What to Do When Your Child Says: "I'm Gay" | Psychology Today

Contents:

• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• I NNOT AL WH FACT MY SON IS GAY
• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• OY VEY! MY SON IS GAY!
• MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?
• MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS
• MY SON IS GAY
• THIS IS HOW I FELT WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY

I saw Oy Vey My Son Is Gay last week when I was visg a iend NYC.

A good st and wh so much gog on the gay muny, a good chance to really talk about relevant subject matters through edy. I'm a proud parent of a gay child and I was offend that this was the bt that they uld e up wh. My Son Is Gay!!

There's a new Android app out (here's the English versn) lled "Is My Son Gay? ") that will tell you if, fact, your son is a gay person. So below I've provid a better list of ways to tell if your son is a gay person who is you e home om work and you hear nois upstairs and you go up to vtigate and your son's door is open and you tch him "hookg up" (as kids ll today) wh his iend Michael, and you quickly turn around and walk back downstairs and later that night over dner you say "You know, honey, if there's ever anythg you need to tell me...

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

" and he says "Mom, I'm gay, " then your son is your son has recently gone to llege and hasn't been touch much and you figure hey he's new to llege, he's by makg iends and whatnot, and then late one night he lls you on the phone soundg upset about somethg and you ask him what's wrong and he's quiet for a while and then says "Nothg's wrong, really, I'm jt...

Dad, I'm gay, " then your son is your son ever been on a long drive to one of your dghter's swim meets wh you and when stopped at a red light he's turned to you and said "Mom, I feel like I owe to you and dad to tell you that, well, Donald is my boyiend. I'm gay"? Then your son is probably gay.

I NNOT AL WH FACT MY SON IS GAY

Chanc are that if you are on your athbed and your tranged son to vis you the middle of a ray night and he ss by your bed quietly until he begs to cry and clutch your hand and says "I wish I'd told you sooner that I'm gay" and then you both stay there silence, you pretendg to be asleep, the only noise the beepg of the mach that will only keep you alive for a ltle while longer, your son is you and your spoe are ever visg your son the big cy he now liv wh all his fancy iends and fancy rtrants and you're out to an awkward lunch before your tra home and you three get to another potls fight about years-old stuff and 's really unfortable and fally you or your spoe says "Well, if you'd jt settle down wh the right girl, I thk-" and then your son terpts you by yellg "Guys, I'm GAY. Gay gay gay, gay as gay gets.

I'm gay. I'm not gay, but my boyiend is! " and then you lgh and ms his hair and the livg room your hband shows your son's boyiend his mol ships, then your son is probably gay, though he might be bisexual, so be reful about your son ever says "Oh my goodns, " when surprised or when openg a gift, well then yeah, he probably gay.

As I relayed When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterlg, 2016), I found out that my son was gay om a note wh our son's name entwed wh another boy's, surround by a heart.

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

I had spected at tim that he was gay. Had I asked him if he were gay when he was 13, he probably would have fensively said "No!

San Berland, the mother of a gay son who ach parents of LGBTQ kids, utn, "It's not a good ia to ask. Acrdg to my -thor, psychiatrist Jonathan Tobk, "Gay children feel credibly vulnerable when g out to their parents, and tak time to work up the urage to do this.

Mol acceptance by not g gay slurs and never tellg gay jok. Watch gay-themed shows together such as "The Fosters" and "Will and Grace. " How do they pict gay people?

OY VEY! MY SON IS GAY!

React kdly to gay people the news or on televisn. In a way, you have an advantage by not knowg; giv you more time to prepare for the day (if ever) when he do reveal he's gay. When parents learn that their child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, they n experience a range of emotns.

MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?

As a matter of fact, you might someday look back and fd that you are grateful for the experience of havg a gay or lbian child. Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups. If you jt found out your child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, you may be thkg that such ias are prepostero.

The tstworthy nfidants let them vent but also rrected some of the misperceptns they absorbed om society, such as that gay people are lonely, unhappy, promiscuo, not fay-oriented, unable to have children, or sted for an unhappy life. Contact Parents, Fay, and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG). List of Helpful Books for Parents of Gay and Lbian Children.

Straight Parents Gay Children: Keepg Fai Together (revised edn). Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lbians, and Gays Talk About Their Experienc.

MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

Somethg to Tell You: The Road Fai Travel when a Child is Gay. Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child.

Fortunate Fai: Catholic fai wh lbian dghters and gay sons.

Mom, Dad, I'm Gay: How Fai Negotiate Comg Out. Qutn: TWO months ago my son Gav, 29, announced that he is gay. He me home one weekend to expla to me and my hband that he has been livg wh his partner for three months and has known he was gay sce he was 17.

MY SON IS GAY

UPSET: Mary n't e to terms wh the fact that her son is gay / pic posed by molsI was vastated and me as a shock bee Gav has the past brought girliends home to meet . Mary, 57, SheffieldAnswer:DEBORAH SAYS:How do you e to terms wh the news your son is gay?

You have to let them parents fd hard to accept their child is gay. Perhaps is ls difficult than once was bee there is ls secrecy and ls opprobrium surroundg homosexualy but is still hard bee upsets all your expectatns about your mt have been very difficult for Gav to e home and tell you this. Of urse you wouldn’ you n’t “e to terms” wh homosexualy you n’t e to terms wh him.

Both lbians and gay men often have a history of cross-sex-typed behavrs: ltle boys beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg. Prehomosexual boys tend to be more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer. Children who show pronounced sex-atypil behavrs may have more of a geic loadg to their homosexualy.

THIS IS HOW I FELT WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY

The behavral patterns are feared, loathed and often spoken of directly as harbgers of adult homosexualy. It is only relatively recently, however, that velopmental scientists have nducted ntrolled studi to intify the earlit and most reliable signs of adult homosexualy.

In lookg refully at the childhoods of gay adults, rearchers are fdg an trigug set of behavral ditors that homosexuals seem to have mon. Curly enough, the age-old homophobic fears of many parents reflect some genue predictive currency. Zucker, both psychologists, published a semal paper on childhood markers of homosexualy 1995.

So on the basis of some earlier, shakier rearch, along wh a good dose of mon sense, Bailey and Zucker hypothized that homosexuals would show an verted pattern of sex-typed childhood behavrs—ltle boys preferrg girls as playmat and beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls strangely enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg—that sort of thg. Given that a small proportn of the populatn is homosexual, prospective studi require a large number of children. Although only 12 percent of the women grew up to be genr dysphoric (the unfortable sense that your blogil sex do not match your genr), the odds of the women reportg a bisexual or homosexual orientatn were up to 23 tim higher than would occur a general sample of young women.