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24V3H20V24ZM12.5 18.6028L19 22.2336V3.98131H6V22.2336L12.5 18.6028Z" fill="black"></path><path class="in-bookmark-fill in-bookmark--activated-checkmark" d="M11.5541 13.7033L9 11.2033L9.66216 10.5552L11.5541 12.407L15.3378 8.70331L16 9.35146L11.5541 13.7033Z" fill="black"></path></svg></div><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ AlertMsage-jgAjgo bVCFRm bGlCJj hOUjyY alert-msage"><p>To revis this article, vis My Profile, then<!-- --> <a href="/acunt/saved">View saved stori</a></p></div><button class="BaseButton-bLlsy ButtonWrapper-xCepQ AoBt eegVhC button button--utily close-alert-button" data-event-click="{"element":"Button"}" data-ttid="Button" role="button" type="button"><span class="ButtonLabel-cjAuJN bBWXSg button__label">Close Alert</span><div class="ButtonInWrapper-gFdzAL bPDyTT button__in-ntaer"><svg class="ButtonIn-YqaGo iwlhuX button-in in in-close" focable="false" viewBox="0 0 32 32" width="32" height="32" xmlns="><path d="M16 14.586l6.364-6.364 1.414 1.414L17.414 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13.814 10.007 13.043 10.043C12.329 10.075 11.942 10.194 11.683 10.295C11.3657 10.4124 11.0787 10.5993 10.843 10.842C10.586 11.098 10.427 11.342 10.295 11.684C10.195 11.942 10.075 12.329 10.043 13.043C10.007 13.814 10 14.046 10 16C10 17.954 10.007 18.186 10.043 18.957C10.075 19.671 10.194 20.058 10.295 20.317C10.427 20.658 10.586 20.902 10.842 21.157C11.098 21.414 11.342 21.573 11.684 21.705C11.942 21.805 12.329 21.925 13.043 21.957C13.814 21.993 14.046 22 16 22C17.954 22 18.186 21.993 18.957 21.957C19.671 21.925 20.058 21.806 20.317 21.705C20.658 21.573 20.902 21.414 21.157 21.158C21.414 20.902 21.573 20.658 21.705 20.316C21.805 20.058 21.925 19.671 21.957 18.957C21.993 18.186 22 17.954 22 16C22 14.046 21.993 13.814 21.957 13.043C21.925 12.329 21.806 11.942 21.705 11.683C21.5876 11.3657 21.4007 11.0787 21.158 10.843C20.9219 10.5997 20.6341 10.4124 20.316 10.295C20.058 10.195 19.671 10.075 18.957 10.043C18.186 10.007 17.954 10 16 10ZM16 11.768C16.5558 11.768 17.1061 11.8775 17.6195 12.0901C18.133 12.3028 18.5995 12.6145 18.9925 13.0075C19.3855 13.4005 19.6972 13.867 19.9099 14.3805C20.1225 14.8939 20.232 15.4442 20.232 16C20.232 16.5558 20.1225 17.1061 19.9099 17.6195C19.6972 18.133 19.3855 18.5995 18.9925 18.9925C18.5995 19.3855 18.133 19.6972 17.6195 19.9099C17.1061 20.1225 16.5558 20.232 16 20.232C14.8776 20.232 13.8012 19.7861 13.0075 18.9925C12.2139 18.1988 11.768 17.1224 11.768 16C11.768 14.8776 12.2139 13.8012 13.0075 13.0075C13.8012 12.2139 14.8776 11.768 16 11.768ZM16 18.368C16.628 18.368 17.2303 18.1185 17.6744 17.6744C18.1185 17.2303 18.368 16.628 18.368 16C18.368 15.372 18.1185 14.7697 17.6744 14.3256C17.2303 13.8815 16.628 13.632 16 13.632C15.372 13.632 14.7697 13.8815 14.3256 14.3256C13.8815 14.7697 13.632 15.372 13.632 16C13.632 16.628 13.8815 17.2303 14.3256 17.6744C14.7697 18.1185 15.372 18.368 16 18.368ZM21.3 11.85C21.3 12.155 21.1788 12.4475 20.9632 12.6632C20.7475 12.8788 20.455 13 20.15 13C19.845 13 19.5525 12.8788 19.3368 12.6632C19.1212 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class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--cm-riser"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><div class="StickyHeroAdWrapper-eNLJUc gStsdY ad-stickyhero ad-stickyhero--standard ad-stickyhero-enable-mobile should-hold-space"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--hero"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--hero" data-no-id="72b2si"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-hero" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-hero"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><ma id="ma-ntent" tabx="-1" class="BasePageMaContent-kFvAuh ewPCZH page__ma-ntent"><article class="article ma-ntent" lang="en-US"><div class="ArticlePageLeBackground-EufvU tFsh"><hear class="ContentHearWrapper-clujbs kaZCaf ntent-hear article__ntent-hear"><div data-ttid="ContentHearContaer" class="ContentHearContaer-cGKRbE knDxNq"><div class="ContentHearHedAccredatnWrapper-GFiQf cDNVlV"><div data-ttid="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper" class="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper-cjmSKp cCntXd"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric" class="ContentHearRubricBlock-LmpbT eRFpQc"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubricDateBlock" class="ContentHearRubricDateBlock-kAQcZP fTFWxD"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX kpuNXj bric ContentHearRubricContaer-eTudtt iRsSlw"><a class="RubricLk-gRWSOU fTtYjx bric__lk" href="/culture"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Culture</span></a></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd jPOabC BjYFU">Olly Alexanr Jt Wants to Be Straight wh You</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB etVsnJ ntent-hear__accredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearDek-bIqFFZ eASNBN">The Years & Years ontman is back wh a new sgle, a new hair lor, and a new outlook on straight men.</div><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH gtxxjM byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd fhQbnq dzFUnH eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/brennan-rley">Brennan Carley</a></span></span></p><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH gtxxjM byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">Photography by </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd fhQbnq dzFUnH eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/alex-ri">Alex Ri</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2018-03-08T12:07:57-05:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd ivrQAn cZpOSL">March 8, 2018</time></div></div><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard ContentHearAccredatnSocialIns-jorO fPzfaa ntent-hear__social-share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div></div><div class="ContentHearLeadAsset-hGbumP fEknXh lead-asset ContentHearLeadAssetWrapper-hfXHEc Grck lead-asset--width-fullbleed" data-ttid="ContentHearLeadAsset"><figure class="ContentHearLeadAssetContent-kOfYSG dRGWbI"><div class="ContentHearLeadAssetContentMedia-bLEIpi jjhWdS lead-asset__ntent__photo"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz ccdiSo"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w, 1920w, 2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="This image may nta Human Person Fger and Olly Alexanr" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></div></div></span></div></figure></div></div><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR oEIBz persistent-asi persistent-asi--align-left" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jNgrSF sticky-box ContentHearPersistentAsi-fsnAmQ dFzKzm"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--has-background ContentHearSocialIns-jzJiyg ctaZl social-ins--share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kJkLmH article-body__ntent"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP eRxRjL"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eSsnKa"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bDFJoo"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Olly Alexanr walks to <em>GQ</em>'s photo stud and remov his hat, revealg a shock of brightly dyed red hair. Whether that means somethg to you or not pends on how faiar you are wh and fanatic about the Brish sger's credibly popular band, Years & Years. The tr's already put out one credible album (2015's <em>Communn</em>), picked up fans like <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Katy Perry</a>, and are now gearg up for their sophomore project, g this summer and anchored by the jt-released <a href=">"Sanctify"</a>, which chronicl Alexanr's experience sleepg wh and fallg for a straight man. It's an effortls synth-pop song wh vivid relig imagery, a sticky chos, and cheeky lyrics like "You don't have to be straight wh me / I see what's unrneath your mask," which is sort of Years & Years' sweet spot: Jt when you thk you have them figured out, they take you to a eper place than you thought pop mic uld go.</p><p>Alexanr, who's 27, is also known both for his actg work (you may have seen him on <em>Sks</em>) and for his outspokenns as a member of the gay muny (his 2017 BBC documentary, <em>Growg Up Gay</em>, is a phenomenal watch). Boyish appearance but nfint prentatn, Alexanr loung a wdowls green room lower Manhattan, fieldg our qutns about self-re, new mic, and—y—straight men.</p><hr/><p><strong>GQ: When did you start workg on the album?</strong><br/><strong>Olly Alexanr:</strong> It was September 2016. We had fished up the majory of our tourg. We were gonna take a break, and I...<em>didn't</em> take a break. I jt started workg on the send album. I did take like three weeks where I jt liberately did nothg and read books and stuff at home. But I also went to Taiwan and Bali by myself. It was a really good trip. It was fun.</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>I love beg alone. [A solo vatn's] not for everybody, but I jt like how you n do your own thg at your own time. You don't have to give a sh about anyone else's preferenc, what they want to do. And you make iends and stuff.</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p><strong>Have you always liked beg alone?</strong><br/>Solu is very rtorative for me, pecially bee I spend so much time around other people and performg to people. And when you're on tour, you're sharg a b wh 20 people.</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="5upvd"></div></div><p><strong>How did you handle needg solu on the road?</strong><br/>It's tough bee you're nstantly travelg, and you're this whirlwd wh no stabily. I fely got better at creatg my own personal alone time wh the pany of lots of other people. It would be like, "Don't talk to me. I'm readg my book. I'm si my bunk on my tour b, and 's like <em>lerally</em> a ff." No one n e , and I n jt close the curta and be here and be alone. And then, also, I would do thgs. It's fun tourg. In Ameri, the driv are so long, and then you make a stop over El Paso or Cleveland. In Cleveland, I remember we had a day off, and I jt Googled "thgs to do Cleveland," and number three was "the cemetery." So, I went! And was a good cemetery. Spend more time cemeteri.</p><div class="GroupCalloutWrapper-bPWknp gjCHDP llout llout--group llout--group-2" data-ttid="GroupCalloutWrapper"><figure class="AssetEmbedWrapper-eVDQiB byBkf asset-embed llout--group-em llout--group-em-1"><div class="AssetEmbedAssetContaer-eJxoAx dBHGoQ asset-embed__asset-ntaer"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset rponsive-image"><noscript><img alt="Image may nta Olly Alexanr Human Person Clothg Apparel and Fger" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src=" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w" siz="100vw"/></noscript></picture></span></div></figure><figure class="AssetEmbedWrapper-eVDQiB byBkf asset-embed llout--group-em llout--group-em-2"><div class="AssetEmbedAssetContaer-eJxoAx dBHGoQ asset-embed__asset-ntaer"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset rponsive-image"><noscript><img alt="Image may nta Olly Alexanr Clothg Apparel Footwear Shoe Human and Person" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src=" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w" siz="100vw"/></noscript></picture></span></div></figure></div><p><strong>Why'd you jump right back to wrg after the first album cycle wrapped?</strong><br/>In my md, I was like, "I'll jt get loads of songs out of the way bee I know how this procs works. It's gonna take a really, really long time to fd anythg good, and I jt want to get a good chunk right now. And then I'll take the rt of the year off and start aga the New Year."</p></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="e5ys"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bDFJoo"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Once I started dog , I was like, "Oh, I actually really <em>like</em> wrg mic." When you're tourg and promotg an album, I wasn't wrg any mic or necsarily beg super creative at all, and I fot how much that's very important to me. It was enuragg bee there's always a part of you that thks, "Maybe I jt n't. I won't be able to do aga. I won't be able to wre another song."</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-1 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p><strong>Where did "Sanctify" e the procs?</strong><br/>It me pretty early. I've been havg a lot of enunters wh straight guys that were not beg straight wh me and were stgglg, to put lightly, wh their sexualy. I was very fascated by that dynamic bee for starters, 's a very mon experience, I thk, for gay men to fall for a straight guy.</p><p><strong>I mean, I've done .</strong><br/>I thk for a lot of gay guys, you're at school and fall love wh your straight iends. That happened to me, and I thk that's really super mon. But also, now that I'm an out gay man—<em>very</em> out—I've noticed how some straight guys ;s weird bee I've almost found myself havg the enunters wh straight guys and fd myself playg this sat and sner role, or like this angel and vil, bee I'm leadg them down the path of "sful gayns," but also I'm helpg them satisfy the sexual sire that they feel they n't get anywhere else. It's strange to have that dichotomy, and so I was like, "I'm gonna wre a song about !"</p><figure class="CneVioEmbedFigure-kCfJjN hdJOda e-vio-embed"><div data-ttid="script-ntaer"></div></figure><p><strong>Most of my straight csh happened when I was younger, where 's like, "Oh, I feel like I n lt after this person bee 's likely never gog to amount to anythg bee they're straight, so 's not gonna hurt me the end."</strong><br/>I relate to that 100 percent. That's somethg that I felt when I was younger. But then happened to me recently where I was like, "Am I havg feelgs for this straight guy? What is that about?"</p></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="kt3n7t"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bDFJoo"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>It's like you said: Puttg away your emotns and vtg someone that ostensibly is never gonna give you that back. It's kd of heartbreakg. Why would anybody put themselv that posn? I thk when you're a gay guy, navigatg the datg world and romance, 's hard enough. If you're jt steppg outsi of all of that bullsh and jt puttg on a straight guy, you're right: "Oh, that will never happen. My feelgs aren't gonna get hurt." Even though they always kd of do. You're lyg to yourself.</p><p><strong>Have you felt om straight men—or men that prent as straight, I suppose—that they've projected those angel and vil rol back on you?</strong><br/>Y. It's funny bee 's like you feel the sense of rponsibily to not fuck up this guy that's clearly stgglg wh his sexualy, but then rentg the fact that I had to tread on eggshells.</p><p><strong>Is pecially hard for you to date bee you're you?</strong><br/>Yeah. It's funny bee I download Grdr. I was newly sgle toward the end of 2016, and I've been relatnships all throughout my 20s, and I was like, "I really want to be sgle, and I need to be alone." I thk 's the right cisn, but I'm lerally like...I haven't seen <em>Call Me by Your Name</em>, and now I jt nnot watch bee I'm jt like, "Why would I watch pictns of two men beg love when I know I'll die alone?" I jt n't handle that right now.</p><p>Anyway, when I was newly sgle, I download Grdr bee I'd been relatnships or I'd been the band. I uldn't have Grdr, but then I was like, "Wa, but why the fuck <em>n't</em> I have Grdr? I want to have this experience." You know? So I download and I was on , and then was jt weird bee people would thk I was tfishg myself, which was kd of a head fuck.</p><p>Grdr has some great thgs about , but also has a lot of negativ, and 's jt very hard to tst anybody. It jt feels like this meat market of dick pics and sex posns. "Are you a top or bottom?" It do kd of prs me a b, even though I love to hook up as much as the next guy. It's good for that, but people would thk I was tfishg myself, or they'd be like, "Oh, I'm such a big fan," and that's kd of a turnoff, so didn't go super well for me.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-2 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>You know how some people have dreams of movg to Florence or livg Seoul? You n still do all of those thgs, but I always thk for queer people, "Well, I kd of need to live somewhere where I'm not gonna face abe." A queer-iendly place. I thk a lot of straight people fet that sometim. They're surprised when I say that to them.</p><p><strong>I thk the assumptn wh straight people is that 's 2018 and even though thgs are better for gay people, 's not entirely te. I went to a weddg San Anton wh my partner a uple of weeks ago, and I remember thkg, "Oh! This is the first time a long time that I have not felt fortable!"</strong><br/>Yeah, I totally agree wh you. Back when I had a boyiend, if we were gettg a b together, I would a be a ltle unfortable kissg the back of a b. A lot of that has to do wh my own issu around ternalized homophobia that I grew up wh, but at the same time, I do live a really gay-iendly cy. But if you leave London, half an hour away, you feel like 's a pletely different landspe, and, you know, do feel very threateng to jt hold your boyiend's hand or be yourself.</p></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="bsmzo"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bDFJoo"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>That is the realy for most queer people. I thk we have ma amazg stris so many ways and we n be super happy about that, but would be lnal to thk that everythg's fe. It's also bee the LGBT muny is so diverse, so tersectnal, and I thk people outsi of the muny fet that. But people <em>wh</em> the muny fet , too. We don't actually reach equaly unls everybody has equaly, but if you're ed to privilege, te equaly feels like opprsn. Unfortunately, we're whe gay dus, and we are a mory, and we have our own systems of opprsn, but we're also at the top of the privilege tree. I thk there's a lot of imbalance there.</p><p>I'm always gonna support my siblgs the muny, but do make me really sad to see how much racism, sexism, and transphobia that exists om wh, and I thk there are lots and lots of reasons for that, but we jt n't really lose sight of the fact that we're all fightg siar battl.</p><div class="GroupCalloutWrapper-bPWknp gjCHDP llout llout--group llout--group-2" data-ttid="GroupCalloutWrapper"><figure class="AssetEmbedWrapper-eVDQiB byBkf asset-embed llout--group-em llout--group-em-1"><div class="AssetEmbedAssetContaer-eJxoAx dBHGoQ asset-embed__asset-ntaer"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset rponsive-image"><noscript><img alt="Image may nta Face Human Person Sk Head and Hair" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src=" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w" siz="100vw"/></noscript></picture></span></div></figure><figure class="AssetEmbedWrapper-eVDQiB byBkf asset-embed llout--group-em llout--group-em-2"><div class="AssetEmbedAssetContaer-eJxoAx dBHGoQ asset-embed__asset-ntaer"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset rponsive-image"><noscript><img alt="Image may nta Human Person Clothg Apparel Sleeve Footwear and Shoe" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src=" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w" siz="100vw"/></noscript></picture></span></div></figure></div><p><strong>You e the word "queer." A lot of people are still unfortable wh that.</strong><br/>Y.</p><p><strong>Have you had a moment where you've said to yourself, "I am fortable g this and here's the reason why"?</strong><br/>Yeah. Whenever I have the kd of nversatns, I try and say I personally like "queer," but I unrstand that 's really paful for many people, and I've had a few people get offend wh my e of the word, which I do pletely unrstand. I'd like to thk I have enough huy to be able to engage wh that person that has the problem wh that word, and I would listen and I would try and learn somethg om that experience.</p><p>I suppose for me, I like bee feels very clive. "LGBT" is also good, and both feel separate but also siar. I don't know. I would be terted to hear what you thk about the word and the e of the word.</p><p><strong>I feel the same way. I thk 's a generatn who grew up knowg that word as an sult and a slur, that's hant to let a younger generatn reclaim . I thk 20 years, the gay twentysomethgs at that time will be g "fag" as slang, but I was lled when I was younger, and I'm not fortable yet lettg that word be reclaimed.</strong><br/>Yeah, I feel the same way about that [word], too.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-3 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p><strong>It might say more about me than says about them. Maybe I should be thrilled that they're so fortable to take that word, pecially when we're havg the nversatn about "queer." I'm fortable g "queer," but 's also bee the kids who were bullyg me when I was 12 and 13 weren't g that as an sult.</strong><br/>Exactly, yeah. I have not grown up wh beg victimized by that word. That is a super important distctn. But some gay guys feel like dimish a gay inty, and I <em>love</em> beg a gay man. I intify as a gay man all the time, but I also like to intify as queer. I suppose feels like enpass my gay inty, but also enpass some other stuff—a more fluid approach to my genr. And I feel like when I spend time wh my iends who intify as genrqueer or non-bary, queer feels like the bt word for all as group. Language is so multifaceted, and the are words that we n employ different suatns, and they don't have to be fixed. If we're jt rryg on the nversatns, then I thk we're fe.</p></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="uhfxx"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bDFJoo"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p><strong>You talked about the people that you have surround yourself wh. Have you built up a support system wh the muny?</strong><br/>Oh yeah, 100 percent. I moved away om home when I was 18 to London, and what I did was jt try to fd my fay and people that I felt uld unrstand the experience that I was gog through. I've met amazg people. I've also lost amazg people along the way, and unfortunately that's normal.</p><p>I'm not sayg that beg straight is easy, but when you're gay, you don't really have a faial work or support system. You have to <em>fd</em> that. Also, I thk there's a whole erasure of queer people who are their 60s, 70s, 80s, and so there's this llective anxiety about agg and who's gonna love and who's gonna take re of and what if we don't have kids bee we don't have any lebooks for that or any guibooks for that. It feels pletely terrifyg, and I know that I'm not alone thkg that.</p><p><strong>Do you worry at all about gettg olr?</strong><br/>For sure. Now I feel a ltle b more fortable wh and I thk, "Oh my God, I'm so happy that I'm not gonna have to worry." I don't want to have kids, and that's jt a personal choice. It's nothg to do wh beg gay or not, but I ed to worry that "Oh, I'm gay, and that means I n't have a longterm relatnship or get married or have kids." That was jt the thg that you were supposed to have, that <em>everybody</em> was supposed to have. Now, of urse, we do live a world where 's totally normal for gay guys to get married and have kids.</p><p>Now I kd of feel like, "Oh well, I feel like I n jt be empowered enough to make the choice to <em>not</em> have those thgs. I don't want them," and still live a full, happy life and get old and be a mad gay guy livg by the sea like <em>Grace and Frankie</em>. That's lerally all I'm aimg toward, is livg like Grace and Frankie.</p><p><strong>You jt mentned how we're meant to assume that we won't have long relatnships. I've been a relatnship for almost four years, but the way that straight people talk about the length of their relatnship, as if 's know how when you have a dog, and 's like, "Well, he's 8 dog years, but he's 64 <em>human</em> years." People seem shocked that we're able to rry out longterm monogamy.</strong><br/>I know. On the one hand, I thk one of the great thgs about beg gay, I fd, is 's not a given that you're gonna immediately enter a monogamo relatnship wh somebody that jt has to last as long as possible, and fails when ends. It's like one le, and 's not to cheat. I love that feels like there are more possibili. For myself as a gay guy, I feel like, "Oh, maybe I uld have a different kd of relatnship," which is great but...</p></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="6g17g"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bDFJoo"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p><strong>The lebook is different.</strong><br/>Exactly. But at the same time, do show the double standard that gay people are viewed as ls likely to be able to m. I thk there are lots of reasons for that, and I don't want to jump to, like, "Oh, well, straight people jt thk that gay guys are viant and promiscuo," you know? There's a seed of tth to that, still, that is kd of a surprise to see a longterm relatnship.</p><p>It's crazy how we have one relatnship mol. I thk even five years ago, people weren't super aware of what polyamory meant or beg a throuple. And I was like, "<em>Maybe I wanna be a throuple?</em>" And I was like, "Actually, that seems like the bt relatnship ever." I jt wanna be the unirn the throuple, and I n live the next hoe to the uple. Wa, this sounds so fun. How n I arrange this?</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-4 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p><strong>I'm sure you n arrange that.</strong><br/>I know. In my md, I'm workg toward the <em>Grace and Frankie</em> throuple suatn. I'm jt gonna get high by the beach all day. Maybe see my hbands or whoever they are a uple tim a week.</p><p><em>Stylg by Nick Royal</em></p></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS jyGBoi"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="body body__le-barrier article__body article__body--grid-margs"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"><asi class="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper-iBnuqk lfXXa-D" data-ttid="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper"><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--paywall-le-barrier" role="prentatn" aria-live="pole" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--paywall-le-barrier"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></asi></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ContentWrapperGrid-fvkmBv jfHKjr"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="body body__ntaer"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"></div></div></div></div></div></div></article><div class="ContentFooterWrapper-jVNdRG dTJkpP ArticlePageContentFooterGrid-ccsXYy eMZRHU article-body__footer"><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div data-ttid="TagCloudWrapper" class="TagCloudWrapper-gGgndx izEVNC ContentFooterTagCloud-krQmRG ZLGh"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ TagCloudSectnHear-cOforY iUEiRd dUgcfE kQQRmu">Related Stori for GQ</span><a href="/about/lgbtq" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM TagCloudLk-kvjZFu iUEiRd fhQbnq iGlBER hIhJOI"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ TagCloudName-eAUnLd iUEiRd fdqZBT 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