Read Merry? om the story Merry x Pipp one-shots | Lord of the Rgs Fanfictn by Gay_Slyther_Prce wh 1,748 reads. merry, pipp, lotr. "Merry? Merry...
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SIR IAN MCKELLEN HAS SAD NEWS FOR HOBB FANS: “THERE’S NO SEX MIDDLE EARTH!”BY ERIC SPZNAGELJANUARY 13, 2011SAVE THIS STORYSAVESAVE THIS STORYSAVEIF YOU’RE THE KD OF PERSON WHO GETS OBSSIVE ABOUT ALL THGS TOLKIENIAN, ’S BEEN A PRETTY BIG WEEK. SIR IAN MCKELLEN MA OFFICIAL TUDAY, ANNOUNCG ON HIS WEB SE THAT HE’LL PLAYG GANDALF THE UPG TWO-PART MOVIE ADAPTATN OF THE HOBB, WHICH BEGS FILMG NEW ZEALAND NEXT MONTH. ALONG WH RECENT REPORTS THAT ELIJAH WOOD, ORLANDO BLOOM, CATE BLANCHETT,ANDTHE GUY WHO PLAYS GOLLUM ARE ALSO HOBB-READY, WOULD SEEM THAT THE BAND, AS THEY SAY, IS REALLY GETTG BACK TOGETHER. BUT FOR ANYBODY WHO’S FOLLOWED THE INTER HAND-WRGG ABOUT THE ON-AGA-OFF-AGA PRODUCTN, N FEEL PRUMPTUO TO ASSUME ANYTHG UNTIL WE ACTUALLY SEE THE OPENG CREDS ROLL. FOR MOST OF 2010, MCKELLEN KEPT GUSG ABOUT HIS VOLVEMENT THE LORD OF THE RGS PREQUEL THE WAY SOME ACTORS KEEP GUSG ABOUT THEIR SEXUALY. AS LEAST WH MCKELLEN, THERE’S NEVER BEEN ANY MYSTERY ABOUT THE LATTER. THIS IS A MAN WHO FAMOLY WENT ON A TALK SHOW SGAPORE, A UNTRY WH STRICT LAWS AGAST HOMOSEXUALY, AND ASKED THE HOST, “CAN YOU REMEND ANY CENT GAY BARS?” BUT WHEN TO HIS FUTURE AS MIDDLE EARTH’S FAVORE WIZARD, HE’S BEEN DOWNRIGHT GEY.LAST SEPTEMBER, MCKELLEN ED A MOR STIR WHEN PHOTOS OF HIM AT A LONDON RALLY SHOWED THE ACTOR WEARG A T-SHIRT THAT READ “I’M GANDALF AND MAGO. GET OVER !” SOMEBODY EVENTUALLY FIGURED OUT THAT THE PICTURE HAD BEEN PHOTOSHOPPED, AND MCKELLEN WAS ACTUALLY WEARG A SHIRT THAT READ, “SOME PEOPLE ARE GAY. GET OVER !” THE FAKE T-SHIRT WAS VAGUELY FUNNY, ASSUMG MA ANY SENSE. (TO BE HONT, I STILL DON’T UNRSTAND. WAS THE JOKE THAT MCKELLEN HAS PLAYED MULTIPLE MOVIE ROL AND THAT N BE NFG? OR THAT HE’S PLAYED TWO SEEMGLY NON-GAY WIZARDS WHILE HE IS, FACT, GAY?) BUT WOULD’VE BEEN SO MUCH MORE POIGNANT HAD SOMEBODY THOUGHT TO PHOTOSHOP HIS SHIRT WH THE MSAGE “I MAY OR MAY NOT BE GANDALF AGA. GET OVER !” WH ALL DUE RPECT TO THE GAY MUNY, THEY DON’T HAVE TO NTEND WH NEARLY THE SAME ANXIETY AND HELPLSNS AS A LORD OF THE RGS BLOGGER.I MET WH MCKELLEN AT THE SAVANNAH FILM FTIVAL, WHERE HE WAS GIVEN A LIFETIME-ACHIEVEMENT AWARD. DURG HIS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH, HE TALKED ABOUT HOW THE GEIA ERNOR NEARLY REPLACED MART LUTHER KG DAY WH “IAN MCKELLEN DAY,” AND HOW HE BEME THE FIRST OPENLY GAY MAN TO LEGALLY SERVE THE AMERIN ARY (LONG STORY). PRR TO THE CEREMONY, I WAS VED TO SPEAK WH HIM AT THE LOL LLEGE’S LIBRARY. MCKELLEN TEASED ME ABOUT WEARG SHORTS (PLIMENTG MY BOYISH LV, THANK YOU VERY MUCH) AND PROVED THAT HE HAS A HEALTHY SENSE OF HUMOR ABOUT HIMSELF. EXCEPT, OF URSE, WHEN TO PHOTOSHOPPED T-SHIRTS THAT MAKE FUN OF WIZARDS AND HOMOPHOBIA.ERIC SPZNAGEL: I’M NOT SURE WHAT I SHOULD LL YOU. IS SIR IAN OR JT IAN?IAN MCKELLEN: JT IAN, PLEASE.SO THE BLOOM IS OFF THE ROSE WH THE WHOLE KNIGHTHOOD THG?WELL, I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THAT. THERE ARE SOME TREMENDO ACTORS THE U.K. WHO HAVE BEEN KNIGHTED, AND I’VE SPENT MUCH OF MY LIFE ADMIRG MANY OF THEM, LIKE LRENCE OLIVIER. SO ’S VERY FLATTERG TO BE THEIR PANY. BUT YOU ALSO END UP THE PANY OF PEOPLE YOU DON’T ADMIRE, CLUDG SOME RATHER DODGY POLICIANS. I TEND TO DISURAGE PEOPLE OM LLG ME “SIR IAN,” BEE I DON’T LIKE BEG SEPARATED OUT OM THE RT OF THE POPULATN. OF URSE, N BE EFUL IF YOU’RE WRG AN OFFICIAL LETTER, LIKE TRYG TO GET A VISA OR SOMETHG PASSED THROUGH PARLIAMENT. THEY’RE IMPRSED BY THE THGS.I WAS UNR THE IMPRSN THAT BRISH THEATER ACTORS, AT LEAST THE GOOD ON, ARE ALL DNKS. AND YET TALKG TO YOU NOW, YOU SEEM PLETELY SOBER. ARE YOU THE EXCEPTN THAT MAK THE LE, OR IS JT TOO EARLY THE DAY?(WH AN EXPRSN OF EXAGGERATED UMBRAGE.) WELL, THERE ARE MANY FAMO DNK ACTORS, THE MOST FAMO OF WHICH IS PROBABLY W.C. FIELDS. SO I’LL THANK YOU NOT TO BE SO ABOUT THE BRS.TOUCHé.THERE ARE ACTORS WHO FEEL THE NEED TO HAVE A LTLE DRK BEFORE THEY GO ONSTAGE, AND THEY PROBABLY ACT WORSE AS A RULT OF .EVEN PETER O’TOOLE? OR RICHARD BURTON?I DON’T KNOW ANYBODY WHO DO THAT. IF DRKG WAS A REQUIREMENT FOR SOMEONE TO BE AN ACTOR, AND THEY ULDN’T FUNCTN ON STAGE WHOUT A DRK, THEN I WOULD THK THEY SHOULD PERHAPS CHANGE THEIR JOBS. I DON’T SEE HOW YOU ULD BE NTROL IF YOU’RE EBRIATED, DO YOU?I GUS NOT. BUT I’VE HEARD SUCH AMAZG STORI. OLIVER REED THROWG UP ON STEVE MCQUEEN, AND ROBERT NEWTON STUMBLG ON STAGE AND SAYG “IF YOU THK I’M PISSED, WA TILL YOU SEE THE DE OF YORK.”PERHAPS YOU SHOULD ASK ANTHONY HOPKS ABOUT THIS. I THK HE WOULD HAVE A VERY STRONG NEGATIVE VIEW ON DNK ACTORS.OBVLY YOU’RE NOT A BIG DRKER. DO YOU HAVE ANY VIC?[LGHS.] NONE THAT I’M GOG TO SHARE WH VANY FAIR.WELL, ARE YOU SUPERST? CAN YOU SAY THE M WORD? THE STTISH PLAY THAT DARE NOT SPEAK S NAME.MACBETH? ABSOLUTELY. ALL THE TIME. MACBETH WAS A VERY LUCKY PLAY FOR ME.YOU’RE POSIVE YOU HAVEN’T JT ED THIS TERVIEW BY MENTNG ?THAT’S NONSENSE. DO YOU KNOW THE ORIG OF THAT MYTH?I VAGUELY RELL SOMETHG ABOUT ACTORS DYG OR GETTG HURT EVERY TIME THE PLAY WAS PRODUCED. ISN’T LIKE THE SPIR-MAN OF ELIZABETHAN THEATER?Y, WELL, THAT’S THE STORY ANYWAY. THE MOST LIKELY EXPLANATN IS THE MOST PRACTIL. MACBETH IS A VERY POPULAR PLAY WH DIENC. IF YOU WANT TO SELL OUT A THEATER, JT MOUNT A PRODUCTN OF MACBETH. IT’S A SHORT PLAY, ’S AN EXCG PLAY, ’S EASY TO UNRSTAND, AND ATTRACTS GREAT ACTG. SO THE OLD DAYS, IF YOU WERE A TOURG PANY AND YOU FOUND OUT THAT YOU WERE DOG MACBETH, MEANT THERE WAS TROUBLE. THERE PROBABLY WASN’T ENOUGH MONEY THE KTY TO PAY THE ACTORS. SO EVEN MENTNG MACBETH WAS NSIRED BAD LUCK.ARE YOU SUPERST ABOUT ANYTHG?I DON’T THK I AM, NO. AS A KID, I WAS A B UT ABOUT NOT STEPPG ON CRACKS A SIWALK. BUT I THK THAT WAS MORE OF A CHALLENGE THAN A SUPERSTN. I HAVE LTLE ROUT THE THEATER. ONCE I’VE TABLISHED SOMETHG, LIKE THE ORR OF PUTTG ON MAKP AND A STUME, I HAVE TO VARIABLY DO THE SAME ORR EVERY TIME, EVEN IF I ONLY DID BY CHANCE THE FIRST TIME ROUND. THAT IS A SUPERSTN OF SORTS, BUT ’S A PRACTIL ONE, BEE MEANS AS YOU GO THROUGH THE SAME ROUTE EACH DAY AND DON’T MISS ANYTHG. IF YOU SUDNLY CI TO CHANGE YOUR SHO AND PANTS BEFORE PUTTG ON YOUR MAKP RATHER THAN AFTER, FOR EXAMPLE, THEN YOU MAY FET TO PUT ON YOUR UNRPANTS. WHICH DO HAPPEN ON OCSN.MOST POPULARDONALD TMP’S PLAN TO GET REELECTED AND PARDON HIMSELF WAS JT DEALT A SER SETBACKBY BS LEVJOE MANGANIELLO DEBUTS DIVORCE INKBY KASE WICKMANMSNBC IS HAVG ITS SUPER BOWL WH DONALD TMP’S INDICTMENTSBY CHARLOTTE KLEIF I’M HEARG YOU RRECTLY, YOU’RE TELLG ME THAT YOU WENT MANDO DURG THE ENTIRE LORD OF THE RGS TRILOGY.I’M NOT FAIAR WH THAT PHRASE.GANDALF MAY NOT HAVE BEEN WEARG HIS TIGHTIE-WHI.[LGHS.] NO, I’M AAID YOU’RE MISTAKEN.ARE YOU IMPRSED THAT I WENT THIS LONG WHOUT BRGG UP GANDALF?NO. IT ALWAYS HAPPENS, EVENTUALLY.DO THAT GET ANNOYG? YOU’VE DONE SO MANY ROL, BOTH MOVI AND ON STAGE. AND YET PEOPLE PROBABLY AREN’T NNG UP TO YOU ON THE STREET AND SAYG, “HOLY SH, ’S UNCLE VANYA!”YOU’D BE SURPRISED. THEY DO SAY THAT. BUT Y, I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN. AND ’S PERFECTLY OBV WHY THAT IS. IF YOU’VE BEEN A FILM THAT’S SEEN BY LNS AND LNS AND LNS OF PEOPLE, YOU’RE MORE LIKELY TO BE REGNIZED FOR THAT THAN FOR YOUR THEATER PERFORMANC, WHICH WERE SEEN BY NSIRABLY LS PEOPLE. WHY WOULD I GET UPSET BY THAT?I DON’T KNOW. WHY WOULD RSELL CROWE THROW A PHONE AT A HOTEL CLERK? WHY WOULD CHRISTIAN BALE HAVE A MELTDOWN ON A MOVIE SET? WHY WOULD MEL GIBSON LL A TRAFFIC P “SUGAR TS”? ACTORS HAVE A REPUTATN FOR BEG TOUCHY.Y, O.K., I SEE. BUT WOULD BE SILLY FOR ME TO TAKE THAT PERSONALLY. THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO’VE ENJOYED MY WORK THE THEATER AND THEY LET ME KNOW THAT WAS SPECIAL FOR THEM. I’M NOT GOG TO SAY, “WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN ME AS GANDALF!” IT DON’T WORRY ME AT ALL. IT’S NOT THE SAME THG AS BEG SO INTIFIED WH A PART THAT YOU ULDN’T GO ON TO DO ANYTHG ELSE. I’M NOT THAT POSN, THANKFULLY. I’M NOT LIKE JAM TYRONE LONG DAY’S JOURNEY WHO JT DID THE ONE PART OVER AND OVER AGA AND TURNED HIM MAD.DO GANDALF KNOW WHERE ALL THE GAY BARS ARE MIDDLE EARTH?[THUNRO LGHTER.] OF URSE NOT! GANDALF IS 7,000 YEARS OLD. THERE’S NO SEX MIDDLE EARTH.ARE YOU SURE? THERE’S SOME FAN FICTN ON THE INTER THAT WOULD BEG TO DIFFER.TOLKIEN WAS THE ONLY THORY ON THAT WORLD, AND I DON’T THK HE WAS VERY TERTED SEX, AT LEAST NOT WH THE EVINCE OF LORD OF THE RGS. OTHER PEOPLE N READ TO WHAT THEY LIKE OR WHAT THEY N. BUT I DON’T REALLY SEE . ALTHOUGH I HAVE HEARD SPECULATN THAT SAM AND FRODO MIGHT BE AN EM, BUT I DON’T THK TOLKIEN REALLY SAW THAT WAY. I DON’T THK PETER JACKSON DO EHER.HERE’S A HYPOTHETIL EPIC BATTLE: ALB DUMBLEDORE VERS GANDALF THE WHE. WHO WS?[LONG PSE.] WELL, THE REAL WIZARD, OF URSE.AND WHO WOULD THAT BE?[ROLLS EY.] I NNOT BELIEVE I HAVE TO ANSWER THE SILLY QUTNS. THE REAL WIZARD.YOUR MONEY’S ON GANDALF?OBVLY.I THK YOU MIGHT LOSE THAT MONEY. OTHER THAN G HIS STAFF AS A FLASHLIGHT, WHAT EXACTLY ARE HIS MAGIL TALENTS?I N’T HELP YOU WH THAT ONE. I SHOULD PROBABLY CHAT WH MICHAEL GAMBON [WHO PLAYS DUMBLEDORE THE HARRY POTTER FILMS] BEFORE SAYG ANYTHG ROGATORY ABOUT DUMBLEDORE’S MAGIL ABILI. YOU KNOW, HE AND I OFTEN GET MISTAKEN FOR EACH OTHER. I SAW MIKE RECENTLY WHEN HE WAS DOG A PLAY THE WT END AND I ASKED IF HE GETS MISTAKEN FOR ME. HE SAID HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. BUT HE NEVER RRECTS THEM. HE TOLD ME, “OH, I JT SIGN YOUR NAME.”MOST POPULARDONALD TMP’S PLAN TO GET REELECTED AND PARDON HIMSELF WAS JT DEALT A SER SETBACKBY BS LEVJOE MANGANIELLO DEBUTS DIVORCE INKBY KASE WICKMANMSNBC IS HAVG ITS SUPER BOWL WH DONALD TMP’S INDICTMENTSBY CHARLOTTE KLEHERE’S ANOTHER HYPOTHETIL BATTLE. GANDALF VERS THE POPE. WHO WS THAT ONE?I N’T TOUCH THE QUTNS, I’M SORRY.REALLY? I’M SURPRISED YOU HAVE LD FEET ABOUT POKG FUN AT THE POPE. I HEARD YOU LIKE TO RIP OUT THE PASSAGE THE BIBLE THAT NMNS HOMOSEXUALY AS A S.I DO, Y. IT’S LEVIC 18:22 THAT I OBJECT TO. AND I ONLY DO WHEN I’M A HOTEL ROOM AND THERE’S A BIBLE THE DRAWER NEXT TO THE BED. I DON’T WANT THOSE NASTY, HOMOPHOBIC SENTENC LYG WH 12 CH OF MY HEAD. I’M THE SORT OF PERSON WHO DON’T WRE K. I ONLY WRE PENCIL SO N BE BBED OUT. I NEVER TURN DOWN THE RNER OF A BOOK. I RPECT BOOKS, BUT WHAT I DON’T RPECT IS THAT PARTICULAR LTLE VERSE. IT’S NOT THE WHOLE OF THE BOOK.YOU DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM WH THE RT OF LEVIC?I DON’T MD THERE BEG JUNCTNS AGAST EATG SHELLFISH OR THE JUNCTNS AGAST WEARG TTON AND WOOL CLOTHG. I ONLY GET OFFEND WHEN SUGGTS THAT MEN SHOULDN’T MAKE LOVE TO EACH OTHER.WHAT ABOUT A LE LIKE “ANY PERSON WHO CURSETH HIS FATHER OR MOTHER MT BE KILLED.” THAT SHOULD PROBABLY GO TOO, RIGHT?WELL, PERHAPS.“PEOPLE WHO HAVE FLAT NOS, OR ARE BLD OR LAME, NNOT GO TO AN ALTAR OF GOD.” THAT N’T BE RIGHT. “THE EATG OF FAT IS PROHIBED FOREVER.” OBVLY NOT AMERI.THERE’S A LOT THERE THAT DON’T MAKE SENSE. BUT I N’T TAKE ON ALL THE WORRI OF THE WORLD, YOU KNOW. I N ONLY TALK ABOUT BEG GAY AND BEG AN ACTOR. I’LL HAVE TO LEAVE THOSE OTHER BATTL TO SOMEBODY ELSE.LET’S TALK ABOUT ANOTHER NTROVERSY. YOUR T-SHIRT THAT NEVER WAS. THE ONE THAT WAS PHOTOSHOPPED TO READ “I’M GANDALF AND MAGO. GET OVER .”Y, I WAS A LTLE DISAPPOTED ABOUT THAT. BEE THE ORIGAL T-SHIRT WAS MUCH MORE TERTG. “SOME PEOPLE ARE GAY, GET OVER .” I WAS PROUD TO WEAR THAT SHIRT AT THE ANTI-PAPAL MARCH. IF SOME PEOPLE WANT TO MAKE A JOKE ABOUT , THAT’S O.K. BUT THERE WAS A SER TENT BEHD THE REAL SHIRT.WHAT WAS THE JOKE, EXACTLY? I DON’T GET . “I’M GANDALF AND MAGO. GET OVER .” WHAT DO THAT MEAN?I DON’T REALLY KNOW.IT’S LIKE THE PTN OF A NEW YORKER RTOON.I DON’T FD FUNNY. IT’S A VERY SER MATTER, MY MPAIGNG ON BEHALF OF YOUNG PEOPLE. I DON’T WANT TO PRETEND THAT ’S SOMETHG WE N ALL LGH ABOUT AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BEG GAY ANYMORE. PEOPLE HAVE A VERY, VERY HARD TIME OF . IT’S NOT A JOKE TO ME.LET’S MOVE ON TO SOMETHG THAT IS FUNNY. YOU’VE GOT A LORD OF THE RGS TATTOO, RIGHT? ANY REGRETS?OH NO, NOT AT ALL. IT WAS A SWEET IA. THE HOBBS HAD SUCH A WONRFUL TIME ON THEIR FIRST BIG JOB, AND THEY WANTED TO MEMORATE SOME WAY. I HAPPILY JOED . I’M VERY PROUD OF THAT LTLE TATTOO. I N’T SEE VERY WELL. IT’S VERY SMALL AND VERY DISCRETE. I’M VERY HAPPY TO KEEP .MOST POPULARDONALD TMP’S PLAN TO GET REELECTED AND PARDON HIMSELF WAS JT DEALT A SER SETBACKBY BS LEVJOE MANGANIELLO DEBUTS DIVORCE INKBY KASE WICKMANMSNBC IS HAVG ITS SUPER BOWL WH DONALD TMP’S INDICTMENTSBY CHARLOTTE KLEWHAT DO SAY AGA?IT SAYS NE ELVISH.ARE YOU POSIVE? SOMETIM PEOPLE DON’T DO THEIR REARCH BEFORE GETTG A TATTOO.ELIJAH WOOD SORTED ALL OUT FOR , SO YOU’D HAVE TO ASK HIM. IT’S ON MY UPPER ARM, SO WHEN I LOOK AT THE MIRROR, ’S UALLY UPSI DOWN AND ACTUALLY SPELLS GUCCI. I DON’T KNOW IF THERE’S ANY SIGNIFINCE TO THAT.WOULD YOU EVER GET ANOTHER TATTOO?NOT A LORD OF THE RGS ONE, NO.BUT YOU’VE BEEN PLENTY OF PRODUCTNS SCE. HOW ABOUT WAG FOR GODOT? DIDN’T YOU DO ALMOST FOUR HUNDRED PERFORMANC OF THAT SHOW?THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY. WE DID A TOUR OF ATRALIA, NEW ZEALAND, AND AI.THAT’S WORTH MEMORATG. HOW ABOUT A STAGE DIRECTN OM THE SCRIPT, SOMETHG LIKE, “LET’S GO. Y, LET’S GO. [THEY DO NOT MOVE]?”[LGHS.] NO, NO. MY BODY ISN’T A TEMPLE, BUT NOR IS AN ADVERTISG HOARDG. I DON’T THK I SHALL BE PUTTG ANYTHG ELSE ON .ERIC SPZNAGEL
* lord of the rings gay fanfic *
LOTR/The Hobb rrect quot for the is also probably really gay bee I say try before you ny. Note: This say ntas discsn of homophobia and mentn of suici. Outsi of the safe darkns of the theater, the Mordor-like wasteland of middle school, the movi were synonymo wh the favored sult of the time — “gay.