I am a straight girl, but wish I uld be wh a gay guy. | Srleteen

Contents:

• AM I GAY/STRAIGHT? ?️‍? (FEMALE EDN)
• I'M A GAY GUY, BUT THERE'S THIS GIRL....
• AM I GAY?
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
• I AM A STRAIGHT GIRL, BUT WISH I ULD BE WH A GAY GUY.
• THE GAY-O-METER! ?️‍? LGBTQ QUIZ
• WHY I THK I’M A LBIANAFTER INTIFYG AS BISEXUAL FOR YEARS, I’M STARTG TO REALIZE I MIGHT ACTUALLY BE GAY.DANNY JACKSON H.·FOLLOWPUBLISHED QUEERTOPIA·11 M READ·JUN 6, 2020--8LISTENSHAREPHOTO BY TOIMETAJA TõLKEBüROO ON UNSPLASHTHIS IS THE SEND PERD MY LIFE WHERE I’M WONRG WHETHER I’M BISEXUAL OR GAY. I’VE PREVLY WRTEN ABOUT G OUT AS A LBIAN AND THEN “FALLG LOVE” WH A MAN. THE DAYS, I’M NTEMPLATG WHETHER THAT “LOVE” WAS LEGIMATE, OR JT PULSORY HETEROSEXUALY.A FEW MONTHS AGO I ENTERED A SER RELATNSHIP WH A WOMAN FOR THE FIRST TIME MY LIFE. AND EVERYTHG CHANGED. I DIDN’T KNOW THAT WAS POSSIBLE TO BE THIS ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE, TO BE THIS TLY HAPPY A RELATNSHIP.AS A RULT, I’VE STARTED QUTNG WHETHER MY PAST ATTRACTN TO MEN WAS GENUE. AT THE TIME, SURE FELT LIKE , BUT THAT WAS BEE HAD BEEN ALL I’D EVER KNOWN. EVEN WH THE MAN WHO NVCED ME I WAS BI A UPLE OF YEARS AGO, I ALWAYS LIKED THE IA OF HIM MORE THAN THE PERSON HE WAS.COME TO THK OF , THAT’S HOW I’VE FELT PRETTY MUCH EVERY TIME I’VE EVER HAD A CSH ON A MAN.ABOUT THREE YEARS AGO, DURG MY SENR YEAR OF LLEGE, I HAD BEEN QUTNG MYSELF FOR SEVERAL MONTHS BEFORE I ME ACROSS THIS POST ON TUMBLR:COMMON EXPERIENC OF LBIANS WHO DON’T KNOW THEY’RE LBIANS YETOUT OF CURSY, I RECENTLY GOOGLED THE “AM I LBIAN QUIZ”. HALF THE “ARE YOU A LBIAN” QUIZZ JT ASKED OUTRIGHT…WHEN I HAD FISHED READG THIS POST, I WAS TEARS. NEVER MY LIFE HAD I READ SOMETHG THAT RONATED WH ME SO EPLY AND PERSONALLY. THERE WAS NO QUTN ABOUT ANYMORE. I WAS A LBIAN.ALTHOUGH SOUNDS CHEY AND EMBARRASSG TO BE SO MOVED BY A POST ON TUMBLR, ’S SAFE TO SAY THAT THIS POST CHANGED MY LIFE. I BEGAN MENTALLY GOG OVER ALL MY PAST RELATNSHIPS, ALL WH MEN, AND REALIZG THAT MY ATTRACTN TO THEM HAD NEVER BEEN AS LEGIMATE AS I HAD THOUGHT AT THE TIME.I THOUGHT WOULD BE THERAPTIC FOR ME TO GO THROUGH SOME OF THE POTS MA THAT POST AND ELABORATE ON MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WH THEM. AFTER ALL, IF I N RELATE TO SO MANY OF THE EMS, THEN SURELY I MT BE GAY. AND I FIGURE THAT IF A WOMAN WHO’S QUTNG HER SEXUAL ORIENTATN READS THIS, THEN MAYBE N HELP HER E TO TERMS WH WHO SHE REALLY IS.DECIDG WHICH GUY TO BE ATTRACTED TOMANY CLOSETED LBIANS CHOOSE A GUY, NOT TO DATE, BUT TO BE ATTRACTED TO, BASED ON A LIST OF CERTA IAL QUALI. AS I THK BACK OVER MY ADOLCENCE, I N’T BELIEVE I DIDN’T REALIZE I WAS GAY SOONER.IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, MOST OF THE OTHER GIRLS MY CLASS HAD A “CSH” ON A BOY. MY IENDS WOULD ASK ME WHICH BOY I LIKED. WHEN I REPLIED THAT I DIDN’T HAVE A CSH, THEY WERE ABSOLUTELY MORTIFIED.BEE I HAD A DIFFICULT TIME MAKG IENDS AS A CHILD, I KNEW THAT I HAD TO HAVE A CSH TO BE ACCEPTED. SO, I SELECTED A BOY NAMED DOUGLAS TO BE THE OBJECT OF MY AFFECTNS. IN REALY, I CHOSE HIM MERELY BEE HIS LAST NAME WAS NEXT TO ME ALPHABETILLY.HEY, I NEVER SAID LBIANS N’T BE LAZY.AS I GOT OLR, I WOULD ENTER EACH GRA WH A LIST OF QUALI FOR AN IAL BOYIEND MD. I WOULD PICK A BOY EACH YEAR TO BE ATTRACTED TO BASED ON HOW MANY OF THOSE QUALI HE POSSSED. NO GUY EVER MA ME FEEL ATTRACTED TO HIM WHOUT SOME NSC EFFORT ON MY PART.IN FACT, I HAVE THIS SPECIFIC MEMORY OM EIGHTH GRA. THE CLASS HAD BEEN READG MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHG AND WE WERE DISCSG WHETHER WAS POSSIBLE TO CHOOSE WHO TO FALL LOVE WH.VIRTUALLY EVERYONE AGREED THAT YOU ULDN’T CHOOSE WHO TO FALL LOVE WH. I DISAGREED, BUT I KEPT QUIET. I WHOLEHEARTEDLY FELT THAT I WAS RIGHT, BUT I ULDN’T PROVI ANY EVINCE. I JT KNEW THAT I HAD CHOSEN TO FALL LOVE WH MY BOYIEND AT THE TIME, SIMPLY BEE HE HAD ALREADY FALLEN LOVE WH ME. I WAS EXPECTED TO HAVE A BOYIEND, SO I PICKED HIM BEE SEEMED LIKE THE EASIT CHOICE.BEG ATTRACTED TO GENR NON-NFORMG GUYS/ TRANS WOMENDURG MY HMAN YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL, I HAD A SER CSH ON ONE OF MY “GUY” IENDS WHO LATER TURNED OUT TO BE A TRANS WOMAN. AT THE TIME, SHE INTIFIED AS A GAY MAN, BUT I STILL HAD AN UNBEARABLE CSH ON HER. IT WAS MORE TENSE THAN ANY FEELGS I’D HAD FOR A GUY BEFORE.WHEN THIS IEND ME OUT AS A WOMAN SEVERAL YEARS LATER, A WHOLE LOT OF THGS CLICKED TO PLACE. THAT WAS WHY I’D HAD SUCH A HUGE CSH ON HER, WHY HAD FELT MORE REAL THAN ANY ATTRACTN I’D HAD TO A BOY.ONLY BEG ATTRACTED TO UNATTAABLE MENWHEN I WORKED AT A DOLLAR TREE DURG LLEGE, I HAD AN UNFORTABLE “CSH” ON AN ASSISTANT MANAGER WHO WAS ONLY A FEW YEARS OLR THAN ME. LET’S LL HIM DEAN. HE WAS CERTALY NVENTNALLY ATTRACTIVE, BUT I DIDN’T TAKE MUCH NOTICE OF HIS LOOKS. WE CLICKED ON A PLATONIC LEVEL AND BEME FAST IENDS.ONE NIGHT, WHEN WAS JT THE TWO OF WORKG AND WE HARDLY HAD ANY CTOMERS, HE WAS SWEEPG AND HE SUALLY ASKED IF I HAD A BOYIEND.MY HEART STOPPED FOR A MOMENT. THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME SCE MY RECENT LBIAN AWAKENG THAT SOMEONE HAD ASKED ME THAT QUTN. I STAMMERED OUT A NO.“OH.” DEAN KEPT SWEEPG, AVOIDG MY GAZE. “SO DO YOU JT NOT WANT ONE, OR…?”I’D SEEN THE RG ON HIS FGER BEFORE. I’D HEARD HIM TALK ABOUT HIS WIFE. WHY WAS HE ASKG ME THIS, AS IF HE WERE PERSONALLY TERTED?“I JT HAVEN’T HAD TIME, WHAT WH SCHOOL AND WORK AND EVERYTHG,” I SAID.DEAN CHANGED THE SUBJECT WHOUT MEETG MY EY.FROM THAT POT ON, I HAD NSTANT ROMANTIC DAYDREAMS (AND ACTUAL DREAMS) ABOUT DEAN. I THK PART OF ME MISTOOK THE ANXIETY I FELT WHEN HE ASKED THAT QUTN FOR THE “BUTTERFLI” THAT PEOPLE GET WHEN THEY’RE FALLG LOVE.HE AND I NTUED TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER OVER THE NEXT FEW MONTHS, WH HIM HARDLY MENTNG HIS WIFE AT ALL. I FELT STRANGELY “ATTRACTED” TO HIM, EVEN AS I WAS MSAGG A GIRL I’D MET ONLE FOR SEVERAL WEEKS (THAT SUATN ULTIMATELY DIDN’T WORK OUT).EVEN AS I INTIFIED AS FULLY GAY, I ULDN’T SHAKE THIS “ATTRACTN” TO DEAN. AND I THK MIGHT HAVE BEEN DUE TO HIS BEG MARRIED AND TECHNILLY MY BOSS. HOWEVER, I KNEW MY HEART OF HEARTS THAT IF SOMETHG HAPPENED AND HE WAS SGLE AGA, I WOULD IMMEDIATELY LOSE TERT. I’D HAD DREAMS WHERE HE GOT DIVORCED AND STARTED TO PURSUE ME. I’D WAKE UP A LD SWEAT.IN THE END, DEAN FISHED LLEGE AND LEFT DOLLAR TREE TO BEE A TEACHER, HIS DREAM JOB. I WAS HAPPY FOR HIM BUT MALY RELIEVED THAT I NO LONGER HAD TO AL WH THE NFG FEELGS HE STIRRED UP ME. ONCE HE WAS GONE AND THOSE FEELGS STARTED TO FA, I FELT GAYER THAN EVER.THKG YOU’RE MMENT-PHOBICBEFORE I BEGAN TO NSIR LBIANISM, I HAD BEEN TWO LONG-TERM RELATNSHIPS WH MEN: ONE MIDDLE SCHOOL, AND ANOTHER HIGH SCHOOL. IN BOTH RELATNSHIPS, AFTER ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF, I STARTED TO FEEL TENSELY “BORED” OF BEG WH THE GUYS. I GOT SNIPPY WH THEM; EVERYTHG THEY DID STARTED TO ANNOY ME.I FELT LIKE PART OF ME ULDN’T HANDLE BEG A RELATNSHIP FOR SO LONG, THAT I WAS STED TO HAVE MORE SUAL FLGS WH PEOPLE BEE EP DOWN I WAS AAID OF MMENT. EVEN THOUGH BOTH OF THOSE BREAKUPS WERE MUTUAL, I IATED THEM, BEE JT DIDN’T FEEL RIGHT ANYMORE.GETTG A BOYIEND JT SO OTHER PEOPLE KNOW YOU HAVE A BOYIENDTHROUGHOUT MIDDLE SCHOOL AND HIGH SCHOOL, I WAS ONE OF THOSE GIRLS WHO ALWAYS HAD TO BE DATG A BOY. OR AT LEAST, I HAD TO HAVE A CSH. IF I DIDN’T CURRENTLY HAVE A BOYIEND, I WOULD BE WORKG ON GETTG ONE.AT THE TIME, I REGNIZED THAT THIS WAS UNHEALTHY. BUT I THOUGHT WAS BEE OF MY CRIPPLGLY LOW SELF-TEEM BASED ON MY NOT NVENTNALLY ATTRACTIVE APPEARANCE. I WANTED OTHER PEOPLE TO SEE THAT SOMEONE WAS PABLE OF BEG ATTRACTED TO ME, SPECIFILLY A GUY.I WANTED TO PROVE SOMETHG TO PEOPLE. I JT ULDN’T INTIFY WHAT WAS THAT I WANTED TO PROVE.WISHG YOUR BOYIEND WAS LS TERTED SEXMY HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART (LET’S LL HIM KYLE) HAD A CRAZILY HIGH SEX DRIVE. OF URSE, WE WERE SEVENTEEN, SO THIS WAS PERFECTLY NORMAL. HOWEVER, I WAS LS TERTED, PECIALLY AFTER THE HONEYMOON PHASE OF OUR RELATNSHIP WAS OVER.DURG OUR SENR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL, WE’D HANG OUT AT HIS PLACE NEARLY EVERY DAY AFTER SCHOOL. MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, WE’D HAVE SEX AND THEN PLAY VIO GAM, WATCH A MOVIE, OR DO SOMETHG FUN. IT WASN’T THAT THE SEX WAS BAD, PER SE; I JT WASN’T AS TERTED AS I SHOULD HAVE BEEN, NSIRG I WAS DATG THIS GUY. I SIMPLY WANTED THE SEX TO BE OVER WH SO THAT WE ULD JT HANG OUT. LIKE IENDS DO.GETTG OVER A BREAKUP RERD TIMEAFTER KYLE AND I BROKE UP, I BEGAN EXPRSG TERT A FEW PEOPLE I KNEW AT LLEGE. WHEN I RETURNED HOME AFTER THE FIRST SEMTER OF MY HMAN YEAR, HE WANTED TO GET BACK TOGETHER, SO MUCH SO THAT HE CRIED ASKG ME.I FELT HEARTLS HAVG TO TELL HIM THAT I DIDN’T WANT THAT. THE TTH WAS, THE DAY AFTER WE HAD BROKEN UP, I FELT LIKE I WAS PLETELY OVER KYLE. I STILL RED ABOUT HIM, BUT NOT A ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL WAY. GETTG BACK TOGETHER WH HIM SOUND LIKE A NIGHTMARE.WHEN MY IENDS ASKED ME ABOUT , I PRETEND TO BE MORE HEARTBROKEN THAN I ACTUALLY WAS. I DIDN’T WANT TO APPEAR CEL FOR STANTLY GETTG OVER SOMEONE I WAS NEVER REALLY LOVE WH THE FIRST PLACE.FEELG LIKE YOU’RE BROKEN AND PABLE OF LOVG ANYONETHERE WAS A TIME WHEN I THOUGHT KYLE WAS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. I HAD ASSUMED FOR A UPLE OF YEARS THAT WE WOULD GET MARRIED, HAVE 2.5 KIDS, AND GET A HOE THE SUBURBS. WHEN THAT DIDN’T PAN OUT, I FELT LIKE IF I ULDN’T HAVE THAT KD OF LOVE WH KYLE, THAT I ULDN’T HAVE WH ANYBODY.I THOUGHT SOMETHG WAS WRONG WH ME, THAT I JT ULDN’T FEEL TE LOVE. I NSIRED THE POSSIBILY THAT I WAS ASEXUAL/AROMANTIC SCE SEEMED THAT MY ROMANTIC AND SEXUAL SIR WERE NONEXISTENT.AFTER MY BREAKUP WH KYLE, I WENT THROUGH A PRSIVE EPISO. NOT BEE I WAS UPSET ABOUT NO LONGER DATG THIS BOY, BUT BEE I WORRIED I WAS BROKEN.BEG UTTERLY FASCATED WH LBIANS AS A CHILDMY DAD’S SISTER IS A LBIAN. WHEN MY PARENTS FIRST TOLD ME THIS AROUND AGE ELEVEN, I WAS UTTERLY TRANSFIXED.BEE I GREW UP WH CATHOLIC SHAME SURROUNDG HOMOSEXUALY, I WAS AAID TO ASK MY NT ANYTHG ABOUT HER ORIENTATN. INSTEAD, I WATCHED HER TERACTNS WH HER LONG-TERM PARTNER AND WONRED WHAT THEIR DAILY LIV WERE LIKE. DID THEY HATE MEN? HOW DID THEY HAVE SEX? HOW DID THEY CI WHO TO E OUT TO?MORE IMPORTANTLY, WAS THE FIRST TIME I HAD BEEN PRENTED WH THE IA THAT I DIDN’T HAVE TO DATE A MAN TO BE HAPPY.THKG THAT ALL GIRLS MT FEEL SOME ATTRACTN TO WOMENWHEN I WAS FIRST STARTG TO E TO TERMS WH MY ATTRACTN TOWARD WOMEN, I WAS UNR THE IMPRSN THAT EVERYONE WAS A LTLE B GAY OR BI. I THOUGHT THAT EVERYONE FELT A SLIGHT ATTRACTN TOWARD THEIR IENDS, EVEN THOSE OF THE SAME GENR. I ASSUMED THAT EVERYONE FELT LIKE THAT UNTIL I HAD A NVERSATN WH A STRAIGHT IEND, WHICH SHE STATED THAT SHE HAD NEVER ONCE FELT A LEGIMATE ATTRACTN FOR ANOTHER WOMAN. IT WAS THEN THAT I STARTED TO FEEL LIKE MY QUEERNS WAS REAL.BEG A REALLY TENSE LGBTQ+ “ALLY”
• WHAT'S THE SCIENCE BEHD STRAIGHT WOMEN LIKG GAY MEN?

AM I GAY/STRAIGHT? ?️‍? (FEMALE EDN)

Gay - attractn to the same genr.

If she's not part of LGBT+ (lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr) muny then don't imprs her, chanc are she's not to women. Do this mean you're gay?

I'M A GAY GUY, BUT THERE'S THIS GIRL....

Also, keep md that havg a csh on a person of the same genr don't tomatilly mean you are gay. Sexual orientatn is more than a qutn of whether you are gay, pansexual, queer, straight, or bisexual. In addn, sexual orientatn is not jt about who you have feelgs for, 's also about how you thk of yourself (as, straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, or somethg else), and how you actually behave.

AM I GAY?

Once you are fortable enough, ask your csh some qutns to see how they feel about the LGBTQ muny or gay folks. " Or "Are you gay? —and we n sometim sense early on that somethg about our ternal experience feels the fifth gra, when a iend of me sneered that I was gay as an sult, I thought maybe I had land on a name for what I felt.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

I wasn’t straight like I was supposed to be, but damn , I wasn’t this untercultural “gay” thg eher. I also helped start the Gay/Straight Alliance at my high school.

I AM A STRAIGHT GIRL, BUT WISH I ULD BE WH A GAY GUY.

Eventually, this led me the oppose directn of what you might assume: My sexual boredom and sometim even disgt wh the men I dated led me to believe I was, and always had been, super gay after, my early 20s, I threw myself a new directn and got eply volved my lol queer muny. I tried donng a “homoflexible” label for a few years, but two boyiends later I had to s back and take a good look at my inty and why my perceptn of kept shiftg seemgly so I didn’t unrstand as I tried on the different labels was that isn’t simply our behavr that dictat who we are. Are you unfortable wh the ia that you might be gay/bisexual?

THE GAY-O-METER! ?️‍? LGBTQ QUIZ

So prepare yourself to be pletely relaxed and hont as you take this gay or straight quiz!

Do your parents or iends nsir homosexuals to be viants? Have you been watchg more and more gay/lbian movi alone lately?

WHY I THK I’M A LBIANAFTER INTIFYG AS BISEXUAL FOR YEARS, I’M STARTG TO REALIZE I MIGHT ACTUALLY BE GAY.DANNY JACKSON H.·FOLLOWPUBLISHED QUEERTOPIA·11 M READ·JUN 6, 2020--8LISTENSHAREPHOTO BY TOIMETAJA TõLKEBüROO ON UNSPLASHTHIS IS THE SEND PERD MY LIFE WHERE I’M WONRG WHETHER I’M BISEXUAL OR GAY. I’VE PREVLY WRTEN ABOUT G OUT AS A LBIAN AND THEN “FALLG LOVE” WH A MAN. THE DAYS, I’M NTEMPLATG WHETHER THAT “LOVE” WAS LEGIMATE, OR JT PULSORY HETEROSEXUALY.A FEW MONTHS AGO I ENTERED A SER RELATNSHIP WH A WOMAN FOR THE FIRST TIME MY LIFE. AND EVERYTHG CHANGED. I DIDN’T KNOW THAT WAS POSSIBLE TO BE THIS ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE, TO BE THIS TLY HAPPY A RELATNSHIP.AS A RULT, I’VE STARTED QUTNG WHETHER MY PAST ATTRACTN TO MEN WAS GENUE. AT THE TIME, SURE FELT LIKE , BUT THAT WAS BEE HAD BEEN ALL I’D EVER KNOWN. EVEN WH THE MAN WHO NVCED ME I WAS BI A UPLE OF YEARS AGO, I ALWAYS LIKED THE IA OF HIM MORE THAN THE PERSON HE WAS.COME TO THK OF , THAT’S HOW I’VE FELT PRETTY MUCH EVERY TIME I’VE EVER HAD A CSH ON A MAN.ABOUT THREE YEARS AGO, DURG MY SENR YEAR OF LLEGE, I HAD BEEN QUTNG MYSELF FOR SEVERAL MONTHS BEFORE I ME ACROSS THIS POST ON TUMBLR:COMMON EXPERIENC OF LBIANS WHO DON’T KNOW THEY’RE LBIANS YETOUT OF CURSY, I RECENTLY GOOGLED THE “AM I LBIAN QUIZ”. HALF THE “ARE YOU A LBIAN” QUIZZ JT ASKED OUTRIGHT…WHEN I HAD FISHED READG THIS POST, I WAS TEARS. NEVER MY LIFE HAD I READ SOMETHG THAT RONATED WH ME SO EPLY AND PERSONALLY. THERE WAS NO QUTN ABOUT ANYMORE. I WAS A LBIAN.ALTHOUGH SOUNDS CHEY AND EMBARRASSG TO BE SO MOVED BY A POST ON TUMBLR, ’S SAFE TO SAY THAT THIS POST CHANGED MY LIFE. I BEGAN MENTALLY GOG OVER ALL MY PAST RELATNSHIPS, ALL WH MEN, AND REALIZG THAT MY ATTRACTN TO THEM HAD NEVER BEEN AS LEGIMATE AS I HAD THOUGHT AT THE TIME.I THOUGHT WOULD BE THERAPTIC FOR ME TO GO THROUGH SOME OF THE POTS MA THAT POST AND ELABORATE ON MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WH THEM. AFTER ALL, IF I N RELATE TO SO MANY OF THE EMS, THEN SURELY I MT BE GAY. AND I FIGURE THAT IF A WOMAN WHO’S QUTNG HER SEXUAL ORIENTATN READS THIS, THEN MAYBE N HELP HER E TO TERMS WH WHO SHE REALLY IS.DECIDG WHICH GUY TO BE ATTRACTED TOMANY CLOSETED LBIANS CHOOSE A GUY, NOT TO DATE, BUT TO BE ATTRACTED TO, BASED ON A LIST OF CERTA IAL QUALI. AS I THK BACK OVER MY ADOLCENCE, I N’T BELIEVE I DIDN’T REALIZE I WAS GAY SOONER.IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, MOST OF THE OTHER GIRLS MY CLASS HAD A “CSH” ON A BOY. MY IENDS WOULD ASK ME WHICH BOY I LIKED. WHEN I REPLIED THAT I DIDN’T HAVE A CSH, THEY WERE ABSOLUTELY MORTIFIED.BEE I HAD A DIFFICULT TIME MAKG IENDS AS A CHILD, I KNEW THAT I HAD TO HAVE A CSH TO BE ACCEPTED. SO, I SELECTED A BOY NAMED DOUGLAS TO BE THE OBJECT OF MY AFFECTNS. IN REALY, I CHOSE HIM MERELY BEE HIS LAST NAME WAS NEXT TO ME ALPHABETILLY.HEY, I NEVER SAID LBIANS N’T BE LAZY.AS I GOT OLR, I WOULD ENTER EACH GRA WH A LIST OF QUALI FOR AN IAL BOYIEND MD. I WOULD PICK A BOY EACH YEAR TO BE ATTRACTED TO BASED ON HOW MANY OF THOSE QUALI HE POSSSED. NO GUY EVER MA ME FEEL ATTRACTED TO HIM WHOUT SOME NSC EFFORT ON MY PART.IN FACT, I HAVE THIS SPECIFIC MEMORY OM EIGHTH GRA. THE CLASS HAD BEEN READG MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHG AND WE WERE DISCSG WHETHER WAS POSSIBLE TO CHOOSE WHO TO FALL LOVE WH.VIRTUALLY EVERYONE AGREED THAT YOU ULDN’T CHOOSE WHO TO FALL LOVE WH. I DISAGREED, BUT I KEPT QUIET. I WHOLEHEARTEDLY FELT THAT I WAS RIGHT, BUT I ULDN’T PROVI ANY EVINCE. I JT KNEW THAT I HAD CHOSEN TO FALL LOVE WH MY BOYIEND AT THE TIME, SIMPLY BEE HE HAD ALREADY FALLEN LOVE WH ME. I WAS EXPECTED TO HAVE A BOYIEND, SO I PICKED HIM BEE SEEMED LIKE THE EASIT CHOICE.BEG ATTRACTED TO GENR NON-NFORMG GUYS/ TRANS WOMENDURG MY HMAN YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL, I HAD A SER CSH ON ONE OF MY “GUY” IENDS WHO LATER TURNED OUT TO BE A TRANS WOMAN. AT THE TIME, SHE INTIFIED AS A GAY MAN, BUT I STILL HAD AN UNBEARABLE CSH ON HER. IT WAS MORE TENSE THAN ANY FEELGS I’D HAD FOR A GUY BEFORE.WHEN THIS IEND ME OUT AS A WOMAN SEVERAL YEARS LATER, A WHOLE LOT OF THGS CLICKED TO PLACE. THAT WAS WHY I’D HAD SUCH A HUGE CSH ON HER, WHY HAD FELT MORE REAL THAN ANY ATTRACTN I’D HAD TO A BOY.ONLY BEG ATTRACTED TO UNATTAABLE MENWHEN I WORKED AT A DOLLAR TREE DURG LLEGE, I HAD AN UNFORTABLE “CSH” ON AN ASSISTANT MANAGER WHO WAS ONLY A FEW YEARS OLR THAN ME. LET’S LL HIM DEAN. HE WAS CERTALY NVENTNALLY ATTRACTIVE, BUT I DIDN’T TAKE MUCH NOTICE OF HIS LOOKS. WE CLICKED ON A PLATONIC LEVEL AND BEME FAST IENDS.ONE NIGHT, WHEN WAS JT THE TWO OF WORKG AND WE HARDLY HAD ANY CTOMERS, HE WAS SWEEPG AND HE SUALLY ASKED IF I HAD A BOYIEND.MY HEART STOPPED FOR A MOMENT. THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME SCE MY RECENT LBIAN AWAKENG THAT SOMEONE HAD ASKED ME THAT QUTN. I STAMMERED OUT A NO.“OH.” DEAN KEPT SWEEPG, AVOIDG MY GAZE. “SO DO YOU JT NOT WANT ONE, OR…?”I’D SEEN THE RG ON HIS FGER BEFORE. I’D HEARD HIM TALK ABOUT HIS WIFE. WHY WAS HE ASKG ME THIS, AS IF HE WERE PERSONALLY TERTED?“I JT HAVEN’T HAD TIME, WHAT WH SCHOOL AND WORK AND EVERYTHG,” I SAID.DEAN CHANGED THE SUBJECT WHOUT MEETG MY EY.FROM THAT POT ON, I HAD NSTANT ROMANTIC DAYDREAMS (AND ACTUAL DREAMS) ABOUT DEAN. I THK PART OF ME MISTOOK THE ANXIETY I FELT WHEN HE ASKED THAT QUTN FOR THE “BUTTERFLI” THAT PEOPLE GET WHEN THEY’RE FALLG LOVE.HE AND I NTUED TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER OVER THE NEXT FEW MONTHS, WH HIM HARDLY MENTNG HIS WIFE AT ALL. I FELT STRANGELY “ATTRACTED” TO HIM, EVEN AS I WAS MSAGG A GIRL I’D MET ONLE FOR SEVERAL WEEKS (THAT SUATN ULTIMATELY DIDN’T WORK OUT).EVEN AS I INTIFIED AS FULLY GAY, I ULDN’T SHAKE THIS “ATTRACTN” TO DEAN. AND I THK MIGHT HAVE BEEN DUE TO HIS BEG MARRIED AND TECHNILLY MY BOSS. HOWEVER, I KNEW MY HEART OF HEARTS THAT IF SOMETHG HAPPENED AND HE WAS SGLE AGA, I WOULD IMMEDIATELY LOSE TERT. I’D HAD DREAMS WHERE HE GOT DIVORCED AND STARTED TO PURSUE ME. I’D WAKE UP A LD SWEAT.IN THE END, DEAN FISHED LLEGE AND LEFT DOLLAR TREE TO BEE A TEACHER, HIS DREAM JOB. I WAS HAPPY FOR HIM BUT MALY RELIEVED THAT I NO LONGER HAD TO AL WH THE NFG FEELGS HE STIRRED UP ME. ONCE HE WAS GONE AND THOSE FEELGS STARTED TO FA, I FELT GAYER THAN EVER.THKG YOU’RE MMENT-PHOBICBEFORE I BEGAN TO NSIR LBIANISM, I HAD BEEN TWO LONG-TERM RELATNSHIPS WH MEN: ONE MIDDLE SCHOOL, AND ANOTHER HIGH SCHOOL. IN BOTH RELATNSHIPS, AFTER ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF, I STARTED TO FEEL TENSELY “BORED” OF BEG WH THE GUYS. I GOT SNIPPY WH THEM; EVERYTHG THEY DID STARTED TO ANNOY ME.I FELT LIKE PART OF ME ULDN’T HANDLE BEG A RELATNSHIP FOR SO LONG, THAT I WAS STED TO HAVE MORE SUAL FLGS WH PEOPLE BEE EP DOWN I WAS AAID OF MMENT. EVEN THOUGH BOTH OF THOSE BREAKUPS WERE MUTUAL, I IATED THEM, BEE JT DIDN’T FEEL RIGHT ANYMORE.GETTG A BOYIEND JT SO OTHER PEOPLE KNOW YOU HAVE A BOYIENDTHROUGHOUT MIDDLE SCHOOL AND HIGH SCHOOL, I WAS ONE OF THOSE GIRLS WHO ALWAYS HAD TO BE DATG A BOY. OR AT LEAST, I HAD TO HAVE A CSH. IF I DIDN’T CURRENTLY HAVE A BOYIEND, I WOULD BE WORKG ON GETTG ONE.AT THE TIME, I REGNIZED THAT THIS WAS UNHEALTHY. BUT I THOUGHT WAS BEE OF MY CRIPPLGLY LOW SELF-TEEM BASED ON MY NOT NVENTNALLY ATTRACTIVE APPEARANCE. I WANTED OTHER PEOPLE TO SEE THAT SOMEONE WAS PABLE OF BEG ATTRACTED TO ME, SPECIFILLY A GUY.I WANTED TO PROVE SOMETHG TO PEOPLE. I JT ULDN’T INTIFY WHAT WAS THAT I WANTED TO PROVE.WISHG YOUR BOYIEND WAS LS TERTED SEXMY HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART (LET’S LL HIM KYLE) HAD A CRAZILY HIGH SEX DRIVE. OF URSE, WE WERE SEVENTEEN, SO THIS WAS PERFECTLY NORMAL. HOWEVER, I WAS LS TERTED, PECIALLY AFTER THE HONEYMOON PHASE OF OUR RELATNSHIP WAS OVER.DURG OUR SENR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL, WE’D HANG OUT AT HIS PLACE NEARLY EVERY DAY AFTER SCHOOL. MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, WE’D HAVE SEX AND THEN PLAY VIO GAM, WATCH A MOVIE, OR DO SOMETHG FUN. IT WASN’T THAT THE SEX WAS BAD, PER SE; I JT WASN’T AS TERTED AS I SHOULD HAVE BEEN, NSIRG I WAS DATG THIS GUY. I SIMPLY WANTED THE SEX TO BE OVER WH SO THAT WE ULD JT HANG OUT. LIKE IENDS DO.GETTG OVER A BREAKUP RERD TIMEAFTER KYLE AND I BROKE UP, I BEGAN EXPRSG TERT A FEW PEOPLE I KNEW AT LLEGE. WHEN I RETURNED HOME AFTER THE FIRST SEMTER OF MY HMAN YEAR, HE WANTED TO GET BACK TOGETHER, SO MUCH SO THAT HE CRIED ASKG ME.I FELT HEARTLS HAVG TO TELL HIM THAT I DIDN’T WANT THAT. THE TTH WAS, THE DAY AFTER WE HAD BROKEN UP, I FELT LIKE I WAS PLETELY OVER KYLE. I STILL RED ABOUT HIM, BUT NOT A ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL WAY. GETTG BACK TOGETHER WH HIM SOUND LIKE A NIGHTMARE.WHEN MY IENDS ASKED ME ABOUT , I PRETEND TO BE MORE HEARTBROKEN THAN I ACTUALLY WAS. I DIDN’T WANT TO APPEAR CEL FOR STANTLY GETTG OVER SOMEONE I WAS NEVER REALLY LOVE WH THE FIRST PLACE.FEELG LIKE YOU’RE BROKEN AND PABLE OF LOVG ANYONETHERE WAS A TIME WHEN I THOUGHT KYLE WAS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. I HAD ASSUMED FOR A UPLE OF YEARS THAT WE WOULD GET MARRIED, HAVE 2.5 KIDS, AND GET A HOE THE SUBURBS. WHEN THAT DIDN’T PAN OUT, I FELT LIKE IF I ULDN’T HAVE THAT KD OF LOVE WH KYLE, THAT I ULDN’T HAVE WH ANYBODY.I THOUGHT SOMETHG WAS WRONG WH ME, THAT I JT ULDN’T FEEL TE LOVE. I NSIRED THE POSSIBILY THAT I WAS ASEXUAL/AROMANTIC SCE SEEMED THAT MY ROMANTIC AND SEXUAL SIR WERE NONEXISTENT.AFTER MY BREAKUP WH KYLE, I WENT THROUGH A PRSIVE EPISO. NOT BEE I WAS UPSET ABOUT NO LONGER DATG THIS BOY, BUT BEE I WORRIED I WAS BROKEN.BEG UTTERLY FASCATED WH LBIANS AS A CHILDMY DAD’S SISTER IS A LBIAN. WHEN MY PARENTS FIRST TOLD ME THIS AROUND AGE ELEVEN, I WAS UTTERLY TRANSFIXED.BEE I GREW UP WH CATHOLIC SHAME SURROUNDG HOMOSEXUALY, I WAS AAID TO ASK MY NT ANYTHG ABOUT HER ORIENTATN. INSTEAD, I WATCHED HER TERACTNS WH HER LONG-TERM PARTNER AND WONRED WHAT THEIR DAILY LIV WERE LIKE. DID THEY HATE MEN? HOW DID THEY HAVE SEX? HOW DID THEY CI WHO TO E OUT TO?MORE IMPORTANTLY, WAS THE FIRST TIME I HAD BEEN PRENTED WH THE IA THAT I DIDN’T HAVE TO DATE A MAN TO BE HAPPY.THKG THAT ALL GIRLS MT FEEL SOME ATTRACTN TO WOMENWHEN I WAS FIRST STARTG TO E TO TERMS WH MY ATTRACTN TOWARD WOMEN, I WAS UNR THE IMPRSN THAT EVERYONE WAS A LTLE B GAY OR BI. I THOUGHT THAT EVERYONE FELT A SLIGHT ATTRACTN TOWARD THEIR IENDS, EVEN THOSE OF THE SAME GENR. I ASSUMED THAT EVERYONE FELT LIKE THAT UNTIL I HAD A NVERSATN WH A STRAIGHT IEND, WHICH SHE STATED THAT SHE HAD NEVER ONCE FELT A LEGIMATE ATTRACTN FOR ANOTHER WOMAN. IT WAS THEN THAT I STARTED TO FEEL LIKE MY QUEERNS WAS REAL.BEG A REALLY TENSE LGBTQ+ “ALLY”

I've nsired for long hours, and cid that I was gay. Fally, when I get the mdset and nfince to say I'm fully gay, I meet this betiful, sweet, hilar, and hontly perfect girl who I nnect wh wicked well.

WHAT'S THE SCIENCE BEHD STRAIGHT WOMEN LIKG GAY MEN?

I'd really like to jt go date her, but a ltle voice my head always whispers, "You're gay. You watch gay pR0n. All signs poted to gay, until sudnly a new sign l up flashg "BUT MAYBE NOT!?

If you do ci that you're bi or pan or somethg other than gay?