Is Flirtg Between Gay and Straight Men Okay? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY
• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• GAY MEN STRAIGHT RELATNSHIPS: THE WEBSE HELPG THOSE WHO 'FALL OUT OF THE CLOSET'
• MY HBAND IS GAY BUT WE’RE MARRIED WH TWO KIDS AND HAVE GREAT SEX
• THE LONELS OF BEG GAY A STRAIGHT MARRIAGE
• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?
• HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY
• IS FLIRTG BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN OKAY?
• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• I AM GAY AND I'M LOVE WH A STRAIGHT, WHAT N I DO?

WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY

Bisexual men are perceived to sound more mascule than men who are straight, acrdg to a study of Atralian subjects.Amics at the Universy of Sydney pared the voic of gay, straight and bisexual men a study volvg 160 people.In the rearch led by clil psychologist Jam Morandi, people were reced to analyse the voic of 60 men, 20 of whom were gay, 20 straight and 20 bisexual.

They were then asked to rate the men on their sexual orientatn g a sle om zero (exclively heterosexual) to 10 (exclively homosexual).Listeners were also asked to rate each man’s perceived level of femy or masculy the voic on a siar sle.The men volved the study were asked to rerd themselv on a smartphone recg the first two l of the Atralian natnal anthem.Voice sampl were then modified to remove any background noise while volume levels were ma the same to ensure nsistency.Rults om the study showed listeners uld distguish between gay and straight men’s voic wh an accuracy of 62 per cent, apparently nsistent wh prev rearch.However, the study participants uld not terme any differenc between bisexual and straight men’s voic wh any gree of accuracy. The thors said their rearch showed bisexual men’s voic were perceived as beg more exclively attracted to women pared wh both gay and straight men’s voic.Bisexual men’s voic were rated as more mascule than both gay and straight men’s voic.Rearchers claimed the abily to intify a man’s bisexual inty om his voice alone uld have cril social implitns such as helpg to rce feelgs of alienatn.‘Voice may unter visibily many bisexuals feel’An abstract of the study, tled Can listeners tect if a man is bisexual om his voice alone, reads: “The prent study examed whether bisexual men n be intified om their voic ak to how gay men n be intified on their voice alone.“If this is the se, voice may be an important target of discrimatn on the one hand but may also unter the visibily many bisexuals feel (if their bisexual inti n be apprehend by their voice alone, whout explic disclosure required).“The fdgs may also she light on whether bisexual male voic, like gay male voic, differ om straight voic terms of their genr non-nformy – a qutn that to date has not been examed.”But amics noted the rearch was limed on the grounds all men who participated the study are Atralian, which may not be reflected among wir cultur.And the thors nced the study did not ntrol for the rerdg environment or microphone-to-mouth distance, which uld have affected the qualy of the voice sampl.The thors said the fdgs suggted that while the voic of bisexual men the sample were perceived as more mascule and attracted to femal, listeners did not associate this imprsn wh bisexualy.As a rult, while bisexual men may appear to be at lower risk of facg voice-based intifitn and discrimatn than gay men, they may often be mistaken as beg straight.The study was published the Journal of Sex Rearch.

My last post scribed a populatn of mal who nsir themselv heterosexual, do not label themselv gay or bisexual, chew volvement wh the LGBT muny, are often married or romantilly volved wh an oppose-sex partner, and who engage sex wh mal or exprs the sire to do so.

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

Due large part to the popularizatn of the topic the btsellg 2005 book On the Down Low: A Journey to the Liv of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep wh Men, [i] Lato and Ain-Amerin men are the primary subjects rearch wh non-gay intified MSM. One of the earlit studi, "The Bisexual and Non-Gay Attached Rearch Project" om the early 1990s, found that participants engagg same-sex sexual behavr but not intifyg as gay or bisexual scribed themselv as “kky, ” “normal, ” or “jt a guy.

Siar fdgs were found throughout a seri of terviews wh non-gay intified MSM prepared for the Centers for Disease Control and Preventn 2004. In tally, the men terviewed reported that if sexual activy between men was anonymo, experimental, ocsnal, or if substance e was volved, the act was not “gay.

[iii] Daryl Hood, Garrett Prtage, June Crawford, Tania Sorrell, and Chris O’Reilly, "Report on the BANGAR Project: Bisexual Activy/non Gay Attachment Rearch Targetg Strategi Intifitn Project.

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

Ramamurthi, Cleo Manago, Serg Ava, and Marv Jon, “Sexual Behavr, Sexual Inty, and Substance Abe Among Low-Ine Bisexual and Non-Gay-Intifyg Ain Amerin Men Who Have Sex wh Men, ” Archiv of Sexual Behavr 37, no.

In other words, where Bud Light has buckled unr prsure as bigotry grows agast the LGBTQ+ muny, Gay Water’s creator Spencer Hodson wants his new boozy brand to be the anthis of that. “The key issue that Bud Light tapped to was the fact that they didn’t unrstand their re dience and know enough about them,” Hodson, a gay man, told CNN about the ntroversy that began when the Anhser-Bch beer brand sent fluencer Dylan Mulvaney a n of beer. “Puttg a product wh the word gay the tle is reprentatn self,” which he hop reclaims the word om the negativy ’s sometim associated wh.

The two chatted about the limed amount of gay people wh , and wh Hodson burnt out om his tradnal day job tech, started the nned cktail. Hodson built up a strong social media followg on TikTok and Instagram durg Covid-19 and is g some of the money om that (as well as om iends and fay) to help fund Gay Water.

GAY MEN STRAIGHT RELATNSHIPS: THE WEBSE HELPG THOSE WHO 'FALL OUT OF THE CLOSET'

“Gay is an umbrella term and the ia behd the brand is to be as clive as possible, which means we want alli, we want straight people to be part of this muny we’re buildg.”. For now, Gay Water is sold largely onle (wh a few retailers) and four sugar-ee flavors — watermelon, lime, peach and grapeu — at lnch. Gay Water might not have the ep pockets pared to s petors, like Whe Claw, but “even at small sle, pani of many siz are havg succs makg spir-based seltzers and premixed cktails,” Bryan Roth, an analyst for Feel Goods Company and edor of the alhol beverage newsletter, Sightl+, told CNN.

“There’s lots of space the spir-based seltzer tegory which Gay Water n play, pecially if the brand n offer a cultural or emotnal nnectn that will feel more excg than the prospect of another peapple-flavored vodka seltzer om natnal or ternatnal rporatns,” Roth said.

MY HBAND IS GAY BUT WE’RE MARRIED WH TWO KIDS AND HAVE GREAT SEX

Of urse, other drks e the word “gay,” too, cludg Gay Beer and So Gay Rosé, Hodson noted, which are also tryg to reach the queer muny and offer them an alternative the straight-domated space. I recently spoke wh Bonnie Kaye, thor of Straight Wiv, Shattered Liv: Stori of Women wh Gay Hbands, among other books, and host of Bonnie Kaye’s Straight Wiv Talk Show on BlogTalkRad. Bonnie has spent much of her adult life first livg wh and attemptg to love a gay hband and then helpg other women the same mis-marriage suatn.

THE LONELS OF BEG GAY A STRAIGHT MARRIAGE

Bee I know untls gay men who were once married to straight women, wh varyg gre of short and longer-term happs and misery, I wanted to discs this topic, and I wanted to do so om the straight wiv’ perspective. Our discsn was wi-rangg, begng wh her own marriage to a gay man and progrsg to how she was able to move on post-marriage, eventually beg a rock for other women siar suatns.

He was a karate teacher, martial arts, a strong guy, looked like Sylvter Stallone, and gay was not one of the issu I thought about wh him. Then somebody who was part of my social work rmed me, a uple of weeks before we were supposed to get married, that he had spicns that Robert was gay. Sometim a woman may have been a heterosexual relatnship for years and yet feel somethg is somehow "off;" and she may fd herself askg, "Is my hband gay?

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

" Many women fd this qutn unthkable but acrdg to Bonnie Kaye,, an expert women married to gay men, is timated that 4 ln women have been, or are, married to gay men. In many s, is the wife, who after spectg that somethg is wrong, mt nont the gay hband wh the evince, and only then n hontly be achieved. Shouhed at voluptuo distct lts, which may have alienated gay and straight men om each other the past, spire the ultimate gture of aternal nnectn: a fist bump.

Obvly, there have always been iendships between gay men and straight men, but only recently have they bee more promently, and fortably, reprented TV shows, movi, books and is often a tradnally mascule sense of faiary at play the portrayals, exudg a feelg particular enough to suggt s own term: bromosexual emergg reprentatn ntrasts wh one that has bee a cliché: the nnectn between a straight woman and her gay male bt latt media reflectn also tak a signifint leap om one of s earlit eratns. From 2003 to 2007, “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” prented gay men as magil begs who functned as helpers to heterosexual men, schoolg them matters of fashn and home dér while keepg much of their own liv ntrast, the last season of “Scream Queens” found the hunky Nick Jonas prentg himself as a gay at boy who bonds over golf wh his straight aterny brother and bt iend, MenIn the recent documentary “Strike a Pose, ” about Madonna’s dance troupe om her “Blond Ambn” tour, a key plotle trac the arc of the lone straight dancer om homophobe to a man who be emotnally liberated by his many gay iends.

HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY

Another Bravo seri, “Manzo’d Wh Children, ” promently featur the relatnship between the heterosexual lead brothers and their gay bt iend, who was prevly their that work’s most regnizable reprentative, Andy Cohen, who is gay, rarely miss an opportuny to toast his close kship wh the guar hero and ultimate ladi man John Cohen mentns Mr. In one outg, durg gay pri weekend, they attend a ncert by an rnatn of a band both men love, the Grateful Cohen wrote that a iend had texted him: “if I’d celebrated gay pri any more of a straight way, I’d have had sex wh a girl at the Super Bowl. Liaison for the district’s public schools, said the chang relatnships between straight and gay men have been so rapid that he se a signifint difference jt sce he graduated om high school.

One of his greatt obstacl g out, he said, was somethg he thks many gay men share: “the tense fear of losg those mascule iendships we have had. “Our tradnal way of thkg of relatnships wh gay and straight men is that they are hostile, even bullyg, ” said Michael LaSala, 57, the thor of “Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child.

”A Balm for Old Wounds“There’s a sense of a reprieve, ” said Odie Ldsey, 45, a straight fictn wrer and gulf war veteran, whose new book of short stori, “We Come to Our Sens, ” featur several gay characters. Gay men say is mon for their heterosexual male iends to be jealo of, or at least pelled by, the efficiency and seemg ubiquy of man-on-man hookups. The cliché and lgerg spicn that a gay man may harbor a csh on his straight iend potentially throws off the power balance and eros tst.

IS FLIRTG BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN OKAY?

“That kd of csh seems really antique, ” said Lus Whehead, 29, a straight man who liv a brownstone Fort Greene populated by a revolvg mix of heterosexual and homosexual his i, he reports zero self-nscns about havg gay iends or roommat.

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

Whehead ’s an attu echoed by one of his gay roommat, Ben Moss, 25, who said: “I talk wh straight guys about what surrounds the sex rather than what we’ve actually done.

Sex the Cy, Will and Grace), though a lot ls has been said about how gay and straight men regnize and negotiate the distct challeng, plitns, and rewards of their iendships. S., before there was such a thg as a gay inty, some straight men would, wh ltle shame, engage sexual ntact wh other men (ually allowg themselv to be fellated) when female partners were otherwise unavailable (see Gee Chncey’s semal book, Gay New York: Genr, Urban Culture, and the Makg of the Gay Male World 1890-1940) and there is good reason to believe this still occurs other untri and cultur. Gay men have suffered physil, social, and psychologil abe at the hands of heterosexually intified mal who, thanks to homophobia and heterosexism, felt fully jtified flictg the terrors.

This legacy of vlence, both physil and psychologil, flicted by straight men toward those of who are gay naturally fuels our utn and distst at the thought of beiendg them. For the straight guy, iendship wh a gay man offers the opportuny to learn important lsons about masculy, male inty, sexual orientatn, and diversy. As the quote go: You n never have too many iends—and iendships between gay and straight guys n be healg and uniquely satisfyg for all volved.

I AM GAY AND I'M LOVE WH A STRAIGHT, WHAT N I DO?

Webse provis safe spaceMr O'Hanlon said he sought out a Commonwealth-fund support group for gay and married men years before g out, but uld not make the leap.