• 10 COUNTRI THAT COMPLETELY HATE GAY PEOPLE
• THE BIGGT MYTH ABOUT GAY SEX

HOW TO BEHAVE AROUND GAY PEOPLE IF YOU DON'T ACCEPT THEM

(though lets be hont, 80% of the world probably agre wh me and is to sred to speak out due to the wrath of the remag 20% (10% gays and 10% SJW's)). J suggts that some men are "born nuchs, " an ancient term for beg gay, that the people are part of God's natural orr, and heterosexual marriage is not the right path for everyone. There is nothg wrong wh preferrg someone who is overtly mascule, but llg “straight-actg” rather than “mascule actg” is a form of ternalized homophobia.

I’M 43 – BUT I’M MA TO FEEL LIKE A DOSR BY YOUNGER GAY MEN

An LGBTQ client voic disda for livg a neighborhood suffed wh other gays, lbians, or transgenr people, often lled a “gayborhood”—“I don’t know why they all want to live around each other! To bat this ternalized homophobia, I will often ask my LGBTQ clients who exprs this if they have disda for neighborhoods that have cltered ethnic groups, to which they often say “no, ” and that they unrstand people wantg to be near their relig stutns, schools, rtrants and raise their kids neighborhoods that foster a sense of belongg.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS ASSISTANT COACH KEV MAXEN MAK HISTORY AFTER COMG OUT AS GAY

For one, a sense of belongg is an important aspect of mental health, but there is not a lot of feelg of muny among LGBTQ folks—pecially wh bisexual and transgenr people who are often shunned and rejected by gays and lbians. To challenge their homophobia, therapists need to pot out some hopeful signs, such as lennials and younger LGBTQ folks general beg more acceptg of other muni. On the other hand, there are some posiv about beg LGBTQ: Gays often make their own l about monogamy, and open relatnships are wily accepted and appear to be que healthy.

SIE MCCABE: ‘THE WORST ADVICE I’VE HAD? DON’T BE TOO GAY YOUR MATERIAL – MEN WON’T LIKE ’

There is even rearch by John Gottman showg that gay and lbian upl do better than straight upl reverg om fights wh their partners, rolvg their issu more quickly. Stori about parents fully acceptg their child’s news, much to the surprise of the LGBTQ person, are legn, and reluctance to burng their parents n also be a screen for the person not beg acceptg of themselv… aga, ternalized homophobia. It is te that gay men have a higher equency of sexual ntacts than straight men, but I believe is bee heterosexual men have to seek out relatnships wh women, who are, for good reason, more reticent than men to take risks.

Regnizg ternalized homophobia requir some work, cludg examg one’s own buried prejudic and assumptns, but the rult n mean far more effective unselg for our LGBTQ clients.

LBIANS MORE ACCEPTED THAN GAY MEN AROUND THE WORLD, STUDY FDS

Even if they agree wh the Bible that homosexualy is a s and rolve not to seek fulfillment of their sexual sir, they mt still fd love other relatnships—the self-sacrificg love of agape and the iendly pannship of phileo.

There’s been a lot of chat about womanhood recently so I cid to look at how my genr and inty have been somethg that has taken me until now to unrstand – and that I’m a gay woman. A new study explorg the attus toward nonheterosexual men and women 23 Wtern and non-Wtern untri found lbians are more accepted than gay men around the world. “We found that gay men are disliked more than lbian women every untry we tted, ” acrdg to the study, which was nducted by three New York Universy psychologists and published the December issue of the journal Social Psychology and Personaly mori face pervasive discrimatn and hostily globally, wh same-sex sexual activy still illegal approximately 70 untri.

” The nverse is also largely te: For stance Ameri, llege stunts who endorsed “tradnal genr arrangements” were more likely to report negative attus toward gays, lbians and Lra Bettsoli, the study's lead thor, said she and her lleagu were surprised "at the nsistency of the relatnship between genr norm endorsement and sexual prejudice. ""Even though there were some non-Wtern untri that did not nform to the pattern, the majory of untri did, " she said a, untri cludg Cha and India, the survey found that strong genr norms are actually associated wh greater tolerance of homosexualy — that is, people wh the strongt beliefs how men and women should behave were more likely to tolerate homosexualy, the oppose of the Wt, cludg the Ameris and Wtern report speculat that some Eastern untri, “both genr norms and nonheterosexualy are nsired ‘Wtern’ (or, perhaps, palist) ncepts, and those who are pro-Wtern are more likely to feel favorable toward both.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS ASSISTANT KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH MAJOR U.S. PRO LEAGUE TO E OUT AS GAY

”In all 23 untri studied, the report found "gay men are rated more negatively than lbian women, ” and that trend was almost entirely driven by the views of men, except Poland, Hungary and Rsia, where women also assigned gay men high negative ratgs. In the Uned Stat, men who are anti-gays largely direct their prejudice toward gay men, while women who are anti-gays direct their prejudice more equally toward gay men and gay women, the study found.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS' KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE COACH TO COME OUT AS GAY MAJOR U.S. SPORTS

“In other words, harborg prejudicial attus toward sexual mori is part of the social nstctn of what means to ‘be a man’” many Wtern untri, acrdg to the January 2019, the Amerin Psychologil Associatn’s first gui to issu specific to men and boys warned that “tradnal masculy iology” — what some characterized as “toxic masculy” — “has been shown to lim mal’ psychologil velopment, nstra their behavr, rult genr role stra and genr role nflict and negatively fluence mental health and physil health” and lked to both homophobia and snapshotThe study also shed light on some ntours of global homophobia. ”It also placed Amerin attus toward lbian, gay and bisexual people the ntext of other untri around the world: Argenta, Atralia, Belgium, Canada, Great Bra, Spa and Swen all have more posive attus toward sexual mori than do Amerins.

Rponnts Brazil, Cha, Hungary, Japan, Pe, Poland, Rsia, South Ai, South Korea and Turkey all reported more negative attus toward gay people than the U.

“I don’t want to feel like I have to lie about who I am seeg, or why I am livg wh someone else, " the Jaguars' strength ach said a recent terviewAPThe NFL’s Jacksonville Jaguars strength ach, Kev Maxen, has e out as gay — makg him the first male ach a U. Related: Bucneers' Carl Nassib, First Openly Gay NFL Star, Says 'I'm Not Hidg'“You have other ach who have signifint others, and they’re talkg about their signifint others, ” Maxen said.

GAY COUPL, CHOOSG TO SAY ‘I DON’T’

”Related: 49ers' Katie Sowers Will Be the First Female, Openly Gay Coach at the Super BowlThe ach, who primarily works wh the Jaguars’ offensive and fensive lemen to create a work out regime for the team, said a surge of recent support om those close to him gave him the urage he need to make the revelatn. "Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's ee daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the bt of what PEOPLE has to offer, om juicy celebry news to pellg human-tert Maxen is believed to be the first male ach to have e out publicly as gay, there have been a few female ach U.

This clus Katie Sowers, who had been an assistant wh the San Francis 49ers durg their 2020 n the Super to players, there have only been 16 the history of the NFL to e out as gay or bisexual as of September 2022, per Outsports. Plenty of gay upl do not want to marry, and their reasons are as plex — and personal — as any cisn to some, marriage is an outdated stutn, one that forc same-sex upl to the mastream. Acrdg to a Pew Rearch poll released June, 60 percent of lbian, gay, bisexual and transgenr adults are married or said they wanted to marry, pared wh 76 percent of the general of the opposn among gay men and lbians is rooted a femist crique of marriage, which se not as a eedom to be gaed but as an stutn that has historilly opprsed femist stra held firm the earlier years of the gay rights movement.

Ettelbrick, a leadg lbian and gay rights figure, was among the vol opponents of same-sex marriage, and held a more expansive view of relatnships and fay. Up to that pot, many gay upl had refed marriage, believg was a watered-down playwright and AIDS activist Larry Kramer, for example, had once dismissed state laws permtg same-sex unns as “feel-good marriag” bee they nferred few benefs.

BEG AGAST GAY MARRIAGE DON'T MAKE YOU A HOMOPHOBE

But he changed his md after the Supreme Court cisn, and married David Webster Hark for The New York TimBut some gay upl still see marriage as herently unfair and out of date. “I don’t feel the prsure” to marry, he absence of that prsure is also shared by olr same-sex upl who grew up more homophobic tim and embraced their role as social outliers. ”“Havg the choice don’t meant you have to do , ” she as most gay men and lbians have e to support the right to marry, if not always for themselv, the progrsive-md among them gmble that the fight for marriage has e at the expense of prsg issu like AIDS preventn and the safety of gay Weber for The New York TimJohn D’E, 65, a gay-studi pneer and profsor of genr and women’s studi at the Universy of Illois at Chigo, argu that same-sex marriage is elist, and was champned by more-affluent gay men and lbians who wanted cultural approval and the bourgeoisie rewards of marriage.

I AM A STRAIGHT GIRL, BUT WISH I ULD BE WH A GAY GUY.

” which exam the marriage bate the gay rights as the filmmaker John Waters once said: “I always thought the privilege of beg gay is that we don’t have to get married or go the Army. Chris Christie announced that he would not appeal the urt lg that paved the way for same-sex upl to marry the only are some gay upl rejectg marriage, they are also choosg to live apart.

THE FACT NO ONE LIK TO ADM: MANY GAY MEN ULD JT HAVE EASILY BEEN STRAIGHT

But as more of her iends do jt that, she feels that alternative group Rybacz, for her part, said she was worried that relatnships like theirs, eply mted but not tradnal, would be further margalized, even om other gay thk “that bee we don’t want to get married that we’re ls vted each other and ls mted, ” she said. ”And then there are those who see themselv as part of a post-marriage generatn: gays their 20s who grew up wh “Will and Grace, ” and the full support of parents and iends.

The qutn rurfaced last week when Cardal Timothy Dolan, Archbishop of New York, claimed on Meet the Prs that the Catholic Church is unfairly “ritured” as anti-gay. The Huffgton Post’s Pl Rshenbh quickly wrote up a rponse, sayg that “The hard realy that Cardal Dolan and all Christians need to face up to is that the Catholic Church along wh every other church whether Orthodox, Prottant or Catholic has been horrifilly, persistently and vehemently anti-gay for almost all of s history. If Rshenbh is right, then that means my parents are anti-gay, many of my relig iends (of all fahs) are anti-gay, the Pope is anti-gay, and—y, we’ll go here—first-century, Jewish theologian J is anti-gay.

10 COUNTRI THAT COMPLETELY HATE GAY PEOPLE

That’s spe the fact that while some relig people don’t support gay marriage a sacramental sense, many of them are favor of same-sex civil unns and full rights for the parti volved. ” I have no rervatns about my sexualy, so as far as the accatn of homophobia go: that gay ship has already sailed to Disneyland, wh a speedo-clad Tom Daley rved to the ’s “anti-gay” to qutn the arguments of marriage-equaly advot, and if the word “homophobic” is exhsted on me or on pole dissenters, then what should we ll someone who beats up gay people, or prefers not to hire them? Simply havg rervatns about gay marriage might be anti-gay marriage, but if the rervatns are articulated a rpectful way, I see no reason to dismiss the person holdg those rervatns as anti-gay people.

When we hastily label our opposn wh terms like “anti-gay, ” we make an unwarranted leap om the first scriptn to the me, regnizg the distctn between opposg gay marriage and opposg gay people is a natural outgrowth of an ternal distctn: When to my inty, I take re not to rce myself to my sexual orientatn.

THE BIGGT MYTH ABOUT GAY SEX

If ’s te that my gayns is not the most fundamental aspect of my inty as Brandon, then seems to me that someone uld iologilly disapprove of my sexual exprsn while simultaneoly lovg and affirmg my larger inty.