Francis Lee and Alasdair McLellan on growg up gay Yorkshire and the power of personal experience – HERO

Contents:

• GROWG UP GAY
• MATTHEW TODD ON GROWG UP GAY: "WE ARE STRAPPED SI A CULTURAL STRAJACKET"
• MY LIFE STORI 001| GROWG UP GAY
• WHAT IS LIKE GROWG UP GAY?
• GROWG UP GAY THE SOUTH
• AS MAJOR BRANDS WAVER, GAY WATER AIMS FOR AUTHENTICY
• GROWG UP GAY AND CHRISTIAN
• THE HEALTHY BEAR ON GROWG UP GAY
• GROWG UP GAY: INTERROGATG DISCIPLARY FRAM
• GROWG UP GAYBY
• GROWG UP GAY A HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT

GROWG UP GAY

I grew up the 1960s and 1970s Atralia, a untry that was self g out of the closet, although the closet was heavily fortified and for a long time que imperable when me to s acceptance of gay people. On the other hand, growg up gay starts wh a small seed, a feelg that you do not unrstand, and an attractn to the same sex you at first thk is normal.

MATTHEW TODD ON GROWG UP GAY: "WE ARE STRAPPED SI A CULTURAL STRAJACKET"

Soon, however, you disver the meang and the realy of this attractn—that beg gay is somethg you should be ashamed of, and, om a relig perspective, somethg seen as evil. It was also very clear to me that beg gay only meant sex; had nothg to do wh love, as I had no gay role mols and I had never met a gay person.

MY LIFE STORI 001| GROWG UP GAY

It also opened a door to a darker si; I was so terrified of beg outed that I sometim acted as the loust bully toward others spected of beg gay. Many adults prume that every child is straight; for many parents, the thought that one day their child will turn to them and say, “Mom, Dad, I’m gay” is terrifyg.

Some gay children are lucky enough to have parents who love and support them as they e out of the closet, but, for others, is a huge gamble, as the thoughts that echo their md are, What will their reactn be? This tak an enormo amount of urage that many LGBTQ (lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, queer) dividuals are unable to summon.

In this article, we offer two perspectiv on how growg up gay affected our liv and propose our thoughts on how schools and teachers n try to normalize what society often overlooks, misunrstands, ignor, or even nsirs to be outsi the realm of realy. In the end, I cid that g to terms wh beg gay was more important and more nducive to removg hatred om the world and makg a better place to live.

WHAT IS LIKE GROWG UP GAY?

Beyond that, gay people’s dreams, goals, and aspiratns often are not distguishable om those of straight people. As tors, we should never assume that the parents of a gay or lbian stunt who has nfid are as open or unrstandg as we are. On 8 April 2013, at the offic of Attu (the UK’s btsellg gay magaze, of which I am edor), as we watched the world’s reactn to the passg of a lear who had famoly attacked schoolkids beg tght they “had an alienable right to be gay”, 30 away Rob was reachg the end of his abily to was the younger brother of Attu’s advertisg manager, Andy.

He was cky, bubbly, lghed a lot and he embodied what meant to be a young gay man at the turn of the lennium: physilly f, athletic, happy. He also had that most important thg on the gay scene: sexual May 2008, I was workg more closely wh Andy, and I asked after Rob om time to time. Together the thgs sound like a huge alarm bell, but spread across years they didn’t feel like an emergency; lots of gay men, like straight people, had transient relatnships.

Ined, gay culture seemed to celebrate partyg as a central te of our inty and Rob was sg and lghg the sexy Facebook pictur of him out clubbg, surround by day after Thatcher’s ath, Andy lled the office to tell that Rob had wrten not to his parents and a birthday rd to Andy, then gone to the seaont where he and his brothers and sister ed to play as children, and hanged himself.

GROWG UP GAY THE SOUTH

Culturally, homosexualy and misery have been lked so tightly by the haters over the years that they have bee an offensive cliché to the pot where any discsn is dismissed as prejudice. As therapist and thor Joe Kort stat so well his book 10 Smart Thgs Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Liv, what’s wrong is not our sexualy, but our experience of growg up a society that still do not fully accept that people n be anythg other than heterosexual and cisgenred (ie born to the physil genr you feel you are). Well-meang straight people wh gay iends don’t meet the young people who tell me they are spat on and homophobilly abed every day the street or, as one man reunted, that his father stops him om dg wh his siblgs se he turns them gay, too.

AS MAJOR BRANDS WAVER, GAY WATER AIMS FOR AUTHENTICY

The generatn before me was cimated by HIV and Aids, and we were subjected to the acpanyg extreme homophobia of the Brish media – most notably the tabloids, and most extremely by the Sun unr the edorship of Kelv have fotten that we endured a seemgly neverendg propaganda mpaign of breathtakg tensy.

GROWG UP GAY AND CHRISTIAN

Consired public enemy number one, gay men and women were pated as dangero monsters at every, years after Sectn 28 was repealed, s fluence still lgers. One of them was Mark Houghton, a young man om Bournemouth whose mother was told he should toughen up when she plaed about homophobic bullyg.

And yet the media, unable to unrstand that young children n know they are gay (and be bullied for – I was 10 or 11 when I realised) almost never explicly addrs homo/bi/transphobic bullyg or exame s nsequenc, such as the fai that are left vastated. We – the media, parents, the untry – jt don’t seem to gay people, we tend to thk we’ve ped once we leave school, but is beg clearer and clearer that severe bullyg n change the urse of an adult’s life.

Photograph: Arctic-Imag/GettyGay people are extremely lucky if we do not grow up experiencg chronic recurrent huiatn.

THE HEALTHY BEAR ON GROWG UP GAY

On g out, what I need was therapy – not (as the homophobic Christian speaker told me at school) to erase my homosexual clatns, but to accept and e to terms wh them. As last year’s Vice documentary Chemsex showed, the new wave of super-powerful dgs, such as crystal meth, G and mephedrone, are brgg the problems to the surface among a mory, albe a signifint one, of gay and bisexual men. We need to look at what’s workg and what’s not, cludg the role of the gay media, and straight people need to step up to the plate.

GROWG UP GAY: INTERROGATG DISCIPLARY FRAM

Heterosexual people need to speak up and force an end to this barbaric suatn where too many gay kids are so overwhelmed by shame that they take their own liv. If we really have the grty termatn that is so popular the diva-ish anthems of gay clubs across the world, then the time has fally arrived to face the storm and fd our way out the other si. BlogStoryAdhd StoryAddictn StoryAdolcence velopment StoryBullyg StoryCelebratn StoryChild Development StorySchool StoryDg Addictn StoryFriends StoryEmployment StoryFoster Care StoryGay StoryHomels StoryHomeowner StoryInjury StoryInsomnia StoryInvolved crimal activy StoryLife StoryLosg iends StoryMeditn StoryMental Health StoriProjects StoryRelatnship StorySectned Unr The Mental Health Act StorySelf Harm StorySocial Servic StoryAdviceHomels AdviceEmployment AdviceMotivatnal speakers AdviceBlogAdhd BlogAuthor Facts BlogCarg BlogHomels BlogMental Health BlogsKnowledgebaseRourcFor Looked after childrenEdutnEdutn GlossaryAdviceHomels AdviceEmployment AdviceSocial ServicSocial Servic GlossaryProvirsLife Story WorkLi Jean-Luc HarrisTrag SsnsEventsShare Your Care ExperienceContact UsSupportBook An AppotmentNewsletterFAQBlogStoryAdhd StoryAddictn StoryAdolcence velopment StoryBullyg StoryCelebratn StoryChild Development StorySchool StoryDg Addictn StoryFriends StoryEmployment StoryFoster Care StoryGay StoryHomels StoryHomeowner StoryInjury StoryInsomnia StoryInvolved crimal activy StoryLife StoryLosg iends StoryMeditn StoryMental Health StoriProjects StoryRelatnship StorySectned Unr The Mental Health Act StorySelf Harm StorySocial Servic StoryAdviceHomels AdviceEmployment AdviceMotivatnal speakers AdviceBlogAdhd BlogAuthor Facts BlogCarg BlogHomels BlogMental Health BlogsKnowledgebaseRourcFor Looked after childrenEdutnEdutn GlossaryAdviceHomels AdviceEmployment AdviceSocial ServicSocial Servic GlossaryProvirsLife Story WorkLi Jean-Luc HarrisTrag SsnsEventsShare Your Care ExperienceContact UsSupportBook An AppotmentNewsletterFAQ.

I n learn to talk and expla how my life was growg up / growg up gay, but help others gog through the same/siar experienc. The only thg on my md was if anyone else felt the same way as I did bee no one seemed like they uld relate other than adults who were already out as gay themselv – which left me feelg all alone. It was a plex thought if I’m hont bee they brought me up only knowg that a man uld be wh a woman; unls you had already had openly gay members of a fay, or your school had openly discsed .

Out of shame and uncertaty, I hid the closet (didn’t tell anyone I was gay) for another 5 years, before tstg a few iends and exprsg myself more.

GROWG UP GAYBY

A tailed look at how gay boys growg has changed over by Heartstopper’s Netflix serieSo seems the last weeks a new seri is the latt Buzzword: Heartstopper. My boyiend believ — and firmly stat — that the seri has bee viral thanks to TikTok, but as you might already gus… he is not que a reliable lerally everyone I knew was watchg and after havg read ton of tweets and posts, I cid to give a shot and watch … the tle is que accurate… the seri do stop your heart — at ’s try to remember together how was my — our — childhood as a gay boy and how there actually is another way to grow ’s be hont, I didn’t have a personal and romantilly-wise nice childhood. I was raised a nice environment, wh supportive parents, really really nice iends — I still keep many of, at the time beg gay was jt… too by Gay, I mean the habual term that was ed to sult.

GROWG UP GAY A HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT

Geni Pictur (“Mrs Lowry & Son, ” “Good Luck To You, Leo Gran”) has optned Emmett Monterey’s acclaimed memoir “Go the Way Your Blood Beats” – about growg up gay and disabled 1980s London – for TV adaptatn.