'Did I ever really know him?': the women who married gay men | LGBTQ+ rights | The Guardian

Contents:

• HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM NIAL ABOUT BEG GAY?
• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
• GAY MEN AND DENIAL
• PARENTG A GAY CHILD
• 'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN

HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM NIAL ABOUT BEG GAY?

Cred: Getty ImagHomophob should nsir a ltle self-reflectn, suggts a new study fdg those dividuals who are most hostile toward gays and hold strong anti-gay views may themselv have same-sex sir, albe unrver on. The rearch, published the April 2012 issue of the Journal of Personaly and Social Psychology, reveals the nuanc of prejudic like homophobia, which n ultimately have dire nsequenc. " To gge homophobia a hoehold, stunts rpond to ems such as, "It would be upsettg for my mom to fd out she was alone wh a lbian" or "My dad avoids gay men whenever possible.

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

Participants dited their own level of homophobia, both overt and implic; word-pletn tasks, stunts wrote down the first three words that me to md when prompted wh some of the words' letters. "In a predomately heterosexual society, 'know thyself' n be a challenge for many gay dividuals, " lead thor Netta Weste, a lecturer at the Universy of Essex the Uned Kgdom, said a statement. Those participants who reported their heterosexualy spe havg hidn same-sex sir were also the most likely to show hostily toward gay dividuals, cludg self-reported anti-gay attus, endorsement of anti-gay polici and discrimatn such as supportg harsher punishments for homosexuals.

People nial about their own sexual orientatn, perhaps a nial fostered by thorarian and homophobic parents, may feel a threat om other gay and lbian dividuals. And 2010, proment anti-gay activist and -founr of nservative Fay Rearch Council Gee Rekers was reportedly spotted 2010 wh a male rt rented om Acrdg to news reports, the rt nfirmed Rekers is gay. It is distguished by beg overly ncerned and vol to others about not beg gay, as well as reag om participatg otherwise normal activi so that others do not associate you wh the possibily of beg gay.

GAY MEN AND DENIAL

However, bee most gay men start out thkg of themselv as straight, many gay men beg wh the same set of fears and valu due to which they don’t reveal their inti and bee the on nial or beg the closet. It will still be s before the general public is fortable wh the entire suatn, and even longer before homosexualy is treated as jt another genr, equal to beg straight. The fact that straights are unfortable wh same-sex thoughts and gays are unfortable wh oppose-sex thoughts should monstrate that fear exists all forms.

I’d look at guys to make sure I wasn’t gay, and then I’d have tsive thoughts about sex, get aroed, by any sex not jt gay be disgted, and worry even more. We all have male and female parts of ourselv, both physilly and mentally; In my childhood, I observed that any genr dysmorphia was heavily nmned, and I have several iends who would turn out gay if they uld. We now see that human sexualy is very malleable; there is jail gayns, which people are gay si and straight outsi; and we see straight men havg sex wh trans girls and payg for when they uld have girls.

PARENTG A GAY CHILD

The 19th centuryPerversnDenialThe Mid 20thHomosexualyLiberal rearchThe Mid 1960s-1980sGa and lbian livRise of genr theoryThe 1980sHIV and AIDSDisurse theoryThe late 1980sQueerPoststcturalismAn troductory and terdisciplary approach to gay studi.

Some of my iends claims that gay nial is when you know that you are attracted to guys but tell yourself that will disappear by self or that is gross you know what you are but you act like you are straight so you manage to have a gf/be but you don't really love her/him or she/he don't really turns you on and you thk of guys/girls while havg sex until you fally e out of the closet. But some of my iends claim that you are not even aware that you are gay, you fantasize on girls and have sex wh them but one day you sudnly realize you are gay. Yeah I agree I never had feelg for guys ever but recently I started to qutn my sexualy the HARD way (prsn Obssive pulsive disorr ect) I tortur myself and got 5 erectn over gay thoughts 2 months but I feel like changed me like I might be bisexual (my fear beg to lose my heterosexualy bee wh all this sh girls don't aroe Le anymore but is another problems) so I asked myself uld I have been ignorg my bisexualy all my life (never felt aroed by guys until this fear me still not aroed by guys irl but I feel aroed by mcular guys maybe bee I'm a ltle b chubby) and we talked about nial for me a nial is somethg you knew but never or secretly engaged but some of my iend told me that I uld have masked my homosexual si after my 14 years old (I qutned my sexualy bee I was admirg a guy really bad (not love or sexually attracted to him but I wanted him to love me bee he was really ol and I was this ugly nerd.

But when I beme self nfint I stopped to chase his tert and stoped my rearched (cludg gay porn) and I lived my happy straight life fallg love wh girls and be aroed by them. But I adm that I lived this perd a horrible way(people lled me gay while I was tryg to unrstand who I was and whil I was love wh a girl "he is hidg his gayns" ahah! Married man (i was talkg to him uple days ago) who was always gay, was cheatg on his wife wh some guys but he told himself that he n't be gay - he have wife after all right?

'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN

It's not nial or reprsn, 's jt that you never thk about that you might be gay, e there was nothg what "pull the trigger" and you go live your straight life e you're jt directed (by your parents and society) to be straight. I jt dated one girl bee when I was 22 I didn't like havg sex wh her and when I was at the beach I was checkg guys and when someone lled me gay I got very angry. The evince was all there, but took me a long time to say, "Hey, wow, I mt be gay, " particularly bee I was actively tryg to nvce myself I was straight and normal, pecially wh homophobic parents.