"The Promise of Silence": A survival story of growg up gay Catholic Ireland - LGBT Ireland

Contents:

• 'GAY AND CATHOLIC': A Q&A WH WRER AND SPEAKER EVE TH
• GROWG UP GAY AND CATHOLIC: THE QUT FOR ACCEPTANCE
• IN “MEMORI OF A GAY CATHOLIC BOYHOOD,” AN LGBTQ HISTORIAN EXAM HIS PAST
• WHAT GROWG UP GAY AND CATHOLIC TGHT ME ABOUT INTY
• GROWG UP GAY AND CATHOLIC
• GROWG UP GAY AND CATHOLIC
• LIVG S? HOW GAY CATHOLICS MANAGE THEIR CONFLICTG SEXUAL AND RELIG INTI
• “THE PROMISE OF SILENCE”: A SURVIVAL STORY OF GROWG UP GAY CATHOLIC IRELAND
• GAY, CATHOLIC, AND AMERIN
• MEMORI OF A GAY CATHOLIC BOYHOOD

'GAY AND CATHOLIC': A Q&A WH WRER AND SPEAKER EVE TH

I wanted to wre a book which would clu some memoir ( orr to build tst, so people knew where I was g om), but which foced on the paths of love which are open to gay people the Church—pecially those paths which might be overlooked. I wrote Tenrns: A Gay Christian’s Gui to Unlearng Rejectn and Experiencg God’s Extravagant Love (forthg November om Ave Maria Prs) for gay Christians who found that their relatnship wh God had been damaged by paful experienc or misguid teachg they’d received their church.

But the narrative that homosexualy mt be ed by abe, and n therefore be “fixed” by healg the wounds of trma, has self ed immense harm to people who had this narrative imposed on them when didn’t f their story. So many people who grew up gay our church spent their formative years terrified and hidg, fearg that their attractns meant they uld never love God, that they disappoted Him, and that there was no future for them the Church, or only a future of isolatn and reprsn.

Not every gay person is lled to the paths (jt as not every straight person is lled to marriage), but, my experience, knowg that there is orred same-sex love n change people’s relatnship to Scripture and Church teachg. I thk I’ve really stated above—I believe that same-sex love n be betiful and holy; that sex is not the right exprsn of this love (sce sex is rerved for the unn of a man and a woman marriage), but n be exprsed many good ways; and that gay people need, as the techism says, “rpect, passn, and sensivy, ” which too many of have not received om our fellow Catholics.

GROWG UP GAY AND CATHOLIC: THE QUT FOR ACCEPTANCE

When church teach that beg gay is a choice, that’s harmful self and also may lead parents to throw their gay children out of the hoe for “disobedience, ” ntributg to the horrific number of homels LGBT teenagers. I thk the fn of “nversn therapy” that mak the most sense is that ’s therapy where one of the primary purpos is to rce homosexualy and crease heterosexualy: a therapy which “succs” n be measured by gree of heterosexualy. The posn you strike your article seems to agree wh those who hope to ban any type of therapy that helps persons unrstand their homosexual clatn or that attribut any environmental fluence such as trma or abe.

Revoice is an ecumenil Christian nference; En Invatn is a Catholic group; and I’m volved wh the gay and lbian mistry at my church, which do a pretty good job at tryg to grow fahfulns, while welg people no matter what they believe. I have iends who lost jobs or mistry posns bee they me out, or were outed by others—the are people who accepted their church’s teachg on sexual ethics, and sought to live by , but simply beg gay ma them “unf to serve. The homophobia I’ve experienced Catholic settgs has mostly manifted as spicn and unwillgns to listen: assumptns about my fay background (for example, speculatg on how my parents mt have ed my lbianism), sex life, or spirual life; repeated terrogatns about whether I “really” believe what I say I believe; and spicn of anythg I do to love eher another woman, or gay muni.

I n’t tell you how many tim I’ve seen someone post a eply personal, heartfelt discsn of the spirual stggl they’ve experienced seekg to be fahful to Christ while growg self-acceptance and unlearng self-hatred… only to have somebody pop up the ments to rm them that beg gay is a s. ” When homosexualy was ocsnally brought up relig sermons throughout my 13 years of Catholic school, I regularly watched churchgoers seated around me noddg agreement that marriage between people of the same sex was forbidn and that a life of chasty was the only path for people wh “trsilly disorred” clatns, like me.

IN “MEMORI OF A GAY CATHOLIC BOYHOOD,” AN LGBTQ HISTORIAN EXAM HIS PAST

Whout suggtg that the procs of acceptg himself as a gay man wh a tradnal Italian Amerin, stnchly Catholic, Republin fay environment durg the 1960s was easy or pleasant, D’E do not give the rear a story of rejectn, angst and self-hatred. Actually, many ways, D’E, an emer profsor at the Universy of Illois and a noted scholar of LGBTQ history who has twice received the Stonewall Book Award, habed a world of extend fay, Catholic schools and parish life that offered a relatively safe space for him to disver himself as a polilly progrsive gay man.

WHAT GROWG UP GAY AND CATHOLIC TGHT ME ABOUT INTY

As D’E appli his skills as an acclaimed social and cultural historian to his own youth, Memori of a Gay Catholic Boyhood offers a rg and thoughtful wdow to a time of enormo change Amerin society and the Catholic Church. ” When he returned to the Catholic Church at age 36, his experience wh nversn therapy Pate said his Catholic therapist, like many who attempt to help patients change their sexual orientatn, believed that homosexualy was ed by childhood sexual abe or alienatn om one’s parents: what Mr.

Brothers Road scrib self as “a non-prof, multi-fah, ternatnal fellowship primarily of men om bisexual or same-sex-attracted backgrounds who—for our own, eply personal reasons—typilly do not accept or intify wh the label ‘gay’ and prefer stead to explore and addrs unrlyg issu and embrace our thentic masculy. Another Catholic, Joseph Nilosi, who died 2017, was a -founr of the Natnal Associatn for the Rearch and Therapy of Homosexualy, a secular group formed 1992 that is now lled the Alliance for Theraptic Choice and Scientific Integry. Nilosi said of young people experiencg same-sex attractn: “So when a 15-year-old boy go to a prit and says, ‘Father, I have the feelgs, I have the temptatns, ’ that prit should say, ‘You have a choice; if you don’t want to be gay, there are thgs that you n do.

” A group prottg the nference hung a banner on archdcan property that featured a quote attributed to the Dert Stream/Livg Waters founr, Andrew Comiskey, and that read part, “There is no such thg as a ‘gay’ is a popular myth. Many gay Catholics have heard, over and over, that nobody is “born gay”; that homosexualy is typilly ed by trma; that beg gay is a purely negative experience om which they have nothg to learn, and om which the broar church has nothg to learn.

GROWG UP GAY AND CATHOLIC

Bob, as we all lovgly ll him” as “an amazg, lovg man, ” who nohels nvced him of what he now se as “misrmatn” about the nature and orig of homosexualy, attributg a “homosexual clatn” to problems fay relatnships, sexual trma cludg e of pornography, the lack of a proper velopment of masculy and other “wounds”—ias he later heard om prits the Schuchts, thor of the upg book Be Rtored: Healg Our Sexual Wounds Through J’ Merciful Love, disagreed wh the labelg of his work as of “misrmatn, ” statg that all of the materials om the John Pl II Healg Center have approval om the lol bishop and his books have obtaed an imprimatur. Eight Polish gays wh a Catholic background, who intified themselv as strong believers, shared their experienc durg semi-stctured terviews that were subjected to terpretative phenomenologil analysis.

GROWG UP GAY AND CATHOLIC

They ed a number of strategi to rencile nflictg inti, cludg limg their relig volvement, qutng terpretatn of the doctre, unrmg prits’ thory, tryg to reject homosexual attractn, puttg tst God’s plan, g profsnal help, and seekg acceptance om clergy.

Keywords: Gay, Catholic, Spirualy, Relign, Sexual orientatn, IntyIntroductnSexual inty often exists a dynamic teractn wh other self-imag such as cultural background (ethnic and/or relig), which requir that dividuals manage multiple inti (Stevens, 2004). In some Mlim untri, for example, homosexualy is seen as immoral, sful or an illns, strictly forbidn, and punishable by imprisonment and floggg (Jaspal & Cnirella, 2012; Taylor & Snowdon, 2014). O’Brien (2004) ed the term “double stigma” to scribe the experience of gay Christians who felt addnally rejected by other gays for beg openly relig, bee the LGBT environment remas cril and dismissive of Christiany.

Another study by Mark (2008) showed that some gay Orthodox Jews seek sexual nversn therapi bee they feel great prsure to nform to munal norms, and experience tense guilt and betrayal if they fail to fulfill them. Attempts to supprs nflictg, erotic impuls toward same-sex were also mentned reference to gay Mlims (Jaspal & Cnirella, 2010; Kugle, 2010) or Christians (Barton, 2010; Rodriguez & Ouellette, 2000). Exampl of that n be found studi on lbian Christians (Mahaffy, 1996), Mlim gay Iranians the UK (Taylor & Snowdon, 2014), or Canadian gay Jews (Schnoor, 2006) is, however, ltle rmatn on how people perceive the sts of reprsg eher spirual or sexual parts of their inty, what psychologil mechanisms they e to rce rultg tra-psychic tensn, and how this affects their well-beg.

LIVG S? HOW GAY CATHOLICS MANAGE THEIR CONFLICTG SEXUAL AND RELIG INTI

For example, when attendg a relig stutn, the gay inty would be -emphasized and, when attendg a gay ftival, the relig one (Coyle & Rafal, 2001, Rodriguez & Ouellette, 2000; Wood & Conley, 2014).

Some gays jo LGBT-affirmg relig groups and create their own personal or munal spirualy (Buchanan, Dzelme, Harris, & Hecker, 2001; Rodriguez & Ouellette, 2000; Schuck & Liddle, 2001; Thumma, 1991). It is possible that a siar strategy uld be ed by Christian gays, who are tght that is the sful act and not the sner who should be people rencile their sexual and relig inti on a social level different ways.

For stance, gay Jews the study of Coyle and Rafal (2001), preferred not to disclose their sexual inty wh their Jewish muny and, like muters discsed by Brekh (2003), often avoid discsg relatnships or sexualy-related issu, and kept a very low profile. Participants this rearch scribed their relig socializatn and s impact on how they experienced their homosexualy, experienced tra-psychic nflicts and attempts to rolve first thor (IP) is non-Christian and, spe livg Poland, did not have a Catholic upbrgg.

“THE PROMISE OF SILENCE”: A SURVIVAL STORY OF GROWG UP GAY CATHOLIC IRELAND

Participants perceived the topic of the study extremely meangful and were very willg to share their to meetg dividual participants, an terview gui was created wh areas to be discsed wh every participant and sample open-end qutns and prompts to explore their experienc of growg up a relig fay, disverg their sexualy, and meang attributed to homosexualy wh reference to their fah. Of participants wh themeTheme 1: Growg fah8Theme 2: Disverg one’s homosexualy8Theme 3: Experiencg a nflict Spirual dilemmas8 Fear of disappotg fay7 Anticipatg rejectn by the muny8Theme 4: Seekg peace Rcg relig volvement5 Qutng the terpretatn of the doctre4 Unrmg prits’ thory6 Tryg to reject homosexual attractn3 Puttg tst God’s plan6 Usg profsnal help5 Seekg acceptance om clergy6Theme 5: Comg-out a Catholic fay8Theme 6: Bearg the s5Theme 1: Growg FahAll participants scribed their relig socializatn at home, school, and the Church great tail.

Rak and Arthur served as church mistrants and participated relig youth anizatns, tryg to embody their fah everyday life and follow Catholic prcipl distguishg what was right, moral, or sacred, and what was immoral or 2: Disverg One’s HomosexualyAll participants said that acknowledgg their attractn to same-sex was challengg and even challengg to their self-image.

Borys relled startg to “disver somethg himself” but uld not unrstand why he was different om his classmat, and searched rmatn about homosexualy on the Inter to faiarize himself wh the topic and unrstand his own talked about boobs and ass all the time.

GAY, CATHOLIC, AND AMERIN

Matthew said a beiend prit suggted he might be gay, and Arthur regnized his gay sir when he fell love wh a 3: Experiencg a ConflictAll participants experienced at different moments of their liv tense nflicts between velopg sexual awarens and needs, and their relig beliefs and aspiratns.

MEMORI OF A GAY CATHOLIC BOYHOOD

Anticipatg Rejectn by the Communy All participants referred to social stereotyp about gay people, strengthened by media reports which, they believed, often viewed gays as “effemate” or “mp” the way they drs, talk or move. He thought people ascribed to the LGBT muny all kds of sful quali they would not like to fd 4: Seekg PeaceAll participants tried to rolve ner nflicts between their relig valu or aspiratns, and growg gay inty. Rcg Relig Involvement Participants said they were trated and angry, and felt guilty and rejected by the Catholic Church, bee s doctre forbids homosexual love and relatnships, treatg the as sful actns.