What to Do When Your Child Says: "I'm Gay" | Psychology Today

Contents:

• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• I N'T FIVE MY DGHTER FOR BEG GAY
• MORN DOS AND DON'TS FOR PARENTS OF GAY KIDS G OUT
• WHEN MY DGHTER SAID, 'I'M GAY'
• MY DGHTER IS GAY T-SHIRTS
• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• MY TWEEN DGHTER IS GAY
• OFFICIAL MY DGHTER IS GAY AND THAT’S OK T-SHIRT

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

As a matter of fact, you might someday look back and fd that you are grateful for the experience of havg a gay or lbian child. Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups.

The tstworthy nfidants let them vent but also rrected some of the misperceptns they absorbed om society, such as that gay people are lonely, unhappy, promiscuo, not fay-oriented, unable to have children, or sted for an unhappy life. Now, she has e out as gay and I look at her - wh her short hair and mascule cloth, - and wonr where did we as parents go wrong?

I N'T FIVE MY DGHTER FOR BEG GAY

If I'm hont, I probably felt a twge of relief that she was settlg down bee I had harboured fleetg ncerns that she might be gay.

I thk every parent wants their child to have a smooth passage through life, and I felt that beg gay would always be a problem. When I tell people that my other dghter Heather is married, people n ask about whether she has children and how old they once you've told someone your dghter is gay, you n see them flailg around, sperately searchg for the right words.

MORN DOS AND DON'TS FOR PARENTS OF GAY KIDS G OUT

I have met lots of Sarah's other lbian and gay iends and they are very nice, but I adm she go to gay clubs and is volved a 'scene' that I jt nnot image. Mum may thk she had some fluence over my sexualy, but she needn't feel guilty bee fact I've known I was gay sce I was very young - I jt sperately tried not to be.

WHEN MY DGHTER SAID, 'I'M GAY'

The creasgly open exampl of a normalized homosexual adulthood are givg young gay men and women the urage to be hont and open about their sexualy, and are changg the opns of the people they are g out to. I got together wh two new generatn gays (Marie and Stt) at Canada's top secret gay headquarters (Starbucks) to get their take on morn dos and don'ts for parents wh gay kids g out. If you feel your child may be gay, one of the most important thgs you n do is create a gay-iendly environment, you jt don't have to be obv.

Be patient and let your gay souffle fish okg before you open the oven 'T: Say "I still love you no matter what"This seems like a nice thg to say and 's somethg you will see a lot of dramatizatns on TV.

MY DGHTER IS GAY T-SHIRTS

But as Stt pots out there is a subtext: "Sayg 'I love you no matter what' suggts that your kid's gayns is somethg to be overlooked the name of love. Stt's parents are probably feelg bad that they didn't foster a gay-posive environment and are feelg a ltle guilty about their son sufferg silence.

If your son or dghter don't feel fortable talkg to you right away, or if you don't feel fortable talkg about right away, try nsultg another gay person or anizatn (ex PFLAG) is a suatn Marie experienced tellg me, "Bee I was away at school after g out to my mom, I didn't have the experience of 'livg wh ' daily so I wasn't aware that she was really stgglg wh .

But about a year ago she admted to me that she did stggle wh unrstandg at first, but that changed when she spoke to other gay people and sought out rourc for parents of gay people. Ie: askg if there was a trmatic experience or relatnship that ed your kid to "turn, " (I thk this is very mon for gay women to be asked) or if they jt "haven't met the right guy/girl yet. "The tips are meant to smooth over some mon speed bumps the morn g out procs, however, not all Canadian kids are lucky enough to have a fay open to havg a gay kid or open to changg their mds on homosexualy.

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

Luckily this untry is replete wh rourc to help gay kids through a tough time that n sometim leave them homels or suicidal. If you are a gay person crisis anizatns like PFLAG Canada, Kids Help Phone, Egale Canada are jt a ll or click 'T: Make about youOne of the most mon reactns om parents n be steppg to a closet of their own, feelg the need to hi the fact that their child has jt e out.

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MY TWEEN DGHTER IS GAY

"For example, if someone the word "gay" place of "stupid, " remd them that the two are not terchangeable, and suggt they should say what they actually mean stead. "The rourc n help:PFLAG: The untry’s largt anizatn ung parents, fai, and alli wh people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and Spectm: Offers groups, trag, and rourc promotg genr sensivy and cln for all youthGLBT Natnal Rource Database: LGBTQ+ digal directory of rourcNatnal Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network: Directory of therapists/unselors who are people of lorNatnal LGBTQ Task Force: The progrsive advocy arm of the LGBTQ+ movementDurg LGBTQ Pri Month, TODAY is sharg the muny’s history, pa, joy and what’s next for the movement.

OFFICIAL MY DGHTER IS GAY AND THAT’S OK T-SHIRT

Both lbians and gay men often have a history of cross-sex-typed behavrs: ltle boys beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg. Prehomosexual boys tend to be more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer.

It is only relatively recently, however, that velopmental scientists have nducted ntrolled studi to intify the earlit and most reliable signs of adult homosexualy.

In lookg refully at the childhoods of gay adults, rearchers are fdg an trigug set of behavral ditors that homosexuals seem to have mon. So on the basis of some earlier, shakier rearch, along wh a good dose of mon sense, Bailey and Zucker hypothized that homosexuals would show an verted pattern of sex-typed childhood behavrs—ltle boys preferrg girls as playmat and beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls strangely enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg—that sort of thg. Although only 12 percent of the women grew up to be genr dysphoric (the unfortable sense that your blogil sex do not match your genr), the odds of the women reportg a bisexual or homosexual orientatn were up to 23 tim higher than would occur a general sample of young women.