In this week’s stallment of ¡Hola Papi!, John Pl Brammer addrs that funny thg we ll “gay culture.”
Contents:
- A MISF GAY REVEALS: WHAT’S LIKE TO NOT F IN WH YOUR COMMUNY?
- “I DON’T FEEL LIKE I BELONG TO THE GAY COMMUNY AND IT’S DEVASTATG ME.”
- GAY STEREOTYP CAN RU MEN’S LIV, IT'S TIME TO EMBRACE ALL EXPRSNS OF INTY
- GAY CULTURE HAS GROWN TOXIC WH UNCHECKED PRIVILEGE. IT'S TIME FOR TO RET
A MISF GAY REVEALS: WHAT’S LIKE TO NOT F IN WH YOUR COMMUNY?
* i don't fit into the gay community *
Way back the late 1970s, I went to my very first gay bars, assumg I’d be weled wh arms and legs akimbo.
This was way before Inter and hookup apps, so gay guys went to the bars and diss primarily to get picked up, not to celebrate each other’s w or knowledge. At this pot, when the rtoonishly macho dis group Village People were a sensatn, many gays were affectg an impossibly manly pose, whereas I was scrawny, had bad sk and terrible hair, and wore zippered turtlenecks that my mother had procured me om the Sears-Roebuck talogue when I was high school.
“I DON’T FEEL LIKE I BELONG TO THE GAY COMMUNY AND IT’S DEVASTATG ME.”
In 1987, I walked to my first meetg of ACT UP—the AIDS activist group—and was happy to fd that the grassroots anizatn spanned var threads of the muny, cludg lbians, who aren’t always the same room wh gay men.
But the ’90s, the macho thg took over aga, and sudnly all the guys at the Roxy dance club on gay Saturdays had bulgg pecs and were obssively anx to show them. Too often, the LGBTQ muny dictat what kd of queer you’re supposed to be, addg to the opprsn you already get om a homophobic society. Gays have to be “straight-actg” (whatever that means), trans people have to pass and be tasteful, and so on, until the only possible act of liberatn is breakg ee om queer le.
Even as a wrer for the Village Voice, I wasn’t embraced by the rporate gay tablishment, seeg as I wasn’t ved, honored, or acknowledged. I wore zany thrift store cloth, shook up the celebry closet, and had no patience for “well-meang, ” self-featg gays, pecially on wh fay money or entlement. I was pretty uy and not the kd of gay they wanted to promote—or even give support to, when I asked for —and took years for the powers that be to take note of me.
GAY STEREOTYP CAN RU MEN’S LIV, IT'S TIME TO EMBRACE ALL EXPRSNS OF INTY
Sce then, the muny has e around—drag queens were once banned om the Pri para, but now rporate gays vet anyone om Drag Race—so I’ve ma stris as a left-of-center gay who do feel like part of a muny the days. What’s more, gays are people, flaws and all, and if I had to actually achieve somethg and show up a lot of Netflix documentari orr to get regnized, so be . I get that like wh relign, ph to have to form some aln agast "hate" and how certa beliefs mak people who are gay, straight, bisexual etc.
That beg exclively gay mak me not clive or radil enough anymore, that I'm sexist or transphobic for not beg terted touchg penis, that beg bi or pan is jt 'more open-md'. Or even other gay people beg SO obssed wh their sexualy, that they qutn me if I like a male character or a straight uple fictn. While gay pri events are important durg, for example, a ban on gay marriage or when a pany discrimat agast LGBTQ employe, 's really unnecsary any other suatn.
Where we n't marry, where we are facg a plebisce that will undoubtably turn very nasty and allow the homophob to have ee reign. So, while I don't take part pri events, there is still a need for me to be aware of what is happeng to gay rights here, and be willg to speak out.
GAY CULTURE HAS GROWN TOXIC WH UNCHECKED PRIVILEGE. IT'S TIME FOR TO RET
This pops up here om time to time along wh the people who go to gay bars, don't enjoy them, and then start makg statements about how the people who do enjoy them are lettg their sexualy fe them. The tth of the matter is that you know next to nothg about the people attendg eher Pri or gay bars and you certaly don't know enough about them to say how they are fg themselv one way or another.
But if you want to hold a grand para plete wh all of the above, and floats adored wh ndoms and neon dildos and label "gay pri", don't expect me to be embrace as a reprentatn of who I am, bee 's not. However, that is EXACTLY what a bunch of the straight people seeg that para will do, and they won't see as a bunch of gay people lettg their hair down one day out of the year.