Self-loathg among gay people is nothg new. We’re overwhelmed by | Matthew Todd | The Guardian

Contents:

• SELF-LOATHG AMONG GAY PEOPLE IS NOTHG NEW. WE’RE OVERWHELMED BY
• SELF-HATRED AND THE STGGL OF BEG GAY
• THE MYTH OF THE VLENT, SELF-HATG GAY HOMOPHOBE
• WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A GAY PERSON GROWS UP AN ANTI-GAY HOME

SELF-LOATHG AMONG GAY PEOPLE IS NOTHG NEW. WE’RE OVERWHELMED BY

” Lookg back, I'd squirm my seat when this topic would e up; I myself was unfortable nontg their homophobia bee I had yet to nont my own ternalized homophobia. As I’ve grown to unrstand om my iends, fellow LGBTQ muny members, lleagu, and clicians, ternalized homophobia is what happens when we take the bias, prejudic, and hatred towards gay folks rerced by society (aka societal homophobia) and turn the bias ward back on ourselv. Internalized homophobia n show up the form of self-hatred, shame, fear, anxiety, and prsn for many gay clients, whether we are out of the closet or not.

I should also acknowledge there is bate wh the psychologil and scientific muny as to the extent that this impacts gay and lbian dividuals and if we should e the term "ternalized homophobia" or stead nstct and redirect our attentn stead towards "more salient issu of cultural and stutnalized heterosexism.

Alan Downs scrib the ternalizatn of homophobia his book, The Velvet Rage: Overg the pa of growg up gay a straight man's world.

SELF-HATRED AND THE STGGL OF BEG GAY

Colloquially, ternalized homophobia is a topic I've seen performed on stage a number of tim recently Los Angel, where wrers and edians alike scribe the pa of livg the closet as young teens. Jt this weekend I attend a theatril performance lled Margalized, where a queer wrg group told stori of the ternalized shame of their childhoods as gay folks.

Many queer folks I know have gone through perds before g out where we ourselv participated homophobia or belonged to homophobic spac. I also want to acknowledge that while this post is focg on ternalized homophobia, much of n also apply to ternalized transphobia, which has siar roots societal norms around what is normative society, but wh regards to genr. Moreover, therapists themselv may posss bias they have ternalized towards their LGBTQIA clients that they are unaware of, given how eply entrenched they are wh , gay or not.

THE MYTH OF THE VLENT, SELF-HATG GAY HOMOPHOBE

Psychology Today blogger Joe Kort wr about this, notg that many therapists, while affirmg of their LGBTQIA clients, may not be aware of "the sid role that ternalized homophobia plays many of the people’s liv. Here’s what I want to get across about ternalized homophobia: touch all of one way or another, whether or not we’re nsc of .

Dismantlg eply entrenched systemic homophobia is a plited unrtakg, one I n’t pretend to break down and eradite through one post alone. But dismantlg systemilly starts wh , beg aware of ourselv, by acknowledgg homophobia exists all of , to one extent or another, gay or straight and across racial and socenomic l. I had a ar gay iend who is very much an outspoken champn of gay rights say to me once, “No one lik lbians” and then chuckle, “You know what I mean, Wh.

) It's hard to enurage our clients to let go of self-hatred, self-loathg, ternalized rage, and shame if we don't unrstand the role homophobia plays s velopment.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A GAY PERSON GROWS UP AN ANTI-GAY HOME

Revis the mdful exercise we began wh and pse and take a few moments, wre down some reflectns, or strike up a nversatn wh your lleagu about homophobia our muni, our fai, and our own hearts and mds. If Ethan Stabl, the 20-year-old man nvicted on Monday of planng to kill atten of a lol gay pri event Cumbria, was really bisexual as he claimed urt, why would he want to hurt other LGBT people? Sadly he wouldn’t be the gay people know the most homophobic school bully often pops up the lol gay bar a few years later, but there are wir exampl: Hollywood agents who bar clients om g out, historil figur such as Senator McCarthy’s anti-gay lawyer Roy Cohn, who mataed till the end that the Aids-related illns that killed him was liver ncer, the untls homophobic policians ught wh male rts.

Omar Mateen, who mted Ameri’s most adly homophobic attack at the Pulse nightclub Orlando, Florida 2016, pledged his allegiance to Isis but was also alleged to have ma sexual advanc towards men. This should be ont-page people are not the only on to suffer such shame, but experts, both gay and straight, agree that gay kids are overwhelmed wh . Many bury their feelgs, hopg they’ll go away, some psychologilly “spl”, like the heterosexually married men who believe anonymo ter hook-ups don’t unt as gay if they happen secret.

Jt this week I met a young man who told me he hated gay pri, hated effemate men but ccially was tryg to work through the feelgs by talkg about them. Jt last month, the 38-year-old prenter of the Disvery Channel’s Storm Chaser programme, Joel Taylor, died om a GHB overdose on an Atlantis gay cise.