How to Pick Up Gay Men: Buildg Confince & Makg a Move

Contents:

• ‘WE KEPT GETTG PEOPLE SAYG: EXCE ME, YOU DON’T LOOK GAY’ – HOW BLACK PEOPLE FOUGHT FOR A SPACE AT PRI
• “BUT YOU DON’T LOOK GAY”—QUEER FASHN AND NIGHTLIFE
• TMP TELLS GAY SUPPORTER 'YOU DON'T LOOK GAY' AT MAR-A-LAGO FUNDRAISER
• THE REAL REASON GAY MEN DON'T GET FAT
• BEWARE: ALL OF THE THGS ARE GAY
• I LIKE GAY MALE PORN, BUT GAY MEN REAL LIFE EAK ME OUT.
• YOU DON’T LOOK GAY
• GAY STEREOTYP: ARE THEY TE?
• HOW TO LOOK GREAT AS A GAY MAN
• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
• STEP-BY-STEP INSTCTNS FOR SHOOTG YOUR SHOT WH GAY GUYS
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

‘WE KEPT GETTG PEOPLE SAYG: EXCE ME, YOU DON’T LOOK GAY’ – HOW BLACK PEOPLE FOUGHT FOR A SPACE AT PRI

The events were also signifintly more policised, wh notable monstratns agast Sectn 28, ernment negligence addrsg the HIV/Aids crisis, and discrimatn agast LGBT+ what is often overlooked the history of Pri the UK is the signifint Black prence, and the spac Black LGBT+ people sought to rve out for themselv among the “mastream” gay and lbian muny.

A curated space for Black LGBT+ people at Pri me about 1991, led by an surgency of Black gay men ristg the persistent hostily and margalisatn felt by their muny at Pri.

“BUT YOU DON’T LOOK GAY”—QUEER FASHN AND NIGHTLIFE

This is the story of how Black self-anisatn the early 90s paved the way for today’s UK Black Thompson and Lloyd Young at Pri Kenngton, Young In the late 80s, early 90s, there was an emergg work of Black gay men. And so to fally attend a Pri where there was mic culturally relevant to me, mic om the Black gay clubs I ed to go to, was a ltle piece of paradise. They said “exce me”, and we immediately knew what they were gog to e out wh bee we always experienced that: you ask any Black gay person, they’d all had this experience, of people sayg: ‘You don’t look gay.

I went along to Brockwell Park wh my iends; I remember walkg om my hoe Oval to Brockwell Park, and takg the back streets, bee we didn’t want to go through Brixton, bee we knew all the gays gog through Brixton probably would be subjected to some homophobia. So that was a lastg memory: jt feelg really exced about the prospect of havg a safe space for Black lbians and gay men, pecially after several unsuccsful attempts to create that at prev Bailey I remember the women’s tent, which I thk was always the more tertg of the tents. Havg said that, what I found tratg about Black or people of lour spac at Pri is that they’re seen as hip and ol and so they get undated wh whe gay men and lbians.

I was the chair of the Black Lbian and Gay Centre Project (BLGC) and we’d have a stall, and we’d put up flyers and leaflets, and there was a newsletter we ed to produce every month. BLGC also shared HIV-preventn rmatn and safer-sex leaflets to try and te Black gay men who were not gettg accs to that rmatn at that time; the rourc were received well. When I thk back to the first People of Colour tent at Gay Pri, and when I thk of the last UK Black Pri I went to, the People of Colour tent was fely a precursor to UK Black Pri.

TMP TELLS GAY SUPPORTER 'YOU DON'T LOOK GAY' AT MAR-A-LAGO FUNDRAISER

Cara Sullivan lv to the problematic relatnship between queerns and appearance, the expectatns and prejudic that e wh our ias of (homo)sexualy. They shed their gay exterr, removg piercgs, scbbg off layers of bold makp and dchg their thrifted wardrobe as a voiceover says: “This is what I thk I would look like if I was straight. “In a non-queer space, I wouldn’t feel fortable approachg any girl, no matter how ‘queer’ she looked, ” says Ey, a neteen-year-old gay woman om Manchter.

Once si, queer people want to attract the right kd of sexual attentn, and spe bouncers’ bt efforts, not everybody the gay club will be gay. Manchter’s gay village seems to be a favoure for hen parti and straight people who don’t fd the ual clubs, (the on where gay men would be btalised for holdg hands wh their boyiend, ) risqué enough. To some straight people, the gay village is still wrapped taboo, and be a kd of safari where drag queens and dg culture abound.

THE REAL REASON GAY MEN DON'T GET FAT

“When I’m queer spac I want to look queer bee I don’t want people to assume that I’m another straight girl the gay club. Charlotte, a twenty-year-old lbian om Liverpool says: “at first, when I was g to terms wh myself and my sexualy, I told myself: “I need to look gay” orr to be accepted. Former Print Donald Tmp told a gay supporter that they did not "look gay" durg a Wednday fundraiser at his Mar-a-Lago club held the fundraiser for Michigan Republin ngrsnal ndidate John Gibbs, who is opposg hmen GOP Reprentative Peter Meijer.

" The ment drew loud lghter om the the lghter died down, Tmp said, "We did great wh the gay populatn, as you know. "Peter Boyk, the founr of the Gays for Tmp anizatn, told Newsweek a Thursday email those who associate wh his group "probably wouldn't 'look gay' bee 's a stereotype that fs more wh the typil 'look' of leftist LGBT.

He add that "Gays For Tmp is a natnwi movement full of var typ of gays and the gay muny has a lot of diversy—the difference is the Gays for Tmp lean right. Some openly gay dividuals also served high-level posns wh the Tmp Whe Hoe unr Tmp also took numero anti-LGBTQ+ stanc on var legal s makg their way through the urts.

BEWARE: ALL OF THE THGS ARE GAY

Former Print Donald Tmp on Wednday told a gay supporter that the didn't "look gay" durg an event at Mar-a-Lago Florida.

"The dividuals that I work wh this buildg don't treat me any differently bee I'm gay, " Judd Deere, who served as Tmp's Whe Hoe Deputy Prs Secretary, told BuzzFeed News 2019. Richard Grenell, who is openly gay, served as an ambassador unr Tmp and also was appoted as the actg director of natnal telligence om Febary 2020 to May 2020. Although he was never officially nfirmed by the Senate, this ma Grenell the first openly gay dividual to serve a Cabet-level posn U.

The Uned Stat is the bt untry the world for gays and lbians, " Grenell said a July 2020 Q&A by the Office of the Director of Natnal Intelligence for Pri month. Whout beg aware of , most people n accurately intify gay men by face aloneAlthough I've always wanted this particular superhuman power, I've never been very good at tectg other men's sexual orientatn. Fdgs om a recent study published the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, however, suggt I may be unrtimatg my gaydar abili.

I LIKE GAY MALE PORN, BUT GAY MEN REAL LIFE EAK ME OUT.

In an ial experiment, rearchers Nicholas Rule and Nali Ambady om Tufts Universy pesed onle datg s and refully selected 45 straight male fac and 45 gay male fac.

The 90 fac were then shown to 90 participants random orr, who were asked simply to judge the target's "probable sexual orientatn" (gay or straight) by prsg a button. Surprisgly, all participants (both men and women) sred above chance on this gaydar task, rrectly intifyg the gay fac.

YOU DON’T LOOK GAY

"Th, " the thors wrote, "by g photos of gay and straight dividuals that they themselv did not post, we were able to remove the fluence of self-prentatn and much of the potential selectn bias that may be prent photos om personal advertisements.

And even wh the more strgent ntrols, the participants were able to intify the gay fac at levels greater than chance—aga even on those trials where the fac were flickered on the screen for a mere 50 lisends. For example, when shown only the eye regn ("whout brows and cropped to the outer nthi so that not even "crow's-feet" were visible"), perceivers were amazgly still able to accurately intify a man as beg gay. But they also acknowledge that 's impossible to know om the fdgs what exactly is about the facial featur that give gays away.

I was cur enough about Rule's fdgs to look up "gay face" the Urban Dictnary, a popular Web se that offers rmal, er-ntributed fns of everyday (often crass) saygs.

GAY STEREOTYP: ARE THEY TE?

"A man, ually homosexual, wh a distctly effete facial stcture wh some very specific featur; a strong jawle [sic] that lacks promence, space between the ey that rell people wh down syndrome [sic], and a slopg, long forehead. Now, that one's rather silly and sensatnalized—even polilly spect—and there's certaly no scientific evince support of the claims about the "mongoloid" featur of homosexual men's fac.

Sce effemate gay men utilize siar facial exprsns as women, they velop female agg and mcle ntractn patterns their face. For example, gay face clus tightns around the mouth om pursg the lips, a facial exprsn mon to gay men and women—but not to heterosexual men. Also, gay men are more emotnally exprsive, leadg to a general 'tightns' and mcular activatn throughout the entire face.

HOW TO LOOK GREAT AS A GAY MAN

For example, the send experiment, participants uld still ferret out the gay face when shown the eye regn sans eyebrows and cropped to the outer nthi.

In addn, ntrary to this urban fn, there may ed be subtle, yet prently unknown, differenc between gay and straight fac. (For example, one of my PhD stunts, David Harnn-Warwick, has a sual hunch that gay men may have sharper, clearer iris than straight men. It was only a few years ago that rearchers disvered that, unlike straight men, gay men tend to have hair whorl patterns that n a unterclockwise directn.

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

New York gay about town and Barneys creative director Simon Doonan jt sold a mancript for a diet book lled Gay Men Don't Get Fat. The book is supposedly, "a stylishly slimmg disurse that prov gay men really ARE French women: prone to disda, favorg cheeky unrwear, nvced of their own artistic brilliance, and (of urse) lorie-obssed. Y, every gay—at least those of the stereotypil abdomal-obssed physique that populat Fire Island and Palm Sprgs—is brought about bee gay men are aaid that they will be alone for the rt of their liv.

If a gay man is not "servg body" while petg to fd a trick or boyiend one of the more mcle-bound climat of gay culture, he will be sorely shut out. That is why gay men don't get fat, bee if they don't have pecs, guns, and glut, they're gog home men, unlike their straight unterparts, don't have the luxury to stay "fightg shape" jt long enough to fd a partner before lettg their bodi fall to sh afterwords. I'm gog to let you on a ltle secret: There are untls mted gay upl out there who like to eher play on the si or ve gut stars to their beds.

STEP-BY-STEP INSTCTNS FOR SHOOTG YOUR SHOT WH GAY GUYS

Y, gay men go to the gym to stay petive, but sce the man-eatg marathon don't end after marriage, they jt keep on petg and petg until ath do they funny thg about the gay petn is that, bee men (pecially of the gay variety) are so visually stimulated, the only piece on the chs board that matters is havg that tradnal lean body. A good body is the only currency this also mak this unique for gay men is one of the other strange quirks of homosexualy.

No straight man wants to look like a woman (and certaly not the reverse) but gay men fd what they are physilly attracted to and often remake their bodi the image of their ial mate.

Sce society tells to want mcle-bound athlet, that's what gays want, and that's what they make themselv look like the pursu of their ial. If you want to bed mcl you have to have mcl, if you want to land a twk, you better be a twk (or at least some other type that is easily st any gay porn movie), gay men e all shap and siz (embrace the rabow, people) but still gay culture and inography is largely domated by the same juiced-out body type (and awful tribal tattoos) that you'd fd on Jersey Shore.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

While there are plenty of average-physiqued homosexuals (who barely mer mentng) there has been a reactn to all this body fascism over the past so many years.

While they might be reversg the normal athetic ials of gay culture and Amerin culture at large, they still discrimate jt as much based on physily as their circu party-lovg is tryg to palize on those skny gay men of legend, but what erns them and erns the bear is really the same thg: fear. Many gay men spend their adolcence as outsts or misfs, and when they fally get to a place where they n jo the gay culture at large, they react to their years of social solu by nformg wh the sort of fervor ually rerved for packs of teenage girls. Most gay men get for ee, and now, wh this book, you too n be a pariah for years, then enter a nformist culture of sual sex and glisteng bodi, followed by a lifetime of hookups wh your signifint other and the waxed dolphs you pick up on Grdr.

Also gay:Drkg 'tisMan-purs of any kdLattMacchiatosFrappucosAnythg that isn't a cht hair-ducg regular cup of that end, removg said cht hair, or any other hair. Regardls, some straight people like porn that isn't straight (like some gay people like porn that isn't gay), and what we like fantasy or media isn't a sound way to try and figure out what our orientatn is or a place to look for a match wh what we like or want real life, even though for some folks, is some ways.