‘My First Gay Bar’: 25 Comg-of-Age Stori | Andrew Solomon

my first experience at a gay bar

Gee Takei, Perez Hilton and Michael Mto, among others, talk about the first time they "felt ee" at a gay bar.

Contents:

‘MY FIRST GAY BAR’: RACHEL MADDOW, ANDY COHEN AND OTHERS SHARE THEIR COMG-OUT STORI

Jane Lynch, Alexanr Wang, Rosie O’Donnell and others reflect on what gay bars mean to them, the aftermath of the shootg Orlando, Fla. * my first experience at a gay bar *

Christian Hansen for The New York TimJune 22, 2016For generatns of gays and lbians, pecially those for whom walkg to the sometime secret and darkened doorway of one was often the first step the g-out procs, gay bars have long held a signifint place their personal was never more apparent than the days followg the mass shootgs at Pulse, the gay nightclub Orlando, Fla., which 49 patrons lost their liv, and which prompted many to rell the nights they had spent siar settgs, and the sense of muny they found there. “Every gay man Ameri remembers the first time they went to a gay bar and how they felt. ”Below, some other proment gays and lbians rell what gay bars meant to them as they began to embrace their sexualy, some eagerly and some nervoly.

Charl Syk/Invisn, via Associated PrsAndy Cohen Televisn host and producerI ed to sneak away om my straight iends at Boston Universy and go to Chaps (gay bars often have hypermascule nam) Boston’s Back Bay.

They were an pe om the (often uniendly) outsi world, packed every night of the week, and everyone si was a Heisler/The New York TimLarry Kramer Playwright, thor and activistIn 1953, gay bars were sry.

‘MY FIRST GAY BAR’: 25 COMG-OF-AGE STORI

Guys and gals... I really don't know why I am postg this but I am bee I want to tell everyone. I went to a gay bar for the first time last night... * my first experience at a gay bar *

It would still be a bunch of years before gay bars would start beg ls sry, and a lot of Beck/Agence France-Prse — Getty ImagJane Lynch ActrsThe first gay bar I ever went to was the Cubbyhole when was on Hudson Street the Wt Village.

I WENT TO A GAY BAR FOR THE FIRST TIME!

* my first experience at a gay bar *

Brendan Hoffman/Getty ImagRachel Maddow Host of MSNBC’s “The Rachel Maddow Show” The first time I went to a gay bar was 1990, thanks to a fairly terrible fake ID that I bought for $25. That fake ID was my lifele for years bee got me to the only plac where I uld fd the gay muny that I so wanted to be part of. Charl Syk/Associated PrsBilly Eichner Actor and edianMy first gay bar New York was the Duplex, bee was kd of a soft lnch to the gay world.

I went to school at Northwtern and lived wh a bunch of gay guys, and we would go out to Boystown, the big strip of gay bars Chigo. Elizabeth Lippman for The New York Tim Honey DijonPerformerRialto Tap Chigo was the first black gay bar I went to, and what I really remember was the cracked tile dance floor. From that day on, “bakery” was our word for gay Hawthorne/Getty ImagKeh BoykBroadster and thorOn a Sunday night July 1991, at a sprawlg plex lled Tracks the District of Columbia, I found thoands of young black gay men and lbians.

At tim, as I walked around the three dance floors, seemed as though everyone Washgton was gay. But here, unlike the whe gay clubs, the patrons appreciated, and fact reveled , black bety. For the first time my life, I felt not only siro of others but sirable to them as Counts/Getty ImagAlison BechlCartoonist, thor of the graphic memoir “Fun Home” My first gay bar was Satan’s, Akron, Oh.

GEE TAKEI, PEREZ HILTON, MICHAEL MTO AND MORE OPEN UP ABOUT THEIR FIRST GAY BAR EXPERIENCE

One day I heard the privilege of visg a gay bar. I did this not once or even twice, actually severally. I did not vis the place as a gay given I am a straight person but jt wanted to learn a b om them. I purpose to get faiarized wh their way of livg, unrstand their pot of view when me to * my first experience at a gay bar *

But that night, the large mixed crowd (there weren’t enough gay people to support a separate club for women), I experienced the profound existential relief, for once, of not beg the only queer.

” I remember the closeted aterny boys, who had jt dropped their dat at the sorory hoe — and the girls who loved to sp and gyrate on the dance floor, earng the attentn of adorg gay boys. Christopher Gregory for The New York TimPl RudnickAuthor and playwrightWhen I was a teenage apprentice summer stock, I went to my first gay bar suburban Connecticut. Matthew Eisman/Getty ImagAndrew SolomonAuthor, “The Noonday Demon, ” “Far & Away”There were two gay bars the neighborhood where I grew up.

MY EXPERIENCE VISG A GAY BAR

Is a panmic a good time for one’s first gay sexual experience? * my first experience at a gay bar *

But ntrary to so many narrativ of relief at fdg a gay ntext, my ial experience was primarily of anxiety, bee to be where the least acceptable aspect of myself was the explic topic ma me feel more naked than the go-go boys. Ease and digny, however, had seemed patible wh my gayns until my sweaty June bar vis set me on a new path, one that much later led me to marryg my hband, havg our children, and beg an activist for L. It was about gay empowerment, was about not gettg msed wh and was about the importance of addrsg an existential crisis head on.

There, so we would go, and this time was me and my six iends — tryg to play ol as much as we Counts/Getty ImagJon Rob BazPlaywright and producerIt was the Roosterfish, a dgy ntil gay bar Venice Beach Los Angel. Provcetown was a gay statn, a mec where gay people at that time uld feel fortable and celebratory.

It was particularly attractive bee the gay society the early ’60s was much more unrground the big ci. Provcetown was a ee and open space, lots of great performers, people out to have fun, and this is exactly what was to Bac/Getty ImagJoseph AltuzarraCreative director, AltuzarraThe first gay club I went to was Le Queen Paris when I was high school. It was my first time teractg wh other gay people, even though I wasn’t really teractg wh them — at least I was their prence.

"I WENT TO A GAY BAR LAST NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME""IT WAS LIKE STEPPG TO A SANCTUARY."{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}LIFEBY CHRISTOPHER RUDOLPHJANUARY 20, 2017/3:40 {HEIGHT:HER;DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;POSN:RELATIVE;-WEBK-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-MS-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-WEBK-ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-ALIGN:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-ALIGN:CENTER;ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-WEBK-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;-MS-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;} IMG{HEIGHT:100%;WIDTH:100%;OBJECT-F:VER;}{HEIGHT:574PX;WIDTH:1020PX;}DAVID MCNEW/GETTY IMAGWEST HOLLYWOOD, CA - OCTOBER 09: PEOPLE AT THE LGBT-IENDLY BAR 10 REACT TO MENTS MA BY DONALD TMP DURG THE SEND PRINTIAL BATE BETWEEN REPUBLIN PRINTIAL NOMEE DONALD TMP AND DEMOCRATIC PRINTIAL NOMEE HILLARY CLTON ON OCTOBER 9, 2016 WT HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA. (PHOTO BY DAVID MCNEW/GETTY IMAG)BY CHRISTOPHER RUDOLPHJANUARY 20, 2017 / 3:40 PM{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","HEADLE":"\"I WENT TO A GAY BAR LAST NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME\"","THUMBNAILURL":","DATEPUBLISHED":"2017-01-20T20:40:04.000+0000","DATEMODIFIED":"2017-01-20T20:40:04.000+0000","IMAGE":{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","WIDTH":1920,"HEIGHT":1080},"URL":","THOR":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"LOGO TV"},"MAENTYOFPAGE":{"@TYPE":"WEBPAGE","@ID":"},"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","@ID":","NAME":"LOGO TV","URL":","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT"}},"CREATOR":"CHRISTOPHER RUDOLPH","ARTICLESECTN":"LIFE"}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}YOU REMEMBER YOUR FIRST GAY BAR, RIGHT? THAT FEELG OF ELATN MIXED WH FEAR SHG OVER YOU AS YOU WALKED AND FOUND OTHER MEMBERS OF YOUR {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}A MEMBER OF REDD'S LBGT SUBREDD RECENTLY SHARED THAT HE MA HIS VIRG PILGRIMAGE TO A GAY BAR THE OTHER {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}"I ME OUT TO MYSELF SHORTLY AFTER LEAVG THE MORMON CHURCH LAST YEAR," POSTED MEMAHSELFNI. "I GUS I'D BEEN GAY MY WHOLE LIFE BUT WAS HUGE NIAL OVER UNTIL I LEFT MY RELIGN AND REALIZED I FELT NOTHG FOR THE GIRL I HAD BEEN WH."SENOR FROG'{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}LEARNG THERE WERE SOME GAY CLUBS A FEW TOWNS OVER, HE CID TO TAKE THE PLUNGE ONE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT WAS LIKE STEPPG TO A SANCTUARY AMONG PEOPLE WHO FALLY FELT AS I DID AND WEREN'T GOG TO SULT ME FOR FEELG HOW I {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I END UP HAVG A NVERSATN FOR HOURS WH A UPLE, SIPPG JACK AND COKE, ABOUT HOW I ME TO KNOW I WAS GAY, THEIR G OUT STORI, AND HEARG OM THEM THAT I WAS GOG TO BE JT FE AND THAT THE SKY IS THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THEY TOLD ME ABOUT ALL OF THE EVENTS AND ACTIVI THAT THE LGBT MUNY DO NEAR ME—THAT WAS ONE OF THE BT PARTS OF THE NIGHT, KNOWG THAT I'M NOT ON MY OWN AS A GAY MAN. {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}MEMAHSELFNI ADMS HE IALLY FELT UNFORTABLE, BUT SOON REALIZED "THIS WAS A PLACE WHERE I ULD BE MYSELF [AND] I OPENED UP AND EMBRACED MY SEXUAL INTY. AND I FELT EE AND HONT AGA!"{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}AFTER GETTG BEAR HUGS AND KISS OM HIS NEW IENDS, HE WENT HOME "FEELG ON TOP OF THE WORLD."{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THE RPONS TO HIS STORY WERE EQUALLY TOUCHG, WH SOME G OM OTHER GAY {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}"SO MANY OF HAVE LIVED THAT STORY BUT 'S STILL NICE TO HEAR ONCE AGA," WROTE ONE REDDOR. "MY RELLECTNS OF MY FIRST TIME AT THE GAY BARS REMA VIVID TO THIS DAY THO WAS SO LONG AGO. THE FEELG OF LIBERATN, OF SPREADG WGS IS ALMOST PALPABLE."{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}"GAY BARS ARE LIKE AN EMBASSY FOR GAYS ANYWHERE," ADD ANOTHER. "WHEREVER YOU ARE, THE GAY BAR WILL BE YOU SAFE ZONE."GAY WOMEN HAVG DRKS A BAR BIRMGHAM. LBIAN UPL TALKG AND HAVG DRKS LEANG AGAST BAR. YOUNG, STYLISH {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}"CONGRATS TO G OUT, AND BEG YOURSELF," RPOND A FELLOW EX-MORMON. "LIKE YOU, I ULDN'T ACCEPT MY SEXUAL ORIENTATN UNTIL I LEFT THE CHURCH, AND AFTER G OUT TO MYSELF AND OTHERS, THGS STARTED TO IMPROVE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT'S GOG ON FIVE YEARS NOW, AND I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO A LOT MY 30S THAT I NEVER ULD ALLOW MYSELF TO DO OR BE MY 20S. I REMEMBER MY FIRST PRI AND HOW EMOTNAL WAS FOR ME. IT WAS JT AFTER MARRIAGE EQUALY WAS VOTED ON WASHGTON, AND SEATTLE WAS JT SO FILLED WH {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}JT AS YOU ARE FDG, IS GREAT TO FD SPAC THAT YOU N FEEL FORTABLE AND FULLY BE YOURSELF AT. NOW I'M HAPPILY MARRIED TO MY HBAND, AND AMAZED TO SEE HOW MUCH SUPPORT I HAD ALONG THE WAY OM OTHERS WHO ED TO BE STNCHLY LDS."{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;CLEAR:BOTH;}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;MARG:0 TO;WIDTH:90%;M-WIDTH:288PX;MAX-WIDTH:1440PX;M-HEIGHT:194PX;}LATT NEWS

Wilson/Getty ImagJohn AmaechiPsychologist and former Natnal Basketball Associatn playerI’m om Manchter, England, so we have a very vibrant gay muny that is very well tegrated. The feelg that you have that there are no other gay people sports evaporated quickly. I moved to New York January of 1983, h off the boat om Sala, Kan., the first place I went was the gay bar.

DO YOU WANNA FUNK WH ME?: A BEGNER’S GUI TO GAY NIGHTCLUBS

Rebec Smeyne for The New York TimAlexanr WangFashn signerThe first gay club I went to was probably when I was 16. )The dance floor there was filled wh punk rockers, bow heads (sorory girls), gay boys, lbians and every kd of person unr the sun, and I loved . But the flat-out gay bar was a b harr to navigate bee was across the street and one uld easily be spotted enterg and leavg.

The eclectic mic, the light show, the cute guys lg about, the club kids dancg on speakers: It was gay heaven! I was fally at Batka for The New York TimCarrie BrownsteActrs and micianMy first gay bar was a lbian dive lled the Egyptian (“E”) Room Portland, Ore. Only away om the glare of homophobia uld we experience malleabily, a flexg of the self, a full rotatn.

MY FIRST GAY BAR

A versn of this article appears prt on, Sectn D, Page 1 of the New York edn wh the headle: ‘My First Gay Bar’. I'm not gay myself and I had no tert tryg anythg (and I told him as much), so I thought that would be the end of . Now while I'm pletely ol wh members of the glbt muny, I've hontly only ever known a handful of openly gay mal, and I would be lyg if I didn't tell you that was a b timidatg.

The guy who bought me a drk was really ol though, and actually tght me a lot about the gay muny that I probably would have never known otherwise.

There was a surprisg number of straight femal there, everyone was really nice (creeper guy was a one-time al), and gettg h on by gay guys (excludg the creeper one) was pretty flatterg. Anyways, if you're a straight male, I highly suggt visg a gay bar at some pot time.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* MY FIRST EXPERIENCE AT A GAY BAR

I went to a gay bar for the first time! | Empty Closets .

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