Si Guys: Thkg Beyond Gay Male "Tops" and "Bottoms" | Psychology Today

Contents:

• GAY "SIS": HOW LANGUAGE FRE US TO BE OURSELV
• THE GAY COMMUNY’S OBSSN WH STAT AND LOOKS HAS HUGE MENTAL HEALTH COSTS
• SI GUYS: THKG BEYOND GAY MALE "TOPS" AND "BOTTOMS"
• ABOUT THE CENTERSCE 1983 THE CENTER HAS BEEN SUPPORTG, FOSTERG AND CELEBRATG THE LGBT MUNY OF NEW YORK CY. FD MORE RMATN ON AND OUR WORK ABOUT THE CENTER. VIS ABOUT THE CENTEROUR MISSNCYBER CENTERCENTER HISTORYRACE EQUYMEDIA CENTERLEARSHIP & STAFFEMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNICORPORATE PARTNERSHIPSANNUAL REPORTS & FANCIAL INFORMATNCONTACT USHOURS & LOTNSEMAPSUPPORT THE CENTER
• THE HIDN GAY LIV FALLY BEG UNVERED
• LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, TRANSGENR, AND QUEER MUNY

GAY "SIS": HOW LANGUAGE FRE US TO BE OURSELV

A third add: “Personally I’m not crazy about the term ‘si’ (sounds to me like someone lyg there, dog not much) but ’s good that Grdr acknowledg that there’s more to gay sex than anal.

The gay datg app Grdr n seem like a mefield wh s extensive e of slang – here’s what terms like GEN, NPNC and si is the most popular LGBTQ datg app the world and a cemented part of gay culture. That’s what happened 2013 when, an article I wrote for the Huffgton Post, “Guys on the Si, ” I created the term “si” for gay men who aren’t to beg a “top” or a “bottom” or practicg anal peratn.

THE GAY COMMUNY’S OBSSN WH STAT AND LOOKS HAS HUGE MENTAL HEALTH COSTS

The term “Si” was created when 2010, I was talkg wh some lleagu about “tops” (gay men who prefer the sertive role durg peratn) and “bottoms” (gay men who prefer the receptive role durg peratn) and outed myself for beg a gay man who don’t engage anal terurse at all. Beg a “top, ” “bottom, ” or “vers” (short for "versatile, " or someone who uld go eher way) were the only acceptable mols the gay muny, and I felt dissed for not ftg to the mold.

About a year and a half ago I formed a Facebook group lled “Si Guys” and some of the guys the group started a petn to Grdr, the gay datg app, to add “si” to their list of preferred posns and filters.

SI GUYS: THKG BEYOND GAY MALE "TOPS" AND "BOTTOMS"

Back 2011, an article was published the Journal of Sexual Medice which rearchers surveyed 25, 000 gay and bisexual men Ameri about their most recent sexual enunters, and only 36 percent said they had bottomed, and 34 percent said they had topped. Dennis Fortenberry MD, MS Sexual Behavrs and Suatnal Characteristics of Most Recent Male-Partnered Sexual Event among Gay and Bisexually Intified Men the Uned Stat. But what Pachankis and his lleagu began to notice their work was that gay and bisexual men reported feelg much of their strs g om their peers, or what a new study led by Pachankis lls tra-mory strs.

And is the most signifint of s kd to exame muny strsors among gay and bisexual fdgs reveal what many the muny know all too well: that gay and bisexual men n be pretty harsh wh one another and wh ourselv tryg to measure up. Spoke to Pachankis about the leadg strsors that origate wh the muny, their effects on mental and physil health, and how gay and bisexual men might better support one another and venture to move forward were the major prsur you found affectg the mental health of gay and bisexual men? The fourth was that the gay muny is exclnary of diversy, cludg racial-ethnic diversy and age diversy, and discrimatory towards gay men wh rearch fds that each of the class of strsors is associated wh prsn and anxiety.

ABOUT THE CENTERSCE 1983 THE CENTER HAS BEEN SUPPORTG, FOSTERG AND CELEBRATG THE LGBT MUNY OF NEW YORK CY. FD MORE RMATN ON AND OUR WORK ABOUT THE CENTER. VIS ABOUT THE CENTEROUR MISSNCYBER CENTERCENTER HISTORYRACE EQUYMEDIA CENTERLEARSHIP & STAFFEMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNICORPORATE PARTNERSHIPSANNUAL REPORTS & FANCIAL INFORMATNCONTACT USHOURS & LOTNSEMAPSUPPORT THE CENTER

But some likely have a distct impact pendg on where a gay or bisexual man falls along the stat-based peckg orr that a lot of people talked about perceivg as a e of strs. To the extent that we know ourselv through the reflectn of others, what we fd is that gay and bisexual men might be particularly likely to size themselv up g the same standards of attractivens and succs and masculy that they e to size up their potential sex partners, which n be particularly groups did you fd were disproportnately affected? Obvly, the greatt sourc of HIV risk are stctural disadvantag, particular the stctural forms of homophobia and racism that affect gay and bisexual men of lor, disproportnately.

To my knowledge, no prev studi had really homed on the strs that gay and bisexual men might experience wh each other as predictors of HIV found a rrelatn where gay and bisexual men who are particularly strsed by the gay muny’s foc on sex, stat, and petn or who were likely to perceive the gay muny as exclnary of diversy were more likely to engage sex whout ndoms or PrEP their daily liv.

At the same time, I knew that any rearch that shows stigma or heterosexism is not the sole e of gay and bisexual men's poor mental health uld potentially be ed to somehow return to this old historic argument that somehow gay and bisexual men were herently I was fortable proceedg wh the studi bee I knew they uld potentially be a ll for actn wh the gay muny, to crease s embrace of what have historilly been s most remarkable attribut—s abily to support each other the fac of ernment neglect, to thk creatively about how to form iendships and partnerships, and ultimately how to urageoly look wh and form a muny that LGBTQ+ people n be proud there solutns to the muny dynamics suggted by your rearch? One of the least equently endorsed ems on our surveys was that gay men aren’t good iends to each other, which really suggts that relyg on and strengtheng iendships the face of some of the more strsful aspects of the gay muny would be a sure route to protect agast that type of the extent that gay muny spac move onle to platforms like Grdr, the norms for munitn and for muny get grad and brought down to the lowt mon nomator. So I thk another terventn would be eher to prerve brick-and-mortar spac, where people n ntue to ngregate diverse, open ways; or enhance onle platforms to facilate more sense of muny over expedient thg that’s often been untilized the gay muny is tergeneratnal mentorship.

THE HIDN GAY LIV FALLY BEG UNVERED

There’s historilly been a lot of barriers to that, but to the extent that the gay muny n lead the way breakg down those barriers, I thk that would be a tremendo terventn agast this type of gay-muny strs across the full spectm. But what if you’re a gay man who don’t enjoy anal sex or fds anal peratn paful, don’t like the feelg or the troublome amount of preparatn and cleang up need for to be a pleasurable experience, or simply don’t experience anal sex as erotic?

That’s why a 2013 article I wrote for Huffgton Post, "Guys on the ‘Si’: Lookg Beyond Gay Tops and Bottoms, " I began workg on popularizg the term “si” orr for the gay men to have the language to exprs their sexual and erotic preference. As our age note on the term stat, “up until 1973, homosexualy was listed The Diagnostic and Statistil Manual of Mental Disorrs (DSM), psychiatry’s standard reference on the classifitn of mental illns.

And many feel that this word plac undue emphasis on sexual activy, or that sounds overly clil.” In fact, the term homosexual was liberately rejected by early gay rights activists bee, acrdg to The New York Tim, “they did not want to be intified as exclively sexual begs.”. Gay, on the other hand, n be ed to scribe a person of any genr who experienc same-sex attractn, although is most often ed to scribe a man who is attracted to men. On June 28, 1969, the New York Cy police raid the Stonewall Inn, a bar equented by gay and genr-nonnformg people (at a time when terms like LGBTQ didn’t yet exist).

LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, TRANSGENR, AND QUEER MUNY

Partially rponse to Stonewall, 1970, queer activists New York Cy anized a march to Central Park wh the theme “Gay Pri.” A more prehensive history of the Stonewall Rt or the Stonewall Uprisg n be found our Pri Month explaer.

While grateful for the experience of beg gay, Hartley se his gay inty as somethg that go beyond jt sex — “I never say that I’m grateful for same-sex sexual sire, ” he said — also clus athetics, culture and worldview. As Si B disurse was fdg s way to onle foms, the flagship Christian ex-gay anizatn Exod Internatnal closed s doors 2013 after s of g nversn therapy on LGBTQ dividuals. On the flip si, some progrsive crics, who are fewer number, said Hill and Hartley, see Si B as another eratn of the ex-gay movement or a form of rpectabily polics where LGBTQ dividuals reprs their sexualy to w approval om the broar church.

“The ia that Si B is jt the ex-gay movement wh a different veneer ignor or mimiz the fact that Si B people are fleeg ex-gay movements and ex-gay church, ” said Hartley. Th agreed and add that the motivatns behd Si B and the ex-gay movement are entirely different; one is tryg to make gay people straight, and the other is tryg to expand how the church views love and kship. “Si B me out of dissatisfactn wh the simple and easy answers of the ex-gay movement, ” said Hartley, “and so, embracg plexy or allowg plexy is ntrast to that sistence on uniformy.