Gay people 'at risk of a lonelier old age' | Long-term re | The Guardian

Contents:

• HOW TO EMBRACE AGG AS A GAY MAN
• GAY AND GROWG OLD
• GAY MEN AND AGG: FDG YOUR PURPOSE
• GROWG OLR GAY
• GAY PEOPLE 'AT RISK OF A LONELIER OLD AGE'
• GROWG OLD OPENLY GAY
• THEY LIVED A 'DOUBLE LIFE' FOR S. NOW, THE GAY ELRS ARE TELLG THEIR STORI.
• GROWG OLD AS A GAY MAN: HOW LIFE HAS CHANGED FOR THE GAY LIBERATN GENERATN
• OLD AND GAY: 9 ACTNS WE NEED TO TAKE NOW FOR THE AGG RABOW NATN
• WHO'S AAID OF GROWG OLD? GAY AND LBIAN PERCEPTNS OF AGG
• LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL AND TRANSGENR AGG
• GAY MEN AND AGG

HOW TO EMBRACE AGG AS A GAY MAN

Nearly ne 10 Amerins say they know someone who’s gay, but for the 1 ln to 3 ln LGBT elrs the Uned Stat, growg old uld mean gog back to the closet. "I don't thk the word homosexual was the dictnary, might have been medil dictnari, but I don't thk Webster's had . And they do that by participatg events like the Phoenix Pri Para, hostg a monthly PFLAG meetg, which is short for Parents and Friends of Lbians and Gays and advertisg LGBT-iendly said they do this "bee of the huge fear that is out there of g to a muny like ours bee tly not many are proclaimg that everybody is wele.

"I thk too terms of fay acceptance, the history of people beg wrten off by their fay bee they were gay and then now at their retirement age this creat a vulnerabily, " said he said, that is not shared by the straight muny. In some stanc, the reports not only stoked fears, they also perpetuated news report talked about how the liftyle of some "male homosexuals has triggered an epimic of a rare form of ncer. While olr lbian, gay and bisexual people face siar hurdl experienced by olr transgenr Amerins, trans elrs are often nonted wh circumstanc that are unique to them.

Most people will tell you they know someone who is gay or lbian — but they might not know someone who is transgenr, let alone a trans elr. We’ve all seen the viral tweet: “Gay culture is beg a teenager when you're 30 bee your teenage years were not yours to live.

GAY AND GROWG OLD

It would be unfair to suggt that gay male culture is pletely foced on repturg youth, but there’s fely a subset of the LGBTQ muny that equat beg young wh beg sexually sirable. Open any gay hookup app and you’ll fd guys lookg for, or llg themselv, a “twk, ” s-old queer shorthand for a young cis man who’s probably whe, probably slim, and probably has ltle or no body hair. And if he ntu to date younger men as he gets olr, he might bee fed by another, ls flatterg label: “chickenhawk”—sentially the gay male versn of a “ugar.

Roo, a gay man om London who turns 30 next Febary, adms that he felt sucked to a llective "marketplace mentaly" for much of his twenti.

"I thk we put so much currency on certa facets of ourselv and other gay men when we're that age, " he says. I spent the last year of my twenti gog out to gay clubs more than ever before—even the on I’d prevly dismissed as “basic” and “jt for out-of-towners.

GAY MEN AND AGG: FDG YOUR PURPOSE

”It’s ridiculo to claim that society plac greater expectatns on agg gay men than other groups—look at the way women are judged if they’re still “sgle and childls” their thirti. "I didn't really thk much about turng 30 until maybe three months before happened, " says Bu, a gay man om Manchter. This is jt one of many sights prented by SAGE, the untry’s largt and olst anizatn dited to improvg the liv of lbian, gay, bisexual and transgenr (LGBT) olr adults.

GROWG OLR GAY

Four years ago at a Gay Pri panel discsn, Kendal rints gathered to hear personal stori om eight gay, lbian and transgenr rints. The group, ma up of rints and staff, meets throughout the year as issu and events arise, cludg Gay Pri Month.

This year Kendal rints and staff are observg Gay Pri by flyg rabow flags along the Heiser entrance, home and office wdows and displayed on ID badg. Films that will be shown at Kendal durg Gay Pri month clu documentari “The Stonewall Uprisg, ” “Growg Up Trans, ” “A Secret Love” and “Disclosure” and movi “Joe Bell, ” “The Birdge, ” “To Wong Foo, ” “Pri” and “Heartstopper.

GAY PEOPLE 'AT RISK OF A LONELIER OLD AGE'

He was about to publish a book on succsful gay male agg and his suici note suggts that he was stgglg wh the very issue he was wrg about—a potentially difficult subject for many gay men as we grow olr.. Like their heterosexual unterparts, gay men rpond and react sexually to visual stimuli, namely the physil appeal of their sexual partners.

However, growg up gay a stigmatizg society might leave them particularly ill-sued to face this challenge. At the same time, we learned beg gay was somethg shameful and disgtg needg to be hidn om the world, cludg the people clost to .

So perhaps we were vulnerable to some of the dark sis of gay male life, namely, s overemphasis on looks, youth, and sexual attractivens at the st of healthier and life stag valu that n assist as we age. Wound gay men are perhaps among the least equipped to handle the challenge of fdg somethg to hold onto, somethg lastg and meangful to sta onelf through the agg procs.

GROWG OLD OPENLY GAY

Nothg is wrong wh ltg after a handsome man—(we are gay men after all), nor dog what you n to be one yourself, but be reful never to value the wrappg over s ntent.

THEY LIVED A 'DOUBLE LIFE' FOR S. NOW, THE GAY ELRS ARE TELLG THEIR STORI.

For gay men to judge and put other gay men down mak about as much sense as Newt Ggrich nmng someone else’s fily. 3) Those of who are gay have ually veloped the skills to be good social crics—how n we not if we live a world that rejects ? There are about as few seventy-somethg gay men at dance clubs as there are twenty-somethg gay men at the opera, and this says ls about their attus toward each other than about their rpective attus toward dance clubs and opera.

While we see straight people agg (bee we have parents and grandparents and so on), we rarely see our fellow gay people dog so. Yet me is hardly the first gay generatn to grow old, and there’s no reason to revent the wheel when facg such qutns.

He wants to fd a place close to rtrants and shoppg and entertament, but also one where he’s fortable as a gay man. To vtigate the realy behd the stereotype I reviewed 19 books published between 1996 and 2014, all of which al whole and part wh sexualy gay men 50 years of age or olr.

GROWG OLD AS A GAY MAN: HOW LIFE HAS CHANGED FOR THE GAY LIBERATN GENERATN

Individual experienc vary, of urse, but many gay men have good relatnships wh their children and, turn, wh their grandchildren.

OLD AND GAY: 9 ACTNS WE NEED TO TAKE NOW FOR THE AGG RABOW NATN

While most gay men are unmarried, they ually live a work of other relatnships, which form a stable social stcture. Buildg fai nnected wh love “effectively unteracts the alienatn of homophobia, ” one wrer’s eloquent phrase.

” This stigma is pronounced the gay muny, given s emphasis on youth and physil bety men who bought to the nventnal standards of gay attractivens, agg n be terrifyg. Compared wh younger unterparts, olr gay guys worry ls about beg known, intified or exposed as homosexual.

The most succsful mature gay men are rilient: they rebound after setbacks, they keep gog, and they stay optimistic. Gay men, like creasg numbers of persons the general populatn, are shiftg their views of agg towards seeg as potentially full and rich. In addn to ncerns about HIV, gay men are subject to the ills the flh is heir to: heart disease, ncer, arthris and other diseas.

WHO'S AAID OF GROWG OLD? GAY AND LBIAN PERCEPTNS OF AGG

In one study almost 40% of gay men over 50 acknowledged sexual difficulti a typil year, wh two–thirds of the problems stemmg om blogil . Instead of a quick asm, gay men this age group reach for what one thor lls, “passn, creativy, and patience” their sexual life. Formerly rtricted to cisg on the street, pickg up men bars, and havg anonymo sex bathho, gay men are now explorg the Inter.

Olr gay men who take a forward-lookg, optimistic approach to life general are more likely to have a satisfyg sexual life. Brian’s webse is He tends to expand his theraptic reach by terviewg gay men who are dog well their liv, sexually and otherwise. Photo: Gay partners Edw Fisher, 86, and Patrick Mizelle, 64, moved to Rose Villa Portland, Oregon, om Geia about three years ago.

But viss to senr livg muni left them worried that after s of livg openly, marchg pri paras and raisg money for gay , they wouldn’t feel as ee their later years. So three years ago, they moved across the untry to Rose Villa, a hillsi senr livg plex jt outsi of Portland that actively reach out to gay, lbian and transgenr senrs.

LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL AND TRANSGENR AGG

As openly gay and lbian people age, they will creasgly rely on regivers and move to assisted livg muni and nursg hom. “It is a very ser challenge for many LGBT olr people, ” said Michael Adams, chief executive officer of SAGE, or Servic and Advocy for Gay, Lbian, Bisexual and Transgenr Elrs.

SAGE staff are also trag provirs at nursg hom and elsewhere to provi a more supportive environment for elrly gays and lbians.

Or uld be a matter of tg other rints and offerg activi specific to the LGBT muny like gay-iendly movi or lectur.

GAY MEN AND AGG

Mizelle, 64, and Fisher, 86, said they found the support they hoped for at Rose Villa, where they live a ground-floor ttage near the muny garn and spend their time socializg wh other rints, both gay and straight.