When Gay Men (Mis)Marry Straight Women: Bonnie Kaye's Story | Psychology Today

Contents:

• 5 REASONS GAY-STRAIGHT MARRIAG CAN WORK
• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
• GAY PEOPLE WHO WERE IN HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAG ARE SHARG THEIR STORI, AND THEY WERE INCREDIBLY HONT
• HETEROSEXUAL AND HOMOSEXUAL MARRIAG – ARE STRAIGHT AND GAY MARRIAG INTIL?
• STRAIGHT UPL GET MARRIED EARLIER THAN GAY UPL. HERE'S A LOOK AT WHY.
• LEGIMACY OF ‘CTOMER’ SUPREME COURT GAY RIGHTS SE RAIS ETHIL AND LEGAL FLAGS
• KEV SPACEY: I N’T TELL WHETHER MEN ARE GAY JT BY LOOKG AT THEM
• MANY BRONS HAVE CHANGED THEIR MDS ON GAY MARRIAGE
• I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN
• CALIFORNIA VOTERS WILL BE ASKED TO REAFFIRM GAY MARRIAGE PROTECTNS ON 2024 BALLOT
• WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY
• CALIFORNIA STILL HAS AN ANTI-GAY MARRIAGE LAW ON THE BOOKS. VOTERS ULD REMOVE NEXT YEAR
• DIPLOMATIC TENSN REPORTEDLY RISG BETWEEN UNED STAT AND JAMAI OVER GAY AMERIN DIPLOMAT
• TEXAS JUDGE WHO DON’T WANT TO PERFORM GAY MARRIAGE CEREMONI HOP WEB SIGNER’S SUPREME COURT SE HELPS HER FIGHT
• LATVIA BE 7TH NATN TO BE LED BY AN OPENLY GAY HEAD OF STATE

5 REASONS GAY-STRAIGHT MARRIAG CAN WORK

Most people thk that divorce is a foregone ncln when one spoe out of the closet as gay a marriage. Sce the overall statistic for divorce approach 50%, one n extrapolate that about 30% of MOM's end divorce primarily bee of the homosexual issue.

The more problems there are addn to one spoe beg gay, the more likely the marriage will not be able to survive.

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

If the overwhelmg issue is that a spoe is gay, but the marriage has few other problems, the marriage is more likely to survive. This aspect may seem a b nfg, sce the gay spoe is naturally romantilly attracted to the same how uld they profs love for their spoe? First, although a gay person may be predomantly attracted to the same sex, is entirely possible to be ocsnally attracted to the oppose sex.

GAY PEOPLE WHO WERE IN HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAG ARE SHARG THEIR STORI, AND THEY WERE INCREDIBLY HONT

There is a theory that attractns occur on a ntuum and that very few people are strictly 100% gay or 100% heterosexual. When prsed, many gay spo will adm to beg lovg toward their spoe rather than beg love.

Of urse, beg gay is not jt about sex, but rather the romantic emotnal attachments rived om a same sex partner. So, even wh low sex drive acunted for, the gay partner may experience a sire to form an emotnal relatnship outsi the marriage.

In some s gay spo are able to nnect wh others the same circumstance and form non-sexual emotnal relatnships. A danger to avoid is tryg to change the gay spoe's orientatn to straight. A much better optn is to acknowledge the gay spoe and to try and acmodate their needs.

HETEROSEXUAL AND HOMOSEXUAL MARRIAG – ARE STRAIGHT AND GAY MARRIAG INTIL?

Relig beliefs n work agast the uple if the gay spoe to experience guilt and you are a spoe a mixed orientatn marriage, you owe to yourself to give reful nsiratn to the cisn to divorce or stay together. Sometim a woman may have been a heterosexual relatnship for years and yet feel somethg is somehow "off;" and she may fd herself askg, "Is my hband gay?

" Many women fd this qutn unthkable but acrdg to Bonnie Kaye,, an expert women married to gay men, is timated that 4 ln women have been, or are, married to gay men.

If a hband is gay, n vastate not only the relatnship but the straight wife as well.

STRAIGHT UPL GET MARRIED EARLIER THAN GAY UPL. HERE'S A LOOK AT WHY.

If the hband is hont wh both you and wh himself (read: How Do I Know If I Am Gay? Unfortunately, is timated that 50% of gay hbands hi their homosexualy om their wiv and don't reach this place of honty on their own.

In many s, is the wife, who after spectg that somethg is wrong, mt nont the gay hband wh the evince, and only then n hontly be achieved. But if you're wonrg, "Is my man gay, " might be helpful to know that there are signs to look for, acrdg to Kaye. Kaye has veloped the Official Gay Hband Checklist to help women know if their hbands are gay.

LEGIMACY OF ‘CTOMER’ SUPREME COURT GAY RIGHTS SE RAIS ETHIL AND LEGAL FLAGS

You fd pop-ups of gay pornography on the puter while he claims they are not his.

A hband may be gay and display none of those signs or a hband may display the signs and not be gay. Kaye advis that women "follow their stcts" when cidg whether their hband may be gay. If turns out that a hband is, fact, gay, the fallout n be difficult to al wh, particularly for the straight partner.

KEV SPACEY: I N’T TELL WHETHER MEN ARE GAY JT BY LOOKG AT THEM

(If you're thkg that you n cure the gay by havg your hband go to gay nversn therapy, read this. What's important to remember is that the hband's homosexualy is entirely his rponsibily and has nothg to do wh the wife.

The wife has not been aquate any way and likely the gay hband married her bee he tly red about her.

MANY BRONS HAVE CHANGED THEIR MDS ON GAY MARRIAGE

We recently asked the gay members of the BuzzFeed Communy to share their stori about g out after they'd been a heterosexual marriage.

"I knew I was gay, but where I grew up was not OK to be gay, so I hid my imagary closet too sred to e out for fear that I would be beaten up and rejected. My two children om my first marriage, who happened to be gay, were both very supportive and are thrilled that I’m fally happy. I got sober and started EMDR therapy and eventually me to terms that my sexualy was the reason for a lot of drkg, anger, and ternalized homophobia.

His marriage fell apart shortly after my dad was born, partly bee of him beg gay and partly bee of other unrelated issu. Not to be rny, but I’m gay myself and to see someone my fay that was gay and end up happy was amazg.

I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN

I always knew I was gay, but I grew up the '80s and lived fear of beg kicked out and rejected. It was vastatg to my mom bee she had no ia about him beg gay until he lled her to tell her before he told kids. I ed to try and hi as a kid bee I didn’t know anyone else who had a gay parent, but now I see how fortunate I am to have divorced parents who lgh and joke and enjoy each other's pany whout any bterns or jealoy.

CALIFORNIA VOTERS WILL BE ASKED TO REAFFIRM GAY MARRIAGE PROTECTNS ON 2024 BALLOT

If you me out as gay durg or after you were a heterosexual marriage, tell your story (or e this Google Form if you want to be anonymo).

Although Kerby wrote this article before same-sex marriage was legalized, his asssment of homosexual relatnships has not changed bee the trsilly disorred nature of same-sex relatnships has not changed.

WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY

Then he nsirs the difficulti troduced by homosexual marriage obtag the same benefs. Is there any difference between heterosexual marriage and homosexual marriage? This is not te (as I discs more tail my book A Biblil Pot of View on Homosexualy{1}).

CALIFORNIA STILL HAS AN ANTI-GAY MARRIAGE LAW ON THE BOOKS. VOTERS ULD REMOVE NEXT YEAR

So before we even nsir the impact of homosexualy, same-sex marriage, and other alternative liftyl, we should nsir the benefs of tradnal marriage to society. The popular media treats heterosexual upl and homosexual upl as if they are no different. One headle proclaimed, “Married and Gay Coupl Not All that Different, ” and sentially said they were jt like the uple next door.

{15} He shows that “mted” homosexual relatnships are radilly different om married upl at least six ways: relatnship duratn, monogamy vs.

Gay activists often pot to high divorce rat among married upl, suggtg that heterosexuals fare no better than homosexuals.

DIPLOMATIC TENSN REPORTEDLY RISG BETWEEN UNED STAT AND JAMAI OVER GAY AMERIN DIPLOMAT

Rearch shows, however, that male homosexual relatnships last only a actn of the length of most marriag. For example, the Gay/Lbian Consumer Onle Cens of nearly 8, 000 homosexuals found that only 15% scribed their “current relatnship” lastg twelve years or longer.

TEXAS JUDGE WHO DON’T WANT TO PERFORM GAY MARRIAGE CEREMONI HOP WEB SIGNER’S SUPREME COURT SE HELPS HER FIGHT

{17} A study of homosexual men the Netherlands published the journal AIDS found that the “duratn of steady partnerships” was one and a half years.

LATVIA BE 7TH NATN TO BE LED BY AN OPENLY GAY HEAD OF STATE

{18} In a study of male homosexualy reported Wtern Sexualy: Practice and Precept Past and Prent Tim, Pollak found that “few homosexual relatnships last longer than two years, wh many men reportg hundreds of lifetime partners.

In the classic study by Bell and Weberg, they found that 43% of whe male homosexuals had sex wh 500 or more partners, wh 28% havg 1, 000 or more sex partners. {22} And a Dutch study of partnered homosexuals, published the journal AIDS, found that men wh a steady partner neverthels had an average of eight sexual partners per year. The thors of The Male Couple reported that their study of 156 mal homosexual relatnships lastg om 1 to 37 years, “Only seven upl have a totally exclive sexual relatnship, and the men all have been together for ls than five years.