Here’s Why Pretendg to Be Straight High School Was a Big Mistake for Me</tle><meta name="tle" ntent="Here’s Why Pretendg to Be Straight High School Was a Big Mistake for Me" /><meta name="scriptn" ntent=""The bety was that once I me out, I disvered that people loved me for me."" /><meta name="keywords" ntent="Raymond Brn,lgbtq,lgbtq issu,advice, gay, queer, tips, g out, g out gay as a teen, trans" /><meta property="og:type" ntent="webse" /><meta name="theme-lor" ntent="#000000" /><lk href="/_assets/sign-tokens/seventeen/static/imag/" rel="in" /><meta property="og:se_name" ntent="Seventeen" /><meta name="fb:app_id" ntent="112965278727107" property="fb:app_id" /><meta name="article:publisher" ntent=" property="article:publisher" /><meta name="fb:pag" ntent="8028997215" property="fb:pag" /><meta name="twter:se" ntent="@seventeen" /><meta name="google-se-verifitn" ntent="uQMdsrh02fvs6lNVGcB04v0iEtK1MpGMQ3UF-Fy0RVI" /><meta property="og:tle" ntent="Here's Why Pretendg to Be Straight High School Was a Big Mistake for Me" /><meta property="og:scriptn" ntent=""The bety was that once I me out, I disvered that people loved me for me."" /><meta name="robots" ntent="max-image-preview:large,max-snippet:-1,max-vio-preview:30" /><lk rel="apple-touch-in" href="/_assets/sign-tokens/seventeen/static/imag/" /><meta property="og:image" ntent="" /><meta property="og:image:width" ntent="1200" /><meta property="og:image:height" ntent="600" /><meta name="thumbnail" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent=" /><meta name="twter:image" ntent="" /><meta ntent=" property="og:url" /><meta name="to-publish" ntent="evergreen" /><meta property="og:type" ntent="article" /><meta name="twter:rd" ntent="summary_large_image" /><meta name="article:opn" property="article:opn" /><meta ntent="Life" property="article:sectn" /><meta ntent="2021-09-20T23:32:11Z" property="article:modified_time" /><meta ntent="2018-01-18T16:15:00Z" property="article:published_time" /><meta name="sailth.excerpt" ntent="I ed to HATE my name. 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/></li></ol></nav><style data-emotn="css 1rvucsk">{font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-weight:normal;grid-lumn:1/-1;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-top:0.9375rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.5rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.625rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:3rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{font-size:3.25rem;le-height:1.1;}}</style><h1 class="css-1rvucsk exadjwu10"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span>Here's Why Pretendg to Be Straight High School Was a Big Mistake for Me<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css 1fyfv5q">{font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-weight:normal;marg-bottom:0.625rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.375rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.5rem;le-height:1.2;}} a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-1fyfv5q exadjwu8"><p>"The bety was that once I me out, I disvered that people loved me for me."</p></div><style data-emotn="css 7lmlrx">{marg-bottom:0.625rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;letter-spacg:0.05em;text-transform:upperse;} span{le-height:1.6;}</style><div class="css-7lmlrx exadjwu7"><style data-emotn="css rkt8">{font-style:normal;paddg-right:0.3125rem;font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;letter-spacg:0.05em;text-transform:upperse;}</style><addrs class="css-rkt8 ehvvd9m2"><style data-emotn="css q8brce">{paddg-right:0.3125rem;font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;letter-spacg:0.05em;text-transform:upperse;}</style><span class="css-q8brce ehvvd9m1">By Raymond Brn</span><style data-emotn="css w0ebia">{display:le-block;text-transform:upperse;marg-left:0.625rem;}</style><time class="css-w0ebia exadjwu6">Published: Jan 18, 2018</time></addrs></div></div></div></hear><style data-emotn="css k008qs">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;}</style><div class="css-k008qs ewisyje0"><style data-emotn="css 7ce51e">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;posn:relative;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{max-width:lc(100vw - (1rem * 2));marg-left:1rem;marg-right:1rem;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(-1 * 1rem);}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{marg-left:to;marg-right:to;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc((100vw - (lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 2 * 1rem)) / -2);}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem) and (max-width: 90rem){{max-width:lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem);marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / 2);paddg-left:1rem;paddg-right:1rem;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / -2) - 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64rem){{width:1.063rem;height:1.063rem;}}</style><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="ptert in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1l3i1cl ewcw41w1" /></a></div></div><style data-emotn="css 285vyd">{le-height:1;}@media(max-width: 73.75rem){{paddg-left:0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:0;}}</style><figptn class="css-285vyd enfs9c50"><span class="css-q8brce e6iqd2">Seventeen</span></figptn></div></div><style data-emotn="css z6i669">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:3.5rem;paddg-right:3.5rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{max-width:45.25rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem) and (max-width: 100rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}} em{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}{clear:both;ntent:" ";display:block;font-size:0.7rem;le-height:1.5rem;height:0rem;visibily:hidn;}</style><div class="article-body-ntent article-body standard-body-ntent css-z6i669 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css 18vfmjb">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} em{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">I ed to HATE my name. Raymond. <br /></p><p data-no-id="1" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">I remember stg at the kchen table one eveng while my mom was stirrg pasta sce and askg her if I uld change my name. I loved Michael; sound strong when I said out loud. Or John. (It probably wasn't a cince that Michael and John were two of the ol kids my elementary school.)</p><p data-no-id="2" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">My mom gave me a puzzled exprsn that flashed equal parts amed and hurt. Why would I want to change my betiful name that was so uniquely me?</p><div data-no-id="3" data-teractive="WatchNext-1" class="journey-unblur-ntent css-0 e10xr3vp6"><style data-emotn="css 1ujafpv">{clear:both;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;paddg:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{width:100%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:25rem;float:left;marg-right:1.25rem;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{marg-left:0;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{marg-left:max(512px - 50vw, -5%);paddg:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{marg-left:max(590px - 50vw, -20%);}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{marg-left:-40%;}}</style><div data-embed="watch-next" class="css-1ujafpv e10xr3vp5"><style data-emotn="css upp71m">{text-align:left;marg:0 to;max-width:60rem;borr:th solid #CDCDCD;}</style><div class="css-upp71m e10xr3vp4"><style data-emotn="css 1ocka91">{marg-bottom:0rem;paddg:0.625rem;}</style><div class="css-1ocka91 e10xr3vp3"><style data-emotn="css g8jkq0">{marg:0rem;font-weight:bold;font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1.2;letter-spacg:0.05rem;text-transform:upperse;}</style><h6 class="css-g8jkq0 e10xr3vp2"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><span class="css-0 e10xr3vp1">More From Seventeen</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css 19idlm5">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;lor:#000000;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-weight:bold;-webk-box-pack:left;-ms-flex-pack:left;-webk-jtify-ntent:left;jtify-ntent:left;marg:0rem;marg-bottom:0.3125rem;marg-top:0.625rem;m-height:2.4rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.125rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:1rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.125rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><h6 class="css-19idlm5 e10xr3vp0"> </h6></div><style data-emotn="css 1ui7hop">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;--aspect-rat:56.25%;}</style><div class="__rp-ntaer css-1ui7hop e6l0f0"><style data-emotn="css 1yu8e3d">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;width:100%;height:100%;} .__rp-ntaer{height:to;}</style><div data-embed="embed-vio" class="vio-player css-1yu8e3d e1ou1fny0"><style data-emotn="css 1uds6oo">{height:100%;width:100%;posn:relative;}</style><div class="css-1uds6oo e1f7ylgd6"><style data-emotn="css 1iiivv4">{background-lor:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.4);borr:.1875rem solid whe;borr-radi:50%;lor:#fff;cursor:poter;height:3.75rem;left:50%;posn:absolute;top:50%;-webk-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-moz-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-ms-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-webk-transn:all 0.4s;transn:all 0.4s;width:3.75rem;z-x:1;}.e1f7ylgd6:hover {background-lor:rgba(33, 150, 245, 0.8);lor:#ffffff;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{height:5.625rem;width:5.625rem;borr:.28125rem solid whe;}}</style><button aria-label="Play Vio" class="css-1iiivv4 e1f7ylgd1"><style data-emotn="css 1lhf7lq">{fill:#ffffff;height:1.4rem;vertil-align:middle;width:1.45rem;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:2.3125rem;height:3rem;}}</style><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" style="fill: var(--primary, #000);" role="img" tle="Play" class="css-1lhf7lq e1f7ylgd2"><tle>play in</tle><sc>The triangle in that dit to play</sc><path d="M22 12 7 20.66V3.34L22 12Z"></path></svg></button><style data-emotn="css 157wciq">{width:100%;height:100%;object-f:ver;cursor:poter;}</style><style data-emotn="css g939jb">{width:100%;height:100%;object-f:ver;cursor:poter;}</style><img fetchPrry="high" alt="preview for Seventeen US All-Sectns Dynamic Playlist" tle="Vio player poster image" width="2000" height="1000" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="e1f7ylgd5 css-g939jb exi4f7p0" /></div></div></div></div></div></div><p data-no-id="4" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">The realy was that there was nothg herently wrong wh my name, but I uldn't stand the way was beg hurled agast me. To my 11-year-old self, I had the misfortune of a name that rhymed wh the word I was tryg sperately to avoid: gay. </p><p data-no-id="5" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">"Gay Ray!" </p><p data-no-id="6" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">"Ray Gay!" </p><p data-no-id="7" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">"Ray The Gay!" </p><p data-no-id="8" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">"Who's the gay? That'd be Ray!" </p><p data-no-id="9" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">A day at school wouldn't pass whout my peers fdg new ways to ll out that I was gay and different om everybody else. </p><p data-no-id="10" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">I grew up a small, nservative town Northwt Oh. Before I had a word for , I always knew there was somethg different about me. My earlit childhood memori clu csh on a cute male babyster and lifeguard. I remember not unrstandg why my prchool teacher took the Barbie out of my hand and enuraged me stead to play wh the other boys and their tcks. And I remember seeg a news report when I was eight years old about a horrific hate crime — the murr of llege stunt Matthew Shepherd. I was terrified that vlence was somethg I should expect simply for beg who I am.</p><p data-no-id="11" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">There weren't any openly LGBTQ role mols my muny who uld provi some sort of visn or hope for my future. I felt isolated, lonely, and nfed, but outsi, I put on a happy face and tried to move forward. I distracted myself and tried everythg I uld to ph my feelgs of difference away. I ed to tell myself, maybe if I'm so succsful other areas of life — if I make straight As, play sports, get volved wh extracurriculars, and do everythg a kid is "supposed" to do to make their teachers proud — will overpensate for this one thg that was so unlovable about me. </p><style data-emotn="css 1736von">{--data-embed-display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;clear:both;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}} a span{right:1rem;} img{width:to;height:85vh;} a{display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;posn:var(--posn, relative);} img:not(.ewcw41w1){display:block;width:100%;height:to;-webk-align-self:flex-start;-ms-flex-em-align:flex-start;align-self:flex-start;}</style><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="12" class="align-center size-medium embed css-1736von e1xqj1sx4"><style data-emotn="css uwraif">{width:100%;display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;}</style><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><div class="css-p7qblm ewcw41w0"><img alt="Ice hockey equipment, Hockey protective equipment, Bandy, Sports gear, College ice hockey, Ice hockey, Hockey, Jersey, Sportswear, Player, " tle="Ice hockey equipment, Hockey protective equipment, Bandy, Sports gear, College ice hockey, Ice hockey, Hockey, Jersey, Sportswear, Player, " loadg="lazy" width="694" height="878" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" href="//" class="ptert css-1i6sckr e1c1bym14"><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="ptert in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1l3i1cl ewcw41w1" /></a></div><style data-emotn="css swqnqv">@media(m-width: 20rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}</style><div class="css-swqnqv e1xqj1sx2"><style data-emotn="css 1am3yn9">{paddg-left:0rem;le-height:1;}</style><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-q8brce e6iqd2">Courty of Raymond Brn</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="13" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">I so wish I uld give 11-year-old Raymond a big hug right now. I'd tell him everyone serv the right to be who they are and that he was puttg too much prsure on himself and not givg his fay the opportuny to show how supportive and lovg they are. </p><p data-no-id="14" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">High school was a h start. I went termed to shed my "Gay Ray" label. I changed my wardrobe, optg for more sports apparel and baseball hats. I liberately lowered my voice and tried to tone down my naturally animated facial exprsns. I pretend to have a girliend, "Cal," at another school and even faked phone lls and rrponnce wh her. I read sports blogs I didn't re about jt so I uld participate banter about the Red Sox and Yanke. I took my favore artists off my iPod (Brney Spears, Mariah Carey, Psyt Dolls) for fear that my mic taste would "out" me. It was exhstg to live my life behd a refully nstcted shell, but worked. I had a lot of iends, I wasn't bullied, and I even ran for stunt uncil my hman year... and won. The slogan, suggted by my iend, was "Everybody Lov Raymond."</p><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="15" class="align-center size-medium embed css-1736von e1xqj1sx4"><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><div class="css-p7qblm ewcw41w0"><img alt="Product, Fan, People, Crowd, Stadium, Red, Sport venue, Baseball, Fun, Event, " tle="Product, Fan, People, Crowd, Stadium, Red, Sport venue, Baseball, Fun, Event, " loadg="lazy" width="604" height="453" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" href="//" class="ptert css-1i6sckr e1c1bym14"><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="ptert in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1l3i1cl ewcw41w1" /></a></div><div class="css-swqnqv e1xqj1sx2"><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-q8brce e6iqd2">Courty of Raymond Brn</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="16" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Everythg crashed down towards the end of my hman year after I "broke up" wh my fake girliend. I was hangg out wh a group of my hman guy iends when a senr me the room and said he was gog to set all up on dat. He lled one of his popular female iends on speakerphone and didn't tell her he was wh all of . They then proceed to discs potential match. When they got to my name, I uld hear my heart beatg my ears.</p><p data-no-id="17" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">"Oh, I don't have anyone for Raymond," the girl said. "I don't know any gay guys to set him up wh." </p><p data-no-id="18" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">The words h me like a ld slap the face. I acted surprised and offend, what I assumed any straight guy would do, but I'm sure everyone noticed that my face was flhg eper shas of red. I started to sweat and found an exce to leave the room. That night, I cried myself to sleep. After all my hard work, I still uldn't hi myself. </p><p data-no-id="19" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Not too long after that ll, I was walkg down the street listeng to some mic when a r full of kids om a nearby high school zoomed by. "Walk like a man, you f**got," one of the guys sneered before lnchg several beer bottl at me. </p><p data-no-id="20" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">It all happened so fast that I didn't have time to procs until I got back to my room and pulled a shard of broken glass out of my shoe. After another long cry, I fally realized: Not only was exhstg to hi my te self, also wasn't even workg. Tryg to ver up my te inty was like tryg to ver a light bulb wh tissue paper. Eventually my te sence would she through wh all s force – and did. I served to she, jt like you do. That night, I equented some of the webs I had vised the past whenever I felt sad (where was Tumblr when I need ?). I stumbled upon a whole page full of quot about inty, about beg yourself: </p><p data-no-id="21" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">"He who trims himself to su everyone will soon whtle himself away." — Raymond Hull </p><p data-no-id="22" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">"You were born an origal. Don't die a py." — John Mason</p><p data-no-id="23" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">That night, as I sat my room readg the words over and over, I cried. I cried bee I knew I uld never be the guy I was tryg to be; I cried when I thought about how much more difficult my life might be out the open; and I cried bee I realized I <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">had</em> to nont this part of me that I'd tried so hard to smother for years. While at the time that night felt like the end of the world, I realize now how liberated actually ma me. Sce I uldn't fool anyone anymore, I eed myself om tryg to do jt that. Instead, I began to ternalize the unrlyg msage of the quotatns that spired me. I AM an origal and I WON'T die a py. </p><p data-no-id="24" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">I don't share the stori so you'll feel bad for me. I wre this bee I want you to know that I unrstand what feels like to be bullied, to be the outst, the "unol" person. I was the lanky, awkward, gap-toothed kid. I was the secure, sred kid who qutned whether he'd ever fd love and stggled wh body image and self teem. And now I'm here to tell you that you're not alone; I'll walk bi you whatever trench you're sloggg through at the moment. </p><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="25" class="align-center size-medium embed css-1736von e1xqj1sx4"><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><div class="css-p7qblm ewcw41w0"><img alt="Hair, Face, Eyewear, Forehead, Hairstyle, Glass, Facial exprsn, Eyebrow, Ch, Head, " tle="Hair, Face, Eyewear, Forehead, Hairstyle, Glass, Facial exprsn, Eyebrow, Ch, Head, " loadg="lazy" width="1000" height="700" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" href="//" class="ptert css-1i6sckr e1c1bym14"><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="ptert in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1l3i1cl ewcw41w1" /></a></div><div class="css-swqnqv e1xqj1sx2"><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-q8brce e6iqd2">Courty of Raymond Brn</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="26" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">That night, I started makg important chang my life. I stopped followg profsnal sports and started watchg shows I actually liked. I qu playg on sports teams, optg stead for activi that tly fed me emotnally: muny service, languag, wrg, and tutorg. Bright lors and funky styl crept back to my wardrobe. I blasted Brney Spears, Madonna, and all my fast-paced, upbeat dance mic whout worryg if people uld hear through my earphon. I threw away the biki poster my room, replacg wh photo llag of me and my iends and fay. I spoke my normal tone wh all my idsyncratic facial and hand gtur that e naturally. And I began to proactively explore my muny and my inty as a gay man. </p><p data-no-id="27" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">When I was high school, YouTube had jt started to take off. For me, ma the LGBTQ muny real, accsible, and tangible. I was nstantly huntg for new vios wh LGBTQ them, and though there weren't many at the start, there were enough to give me hope for my future. Fally, I uld watch other LGBTQ people like me sharg their stori. I felt like I knew them and had gay iends. YouTube and the Inter played a huge role stillg the urage and strength for me to build my nfince, nfi a guidance unselor and some tsted adults, and ultimately e out. The bety was that once I me out, I disvered that people loved me for me. </p><p data-no-id="28" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">(Note: While I wholeheartedly enurage everyone to be their thentic self, I fely don't want you to feel prsured to e out until you're ready and 's SAFE. We'll talk about how to asss whether you're a safe environment to e out a future lumn.)</p><p data-no-id="29" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">YouTube ma such a posive impact affirmg my inty that I wanted to pay forward. I started workg for YouTube as an tern 2011. I was hooked immediately and haven't left sce! YouTube provis a platform and a voice for everyone. Anyone n upload a vio, share a story, and be heard. As a rult, the LGBTQ muny has bee one of the most vibrant, dynamic, and diverse groups on the platform. I've had the opportuny to meet and work wh so many talented, thoughtful, and funny LGBTQ creators who spire me daily, and together, we've lnched projects like <style data-emotn="css lec2h6">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;background-image:lear-gradient( to bottom, rgba(241, 220, 225, 1), rgba(241, 220, 225, 1));-webk-background-posn:0 100%;background-posn:0 100%;background-repeat:repeat-x;-webk-background-size:0 0;background-size:0 0;paddg-top:0.05rem;paddg-bottom:0.05rem;}{lor:#000000;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;-webk-background-size:.625rem 3.125rem;background-size:.625rem 3.125rem;}</style><a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="#ProudToLove" class="body-lk css-lec2h6 et3p2gv0">#ProudToLove</a> and <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="#ProudToPlay" class="body-lk css-lec2h6 et3p2gv0">#ProudToPlay</a>. </p><p data-no-id="30" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Earlier this year, I cid to <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="create my own channel" class="body-lk css-lec2h6 et3p2gv0">create my own channel</a> to explore topics that impact the LGBTQ muny and llaborate wh people who spire me, like <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Jazz Jenngs" class="body-lk css-lec2h6 et3p2gv0">Jazz Jenngs</a>, <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="The Rhos Bros" class="body-lk css-lec2h6 et3p2gv0">The Rhos Bros</a>, <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Brendan Jordan" class="body-lk css-lec2h6 et3p2gv0">Brendan Jordan</a>, and <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Daniella Carter" class="body-lk css-lec2h6 et3p2gv0">Daniella Carter</a>. My channel is for LGBTQ teens and anyone who wants to feel part of a supportive, clive muny and learn more. My favore part of makg YouTube vios is nnectg wh you and hearg how my vios might have helped you. Maybe they gave you some hope for the future, or showed you that you are ed not alone, or ted you about a new facet of our muny. </p><p data-no-id="31" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">It's amazg to see how much the world has changed sce I was high school. Same-sex marriage beme the <a href="/life/news/a31916/supreme-urt-l-same-sex-marriage-equaly/" class="css-lec2h6 et3p2gv0">law</a> of the land this summer. The transgenr muny is experiencg unprecented, much-served visibily entertament and mastream media. And more Amerins than ever support LGBTQ rights. But pockets of bigotry, hate, and misrmatn still exist everywhere. I know n still be really hard to be an LGBTQ teen. More than <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="85 percent of LGBTQ youth report verbal or physil harassment school and LGBTQ youth n be up to ne tim more likely to ntemplate or attempt suici than their non-LGBTQ peers" class="body-lk css-lec2h6 et3p2gv0">85 percent of LGBTQ youth report verbal or physil harassment school and LGBTQ youth n be up to ne tim more likely to ntemplate or attempt suici than their non-LGBTQ peers</a>. Trans youth (particularly trans youth of lor) are at startlgly high risk for vlence, self harm, and homelsns. </p><p data-no-id="32" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">In some schools, teens still aren't allowed to brg their same-sex dat to prom; nservative admistrators are creatg ridiculo polici to stifle the exprsn of their LGBTQ stunts; and jt last week, more than 100 stunts Missouri <a href="/life/school/news/a33681/transgenr-teen-locker-room-rights/" class="css-lec2h6 et3p2gv0">staged a prott</a> agast their transgenr classmate simply bee she wanted to e the girls' locker room. No one serv the eply humanizg stg of watchg your classmat prott you simply beg who you are. </p><p data-no-id="33" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">To anyone the trench right now who is feelg different, isolated, secure, or lonely, you are not alone. I know you likely hear the words to the pot that they may not rry much impact, but there's a reason we all repeat so much. Bee 's te. </p><p data-no-id="34" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Maybe you're lonely. You see all your iends startg to velop csh and gog on dat. You're sick of beg alone for school danc and don't know how to meet other LGBTQ kids. </p><p data-no-id="35" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Maybe you're sred. You don't know how your parents, iends, fay, or church are gog to react to you g out that you're gay, pansexual, genr fluid, or qutng. </p><p data-no-id="36" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Maybe you're angry. You see jtic happeng agast our muny; trans women of lor beg murred, LGBTQ people beg nied jobs and hog simply for who they are, and you want to know how to speak up. </p><p data-no-id="37" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Maybe you're tired. Tired of beg bullied, of teachers not standg up for you, of your church tellg you that you're a sner, and feelg like you n't tch a break. </p><p data-no-id="38" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Maybe you're nfed. Your health class isn't talkg about genr inty and same-sex relatnships, so you don't know where to fd accurate rmatn to help you take re of your health and well beg. </p><p data-no-id="39" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Or maybe you're straight but want to learn how to be an ally and better support and enurage your LGBTQ classmat and iends. High five to you, and thank you!</p><p data-no-id="40" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">I felt all of the emotns growg up. For a long time, I thought I was "the only gay the village." I'm so glad I found the strength to keep perseverg until I found an acceptg muny. The LGBTQ muny is full of some of the most diverse, creative, fun, sensive, nscient, telligent, passnate people I've ever met. I now feel so PROUD to be gay, and I wouldn't tra for anythg. Tly. </p><p data-no-id="41" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">I'm so exced to jo as Contributg Edor for all thgs LGBTQ! Every month, I'll be wrg about a different topic nnected to the LGBTQ muny. To help me tackle your important qutns, I'll be troducg you to some credibly smart, spiratnal, fun, and fierce LGBTQ iends and alli. We n talk about whatever is on your md: What to do bee you have a big csh on your bt iend who happens to be the same genr; thgs to thk about before you go on your first gay date; how to explore your genr inty. From g out, datg, and sexual health to tersectnaly, activism, peer prsure, and relign, you n thk of this as a virtual GSA — nothg is off lims and I'm here to help you however I n. </p><p data-no-id="42" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">So, let's kick thgs off wh an ask-me-anythg Q&A! All my social media lks are below. Pick your favore and ask me some LGBTQ-themed qutns wh hashtag #17QandRay. I'm gog to film a vio at Seventeen's headquarters this week tacklg your qutns, and I'll also be g them as spiratn for future lumns, so don't be shy. Please keep touch and I n't wa to hear om you. :) </p><p data-no-id="43" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Remember, you're not alone and I have your back. You are loved and I LOVE YOU! </p><p data-no-id="44" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">xoxo,</p><p data-no-id="45" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Gay Ray, aka Raymond Brn </p><p data-no-id="46" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">If you are a young LGBTQ person crisis, feelg suicidal, or need of a safe and judgment-ee place to talk, ll the Trevor Lifele now at 866-488-7386. Vis <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn=" class="body-lk css-lec2h6 et3p2gv0"></a> for more rourc.</em></p><p data-no-id="47" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Thkg about g out high school? Watch this vio for some great advice:</p><style data-emotn="css 8c6v">{posn:absolute;left:-10000px;top:to;width:1px;height:1px;overflow:hidn;}</style><div data-ad-exclu class="css-8c6v ehha8ut0">This ntent is imported om youTube. You may be able to fd the same ntent another format, or you may be able to fd more rmatn, at their web se.</div><style data-emotn="css 9angbx">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;m-height:299px;}@media(max-width: 30rem){{m-height:163px;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{m-height:252px;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{m-height:347px;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{m-height:299px;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{m-height:344px;}}</style><div data-embed="youtube" data-no-id="48" class="embed align-center css-9angbx exa3d2e3"><style data-emotn="css 79elbk">{posn:relative;}</style><div class="css-79elbk exa3d2e2"><style data-emotn="css b0nlql">{background:lear-gradient(rgba(0,0,0,.8) , rgba(0,0,0,0) 95%);background-repeat:no-repeat;-webk-background-size:100% 60px;background-size:100% 60px;posn:absolute;top:0rem;left:0rem;right:0rem;bottom:0rem;z-x:2;height:60px;poter-events:her;}</style><div class="css-b0nlql exa3d2e1"></div><style data-emotn="css 8vvrvc">{lor:#fff;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-fay:"YouTube Noto",Roboto,Arial,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:18px;height:60px;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;posn:absolute;paddg-left:1rem;left:0rem;right:0rem;top:0rem;text-shadow:0 0 2px rgba(0,0,0,0.5);z-x:4;}</style><div class="css-8vvrvc exa3d2e0"></div><style data-emotn="css 52d8dn">{background:rgba(23,23,23,0.8);borr-bottom-right-radi:2px;borr-top-right-radi:2px;bottom:5px;lor:#fff;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-weight:500;font-size:16px;le-height:16px;font-fay:"YouTube Noto",Roboto,Arial,Helveti,sans-serif;height:47px;paddg:16px 12px;posn:absolute;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;z-x:2;}</style><style data-emotn="css 1exe7l8">{background:rgba(23,23,23,0.8);borr-bottom-right-radi:2px;borr-top-right-radi:2px;bottom:5px;lor:#fff;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-weight:500;font-size:16px;le-height:16px;font-fay:"YouTube Noto",Roboto,Arial,Helveti,sans-serif;height:47px;paddg:16px 12px;posn:absolute;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;z-x:2;}</style><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" aria-label="Watch on YouTube" href=" class="exa3d2e5 css-1exe7l8 e1c1bym14"><span>Watch on</span><style data-emotn="css 1b1cg">{display:block;fill:#fff;height:16px;marg-left:9px;width:72px;}</style><svg viewBox="0 0 508 114" xmlns=" class="css-1b1cg exa3d2e4"><tle>Watch on YouTube In

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