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THE NEW ‘HEATHERS’ IS A TMPIAN, LGBT-BASHG NIGHTMAREOH HELL NOET TU, ‘HEATHERS’?!SAMANTHA ALLENUPDATED FEB. 23, 2018 1:01PM EST / PUBLISHED FEB. 23, 2018 5:00AM EST PARAMOUNTTHE TELEVISN REBOOT OF HEATHERS OPENS WH A GUIDANCE UNSELOR ASKG THE BLON-HAIRED, BLUE-EYED VERONI WHETHER OR NOT SHE IS “A HERMAPHRODE”—THE IMPLITN BEG THAT EVEN THOUGH SHE HAS A 4.2 GPA AND A HIGH SAT SRE, VERONI NEEDS SOME SORT OF MARGALIZED INTY TO GET ACCEPTED ANYWHERE OTHER THAN HER SAFETY SCHOOL.IN SHORT, THE NEW HEATHERS OPENS WH AN UNNECSARY SLUR AGAST TERSEX PEOPLE—AND ONLY GO DOWNHILL OM THERE.IF YOU BELIEVE THAT KIDS THE DAYS ARE AGILE “SNOWFLAK,” THAT POLIL RRECTNS IS NNG AMOK, AND THAT LGBT PEOPLE ARE NOW SOCIETY’S TE BULLI, THIS NEW HEATHERS IS THE SHOW FOR YOU. THE PREMIERE OF THE REBOOTED CULT CLASSIC, NOW AIRG FOR EE ONLE, TAK PLACE A UNIVERSE—CLEARLY A FICTNAL ONE—WHERE THE FOOTBALL TEAM IS OPPRSED AND YTERYEAR’S FAT, QUEER, AND BLACK VICTIMS NOW LE THE SCHOOL WH MANICURED FISTS. THE SHOW FEELS LIKE WAS WRTEN FOR AGG FOX NEWS VIEWERS WHO GET ANGRY ABOUT PEOPLE’S GENR PRONOUNS—WHICH IS ODD BEE ’S CLEARLY BEG MARKETED TO A YOUNG AND THEREFORE PROGRSIVE-LEANG DIENCE WHO MAY NOT REMEMBER THE 1988 ORIGAL. THE ORIGAL HEATHERS WERE A GROUP OF CROQUET-PLAYG WASPY SOCIAL; THE NEW HEATHERS ARE PRISED OF A PL-SIZE GIRL, A GENRQUEER STUNT, AND A BLACK GIRL. IN OTHER WORDS, THIS IS LS A REBOOT AND MORE AN TENTNAL VERSN OF THE ORIGAL NCEPT, BUILT ON THE PREMISE THAT THE BULLIED HAVE SCE BEE THE BULLI. YOUNGER VIEWERS—AND ANYONE ELSE WHO HABS A REAL, FACT-BASED WORLD—WILL KNOW THAT LGBT AND GENR NON-NFORMG KIDS STILL FACE DISPROPORTNATE RAT OF BULLYG SCHOOL AND HAVE A GREATER LIKELIHOOD OF SELF-HARM. IT SIMPLY IS NOT TE THAT THE TABL HAVE TURNED AND THE MARGALIZED KIDS ARE NOW CHARGE. ARE THERE SOME MEAN GENRQUEER PEOPLE AND HURTFUL ART GEEKS OUT THERE? ABSOLUTELY. BUT THE HEATHERS OF 2018 ACTS AS IF IS NOW UNIVERSALLY THE SE THAT THE GROUPS N ACCS SOCIAL PAL. “[‘HEATHERS’] SEEMS SO SECURE S BELIEF THAT ‘NORMAL’ KIDS LIKE VERONI ARE THE NEW PERSECUTED MORY—AND THAT THE MORE INTY LABELS A YOUNG PERSON N CLAIM, THE MORE POWER THEY WIELD THE WORLD.” “SO FAT KIDS N BE POPULAR NOW?” THE PRCIPAL CRLOLY ASKS THE FACULTY DURG ONE CRGEWORTHY SCENE, AS THEY DISCS THE NEW HEATHER CHANDLER. “OH, AND THE DAMN NERDS—DON’T TELL ME THEY’RE POPULAR NOW, TOO?” “AND THE TRANS KID,” A TEACHER ADDS. “THE BLACKS HAD A GOOD N. OBVLY THE GAYS AND JEWS ARE OVER.”OBVLY. THE STAFF DISCSN THEN TURNS TO THE GENRQUEER HEATHER DE WHO, ONE TEACHER’S TIMATN, IS “VERY WELL-LIKED.”“IS HE/SHE FAT?” THE PRCIPAL ASKS, G A MON—AND NOT PARTICULARLY FUNNY—TRANSPHOBIC SLUR.WHEN THE TRAILER FOR THIS BASTARDIZATN OF HEATHERS PREMIERED LATE JANUARY TO A ROUNDG, “NO, THANKS,” OM THE TER, THE SHOWNNER FEND THE PROJECT, TELLG EW, “PEOPLE THAT WOULDN’T HAVE NECSARILY BEEN NSIRED THE MOST POPULAR KIDS SCHOOL 1988 ULD VERY WELL BE—AND PROBABLY MOST LIKELY ARE—THE MORE POPULAR KIDS TODAY.”I KNOW SOME LGBT KIDS WHO WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE THAT BASELS ASSERTN TO BE TE—STEAD, THEY’RE BY BEG ANTAGONIZED BY BOTH BULLI AT SCHOOL AND, EFFECTIVELY, THE FERAL ERNMENT AS WELL. REARCH NDUCTED BY GLSEN SHOWS THAT ANTI-LGBT BULLYG U.S. SENDARY SCHOOLS ONLY “GRADUALLY” IMPROVED OM 2005 TO 2015, AS THE DAILY BEAST HAS PREVLY REPORTED, SO IF QUEER KIDS ARE ED STED TO BEE HALLWAY ROYALTY YOUR AVERAGE AMERIN HIGH SCHOOL, ’S NOT GOG TO HAPPEN ANYTIME SOON. ALTHOUGH THERE ARE EXCEPTNS TO ANY GENERAL LE, THE BT SOCIAL MENTARY OM SKEWERG THE STAT QUO—AS THE ORIGAL HEATHERS SO EXPERTLY DID—STEAD OF PUNCHG DOWN. AND YET HERE IS THIS NEW HEATHERS, WHICH SEEMS SO SECURE S BELIEF THAT “NORMAL” KIDS LIKE VERONI ARE THE NEW PERSECUTED MORY—AND THAT THE MORE INTY LABELS A YOUNG PERSON N CLAIM, THE MORE POWER THEY WIELD THE WORLD. WHEN THE GENRQUEER HEATHER DE SPI THE BLACK—AND SUPPOSEDLY LBIAN—HEATHER MCNAMARA MAKG OUT WH A MALE TEACHER, DE EXCLAIMS, “HEATHER CHANDLER IS GOG TO SH HERSELF SKNY WHEN SHE FDS OUT OUR BLACK LBIAN IEND IS ACTUALLY ONLY BLACK!”IN MOMENTS LIKE THE, SEEMS LIKE THE WRERS HAVE BEEN HATE-READG TUMBLR FOR SO LONG THAT THEY NOW BELIEVE A CERTA KD OF PROGRSIVE POLIL PIETY IS THE NORM SI AMERIN HIGH SCHOOLS. AND THROWAWAY JOK LIKE HAVG A CHARACTER SUALLY E THE NSPICUOLY LONG ACRONYM “LGBTQQIAAP” FOR IC EFFECT HAVE ALL BEEN ED BEFORE BY UNFUNNY TWTER TROLLS. THIS IS DISTURBGLY REGRSIVE EDY—AND MUCH LS TELLIGENT HUMOR THAN THE BELOVED SOURCE MATERIAL HAD TO OFFER.THE ORIGAL HEATHERS MAY HAVE CLUD LIBERAL E OF THE SULT “FAG” BUT DID SO WH PURPOSEFUL NTEXT. AS CRIC JASON BAILEY NOTED FOR FLAVORWIRE, THE FILM VERSN OF HEATHERS PRENTED “THE HOMOPHOBIA OF SUPER-JOCK CHARACTERS KURT AND RAM” AS “ONE MORE THG TO HATE ABOUT THEM.” AND WHEN KURT AND RAM WERE KILLED TOGETHER THE FORT, LEADG THE MOURNFUL PARENTS TO BELIEVE THAT THE PAIR WERE SECRET GAY LOVERS, ONE OF THE FATHERS PUBLICLY CLAR, “I LOVE MY AD GAY SON,” PROMPTG VERONI’S -NSPIRATOR J.D. TO ASK THE DAMNG QUTN, “HOW DO YOU THK HE’D REACT TO HIS SON THAT HAD A LIMP WRIST WH A PULSE?”IN OTHER WORDS, THE HEATHERS OF THIRTY YEARS AGO HAD A MORE ACERBIC AND SOPHISTITED APPROACH TO LGBT ISSU THAN THIS NEW HEATHERS, WH S ALMOST FAR-RIGHT WORLDVIEW.WHEN THE TRAILER FOR THIS SHOW WENT PUBLIC, THE A.V. CLUB WROTE THAT ME ACROSS AS A “NSERVATIVE FANTASY OF RTORG THE WHE, SLIM, AND HETEROSEXUAL TO THEIR PROPER PLACE ATOP THE TEENAGE HIERARCHY” BUT OPTED TO “GIVE THE CREATORS THE BENEF OF THE DOUBT.” THE FIRST EPISO, HOWEVER, PLAYS PRECISELY LIKE THAT DREAD NSERVATIVE FANTASY—A FANTASY FOR PEOPLE WHO THK SOCIETY HAS GONE TOO FAR TOWARD ACCEPTANCE. INED, APART OM RECURRG ATTEMPTS TO MOCK GENERATN Z’S SOCIAL MEDIA E, THE SOLE IA THE NEW HEATHERS SEEMS TO BE THAT ’S NOW UNOL TO BE STRAIGHT, WHE, AND CISGENR.THE NEW HEATHERS IS FOR PEOPLE WHO THK THAT “INTY POLICS” IS THE MOST PRSG PROBLEM AMERIN SCHOOLS TODAY—NOT, SAY, BULLYG OR GUN VLENCE. (“EVERYBODY’S GOTTA BE SOMETHG,” VERONI PLAS, EARLY THE PREMIERE.)THE NEW HEATHERS IS FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SEE A HETERONORMATIVE STAT QUO RTORED BEFORE HAS EVEN BEEN MEANGFULLY DISPTED. (“YOU KNOW, WHAT IF THE NEXT TLY REVOLUTNARY THG WAS JT TO BE TOTALLY NORMAL?” VERONI ASKS.)AND THAT MEANS THAT, ULTIMATELY, THE NEW HEATHERS IS NOT FOR THE PEOPLE MOST LIKELY TO TUNE TO THE NEW HEATHERS. THE HEATHERS OF 1988 UNRSTOOD WHAT MA HIGH SCHOOL TICK. THIS NEW SHOW BY THE SAME NAME IS A REACTNARY MS WH AN EASILY DISPROVEN SOCIAL THIS. IT MAY BE 30 YEARS YOUNGER THAN THE FILM BUT AFTER JT ONE EPISO, ALREADY FEELS ANTIQUATED. SAMANTHA ALLEN
Ci to get revenge on Kurt and Ram by embarrassg them; settg a scene to look like they had tried to m a double suici bee they were gay for each other.
Complete wh "gay paraphernalia" and a note sayg, they "uld never reveal their forbidn love to an "unrg and un-unrstandg world.
Or Your Wele, uld jt validate the fact that Kurt and Ram might have been a ltle gay, and the mentn of that Never Shut Up Aga uld be replaced wh Kurt and Ram makg up somethg about JD and male Veroni. They wre a suici note that tails the two's alleged gay love affair and how they had to m suici so they uld be together. Nvc Veroni to fe a fake suici note that explas that they're gay and llects "homosexual artifiacts" to plant at the scene.