Parents ask: Should we wa for our son to e out — or ask him ourselv if he’s gay? - The Washgton Post

Contents:

• THIS IS HOW I FELT WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY
• I TRIED TO STOP MY SON FROM BEG GAY. I WISH I HADN'T
• I WISH MY SON WAS NOT GAY (SILVER)
• I WISH MY GRANDDGHTER WEREN’T GAY
• I WISHTOM MACDONALDTRACK 8 ON GHOSTORI PRODUCED BYTOM MACDONALDFEB. 1, 20191 VIEWER38.7K VIEWS18 CONTRIBUTORSI WISH LYRICS[INTRO]I WISH I WASN'T FAT, I WISH I WASN'T GAYI WISH I WASN'T BLACK, I WISH THAT I WAS BRAVEI WISH, I WISH, I WISH WH EVERY NDLE ON THE KETHAT I ULD QU DO' THE DGS, BUT I N'T AND I'M AAIDI WISH THAT I WAS SMART, I WISH THAT I WAS RICHI WISH WASN'T HARD FOR ME TO GROW UP AND FIVEI WISH THAT I ULD HELP, I WISH I WASN'T SICKI WISH THAT I WAS TOM MACDONALD, I'D BE JT LIKE HIM[VERSE 1]I WISH I WASN'T SOBER, I MISS WHEN THE PARTY WASN'T OVERHAPPS WAS RIGHT AROUND THE RNEREVERY SGLE NIGHT WAS LIKE THE BT ONE OF OUR LIV, NOW WE'RE OLRTHE GOOD OLD DAYS ARE OUT OF REACH, I WISH THAT THEY WERE CLOSERI WISH I WASN'T ANX, AND I WISH I ULD FAST FORWARDAND I WISH THAT I ULD REWD, BUT THEY DON'T MAKE THAT NTROLLERI WISH THE NIGHTS WERE LONGER, AND I WISH THE DAYS WERE SHORTERAND I WISH THAT I ULD SLEEP ENOUGH TO MATA MY POSUREI FEEL CRAZY, I WISH THAT I WAS NORMALI WISH THAT I ULD KILL MYSELF, BUT ALSO BE IMMORTALTAKE ME TO THE ORACLE, I HEARD THAT TIME IS BORROWEDCAN YOU GIVE ME BACK MY YTERDAYS? I'LL GIVE YOU MY TOMORROWSFET ALL OF MY MORALS AND JT LIVE LIKE I NNOT REMEMBER SORROWBEFORE ALL OF THE TATTOOS AND THE RNROWSI WAS DIFFERENT, I WAS HAPPY, I WAS LMER, I WAS YOUNG AND FULL OF HORMONNOW I'M WISHG FOR A TIME MACHE, I'D STEP TO THAT PORTAL AND BE GONEYOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE[CHOS]I WISH ON SHOOTG STARS, OR WERE THEY SATELL?MAYBE THEY WERE TOO FAR, HEY-OH-NAH-NAHI MT'VE BLOWN APART A LN DANLNSNOW THEY DON'T GROW MY YARD, HEY-OH-NAH-NAH[VERSE 2]I WISH I DIDN'T RE ABOUT THE DAY THAT I'D BE BURIEDUSED TO LIVE LIKE I WAS READY FOR , ALWAYS A HURRYNOW I'M WORRIED, ALL MY MEMORI ARE BLURRYI'M JT BARELY TURNG 30, AND THE VOIC MY HEAD ARE TRYNA HURT METHE CHOIC THAT I MA MAKE ME FEEL DIRTY, I WAS 25 AT 13I WAS SMOKG WH THE SENRS, DRKG BEER AND GETTG FLIRTYNOW THE ATIVAN A'T WORKG, I NEED SOMETHG EVEN STRONGERGIVE ME CHILDHOOD, MY MOTHER, AND MY FATHER, AND MY SISTERAND A CHRISTMAS TO MAKE UP FOR ALL THE RECENT ON I MISSEDWHILE I'M TOURG THE UNTRY FOR A LIVGGIVE ME A HUG, AND A NTENDO, AND A TOY BOX THE CLOSETGIVE ME EVERYTHG I WISH I HAD, OH WA, I THK I GOT I'M A RAPPER LIKE I ALWAYS PROMISED THEM I WOULD ACPLISHTHIS IS AWOME, MAN, I WISH I HAD A IEND TO TELL, I'D LL HIMAND I WONR IF I JUMPED OM HERE, IF I'D SURVIVE THE BOTTOMAND WOULD EVERYONE BELIEVE ME IF I TOLD 'EM I HAD FALLEN? I'MA JUMP[CHOS]I WISH ON SHOOTG STARS, OR WERE THEY SATELL?MAYBE THEY WERE TOO FAR, HEY-OH-NAH-NAHI MT'VE BLOWN APART A LN DANLNSNOW THEY DON'T GROW MY YARD, HEY-OH-NAH-NAH[BRIDGE]I WISH WE WERE KIDS AGABEFORE EVERYTHG WAS ON INSTAGRAM, HEY-OHTHE THGS WERE SO SIMPLE THENME, MY TREE FORT, ALL OF MY IENDSWAY BACK WHEN ON BEAVER DRIVEWHEN THE FLOOR WAS LAVA, I ULD FLY, HEY-OHWISHED I WAS BIG LIKE THEMNEVER THOUGHT I'D WANNA BE A KID AGA[CHOS]I WISH ON SHOOTG STARS, OR WERE THEY SATELL?MAYBE THEY WERE TOO FAR, HEY-OH-NAH-NAHI MT'VE BLOWN APART A LN DANLNSNOW THEY DON'T GROW MY YARD, HEY-OH-NAH-NAHI WISH ON SHOOTG STARS, OR WERE THEY SATELL?MAYBE THEY WERE TOO FAR, HEY-OH-NAH-NAHI MT'VE BLOWN APART A LN DANLNSNOW THEY DON'T GROW MY YARD, HEY-OH-NAH-NAH4EMBEDCANCELHOW TO FORMAT LYRICS:TYPE OUT ALL LYRICS, EVEN REPEATG SONG PARTS LIKE THE CHOSLYRICS SHOULD BE BROKEN DOWN TO DIVIDUAL LUSE SECTN HEARS ABOVE DIFFERENT SONG PARTS LIKE [VERSE], [CHOS], ETC.USE ALICS (<I>LYRIC</I>) AND BOLD (<B>LYRIC</B>) TO DISTGUISH BETWEEN DIFFERENT VOLISTS THE SAME SONG PARTIF YOU DON’T UNRSTAND A LYRIC, E [?]TO LEARN MORE, CHECK OUT OUR TRANSCRIPTN GUI OR VIS OUR TRANSCRIBERS FOMABOUT
• THIS IS HOW I REALLY REACTED WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY
• I NNOT AL WH FACT MY SON IS GAY
• DID MY MOTHER WISH FOR A GAY CHILD?
• PARENTS ASK: SHOULD WE WA FOR OUR SON TO E OUT — OR ASK HIM OURSELV IF HE’S GAY?
• OPN I’M GAY. AND I WANT MY KID TO BE GAY, TOO.
• IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?
• ‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’
• WHAT IF YOU ONLY THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY?
• I TRIED TO STOP MY SON OM BEG GAY. HERE’S WHAT I WISH I HAD KNOWN
• MATEEN'S FATHER: '90 PERCENT, 95 PERCENT' SURE SON WASN'T GAY
• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
• 'THERE ARE TIM I WISH I WASN'T GAY' - PRIT SPEAKS OF HIS STGGLE TO NCEAL HIS SEXUALY

THIS IS HOW I FELT WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY

Ryan: i know i amRyan: i don’t like hannahRyan: ’s jt a ver-upMom: but that don’t make you gay…Ryan: i knowRyan: but u don’t unrstandRyan: i am gayMom: tell me moreRyan: ’s jt the way i am and ’s somethg i knowRyan: u r not a lbian and u know that. Ryan: i am jt gayRyan: i am thatMom: I love you no matter whatRyan: i am whe not blackRyan: i knowRyan: i am a boy not a girlRyan: i am attracted to boys not girlsRyan: u know that about yourself and i know thisMom: what about what God thks about actg on the sir?

He read all the Christian books that explaed where his gay feelgs me om and dove to unselg to further disver the orig of his unwanted attractn to other guys. But not at all the way we had, when I thk back on the fear that erned all my reactns durg those first six years after Ryan told he was gay, I crge as I realize how foolish I was. I began to spect my son was gay when he was around 12 years old and, I gus, so did his Macho Italian father bee when My son drsed up for Halloween as a ltle old lady wh a gray wig and ferret stole, his father sp out vehemently, ‘goddam faggot’ and those words still rg my ears today.

[Intro]I wish I wasn't fat, I wish I wasn't gayI wish I wasn't black, I wish that I was braveI wish, I wish, I wish wh every ndle on the keThat I uld qu do' the dgs, but I n't and I'm aaidI wish that I was smart, I wish that I was richI wish wasn't hard for me to grow up and fiveI wish that I uld help, I wish I wasn't sickI wish that I was Tom MacDonald, I'd be jt like him[Verse 1]I wish I wasn't sober, I miss when the party wasn't overHapps was right around the rnerEvery sgle night was like the bt one of our liv, now we're olrThe good old days are out of reach, I wish that they were closerI wish I wasn't anx, and I wish I uld fast forwardAnd I wish that I uld rewd, but they don't make that ntrollerI wish the nights were longer, and I wish the days were shorterAnd I wish that I uld sleep enough to mata my posureI feel crazy, I wish that I was normalI wish that I uld kill myself, but also be immortalTake me to the oracle, I heard that time is borrowedCan you give me back my yterdays? I don’t know if I’ll ever be “okay” wh the gay liftyle, but right now, I am okay wh my son beg gay, and right now, that is all that matters. He me home one weekend to expla to me and my hband that he has been livg wh his partner for three months and has known he was gay sce he was 17.

I TRIED TO STOP MY SON FROM BEG GAY. I WISH I HADN'T

UPSET: Mary n't e to terms wh the fact that her son is gay / pic posed by molsI was vastated and me as a shock bee Gav has the past brought girliends home to meet . Perhaps is ls difficult than once was bee there is ls secrecy and ls opprobrium surroundg homosexualy but is still hard bee upsets all your expectatns about your mt have been very difficult for Gav to e home and tell you this. Beg gay is a blsg, says Anrson CNN host appeared Thursday on The Ellen DeGener Showto discs his g-out the segment, Cooper said that he never ncealed his inty to iends and fay.

"The fact is, I'm gay, always have been, always will be, and I uldn't be any more happy, fortable wh myself, and proud, " he wrote at the Cooper says, "[I] wish I had done sooner.

I WISH MY SON WAS NOT GAY (SILVER)

" "I nsir , along wh Wyatt, one of the great blsgs of my life to be gay, " said Cooper, referrg to his newborn son, Wyatt Man Cooper, who he is raisg wh his ex-partner Benjam Maisani. "Comg out "do matter, and do make a difference, " said Cooper, who believ "'s important for me to have said the word 'gay, ' that I am gay, and I'm proud of . As a "gay child, " hearg the statement repeatedly on the news is not a very nice feelg, to thk that your parents didn't want you, that if my mother knew she was rryg a lbian her ever-expandg belly, she would have no longer wanted the child growg si her.

No, not when they have the prenceptn that beg gay uld lead to a lonely, bullied life of always fallg victim to a lack of rights and the prejudice of others. I’m gog to take a page om my own fay’s playbook: Among my parents’ iends was a gay uple whom my folks regularly ved to dner along wh their straight iends.

I WISH MY GRANDDGHTER WEREN’T GAY

My parents were servg their valu to all of along wh Mom’s chicken, the bt thg you uld do for your son will take place before the talk, and that's to be matter-of-fact about beg gay.

I WISHTOM MACDONALDTRACK 8 ON GHOSTORI PRODUCED BYTOM MACDONALDFEB. 1, 20191 VIEWER38.7K VIEWS18 CONTRIBUTORSI WISH LYRICS[INTRO]I WISH I WASN'T FAT, I WISH I WASN'T GAYI WISH I WASN'T BLACK, I WISH THAT I WAS BRAVEI WISH, I WISH, I WISH WH EVERY NDLE ON THE KETHAT I ULD QU DO' THE DGS, BUT I N'T AND I'M AAIDI WISH THAT I WAS SMART, I WISH THAT I WAS RICHI WISH WASN'T HARD FOR ME TO GROW UP AND FIVEI WISH THAT I ULD HELP, I WISH I WASN'T SICKI WISH THAT I WAS TOM MACDONALD, I'D BE JT LIKE HIM[VERSE 1]I WISH I WASN'T SOBER, I MISS WHEN THE PARTY WASN'T OVERHAPPS WAS RIGHT AROUND THE RNEREVERY SGLE NIGHT WAS LIKE THE BT ONE OF OUR LIV, NOW WE'RE OLRTHE GOOD OLD DAYS ARE OUT OF REACH, I WISH THAT THEY WERE CLOSERI WISH I WASN'T ANX, AND I WISH I ULD FAST FORWARDAND I WISH THAT I ULD REWD, BUT THEY DON'T MAKE THAT NTROLLERI WISH THE NIGHTS WERE LONGER, AND I WISH THE DAYS WERE SHORTERAND I WISH THAT I ULD SLEEP ENOUGH TO MATA MY POSUREI FEEL CRAZY, I WISH THAT I WAS NORMALI WISH THAT I ULD KILL MYSELF, BUT ALSO BE IMMORTALTAKE ME TO THE ORACLE, I HEARD THAT TIME IS BORROWEDCAN YOU GIVE ME BACK MY YTERDAYS? I'LL GIVE YOU MY TOMORROWSFET ALL OF MY MORALS AND JT LIVE LIKE I NNOT REMEMBER SORROWBEFORE ALL OF THE TATTOOS AND THE RNROWSI WAS DIFFERENT, I WAS HAPPY, I WAS LMER, I WAS YOUNG AND FULL OF HORMONNOW I'M WISHG FOR A TIME MACHE, I'D STEP TO THAT PORTAL AND BE GONEYOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE[CHOS]I WISH ON SHOOTG STARS, OR WERE THEY SATELL?MAYBE THEY WERE TOO FAR, HEY-OH-NAH-NAHI MT'VE BLOWN APART A LN DANLNSNOW THEY DON'T GROW MY YARD, HEY-OH-NAH-NAH[VERSE 2]I WISH I DIDN'T RE ABOUT THE DAY THAT I'D BE BURIEDUSED TO LIVE LIKE I WAS READY FOR , ALWAYS A HURRYNOW I'M WORRIED, ALL MY MEMORI ARE BLURRYI'M JT BARELY TURNG 30, AND THE VOIC MY HEAD ARE TRYNA HURT METHE CHOIC THAT I MA MAKE ME FEEL DIRTY, I WAS 25 AT 13I WAS SMOKG WH THE SENRS, DRKG BEER AND GETTG FLIRTYNOW THE ATIVAN A'T WORKG, I NEED SOMETHG EVEN STRONGERGIVE ME CHILDHOOD, MY MOTHER, AND MY FATHER, AND MY SISTERAND A CHRISTMAS TO MAKE UP FOR ALL THE RECENT ON I MISSEDWHILE I'M TOURG THE UNTRY FOR A LIVGGIVE ME A HUG, AND A NTENDO, AND A TOY BOX THE CLOSETGIVE ME EVERYTHG I WISH I HAD, OH WA, I THK I GOT I'M A RAPPER LIKE I ALWAYS PROMISED THEM I WOULD ACPLISHTHIS IS AWOME, MAN, I WISH I HAD A IEND TO TELL, I'D LL HIMAND I WONR IF I JUMPED OM HERE, IF I'D SURVIVE THE BOTTOMAND WOULD EVERYONE BELIEVE ME IF I TOLD 'EM I HAD FALLEN? I'MA JUMP[CHOS]I WISH ON SHOOTG STARS, OR WERE THEY SATELL?MAYBE THEY WERE TOO FAR, HEY-OH-NAH-NAHI MT'VE BLOWN APART A LN DANLNSNOW THEY DON'T GROW MY YARD, HEY-OH-NAH-NAH[BRIDGE]I WISH WE WERE KIDS AGABEFORE EVERYTHG WAS ON INSTAGRAM, HEY-OHTHE THGS WERE SO SIMPLE THENME, MY TREE FORT, ALL OF MY IENDSWAY BACK WHEN ON BEAVER DRIVEWHEN THE FLOOR WAS LAVA, I ULD FLY, HEY-OHWISHED I WAS BIG LIKE THEMNEVER THOUGHT I'D WANNA BE A KID AGA[CHOS]I WISH ON SHOOTG STARS, OR WERE THEY SATELL?MAYBE THEY WERE TOO FAR, HEY-OH-NAH-NAHI MT'VE BLOWN APART A LN DANLNSNOW THEY DON'T GROW MY YARD, HEY-OH-NAH-NAHI WISH ON SHOOTG STARS, OR WERE THEY SATELL?MAYBE THEY WERE TOO FAR, HEY-OH-NAH-NAHI MT'VE BLOWN APART A LN DANLNSNOW THEY DON'T GROW MY YARD, HEY-OH-NAH-NAH4EMBEDCANCELHOW TO FORMAT LYRICS:TYPE OUT ALL LYRICS, EVEN REPEATG SONG PARTS LIKE THE CHOSLYRICS SHOULD BE BROKEN DOWN TO DIVIDUAL LUSE SECTN HEARS ABOVE DIFFERENT SONG PARTS LIKE [VERSE], [CHOS], ETC.USE ALICS (<I>LYRIC</I>) AND BOLD (<B>LYRIC</B>) TO DISTGUISH BETWEEN DIFFERENT VOLISTS THE SAME SONG PARTIF YOU DON’T UNRSTAND A LYRIC, E [?]TO LEARN MORE, CHECK OUT OUR TRANSCRIPTN GUI OR VIS OUR TRANSCRIBERS FOMABOUT

As Kenny Leve, a gay clil social worker, explaed to me: "To the extent that parents n clear out some of those worri ahead of time, mak much easier for them to be open about who they are. Rourc: Parents might want to check out the two anizatns: PFLAG (Parents, Fai and Friends of Lbians and Gays), which has 350 chapters all 50 stat and is a great rource for parents of LGBTQ kids.

GLSEN (the Gay, Lbian & Straight Edutn Network) is a leadg natnal tn anizatn foced on ensurg safe schools for all other week, Steven Petrow, the thor of "Steven Petrow's Complete Gay & Lbian Manners, " addrs qutns about LGBT and straight etiquette his lumn, Civili. But was impossible to know whether he meant to sulate me om the world’s bias or implicly ratnalize his ia that no one would choose to be gay is wily held — even the gay rights movement. In the early '90s, partly as a rponse to the stctive notn that gay people uld be changed, activists prsed the ia of sexualy as a fixed, nate state.

THIS IS HOW I REALLY REACTED WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY

When the gay liberatn activist Frankl Kameny lnched a simple effort 1968 to proclaim that “gay is good, ” was bee, at the time, very much wasn’t. In my hoe, though, you might expect me to say somethg about how, if my dghter were gay, she would undoubtedly face challeng and hurdl she wouldn’t enunter if she were straight. But if my dghter wants to be an artist, I’ll enurage her all the way — and work to stroy any barriers along her path, not put them up, I’ve never for a sgle send regretted beg gay, nor saw as anythg other than an asset and a gift.

I NNOT AL WH FACT MY SON IS GAY

By the time my dghter of age, she’ll have even more of a support work, cludg two moms, for cryg out than that, though, beg gay opened my ey to the world around me. I wouldn’t be a polilly engaged human beg, let alone an activist, wrer and TV personaly, if I weren’t my dghter is gay, I don’t worry about her havg a hard life.

We’ve bought every picture book featurg gay fai, even the not-very-good on, and we have most of the nontradnal-genr-role books as well — about the prcs who lik to fight dragons and the boy who lik to wear my dghter plays hoe wh her stuffed koala bears as the mom and dad, we gently remd her that they uld be a dad and dad. It’s her I ultimately re about is that she has the choice and that whatever choice she mak is enthiastilly embraced and will tell, but so far, don’t look like my 6-year-old dghter is gay.

DID MY MOTHER WISH FOR A GAY CHILD?

Correctn: An earlier versn of this article rrectly stated that the Amerin Psychologil Associatn classified homosexualy as a form of mental illns until 1973. Gay kids often tell their parents about their sexualy the middle of a fight bee they feel that they have nothg left to lose sce you are already upset wh them.

You so obvly nnot be gay, was her implitn, bee this is good was 2006, a full five years before Lady Gaga would set the Born This Way argument atop s unassailable cultural perch, but even then the popular unrstandg of orientatn was that was somethg you were born wh, somethg you uldn’t change. I me out at a nservative Christian llege the US and was a gay relatnship for around two years wh a basketball player who end up marryg a woman.

Well, you mt have been gay the whole time, some might thk, and bee of some relig shame, you cid to lie to yourself and experiment wh a girl.

PARENTS ASK: SHOULD WE WA FOR OUR SON TO E OUT — OR ASK HIM OURSELV IF HE’S GAY?

But what feels most accurate to say is that I’m gay – but I wasn’t born this people may fd their sir changg directn - and n't jt be explaed as experimentatn (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In 1977, jt over 10% of Amerins thought gayns was somethg you were born wh, acrdg to Gallup. Throughout the same perd, the number of Amerins who believe homosexualy is “due to someone’s upbrgg/environment” fell om jt unr 60% to ias reached cril mass pop culture, first wh Lady Gaga’s 2011 Born This Way and one year later wh Macklemore’s Same Love, the chos of which has a gay person sgg “I n’t change even if I tried, even if I wanted to. ” Around the same time, the Human Rights Campaign clared unequivolly that “Beg gay is not a choice, ” and to claim that is “giv unwarranted crence to roundly disproven practic such as nversn or reparative therapy.

OPN I’M GAY. AND I WANT MY KID TO BE GAY, TOO.

”People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backwardAs Jane Ward not Not Gay: Sex Between Straight Whe Men, what’s tertg about many of the claims is how transparent their speakers are wh their polil motivatns. “Such statements, ” she wr, “fe blogil acunts wh an obligatory and nearly ercive force, suggtg that anyone who scrib homosexual sire as a choice or social nstctn is playg to the hands of the enemy.

” People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backward – even if they are themselv, for example, Cynthia Nixon of Sex and The Cy fame. ”Gay rights do not have to hge on a geic explanatn for sexualy (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)For Aravosis, and many gay activists like him, the public will only accept and affirm gay people if they thk they were born gay.

IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?

Patrick Grzanka, Assistant Profsor of Psychology at Universy of Tennsee, for stance, has shown that some people who believe that homosexualy is nate still hold negative views of gays.

‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’

In fact, the homophobic and non-homophobic rponnts he studied shared siar levels of belief a Born This Way Samantha Allen not at The Daily Beast, the growg public support for gays and lbians has grown out of proportn wh the rise the number of people who believe homosexualy is fixed at birth; would be unlikely that this small change opn uld expla the spike support for gay marriage, for stance. “It don’t seem to matter as much whether or not people believe that gay people are born that way as do that they simply know someone who is currently gay, ” Allen spe of the studi, those who ph agast Born This Way narrativ have been heavily cricised by gay activists.

Siarly, Ward has received her own hatemail for phg agast the lg LGB narrativ, wh some gays tellg her she’s “worse than Ann Coulter, ” the ntroversial US thor of books like If Democrats Had Any Bras, They’d Be Republins. And when I published my say on choosg to be gay, an irate Amerin lbian activist wrote me that had “jt been nfirmed” to her that my wrg was “directly rponsible for four gay aths Rsia.

There is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejectedLet’s first be clear that whatever the origs of our sexual orientatn, there is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejected. The efforts are potentially harmful, acrdg to the APA, “bee they prent the view that the sexual orientatn of lbian, gay and bisexual youth is a mental illns of disorr, and they often ame the abily to change one’s sexual orientatn as a personal and moral failure.

WHAT IF YOU ONLY THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY?

The APA, for example, while notg that most people experience ltle to no choice over their orientatns, says this of homosexualy’s origs:“Although much rearch has examed the possible geic, hormonal, velopmental, social and cultural fluenc on sexual orientatn, no fdgs have emerged that perm scientists to nclu that sexual orientatn is termed by any particular factor or factors. ”Siarly, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn wr a 2013 statement that while the of heterosexualy and homosexualy are currently unknown, they are likely “multifactorial cludg blogil and behavral roots which may vary between different dividuals and may even vary over time.

” Acrdg to LeVay’s rearch, a specific part of the bra, the third terstial nucls of the anterr hypothalam (INAH-3), is smaller homosexual men than is heterosexual as they might, scientists have stggled to inty any particular gen that nsistently predict the directns of our love and sire (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Read moreYou n spot the problem wh this study a e away: were the gay bras LeVay studied born that way, or did they bee that way?

I TRIED TO STOP MY SON OM BEG GAY. HERE’S WHAT I WISH I HAD KNOWN

Another landmark paper on the origs of homosexualy was published 1993 by a geicist named Dean Hamer, who was terted to learn whether homosexualy uld be hered. Begng om his observatn that there are more gay relativ on a mother’s si than a father’s, Hamer turned his attentn to the X chromosome (which is passed on by the mother). Bis the dividual criqu leveled agast each new study announcg some gay gene disvery, there are major methodologil cricisms to make about the entire enterprise general, as Grzanka pots out: “If we look at the raveno pursu, particularly among Amerin scientists, to fd a gay gene, what we see is that the ncln has already been arrived at.

MATEEN'S FATHER: '90 PERCENT, 95 PERCENT' SURE SON WASN'T GAY

”The other problem wh Born This Way science is summed up nicely by Simon Copland: “Scientists are askg whether homosexualy is natural when we n’t even agree exactly what homosexualy is. ” Our sir may exprs themselv many different ways that do not all nform to existg notns of ‘gay’, ‘straight’ or ‘bisexual’ is one of the bt takeaways of Ward’s Not Gay, a peratg analysis of sex between straight whe men.

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

Gay men make up only a actn of the US populatn — yet Ward says that there are many men not clud that number who engage homosexual behavr.

'THERE ARE TIM I WISH I WASN'T GAY' - PRIT SPEAKS OF HIS STGGLE TO NCEAL HIS SEXUALY

Ccially, she argu, “whether or not this baggage is appealg is a separate matter altogether om the appeal of homosexual or heterosexual sex. ”Gay or not, our sir are oriented and re-oriented throughout our liv (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In fact, the straight-intified men Ward studied for her book sometim found themselv suatns that sparked the sire for homosexual sex: aterni, ployments, public rtrooms, etc.

Ward thks this qutn is the next ontier of queer I first said I chose to be gay, a queer Amerin journalist challenged me to name the time and date of my choice. I’m claimg that at some pot durg llege, my sexual and romantic sir beme reoriented toward menThkg back to my llege romanc wh women and men, I n beg to unrstand how my own experienc might have helped me to ‘cultivate’ my sire for homosexualy.

I want to be very clear: I’m not claimg I simply began to ‘grow to’ my homosexualy, or that as I beme more fortable wh beg gay, I allowed myself the eedom to exprs what had always been latent wh me.