How to Cope When You're Gay and Lonely | GQ

Contents:

• KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH A US MEN’S PROFSNAL SPORTS LEAGUE TO PUBLICLY E OUT AS GAY
• HOW TO MAKE IENDS AS A GAY MAN
• GAY LONELS IS THE SILENT EPIMIC FACG THE QUEER COMMUNY
• IS LONELS THE GAY MAN’S CURSE, OR A PRODUCT OF 21ST CENTURY LIFE?
• JAGUARS ASSISTANT KEV MAXEN IS FIRST MALE NFL ACH TO E OUT AS GAY
• JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS ASSISTANT COACH KEV MAXEN MAK HISTORY AFTER COMG OUT AS GAY
• GAY, MIDDLE-AGED, AND LONELY AS HELL
• HOW TO COPE WHEN YOU'RE GAY AND LONELY
• A GAY MAN AT MIDLIFE PONRS BEG LONELY AND ‘INVISIBLE’

KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH A US MEN’S PROFSNAL SPORTS LEAGUE TO PUBLICLY E OUT AS GAY

Bisexual men are perceived to sound more mascule than men who are straight, acrdg to a study of Atralian subjects.Amics at the Universy of Sydney pared the voic of gay, straight and bisexual men a study volvg 160 people.In the rearch led by clil psychologist Jam Morandi, people were reced to analyse the voic of 60 men, 20 of whom were gay, 20 straight and 20 bisexual. They were then asked to rate the men on their sexual orientatn g a sle om zero (exclively heterosexual) to 10 (exclively homosexual).Listeners were also asked to rate each man’s perceived level of femy or masculy the voic on a siar sle.The men volved the study were asked to rerd themselv on a smartphone recg the first two l of the Atralian natnal anthem.Voice sampl were then modified to remove any background noise while volume levels were ma the same to ensure nsistency.Rults om the study showed listeners uld distguish between gay and straight men’s voic wh an accuracy of 62 per cent, apparently nsistent wh prev rearch.However, the study participants uld not terme any differenc between bisexual and straight men’s voic wh any gree of accuracy. The thors said their rearch showed bisexual men’s voic were perceived as beg more exclively attracted to women pared wh both gay and straight men’s voic.Bisexual men’s voic were rated as more mascule than both gay and straight men’s voic.Rearchers claimed the abily to intify a man’s bisexual inty om his voice alone uld have cril social implitns such as helpg to rce feelgs of alienatn.‘Voice may unter visibily many bisexuals feel’An abstract of the study, tled Can listeners tect if a man is bisexual om his voice alone, reads: “The prent study examed whether bisexual men n be intified om their voic ak to how gay men n be intified on their voice alone.“If this is the se, voice may be an important target of discrimatn on the one hand but may also unter the visibily many bisexuals feel (if their bisexual inti n be apprehend by their voice alone, whout explic disclosure required).“The fdgs may also she light on whether bisexual male voic, like gay male voic, differ om straight voic terms of their genr non-nformy – a qutn that to date has not been examed.”But amics noted the rearch was limed on the grounds all men who participated the study are Atralian, which may not be reflected among wir cultur.And the thors nced the study did not ntrol for the rerdg environment or microphone-to-mouth distance, which uld have affected the qualy of the voice sampl.The thors said the fdgs suggted that while the voic of bisexual men the sample were perceived as more mascule and attracted to femal, listeners did not associate this imprsn wh bisexualy.As a rult, while bisexual men may appear to be at lower risk of facg voice-based intifitn and discrimatn than gay men, they may often be mistaken as beg straight.The study was published the Journal of Sex Rearch.

McCoy for The New York TimHis Sexualy Don’t Defe Him, but It Can Set Him ApartEric Bach is an openly gay broadster for the Frericksburg Natnals. Three years earlier, while he was studyg journalism at Michigan State Universy, he had publicly e out as gay an say he wrote for the time of the say, he braced for a backlash, but nothg materialized.

He worked his way up om ternships to full-time broadstg jobs, and while anyone wh an ter nnectn uld learn he was gay, nobody asked, and he did not say so aga publicly. It was paful at the time — the worst thg that had happened to him as a gay man, he said — but has reced far enough to his memory that did not e to md an hourlong terview about his experienc as a gay broadster. As far as Bach knows — and as far as many of his unterparts wh other teams are aware — there are no other openly gay broadsters the sport.

HOW TO MAKE IENDS AS A GAY MAN

McCoy for The New York TimBorn to BroadstLong before he knew he was gay, Bach knew he wanted to be a sports father was a ach, and a love of sports ran through the fay. ’”By the start of his sophomore year at Michigan State, Bach was ready to tell his parents that he was gay, tchg his father off guard but nfirmg what his mother had prevly assumed.

He did each job to the bt of his abily, and his sexualy never me, he has found that there’s a difference between beg a gay man baseball and beg pletely fortable as one. “I feel like that’s the burn a lot of gay people live wh — tryg to be perfect for straight people, ” he job requir equent teractn wh the players and the achg staff — addn to his duti as play-by-play announcer, Bach also is the ma public relatns ntact for the team — and he said he hadn’t fully relaxed any of them.

GAY LONELS IS THE SILENT EPIMIC FACG THE QUEER COMMUNY

Mrer/Frericksburg NatnalsThat feelg is somewhat “self-flicted, ” Bach said, but he believ the solutn is to brg more openly gay people to sports and create a safe environment for those who are already there but have felt necsary to hi their League Baseball has touted self as a place of clivy. Billy Bean, an openly gay former player, was named the league’s first ambassador for cln 2014 and has sce been promoted to senr vice print and special assistant to Commissner Rob Maned. In Febary, Anrson Comás, a mor leaguer the Chigo Whe Sox anizatn, me out as gay wh a post on Instagram, and the announcement was met wh public support om his club and some people around the cints suggt there is more work to be done.

The Boston Red Sox lled up a mor leaguer, Matt Dermody, who had posted an anti-gay msage on Twter 2021, and Anthony Bass, a reliever for the Toronto Blue Jays, reposted a vio on social media that lled for boytts of L. “Those of that are this very small mory sports have to keep on havg the nversatns, keep on workg really ick’ hard to earn your spot this space, ” he aspir to be a gay person at home a big-league booth. McCoy for The New York TimA versn of this article appears prt on, Sectn A, Page 27 of the New York edn wh the headle: A Gay Broadster Climbs the Ladr, But It’s Been Lonely.

IS LONELS THE GAY MAN’S CURSE, OR A PRODUCT OF 21ST CENTURY LIFE?

Still, even as we celebrate the sle and speed of this change, the rat of prsn, lonels and substance abe the gay muny rema stuck the same place they’ve been for s. In a survey of gay men who recently arrived New York Cy, three-quarters suffered om anxiety or prsn, abed dgs or alhol or were havg risky sex—or some batn of the three.

JAGUARS ASSISTANT KEV MAXEN IS FIRST MALE NFL ACH TO E OUT AS GAY

“Marriage equaly and the chang legal stat were an improvement for some gay men, ” says Christopher Stults, a rearcher at New York Universy who studi the differenc mental health between gay and straight men.

In the Netherlands, where gay marriage has been legal sce 2001, gay men rema three tim more likely to suffer om a mood disorr than straight men, and 10 tim more likely to engage “suicidal self-harm. TTravis Salway, a rearcher wh the BC Centre for Disease Control Vanuver, has spent the last five years tryg to figure out why gay men keep killg themselv. By the late 2000s, he was a social worker and epimlogist and, like me, was stck by the growg distance between his straight and gay iends.

When the dispary first me to light the ’50s and ’60s, doctors thought was a symptom of homosexualy self, jt one of many maniftatns of what was, at the time, known as “sexual versn. “That was the ia I had, too, ” Salway says, “that gay suici was a product of a bygone era, or was ncentrated among adolcents who didn’t see any other way out.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS ASSISTANT COACH KEV MAXEN MAK HISTORY AFTER COMG OUT AS GAY

He found that gay men everywhere, at every age, have higher rat of rdvascular disease, ncer, ntence, erectile dysfunctn, ⁠ allergi and asthma—you name , we got . “We see gay men who have never been sexually or physilly asslted wh siar post-trmatic strs symptoms to people who have been bat suatns or who have been raped, ” says Alex Kroghlian, a psychiatrist at the Fenway Instute’s Center for Populatn Rearch LGBT Health. And I kept nyg was a problem bee I had always told myself, ‘I’ve e out, I moved to San Francis, I’m done, I did what I had to do as a gay person.

For s, this is what psychologists thought, too: that the key stag inty formatn for gay men all led up to g out, that once we were fally fortable wh ourselv, we uld beg buildg a life wh a muny of people who’d gone through the same thg. It got so bad that I ed to go to the grocery store that was 40 mut away stead of the one that was 10 mut away jt bee I was so aaid to walk down the gay street.

GAY, MIDDLE-AGED, AND LONELY AS HELL

Several studi have found that livg gay neighborhoods predicts higher rat of risky sex and meth e and ls time spent on other muny activi like volunteerg or playg sports.

Acrdg to Dane Whicker, a clil psychologist and rearcher at De, most gay men report that they want to date someone mascule, and that they wished they acted more mascule themselv. Rearchers say this kd of trag, liberately tryg to appear more mascule and takg on a different sex role, is jt one of the ways gay men prsure each other to atta “sexual pal, ” the equivalent of gog to the gym or pluckg our eyebrows.

HOW TO COPE WHEN YOU'RE GAY AND LONELY

So, his sophomore year, he started watchg his male teachers for their flt posns, liberately standg wh his feet wi, his arms at his sis.

A GAY MAN AT MIDLIFE PONRS BEG LONELY AND ‘INVISIBLE’

Usually when you hear about the shockg primacy of hookup apps gay life—Grdr, the most popular, says s average er spends 90 mut per day on —’s some panicked media story about murrers or homophob trawlg them for victims, or about the troublg “chemsex” scen that have spng up London and New York. But the real effect of the apps is quieter, ls remarked-upon and, a way, more profound: For many of , they have bee the primary way we teract wh other gay people. The worst thg about the apps, though, and why they’re relevant to the health dispary between gay and straight men, is not jt that we e them a lot.