Gay OCD / HOCD / Sexual Orientatn OCD - Part 1

Contents:

• HOCD; AM I GAY OR STRAIGHT?
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• YOU ARE NOT GAY, 'S HOCD, FOR ALL YOU SUFFERERS.
• 'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY
• INTSIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT BEG GAY
• FEELG GUILTY ABOUT "GAY THOUGHTS"
• YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD

HOCD; AM I GAY OR STRAIGHT?

The obssns n take the form of doubt, for example, a heterosexual male fearg they are gay, or vice versa, a gay man fearg that he is you have thoughts that make you doubt your long-standg sexual preferenc, and the thoughts go agast your te sexual inty, and you have no genue sire to start a same-sex relatnship, You uld have a form of Obssive-pulsive disorr lled Homosexual potsYou nnot be diagnosed wh HOCD as is not rerd as a distct disorr DMS-5. The obssn n be the thought what if I am gay and then feelg pelled (the pulsn) to check this out by lookg at members of the same sex to tt if there is an attractn example, a straight person wh HOCD may fear beg secretly gay, while a gay person wh HOCD may fear beg you are a heterosexual male but sudnly start to qutn that maybe you are gay or a heterosexual female and beg to doubt your long-standg attractn to men, this article will help you make sense of what is gog on.

Homosexual Obssive Compulsive Disorr (HOCD) is a type of OCD where the person experienc obssive thoughts and doubts about their prevly taken-for-granted sexual n often clu excsive checkg for signs of homosexualy, qutng recent teractns wh others and playg out potential the ndn first entered the public doma, was labelled HOCD and, acrdg to Bhatia & Kr, 2015 (1), was marked by excsive fear of beg or beg homosexual. People wh HOCD often thk they are gay or bisexual bee of obssive thoughts and self-doubt, not bee they feel attracted to people of the same shared thoughts and behavurs associated wh HOCD are difficulty settg asi thoughts about your sexual orientatn, avoidance of people of the same sex, preoccupatn wh one’s level of aroal toward eher sex and avoidg people who might make you qutn your thoughts n be credibly distrsg and lead to a great al of anxiety and nfn. Doubt And The Denial QutnHomosexual OCD And Sexual AroalTreatments for HOCDSelf-help urse for HOCDSigns of HOCDWarng signs may clu:creased attractn to people of the oppose sex, creased attractn to those of your own sex, preoccupatn wh the level of aroal you feel towards people of eher genr, nstg any posive reactn as evince that one is gay or straight, and watchg both gay and straight n be challengg to diagnose, so you mt know the warng signs if you thk you might have do I know if I have HOCD?

” Dog this n distance you om the thoughts, see them as HOCD symptoms, and not prove that you are gay or do the pulsns to make yourself feel better or try to ‘check out if you are gay’ COMPULSIONSYou are gog over prev sexual enunters wh members of the oppose sex to reassure yourself that you are not might try to image beg wh a member of the same sex to check out your theory that you might be might have remembered an event om your childhood that you now see as evince that you are gay. Avoidg men if your HOCD is ncerned wh beg gayAvoidg women if your HOCD is related to the feelg that you are lbianAvoidg takg part thgs that you believe are too manly or too femaleAvoidg changg rooms where you will see members of your sex drs and undrsNot beg able to make eye ntact wh members of the same sex or avoid hangg out wh themAny topics of nversatn relatg to sexual preferenceMovi where same-sex actors may kiss or be romantilly volvedFdg Members Of The Same-Sex AttractiveHuman begs fd many thgs attractive.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

I shall ntradict myself now; thoughts only have the meang you give to them, so be reful about any flty beliefs you may In The SpotlightYou might have noticed that your life before HOCD, you never qutned your sexual preference, took heterosexual relatnships for granted, and never noticed who was gay and who was you have a radar, or a spotlight as I like to thk of , where everythg you do, and everywhere you go, you seem to notice thgs that make you qutn your sexual preference. Further ReadgCentreforanxietydisorrsNCBITreatments for HOCDIf you are stgglg wh HOCD, there are thgs you n do on your own that, ’s sential to unrstand that HOCD nnot change your sexual orientatn- is only a doubt, a symptom of the ndn to know if you are gay or, try not to give the thoughts too much power by refg to engage wh them.

Currently sufferg om OCD (Obssive Compulsive Disorr)Recurrg unwanted or tsive thoughts about your own sexualyConstantly reassurg yourself that you are straightAvoidg people of your same genr due to anxiety or unwanted fears that you might be gayWorryg that you might be sendg out “signals” that will make others thk you are gayHomosexual thoughts are repulsive to you, rather than arogFeelg no attractn to your same sexRepeatg an actn bee you worry that you might have done somethg a way that mak others thk you are gay (example: a man repeatedly gets up and ss down on a chair bee he worri that he tak a seat a way that looks too feme).

Homosexual thoughts are enjoyable and/or arog to the person, even if they hi their sexual orientatn om others or are ashamed of Havg had past sexual experienc wh those of their same genrPreferrg to date or have sexual enunters wh people of their same genr stead of wh those of the oppose sexOften, people who are gay report havg felt differently than their same-sex peers at an early age.

YOU ARE NOT GAY, 'S HOCD, FOR ALL YOU SUFFERERS.

A person sufferg om this sub-type of OCD nstantly doubts their sexual orientatn:A straight person worri whether they might actually be gay even though they haven’t doubted their sexual orientatn the pastThey might worry that homosexualy is “tchg”They may thk that talkg wh a gay person will make them act out by triggerg their own latent homosexual tennci.

But I’m even more terrified now bee I’m terrified that I’m attracted to women I don’t get 2 weeks ago I was love wh this girl and she rejected me and now 2 weeks later I woke up thkg about women and now I’m terrified of women, sex, relatnships, and that bothers me bee It feels like i want a man but at the same time i know I’m straight ’s killg me i want to be straight but feels like I don’t want women feels like I don’t want anythg straight and bothers me bee gay people wh hocd are terrified of beg straight and feels like I’m terrified of beg straight I don’t get I was terrified of beg gay avoidg men and seekg reassurance that I’m not gay I had every symptom of a straight person wh hocd and I was gettg better feelg like my straight self aga and now I’m terrified of women I need advice I wish I was still terrified of beg gay please I don’t want to be gay help!!!

In other words, ego-dystonic would be believg you are NOT gay and yet feelg bombard by gay thoughts that seem alien to you, whereas ego-syntonic would apply to knowg you ARE gay and havg gay thoughts that are nsistent wh your ternal realy, regardls of whether the thoughts were on you thought were acceptable. This is really srg me I’m a 17 year old male and have suffered om what I hope is hocd and I keep imagg myself wh a man but don’t disgt me and to make thgs I experimented alot wh the same sex om 13-16 years old and that has nvced me I’m gay but I don’t want to be I have had csh on girls and I have never kissed a girl and every girl I’ve asked out on a date they have said no but the thg is when i first woke up the thought I’m gay me to my head and my heart dropped wh fear and anxiety I told my gran what was gog on and she said she don’t have a clue what I’m talkg about that was 5 months ago my parents know about this and i don’t have the anxiety anymore but the thoughts are still there along wh feelgs I am seeg a psychiatrist and psychologist who said I have ocd but I jt keep doubtg and I have been prcribed setrale 125 mg but It don’t do anythg to help that’s another reason why i doubt myself n somebody help me I’m don’t want to be gay I want to be straight somebody please help me.

'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY

I do want help but i am nvced that I’m gay or at the very least bi bee when i Experimented wh the same sex i felt pleasure and enjoyed the feelg of that pleasure but I never thought about beg wh someone of the same genr I always wanted to be wh a girl I had fantasi about girls and enjoyed gettg attentn om girls n someone who is straight feel pleasure om beg timate wh someone who is their same genr i jt want to be straight and happy wh a betiful woman who I n enjoy sex wh but I feels like I n’t and that irrat me n someone please help me!!! I woke up my grans hoe and the first thg my md was I’m gay I started panickg and felt like I uldn’t breathe after that I paced back forth tryg to make sense of om then on I uldn’t eat I uldn’t sleep I was nstantly cryg to myself and to my mom I would avoid gog outsi bee I didn’t want to see a man eventually my mom was really ncerned and googled everythg and she found somethg lled HOCD and the symptoms were exactly the same as me at first I felt relieved but like all reassurence lasted 30 mut. Abramowz PhD lled Gettg Over OCD: A 10-Step Workbook for Takg Back Your Life (The Guilford Self-Help Workbook Seri) Gettg Over OCD: A 10-Step Workbook for Takg Back Your Life and ed some of the suggtns like I ed to rerd trigger words such as gay, bi, etc on a tape rerr and listen to them over and over on my way to work which helped a lot.

All of a sudn the other week the word gay started poppg up my head and would not go away…I am not attracted to guys and never have been, but i nnot get the thought out of my head, s not like fantasizg about , s jt a voice sayg everythg you are dog is gay and i am gonna lose everythg i have bee i am gay, why did you look at that guy? Its like bee of a posve event ive done enough or my md is tryg to sabotage me om talkhg the next maybe s all nial rearched the hair whorl, fger x, certa smells are givg off by homexuals and women uld tell wh a high percentage someone was gay om jt lookg at a picture, gone on foms who say hocd is non existence and read storied about people who say they uld be okay one day not thkg about homexualy, and they next they uld nt and the end they have e out.

INTSIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT BEG GAY

I get aroed by gay porn (somethg I jt disvered, I never liked before), I notice good lookg men the street(actually I notice them, and I would thk “damn that’s nice body, wish was me, I hate him for beg hot”), but I jt n’t image myself wh a man, I don’t like how they smell, I don’t like the fact that after all is mans ass you have to…”touch”, I n’t image myself datg men, gog out wh them, jt spendg my life wh a man is horrible ia, and somethg I am sred, like I will fd out that I am gay and that everythg I ever dreamed about is jt some big fat lie. I am open md, I said that is ok for him, but I am not gay… after that I felt like I didn’t do the right thg, like I should have punch him, I should have ll him nam and leave, not be nice to him, and profg myself that fact I am gay, but I jt live a lie… This is tratg, I am terrefied of the thoughts, bee I see myself only wh a girl. If my experc wh women were all false due to beg ununcly brawashed that homexual is not acceptable, then the oute uld be as above, but i dont want to do that to someone so even if i do naturally want women, this is always gonna play on my md so i nt be nfint around women which turn uld drive me to beg gay.

I have even e to the pot that sce such thoughts n be recurrg I say to myself, “ok I’m gay” but then I thk… wa a moment I bee a Casanova whenever I see a pretty girl and n’t prevent flirtg wh her so maybe I’m bi” and such, an entire matn until I e back to the pot of not knowg who I am, but simply that a pretty girl specially Rsian hypnotiz me! When i was 11 i did somethg kda gay wasn’t sex or anythg like that was jt like a touch (not a pedophile way) i didn’t like at all and I’ve been straight all my life sce that happened and i regret dog that i don’t even know why i would do and im sure im not gay and i always have to repeat myself that im not gay i get imag my head i dont want and i nt go out bee i feel someone might see me gay or that i would act feme i nt look at people of the same sex at the face i had sex many tim i enjoyed all the time.

The only logil explanatn I have is that due to some sexual abe by another male my childhood, I associated what happened as “gay”, and now nstantly worry that bee of the var thgs that happened and the fact that I was plic them, I was eher gay or aaid that people would fd out what happened to me and would thk I was gay.

FEELG GUILTY ABOUT "GAY THOUGHTS"

I am 18 years old (first year at uni), when i was around 14 someone asked me if i was a lbian and i remember gettg really anx and eakg out, after that i didnt stop thkg about , and eventually broke down tears to my mum; and i nt really remember what she said but she was okay wh , i did go to a therapist (not for this, but for other reasons) and i refed to talk to her about beg gay bee i was terrified she would tell me that i was. Anyway fast forward four years and i got my heart broken (i thk, not sure if i was love, but i have never been so hurt by someone before), and on top of that i was on youtube one day and randomly clicked on a g out vio (i dont have a problem wh gay people, although i did when i was 14 – i wouldnt watch films wh gays etc. Although this went away when the thoughts about beg gay stopped) and he started talkg about how he knew he was gay, and my heart dropped and i started feelg anx believg that this was what i had thought when i was 14, and maybe i am a lbian and have been lyg to myself sce (i then remembered how when i was makg out wh my ex i asked myself once if i was really attracted to him).

My ncern is thkg of my future wh her, I very much see her as someone I want to spend the rt of my life wh but this creat all sorts of qutns…if I am ternalised homosexual and we marry and have children what the affect will be then, I’ll not jt be g my life and hers but brgg children to the suatn mak so much more plited.

Anyway I was dog fe, I was gettg back to my old self whout doubts and then I heard somethg that ma me spike, a gay person said that people who are gay might not know they’re gay but fear that they’re gay and not know of when they’re young, was basilly this and that eaked me out bee I obssed about beg a lbian when I was 13 jt bee I had lost tert my current csh at the time and started to thk why did I stopped likg him and then bam “omg do this mean I don’t like boys anymore” was jt that and I obssed about over a few months and then when stopped I ntued to love boys but after that sometim if I remembered that I ed to obss about that I would fear that I would get obssed about that aga and that I was ed a lbian. That ’s really what fuels my anxiety bee I keep thkg that if I had this before mt mean somethg and the fact that I had this at young age 13/14, as I said before I ntiued to like men and I never had a csh on a girl or somethg but sce that time I feared that one day I’m gog to fd out that I’m gay or somethg and that I’ll never be able to be wh or appreciate men aga.

YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD

Up until march of this year my sexualy was never even a qutn i jt knew i was straight always yearng and havg a lt for women, but march i got this fleetg thougt “what if i was gay” i was so eaked out i ulnd’t eat for a week and after a month or so of alg wh this i learned what HOCD was and i thought “thats what i have”. This persists even when I’m not the ‘thro of OCD qutng, ’ and they ually do not pose a ‘signifint’ problem except that they are persistent as a hard-wire to my sexualy – then once every year or so, I get ught up this orientatn crisis bee my fantasi are so nsistently ‘homosexual, ’ almost exclively, really – so ’s liked mixed signals all the time. I really didn’t want to say this, but sometim i lerally s down at work and say “you know what, i’m gay, i n accept , my iends and fay may never speak to me aga, i’ll fd new people that will, my ex girliend will probably go mental thkg she was datg a guy who all hont didn’t know he was the closet, but she’ll jt have to accept that” and then like 5 mut later s like i’m tellg myself “you’re not gay, how n you thk that, when was the last time you thought a guy was hot or you wanted to do somethg wh a guy, stop beg stupid” and then the endls cycle ntu.

I keep feelg strsed out all day everyday and n’t get peace at anytime I jt want to be happy, I’ve suffered this sce a young age I am now 26, the thg that really nf me is I get thoughts that I start thkg I enjoy the fantasi so I strs more and repeat the rual my head over and over to see if I get aroed by which I always end up feelg worse, I only fancy women and don’t fancy men but seem fixated on penis and that I mt enjoy the thoughts but on the other hand I love women and don’t want to spend my life wh a man and would never ever want to hold hands or kiss one, I’m sorry about gog on about this but I jt n’t stop thkg about , I worry about everythg and I mean everythg om health to money to beg like this forever but ’s the hocd if is that that gets me down the most, I want to be wh a woman but I feel wh the thoughts that I am gog to jt have to be gay to somehow have a life that I don’t want. But i have never once pursued a guy my wakg life or sired to be wh the same sex, but i noticed i was checkg my reactns around men i uldnt talk to my guy iends or be the same room whout feelg unfortable, i would get massive anxiety about sudnly beg gay and givg up my relatnship and marriage, g my home life, etc and every so often would go away and i would be fe only for the anxiety to return is there even anythg here even remotely gay? iam sufferg om hocd for past two months i was straight and i dont even had that ia of beg before the ia was stuck to my head but the problem is now my sexual sire is rced alot, i dont even masturbate for 5 days i dont feel any sexual sire for my girl iend i was not able gettg erectn sex wh her i am extremly worried that my hocd is makg me asexual or gay.