Gay Men and Their Fathers: Hurt and Healg | Psychology Today

Contents:

• KIDS OF GAY PARENTS FARE WORSE, STUDY FDS, BUT REARCH DRAWS FIRE OM EXPERTS
• THREE SGLE, GAY DADS REFLECT ON FATHERHOOD, SURROGACY JOURNEYS
• IS YOUR DAD GAY—OR ARE YOU A GAY DAD?
• MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI
• ‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
• GAY FATHERS FACE STIGMA AS PARENTS
• 20/20: GROWG UP WH GAY PARENTS
• WHY GAY PARENTS MAY BE THE BT PARENTS
• GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG

KIDS OF GAY PARENTS FARE WORSE, STUDY FDS, BUT REARCH DRAWS FIRE OM EXPERTS

Tom and Mike wh their son Jack at a lacrosse practice at Horace Mann School, Bronx, New YorkThroughout the book the children of gay dads grow olr. Although the school and Jack’s iends know that Jack has two gay dads there was some tensn the air while posg for this photo the middle of a sports field wh all the other players around.

(CBS News) A new study that fds children of a gay or lbian parent may be more likely to have social and emotnal problems has sparked ntroversy on both sis of the same-sex marriage bate. In a jot statement om the Fay Equaly Council, the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), Freedom to Marry, and the Gay and Lbian Alliance agast Defamatn (GLAAD), advot lled the study a "flawed, misleadg, and scientifilly unsound paper that seeks to disparage lbian and gay parents.

THREE SGLE, GAY DADS REFLECT ON FATHERHOOD, SURROGACY JOURNEYS

In a mentary Slate, William Saletan wr, "What the study shows, then, is that kids om broken hom head by gay people velop the same problems as kids om broken hom head by straight people. NPR spoke to three men, sgle gay fathers, who chose to bee dads via surrogacy, after years of g to terms wh their inti, their fai, and the technologil advanc that have ma journeys like this possible.

But perhaps the most important rearch fdg is that gay dads and their dghters have closer relatnships when dads tell the tth—and the dads are ls clilly prsed than dads who hi this important rmatn om their children (Tornello, 2018). So if you as a dghter or as a gay dad are still tiptoeg around the topic, ’s time to give yourselv a gift by gettg this skeleton out of the closet. Though there have been que a few headl of proment gay men like Anrson Cooper and Joe Zee steppg to fatherhood, we mtn't fet that this is also a realy for gay and queer men across the world who have e to build fai a variety of ways.

Such a photograph would have been extraordarily rare jt s ago, but now is one of many published the book “Dads, ” a four-year visual archive of gay fatherhood across Ameri that began 2016. “I felt a ltle b lonely as a gay dad – although there are two of – but lonely the sense that all the other fai I knew were straight parents, ” Heynen said a vio ll, explag why he began photographg the seri. For Heynen, they reprent addnal love and re and help illtrate some of the cisn-makg that, though not exclive to them, all gay fathers mt ntend wh.

IS YOUR DAD GAY—OR ARE YOU A GAY DAD?

Heynen, as well as the fathers he photographed, hope that the photographs “Dads” will dispel some of the hurtful stereotyp that still lger around gay fatherhood. Hosted by Wt Hollywood uple Yan and Alex, the dads e each episo to chat parentg and relatnships, and lately have been focg each episo on the gay rights and fatherhood pathways by untry, and vg a gay father om each lotn on as a gut. This YA g-of-age novel follows high schooler Sal, who was adopted to a lovg Mexin Amerin fay by his gay father, when he begs to qutn his inty and place the world durg his senr year.

Celebri like Anrson Cooper have helped normalize the ia of gay men raisg children, and no longer feels revelatory to see them on televisn, as did when “Morn Fay” premiered mon, Mr. It’s an unrstandable impulse, which he attribut to a sire among gay parents to feel “normal” after havg their pabili as parents ntually lled to qutn. Heynen said, but rather a celebratn of the day-to-day liv of gay Jt for the YoungCly Rose, 61, and Ryan, 12Cly Rose, who liv Manhattan, was first photographed for “Dads” three years ago after meetg Mr.

Heynen “a lot of cred” for cludg a father like him — a sgle dad his 60s — sce he said there is often a lack of reprentatn of olr gay people art and media, which tends to foc on young, f men. S., many gay men and their fai still experience discrimatn and are stigmatized by relativ, neighbors, salpeople and other members of their muni, a study suggts. Supreme Court legalized gay marriage natnwi 2015, advancg legal parentg rights for same-sex upl wh almost two-thirds of gay fathers experience stigma based on their stat as homosexual dads, and half of them avoid suatns out of fear of mistreatment or discrimatn, the current study children experience stigma, too.

MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI

One-third of gay fathers said their kids were stigmatized by other children, and one five dads said their children had avoid formg iendships out of fear of mistreatment or discrimatn.

“Legal protectns today are much more expansive than they were a ago, which turn means that the stigma faced by gay fathers - and, by extensn, lbian mothers - should be ls than the past, ” said Brian Powell, a soclogy rearcher at Indiana Universy Bloomgton who wasn’t volved the study. “But the protectns are not universally provid across all stat, ” Powell said by the study, rearchers surveyed 732 gay fathers wh 1, 316 children 47 stat. Rearchers ranked stat based on how many legal protectns they offered to gay parents that vered thgs like marriage, civil unns, domtic partnerships, adoptn, child ctody and anti-bullyg surprisgly, gay fathers were more likely to report stigma affectg their liv stat wh fewer legal protectns.

‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD

Fai stat wh more legal protectns for gay parents were more likely to be formed by surrogacy, while men stat wh few legal protectns were more likely to bee fathers through heterosexual relatnships, the study fathers reported barriers to beg parents. About 41 percent had difficulti wh adoptn and one-third enuntered problems arrangg ctody of children born heterosexual study n’t prove whether parentg stat or sexual orientatn directly impacts discrimatn, and wasn’t natnally participants were whe, and ’s also possible that gay fathers om other racial or ethnic groups might report different experienc, Dr. “The fdgs suggt that stigma persists for gay fathers, who reported experiencg the most stigma relig stutns, rtrants, and om neighbors, ” Raifman said by email.

“In stat wh ls equal rights, gay men who wish to bee fathers may be ls likely to be able to bee a parent and those who do bee parents are more likely to experience stigma directed toward them. BACKGROUND:Gay men have bee fathers the ntext of a heterosexual relatnship, by adoptn, by donatg sperm to 1 or 2 lbian women and subsequently sharg parentg rponsibili, and/or by engagg the servic of a surrogate pregnancy rrier.

GAY FATHERS FACE STIGMA AS PARENTS

The 2013 US Supreme Court’s legalizatn of full rights to marriage for same-genr partners provid full legimacy to fai created by lbian and gay upl and regnized that their children would be beneficiari of the sanctned legal stat of their parents. Social science rearch has documented the well-beg of children raised by same-genr parents, 1, 2 and many profsnal associatns that addrs parentg have endorsed nfince and optimism about gay or lbian parents raisg children, cludg the Amerin Amy of Pediatrics, Amic Pediatric Associatn, Amerin Medil Associatn, and Amerin Amy of Child and Adolcent Psychiatry. As a rult of the velopments, over half of gay teenagers expect to bee fathers, 4, 5 and their possible pathways to parenthood have expand enormoly.

6 Prevly, most gay men beme fathers the ntext of a heterosexual marriage; some knew that they were gay and saw marriage as the only route to parenthood; others regnized and acknowledged their homosexualy later.

9, –11 More recently, new reproductive technologi have allowed gay men to provi sperm to a woman who would rry a pregnancy for them, a surrogate rrier. Th, gay fathers have risen numbers and visibily over the last , challengg assumptns that embracg a gay inty meant fog the possibily of parenthood. Neverthels, gay men report spicn and cricism for their cisn to be parents om gay iends who have not chosen parenthood, barriers the adoptn procs, and isolatn their parental role.

20/20: GROWG UP WH GAY PARENTS

14, 15 Gay men who beme parents while a heterosexual relatnship may face difficulti matag ctody or obtag legal parentg rights for a new spoe. 16 Gay fathers have to ntend wh the still-prevalent belief that children need a mother to thrive and stereotyp associated wh gay men as ivolo, unstable, and unf parents. 15 A recent study revealed that although gay fathers did not differ om heterosexual fathers the strength and qualy of their relatnships, feelgs of rejectn and havg to jtify themselv as parents affected fathers’ feelgs of petence as parents.

WHY GAY PARENTS MAY BE THE BT PARENTS

Our objective this study was to disver whether gay men ntue to enunter barriers beg fathers and stigma var ntexts and to exame associatns between the experienc and legal and social stctur that surround the fai. mographic rmatn about the rponnt and his children;the method(s) by which the child(ren) joed the fay;whether the rponnt had faced barriers accsg pathways to parenthood; andwhether rponnts had been “ma to feel unfortable, exclud, shamed, hurt, or unwele” specific social ntexts bee of beg/havg a gay father (active stigma), or had “avoid var suatns bee of worry about people’s judgments” (anticipated stigma). We distributed a lk to the survey through targeted Facebook advertisg, an advertisement Gay Parent Magaze, Twter, Meetup groups, and direct ntacts wh lbian, gay, bisexual, and transgenr (LGBT) parentg groups, advocy anizatns, LGBT muny and cultural centers, surrogacy and adoptn agenci, and church groups throughout the Uned Stat.

To unrstand the fluence of the social environment on gay fathers and their children, we ed the “equaly ratgs” created by the Movement Advancement Project () based on each state’s laws for protectn of LGBT fai (eg, laws regardg adoptn and foster re by lbians and gay men, the availabily of legal domtic partnerships, civil unns, and civil marriage, regulatns about bullyg schools, etc). We ed rankgs of specific relig groups reported by Hatzenbuehler et al, 20 which were based on the explic beliefs of each relign regardg homosexualy and marriage equaly; each relign was ranked om 0 to 4. Pathways to fatherhood varied dramatilly on the basis of the birth date of the elst child (Fig 1), reflectg greater social acceptance of gay men beg parents recent years.

GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG

Approximately one-fourth of rponnts reported experiencg stigma the past year om fay members, neighbors, gay iends, and/or service provirs such as waers, service provirs, and salpeople (see Table 2). Fathers reported few stigma experienc related to havg gay parents directed at children om fay members, neighbors, or relig, school, or health re ntexts.