I Infiltrated an 'Ex-Gay' Group New York Cy — And This Is What It Did to Me

Contents:

• FORMER 'EX-GAY' LEARS DENOUNCE 'CONVERSN THERAPY' IN A NEW DOCUMENTARY
• MY SO-CALLED EX-GAY LIFE
• GAY SUPPORT: WHERE TO FD LGBT HELP AND SUPPORT GROUPS
• LGBTQ+ SUPPORT, SUPPORT GROUPS, GAY SUPPORT ORGANIZATNS
• I INFILTRATED AN 'EX-GAY' GROUP NEW YORK CY — AND THIS IS WHAT IT DID TO ME
• MORMON 'EX-GAY' GROUP SHUTS DOWN, ABSORBED BY OTHER ORGANIZATN
• HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY

FORMER 'EX-GAY' LEARS DENOUNCE 'CONVERSN THERAPY' IN A NEW DOCUMENTARY

PFOX exists to te, support, and advote for dividuals and parents on the issue of same-sex attractn, and crease others’ unrstandg and acceptance of the ex-gay enurage you to view PFOX rourc for those impacted by homosexualy whether stgglg and lookg for help, a parent seekg support, a stunt school, or a lear a church. We hope you’ll learn more about the ex-gay muny through our ex-gay page and by watchg personal stori on our vio page, and that you’ll better unrstand same-sex attractn, transgenr/genr inty, and what’s important for our lears ernment to realize when makg policy cisns on the issu. If your child munit that they have fully adopted and embraced a gay inty – n be an even more ighteng and heartbreakg experience for unfaiar parents.

PFOX exists to te, support, and advote for dividuals and parents on the issue of same-sex attractn, and crease others’ unrstandg and acceptance of the ex-gay believe that every person seekg posive life change needs and serv the love and support of fay, iends, the muny, and the church.

MY SO-CALLED EX-GAY LIFE

Through public awarens mpaigns, PFOX has a long and proud history of tg society on the facts about sexual orientatn orr to elimate negative perceptns and discrimatn agast ex-gays and those tryg to overe same-sex attractn. It's a movement that's born out of a larger culture of homophobia and transphobia that still persists the majory of Christian church today.

Interview highlights clu extend web-only answers and have been eded for length and clary: Interview Highlights Thomas on how he joed the "ex-gay" movement and Exod Internatnal I was out of the closet the '80s. They also had a group for the gays, and unrneath all of that olns there was this toxic theology that said that you need to overe homosexualy.

Stolakis on what the ex-gay and nversn therapy movement looks like today Conversn therapy and the ex-LGBTQ movement has always been practiced lolly. It's bee very lennial-driven bee there are younger people who've grown up homophobic and transphobic environments who are ready and willg to take the place of people like Randy.

GAY SUPPORT: WHERE TO FD LGBT HELP AND SUPPORT GROUPS

My mom is a problem solver, and the next day she hand me a stack of papers she had prted out om the Inter about reorientatn, or "ex-gay, " therapy. Joseph Nilosi, a clil psychologist California who was then print of the Natnal Associatn for Rearch and Therapy of Homosexualy (NARTH), the untry's largt anizatn for practners of ex-gay therapy.

LGBTQ+ SUPPORT, SUPPORT GROUPS, GAY SUPPORT ORGANIZATNS

Nilosi's rner office had emerald-green rpet and mahogany bookshelv led wh tl like Homosexualy: A Freedom Too Far and Homosexualy and the Polics of Tth. " Although I might never feel a spark of excement when I saw a woman walkg down the street, as I progrsed therapy, my homosexual attractns would dimish. The other men-four or five altogether-were their forti and fifti and talked about their years the "gay liftyle, " which had yield only unhapps.

I left the office wh a py of Nilosi's most recent book, Healg Homosexualy, and a worksheet that tegorized different emotns unr the brics of "te self" and "false self.

I INFILTRATED AN 'EX-GAY' GROUP NEW YORK CY — AND THIS IS WHAT IT DID TO ME

Another sheet illtrated the "triadic relatnship" that led to homosexualy: a passive, distant father, an overvolved mother, and a sensive child.

My mother might not have so easily found rmatn about ex-gay therapy had the Christian right not planted this stake the culture ad appeared 23 years after the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn (APA) classified homosexualy as a mental illns.

A small group of therapists ntued to practice talk therapy that enuraged patients to see homosexualy as a velopmental disorr, but they remaed on the ge until the Christian right took up their e.

MORMON 'EX-GAY' GROUP SHUTS DOWN, ABSORBED BY OTHER ORGANIZATN

Instead of fire-and-brimstone nunciatns om the pulp, the ex-gay movement allowed the Christian right to uch s nmnatn of homosexualy a way that seemed passnate.

Foc on the Fay lled s new ex-gay mistry Love Won Out and talked about healg and rg for ex-gay movement turned the rhetoric of gay rights agast self: Shouldn't ex-gays be able to pursue therapy and live the liv they want whout facg discrimatn? Together wh the late Charl Soris, a psychiatrist who led the opposn to classifyg homosexualy as a mental illns, Nilosi formed NARTH 1992 as a "scientific anizatn that offers hope to those who stggle wh unwanted homosexualy. Nilosi remas NARTH's most visible are no reliable statistics for how many patients have received ex-gay treatment or how many therapists practice , but the late 1990s and early 2000s, ex-gay therapy enjoyed a legimacy hadn't sce the APA removed homosexualy om s diagnostic manual.

Whether or not the Christian right's alliance wh the ex-gay movement had nstuted a D-Day the culture wars, had succsfully challenged the prevailg ia that the bt choice for gay people was to accept themselv. I read one of Nilosi's books, Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexualy, that he tri to posn himself as a supportive father figure, typifyg the sort of relatnship that he believ his patients never had wh their own father.

HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY

When I left for Yale, my mother sent me off wh a warng: Were she to disver that I had "entered the gay liftyle, " my parents would no longer pay for my tn.

Based on 200 terviews wh ex-gay patients-the largt sample amassed-the study did not make any claims about the succs rate of ex-gay therapy. What translated to the larger culture was: The father of the 1973 revolutn the classifitn and treatment of homosexualy, who uld not be seen as jt another biased ex-gay csar wh an agenda, had validated ex-gay therapy. Participants had been referred to Spzer by ex-gay groups like NARTH and Exod, which had an tert remendg clients who would validate their work.