'I’m a gay man who spent £150,000 to bee a dad' | Gay fance | The Guardian

Contents:

• THREE SGLE, GAY DADS REFLECT ON FATHERHOOD, SURROGACY JOURNEYS
• DAD AND DAD: A JOURNEY TO GAY FATHERHOOD – PICTUR
• ‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
• 'I’M A GAY MAN WHO SPENT £150,000 TO BEE A DAD'
• GROWG UP WH A GAY FATHER – CONFSNS OM A STRAIGHT SON
• HOW I ACCINTALLY FOUND OUT MY DAD IS GAY
• GAY FATHERS FACE STIGMA AS PARENTS
• IS YOUR DAD GAY—OR ARE YOU A GAY DAD?
• ARE THE FATHERS ALRIGHT? A SYSTEMATIC AND CRIL REVIEW OF STUDI ON GAY AND BISEXUAL FATHERHOOD

THREE SGLE, GAY DADS REFLECT ON FATHERHOOD, SURROGACY JOURNEYS

Social science rearch has documented the well-beg of children raised by same-genr parents, 1, 2 and many profsnal associatns that addrs parentg have endorsed nfince and optimism about gay or lbian parents raisg children, cludg the Amerin Amy of Pediatrics, Amic Pediatric Associatn, Amerin Medil Associatn, and Amerin Amy of Child and Adolcent Psychiatry.

mographic rmatn about the rponnt and his children;the method(s) by which the child(ren) joed the fay;whether the rponnt had faced barriers accsg pathways to parenthood; andwhether rponnts had been “ma to feel unfortable, exclud, shamed, hurt, or unwele” specific social ntexts bee of beg/havg a gay father (active stigma), or had “avoid var suatns bee of worry about people’s judgments” (anticipated stigma). We distributed a lk to the survey through targeted Facebook advertisg, an advertisement Gay Parent Magaze, Twter, Meetup groups, and direct ntacts wh lbian, gay, bisexual, and transgenr (LGBT) parentg groups, advocy anizatns, LGBT muny and cultural centers, surrogacy and adoptn agenci, and church groups throughout the Uned Stat.

To unrstand the fluence of the social environment on gay fathers and their children, we ed the “equaly ratgs” created by the Movement Advancement Project () based on each state’s laws for protectn of LGBT fai (eg, laws regardg adoptn and foster re by lbians and gay men, the availabily of legal domtic partnerships, civil unns, and civil marriage, regulatns about bullyg schools, etc). Supreme Court legalized gay marriage natnwi 2015, advancg legal parentg rights for same-sex upl wh almost two-thirds of gay fathers experience stigma based on their stat as homosexual dads, and half of them avoid suatns out of fear of mistreatment or discrimatn, the current study children experience stigma, too. “Legal protectns today are much more expansive than they were a ago, which turn means that the stigma faced by gay fathers - and, by extensn, lbian mothers - should be ls than the past, ” said Brian Powell, a soclogy rearcher at Indiana Universy Bloomgton who wasn’t volved the study.

DAD AND DAD: A JOURNEY TO GAY FATHERHOOD – PICTUR

Rearchers ranked stat based on how many legal protectns they offered to gay parents that vered thgs like marriage, civil unns, domtic partnerships, adoptn, child ctody and anti-bullyg surprisgly, gay fathers were more likely to report stigma affectg their liv stat wh fewer legal protectns.

About 41 percent had difficulti wh adoptn and one-third enuntered problems arrangg ctody of children born heterosexual study n’t prove whether parentg stat or sexual orientatn directly impacts discrimatn, and wasn’t natnally participants were whe, and ’s also possible that gay fathers om other racial or ethnic groups might report different experienc, Dr. Keywords: gay fathers, bisexual fathers, parentg pathways, genred parentg, non-tradnal fai, morn faiIntroductnRearch on fai head by gay/lbian parents started the late 1970's, after important ton genr equaly had been acplished by the femist and the gay liberatn movements (Patterson, 1992). After almost 40 years of rearch, there is still ntroversy over the effects for children growg up wh a gay or a lbian parent, and several wtern untri still prohib same-genr upl' accs to alternative rout to parentg based on the argument that the fay nfiguratns may hr normative child velopment (Fewa et al., 2015; Takács et al., 2016) easier accs to donor sematn, many lbian and bisexual women beme mothers eher via clil-based reproductive technologi or self-sematn wh donated semen.

The exponential growth of lbian upl and sgle lbians beg mothers the 1990's was termed the Lbian Baby Boom (Patterson, 1992), and rearch on lbian and gay fai followed this trend wh few studi of gay fatherhood (Biblarz and Savci, 2010) men have bee parents wh heterosexual relatnships, and through semen donatn, surrogacy, step- and -parentg, adoptn, and fosterg (Barrett and Tasker, 2001). The imbalance studi on gay and lbian parented fai is important: While there appears to be few overall differenc between different-genr and same-genr upl, parental genr or even the teractn between parental genr and sexual orientatn may fluence parentg practic and fay dynamics (Crowl et al., 2008; Bibarz and Stacey, 2010).

‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD

In this sense, gay upl are evaluated by others as beg ls emotnally stable, as havg fewer parentg petenc, and as creatg an environment that is aquate, and even harmful for children (Crawford and Solliday, 1996) sharp ntrast wh the perceptns, a recent meta-analysis explorg the impact of gay fatherhood on children's psychologil adjtment has found that parison wh children of heterosexual parents, children of gay fathers may even fare better on some psychologil domas, namely monstrate ls ternalizg and externalizg problems (Miller et al., 2017).

Authors/dateCountryN FathersN ChildrenFathers and/or childrenSelectnMethodMethodologyKshipMiller, 1979CA/USA4090Fathers and childrenConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QualativeInterviewMixedBozett, 1980USA180FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QualativeInterviewMixedBozett, 1981USA180FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QualativeInterviewHeterosexual marriageRobson and Skeen, 1982USA600FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QuantativeQutnnaireNot reportedSkeen and Robson, 1984USA300FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QuantativeQutnnaireNot reportedSkeen and Robson, 1985USA600FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QuantativeQutnnaireNot reported (heterosexual)Bigner and Jabsen, 1989aUSA660FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QuantativeQutnnairenot reportedBigner and Jabsen, 1989bUSA660FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QuantativeQutnnairenot reportedBigner and Jabsen, 1992USA530FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QuantativeQutnnairenot reportedCrosbie-Burt and Helmbrecht, 1993USA9648Fathers and childrenConvenience/purposive + clil referralsQuantativeQutnnaireHeterosexual marriageBailey et al., 1995USA5543Fathers and childrenConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QuantativeQutnnaireNot reported (heterosexual)Peterson et al., 2000USA30FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QualativeInterviewNot reported (planned)Barrett and Tasker, 2001UK101179Fathers and childrenConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QuantativeQutnnaireMixedSilverste et al., 2002USA210FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QualativeFoc groupPlannedBenson et al., 2005USA250FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QualativeFoc groupHeterosexual marriageCurrent-Juretschko and Bigner, 2005USA50FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QualativeInterviewStep parentgSchacher et al., 2005USA210FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QualativeFoc groupHeterosexual marriageStacey, 2006USA240FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QualativeInterviewMixedBerkowz, 2008USA390FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QualativeInterviewPlannedBerkowz and Marsigl, 2007USA390FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QualativeInterviewPlannedBramen and Mchell, 2008USA100FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QualativeInterviewNot reported (planned)Giano, 2008USA160FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QualativeInterviewAdoptnRiggs, 2008AUS210FathersConvenience/purposiveQualativeInterviewDonor InsematnRipper, 2008AUS400FathersNatnal data fileMixed-methodsMedia analysisDonor InsematnSirota, 2009USA0136ChildrenConvenience/purposiveQuantativeQutnnaireHeterosexual marriageDowng et al., 2009USA640FathersAdoptn agenciQualativeInterviewAdoptnBos, 2010NL720FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QuantativeQutnnairePlannedTasker et al., 2010USA036ChildrenConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QualativeInterviewNot reportedTuazon-McCheyne, 2010UK130FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QualativeFoc groupSurrogacyPatterson and Tornello, 2010AUS1020FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QuantativeQutnnaireMixedBergman et al., 2010USA400FathersSurrogacy agenciQualativeInterviewSurrogacyWells, 2011USA200FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QualativeInterviewAdoptnBerkowz, 2011aUSA*120Fathers and non-fathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QualativeInterviewAdoptnBerkowz, 2011bUSA*220fathers and non-fathersConvenience/purposiveQualativeInterviewMixedArmto and Shapiro, 2011USA100FathersAdoptn agenci + support groupQualativeInterviewAdoptnTornello et al., 2011USA2300FathersConvenience/purposiveQuantativeQutnnaireAdoptnPower et al., 2012AUS / NZ880FathersConvenience/purposiveMixed-methodsQutnnaireMixedRichardson et al., 2012USA700FathersAdoptn agenci + nvenience/purposiveQualativeInterviewAdoptnGoldberg et al., 2012aUSA700FathersAdoptn agenci + nvenience purposiveQualativeInterviewAdoptnGiler, 2012USA120FathersConvenience/purposiveQualativeInterviewMixedTornello and Patterson, 2012USA1670FathersConvenience/purposiveQuantativeQutnnaireHeterosexual marriageDempsey, 2012aAUS60FathersConvenience/purposiveQualativeInterviewDonor InsematnDempsey, 2012bAUS40FathersConvenience/purposiveQualativeInterviewDonor InsematnLick et al., 2012USA086ChildrenConvenience/purposiveQuantativeQutnnairMixedShenkman, 2012IL1830Fathers and non-fathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QuantativeQutnnairMixedJenks, 2013USA180FathersConvenience/purposiveQualativeInterviewHeterosexual marriageDempsey, 2013AUS120FathersConvenience/purposive (gay muny)QualativeInterviewDonor InsematnJulien, 2013CA770FathersConvenience/purposiveQuantativeQutnnaireHeterosexual marriageMurphy, 2013AUS / EUA300FathersConvenience/purposiveQualativeInterviewSurrogacyBucher, 2014USA5050Fathers and childrenConvenience/purposiveMixedInterviewHeterosexual marriageErera and Segal-Engelch, 2014IL90FathersConvenience/purposiveQualativeInterviewCo-parentg wh hetero womenShenkman and Shmotk, 2014IL2040Fathers and non-fathersConvenience/purposiveQuantativeQutnnairMixedPanozzo, 2015USA1520FathersConvenience/purposiveQuantativeQutnnairMixed (planned)Tornello and Patterson, 2015USA7390FathersConvenience/purposiveQuantativeQutnnairMixedTornello et al., 2015aUSA1040FathersConvenience/purposiveQuantativeQutnnairSurrogacyTornello et al., 2015bUSA5110FathersConvenience/purposiveQuantativeQutnnairMixedVjamuri, 2015USA380Fathers and non-fathersConvenience/purposiveQualativeInterviewAdoptnBlake et al., 2016UK8040Fathers and childrenConvenience/purposive and surrogacy agenciQualativeInterviewSurrogacyErez and Shenkman, 2016IL1800FathersConvenience/purposiveQuantativeQutnnairMixedPetersen, 2016DK150Fathers and non-fathersConvenience/purposiveQualativeInterviewSurrogacyPerr et al., 2016USA6191Fathers and childrenConvenience/purposiveQuantativeQutnnairMixedShenkman and Shmotk, 2016IL1640FathersConvenience/purposiveQuantativeQutnnairMixed (planned)Vjamuri, 2016USA380FatherConvenience/purposiveQualativeInterviewAdoptnOf the total number of studi, 35 (56%) were qualative (cludg terviews and foc groups), 25 (40%) were quantative, and only three studi employed mixed-methods. More recent studi sampled a broar array of kship arrangements volvg gay and bisexual fathers, cludg adoptn, surrogacy, step parentg, sperm donatn to lbian upl, and -parentg arrangements wh heterosexual women (see Figure ​1) of published studi per year between 1979 and of the studi (84%) foced only on fathers themselv, although some also enquired to children's velopment.

In a 2012 Atralian study, the majory of the gay fathers (40%) beme parents the ntext of a prev heterosexual relatnship, a smaller group (23%) via surrogacy arrangements, while 19% were donor fathers ( -parentg arrangements wh lbian upl or sgle woman), and 11% had fostered their children (Power et al., 2012). All of the men terviewed by Berkowz and Marsigl (2007) had nsired adoptg a child of a different race or ethnicy, and most of them scribed adoptn as a very fatigug fancial and emotnal donatn and -parentg wh a (heterosexual or lbian) woman also has offered gay men opportuni for creatg a fay (Erera and Segal-Engelch, 2014). Regardls of their pathways to achieve parenthood (wh different-genr or same-genr relatnships) gay men referred to siar motivatns across different studi (Bigner and Jabsen, 1989a; Peterson et al., 2000; Stacey, 2006; Berkowz and Marsigl, 2007; Berkowz, 2008; Goldberg et al., 2012a; Murphy, 2013).

'I’M A GAY MAN WHO SPENT £150,000 TO BEE A DAD'

Neverthels, when pared to heterosexual fathers, no signifint differenc were found regardg gay fathers their volvement their children's activi, level of timacy wh their children, parentg problem solvg, time spent wh their children, enuragement of children's tonomy, manner which problems of childrearg were handled, emotnal volvement wh their children, and level of parental planned gay-father fai wh adopted children, parentg strs among gay fathers was wh the normal range, well below clil strs levels (Tornello et al., 2011).

However, no differenc were found between the gay and heterosexual father groups relatn to parental burn, parental ncern, or levels of emotnal volvement wh their life and relatnship qualyIn a study wh gay fathers and stepfathers, the ma factor for fay satisfactn was the cln of the stepfather to the father-child relatnship, which was more important to fay life than was fancial fort, fay hn, or qualy of the relatnship wh an ex-spoe (Crosbie-Burt and Helmbrecht, 1993).

Conversely, Giler's study (2012) reported that the level of parentg strs experienced by gay fathers were pennt of the father's relatnship regard to the divisn of labor, two studi have reported that gay fathers tend to divi hoehold and childrearg rponsibili equally; the greater the equaly, the more satisfactn gay fathers dited their relatnship (Tornello et al., 2015a, b). Another study revealed that gay fathers reported higher life satisfactn but gave ls importance to their reer sce beg a parent (Panozzo, 2015) and father inti and genr-role orientatnIn terms of genr and father inty and genr-role orientatn, an early study wh gay men who beme fathers wh heterosexual relatnships reported no signifint teractn between fatherhood stat and fathers' endorsement of androgyno genr rol (Robson and Skeen, 1982). Some fathers terviewed nsired they had removed their parental role om their sense of genred embodiment, while others thought they embodied both rol as mothers and fathers, extendg the boundari of what was accepted as fay beyond blogil nnectns (Berkowz, 2011b) ntrast, some gay fathers clearly still aspired to parenthood lked to the tradnal “mother-nurturer, father-provir” fay iology (Berkowz, 2011b; Panozzo, 2015).

GROWG UP WH A GAY FATHER – CONFSNS OM A STRAIGHT SON

Other thors have nsired that gay men had to negotiate their parentg and fay sir wh a heteronormative societal system that was basilly genred, and therefore, tend to see motherhood as paramount good parentg (Bucher, 2014; Erera and Segal-Engelch, 2014) studi have dited that gay men often experience stggle their journey to fatherhood (Giano, 2008; Giler, 2012).

Giano (2008) scribed six psychologil steps gay men go through cidg to embark on a journey to gay fatherhood: (a) abandong a tradnal parent inty, (b) fdg fort a gay inty, (c) regnizg gay father fai, (d) seekg mols and mentors, (e) regnizg the strengths of beg a gay father, and (f) articulatg an expand inty for themselv. In fact, gay fathers wh an tegrated gay inty tend to report higher perceived petence parental tasks, higher levels of psychologil adaptatn, greater sense of personal growth, and greater ntentment about beg a parent pared to eher gay fathers wh non-tegrated gay inti or heterosexual fathers (Julien, 2013; Shenkman and Shmotk, 2016).

HOW I ACCINTALLY FOUND OUT MY DAD IS GAY

Disclosure of sexual intyIn two studi about the sexual inty disclosure of gay men who had children a heterosexual relatnship, the majory of gay fathers scribed a difficult perd of ternal nfn as they tried to tegrate their gay inty wh their inty as a father (Bozett, 1981; Benson et al., 2005). Bucher (2014) has further reported that some gay sons grew ncerned about their peers' perceptns of their masculy bee of their father's sexual ntrast to the generally more ut approach to disclosure scribed by the gay fathers who me out of prev heterosexual relatnships and their children, the approach of both fathers and children planned gay-father parented fai appears to be different.

GAY FATHERS FACE STIGMA AS PARENTS

In a more recent study, partnered gay fathers who had ma their g-out before beg a parent prented higher levels of disclosure parison to sgle gay fathers who beme a parent prr to g-out (Tornello and Patterson, 2015) climateIn Patterson and Tornello's (2010) study, was suggted that gay fathers fied both personal and social nventns as they nquered fatherhood. In this regard, a study of US gay fathers reported that ntrast wh those livg California, most of the gay fathers who lived Tennsee reported higher levels of parenthood-related stigma and tend to avoid suatns which they might enunter this stigma (Perr et al., 2016) 's psychosocial adjtmentIn terms of the gay father's own childhood and upbrgg, two studi dited that the vast majory of gay fathers themselv had experienced an enjoyable childhood and adolcence (Skeen and Robson 1984, 1985).

IS YOUR DAD GAY—OR ARE YOU A GAY DAD?

's study (2012), which the majory of gay fathers felt closely attached to their fay-of-orig durg adulthood, and reported regular ntact wh their two recent studi, gay fathers prented higher levels of subjective well-beg (posive emotns, judgments of life satisfactn and happs) and a stronger sense of personal growth and purpose pared to both childls gay men and heterosexual fathers (Shenkman and Shmotk, 2014, 2016; Erez and Shenkman, 2016). However, Barrett and Tasker (2001) poted out three areas of ncern that gay fathers reported havg about their children's feelgs and experienc, namely tensn keepg a secret, beg teased or bullied by other children, and feelg study found that women wh gay or bisexual fathers felt signifintly ls fortable wh nearns and timacy, ls able to tst others or pend on them to be available when need, and also more anx about their own timate relatnships than were women wh heterosexual fathers (Sirota, 2009). In ntrast, for parents who planned parenthood new fay forms, the norm was for open and hont discsn about their fay nfiguratn om early on (Peterson et al., 2000) trigug is the way which children of gay fathers seem to have accepted the revelatn of their father's sexual inty spe of public ncerns about this.

Authors have prevly suggted that planng to have children together, gay upl may share parentg duti more equally than heterosexual upl, and the evince on gay fathers parentg together also has dited this (Bibarz and Stacey, 2010; Tornello et al., 2015a, b) terms of motivatns for havg children, gay fathers have reported siar motivatns to heterosexual fathers, and a strong seemgly nate sire to bee parents. In fact, has been shown that not only societal genred expectatns and discrimatn affects gay men's well-beg and parenthood aspiratns, but also ternalized stigma has been associated wh lower parentg sire among gay and bisexual men (Bac et al., 2014; Bermeister, 2014) and bisexual fathers have suffered discrimatn not only om society general but also om other gay men (Patterson and Tornello, 2010).

ARE THE FATHERS ALRIGHT? A SYSTEMATIC AND CRIL REVIEW OF STUDI ON GAY AND BISEXUAL FATHERHOOD

Methodologil nsiratns and implitns for future rearchComparative studi were necsary to monstrate that children raised by lbian and gay parents are not negatively affected their psychosocial velopment by their parents' sexual orientatn, and that lbian and gay men are as pable as heterosexuals parentg and childrearg (Crowl et al., 2008; Fewa et al., 2015).

The new planned fay nfiguratns such as fai through donor sematn, surrogacy, and adoptn by gay and bisexual men open up new possibili to rry out naturalistic observatns of children-father(s) exchang sce early childhood, which n yield important rmatn that will broan our unrstandg of velopmental and fay procs. Rearch on gay and bisexual fathers has given a particularly valuable opportuny to nsir fatherhood per se absence of ntributnsPAC, FAC, and IL: nceptn of the work; PAC and FAC: acquisn of data; PAC and FAC: data analysis; PAC, FAC, FS-Q, and FT: terpretatn of data; PAC, FAC, FT, FS-Q, and IL: draftg the mancript; fal approval of the versn to be published; agreement to be acuntable for all aspects of the work.