An Army sergeant asks how to troduce his girliend to a married gay uple, one of whom is an officer.
Contents:
- WHY DO GAY UPL E THE TERMS ‘HBAND’ AND ‘WIFE,’ RATHER THAN ‘PARTNER’?
- IS IT GAY HBAND? LBIAN WIFE? OR WHAT?
- HOW TO INTRODUCE A MARRIED GAY COUPLE
- GAY MARRIAGE QUTN: ARE THEY BOTH LLED "WIFE" OR "HBAND"?
- GAY MARRIAGE QUANDARY: AM I THE BRI OR GROOM?
- THE LBIAN WRER AND HER FLAMBOYANT GAY HBAND
- GAY MARRIAGE AND THE EVOLVG LANGUAGE OF LOVE
- THE LANGUAGE OF GAY MARRIAGE
- STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
- HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY
- CELEBRATG MY (GAY) DIVORCE
WHY DO GAY UPL E THE TERMS ‘HBAND’ AND ‘WIFE,’ RATHER THAN ‘PARTNER’?
Follow a gay uple’s lead as to how to refer to one spoe. And when doubt, “partner” ually satisfi everyone. * gay couple husband and wife *
Dear Civili: My wife (female) and I are supporters of gay marriage, but we are puzzled about gay upl g the terms “wife” and “hband. (Still, I uldn’t help but notice that the boyiend of Michael Sam, the first openly gay football player to be drafted by an NFL team, was rrectly lled out by some as Sam’s “wife” and “trophy wife” on social media, highlightg the tradnal stereotyp of “hband/wife” rol.
A gay man, engaged to his fiance, spoke for many on my Facebook page when he posted this rponse to your qutn: “When we marry I will ll him my hband bee he will be, and I will be his. ” In short, once legally wed, spo — whether straight or gay — have earned the tl “hbands” and “wiv. ” That don’t mean that every gay or lbian uple will embrace those terms, jt as some oppose-sex upl prefer partner or spoe spe their legal stat.
Take a look at this lovely vio of a young boy talkg to his newly married gay dad.
IS IT GAY HBAND? LBIAN WIFE? OR WHAT?
* gay couple husband and wife *
Every other week, Steven Petrow, the thor of “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lbian Manners, ” addrs qutns about LGBT and straight etiquette his new lumn, Civili. Boomg|Is It Gay Hband? 27, 2012Every other Tuday, Steven Petrow, the thor of “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lbian Manners, ” (Workman, 2011), addrs qutns about gay and straight etiquette for a boomer-age dience.
HOW TO INTRODUCE A MARRIED GAY COUPLE
So, I was workg on a tax return for a gay uple (I'm an acuntant). Now, assume that they were married and was two men, would they say "This is my... * gay couple husband and wife *
" I am a straight man my 50s, and most same-sex upl of my age group e “partner” to refer to each other although younger gay male iends speak of their “hbands” wh lbian upl routely g “wife.
Given today’s crazy-quilt mix of state marriage laws (ma even more so by the Electn Day victori for gay weddgs), ’s no wonr you are nfed about how to refer to our signifint others.
GAY MARRIAGE QUTN: ARE THEY BOTH LLED "WIFE" OR "HBAND"?
As New York gay and lbian upl prepare to sh for marriage licens, the cy may be unprepared for genr qutns. * gay couple husband and wife *
The other day I heard about a recently married gay man who mentned his “hband” passg to a woman of a certa age (meang ours! It’s tertg to me that you rrectly intify the generatnal difference among your gay, lbian and bisexual iends (two snaps for payg attentn! ) and I’ll bet you’re likely to rell when other terms were vogue — “longtime pann” was obuary for “gay” – and back the day the sexually suggtive “lover” was the mon moniker for many a practil level what I suggt dog is listeng to how a uple troduc or refers to each other.
For stance, I recently overheard a gay iend a long-term relatnship refer to his better half as his “spoe” only to hear one of the straight folks ask him mut later what kd of work his “iend” did. I’d love to see Endora st a spell on Congrs and get to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), which prohibs Feral regnn of gay and lbian weddgs (and ni more than 1, 100 benefs like Social Secury for survivg spo or hospal visatn rights).
If you need advice about gay/straight suatns or issu (geared to a boomer-aged dience), send them to Mr. If you intify wh those terms, go ahead and adopt them for your queer, LGBTQ+, gay or lbian weddg ceremony language. ” To make the change for your queer, LGBTQ+, gay or lbian weddg ceremony, you uld change “man and wife” to: wife and wife, hbands together, spo, partners for life, equal partners marriage, or jt married!
GAY MARRIAGE QUANDARY: AM I THE BRI OR GROOM?
Durg arguments this week at the Supreme Court over gay marriage, Jtice Samuel Alo poted out that the stutn is "newer than cellphon or the Inter." That means the language ed to scribe same-sex relatnships is new, too. And even lguists say they're still learng. * gay couple husband and wife *
The bottom le for planng your queer, gay or lbian weddg ceremony. For upl planng a queer, LGBTQ+, gay or lbian weddg ceremony – or any non-cis non-hetero ceremony for that matter – you tomatilly are nonted wh cisns that cisgenr, heterosexual upl don’t have to make.
24, 2013Every other Tuday, Steven Petrow, the thor of “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lbian Manners” (Workman, 2011), addrs qutns about gay and straight etiquette for a boomer-age dience. Send qutns for Civil Behavr to Dear Civil Behavr: I’m a sergeant the Army, and my girliend and I are to meet wh a married gay uple (he’s an officer). ” This year, thanks to the Supreme Court’s double punch June — guttg the feral Defense of Marriage Act and dismissg California’s Prop 8 — the floodgat have opened and gay upl are shg to take advantage of this momento time.
THE LBIAN WRER AND HER FLAMBOYANT GAY HBAND
Gay marriage: Can a man be a wife? Can a woman be a hband? * gay couple husband and wife *
’ ”Ined, etiquette n sometim seem like a strajacket (“do this, not that”), but also sets out protol, as this suatn, that simply mak for fewer missteps or fx that said, I know om iends and my own recent marriage that changg monikers tak some gettg ed to — by both gays and straights.
GAY MARRIAGE AND THE EVOLVG LANGUAGE OF LOVE
The show "My Hband’s Not Gay” has ed an uproar. * gay couple husband and wife *
For stutns still adaptg to openly gay service members, the chang etiquette mt seem head-spng ed.
The stunts were there to learn about gay relatnships a settg where they uld ask qutns whout fear. ”Now ’s easy for a gay person to get offend by this qutn. I read an article recently that quoted RuPl, a gay in, who said, “The people who are mullg over certa words will have to ask themselv, ‘Is that word g om a place of love, or g om a place of hate?
One of the biggt reasons is that we as gay people are fightg to not be assigned a genr or a role all of the time our relatnships or life.
THE LANGUAGE OF GAY MARRIAGE
As gay people, we want to be seen as two people who love each other and are a mted relatnship. That’s , but you n’t apply who we are to all gay relatnships. It was clear that people the class me om all walks of life and had many different levels of experience wh gay people.
"Clerks at cy hall told baffled upl to wa until onle applitn forms uld be adjted to acmodate same-sex upl, who ptured the right to marry July 24 after New York joed five other stat and the District of Columbia to legally sanctn gay the right to marry gas momentum across the Uned Stat, same-sex upl are refg the tradnal rol of hband and wife, and burecrats are scramblg to keep pace wh the social revolutn.
"This kd of thg don't set well wh [Mayor] Michael Bloomberg, " said Richard Soris, print of the natnal advocy group Equaly Matters and former advisor to Print Bill Clton on issu affectg gays and only took Bloomberg -- one of the most vol supporters of the gay marriage bill -- 24 hours to straighten out the ms, orrg the cy clerk to update the onle applitns to rephrase the personal rmatn tegori to "Bri/Groom/Spoe A" and "Bri/Groom/Spoe B. ""I thk 's important not to try to put gay upl tradnal heterosexual married rol, " said Soris. "But even as morn heterosexual upl are movg beyond stereotyp, cultural perceptns of gay upl -- one is assertive and mascule, the other more feme and submissive -- still persist.
STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
"Stonewall Uprisg Refed Gay MovementHistorilly, same-sex upl lived on the g of Amerin society and never thought they uld aspire to maral rights.
All that changed after the Stonewall Uprisg, the 1969 police raid of Greenwich Village's Stonewall Inn and the six-day vlent street protts that that, gay upl "anized themselv along heterosexual genr l, " acrdg to New York Cy psychiatrist Jack Drcher. " "Gay upl talked about their stggl that emerged out of not havg clear genr guil, " said Drcher. "But today, both heterosexual and homosexual relatnships, there is a "blurrg of the boundari, " he said.
HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY
Men are creasgly takg on childrearg rponsibili that were once legated to gay upl marry the stat were is legal -- Connecticut, Vermont, Iowa, Massachetts, New Hampshire, District of Columbia and now New York -- they have more choic, llg themselv, "wife and wife" or "hband and hband, " or the ntral term, "spoe. "I hear of people referrg to themselv as hbands and wiv, and even though I am gay myself 's somethg that startl me, " he said. "In the early psychiatric lerature, one of the early crics of homosexualy was a major theorizer about homosexualy as an illns, like a lot of 20th century thkg, " said Drcher.
"Instead, both gays and straights, genr rol overlap.
CELEBRATG MY (GAY) DIVORCE
Hodg legalized gay marriage natnwi, cludg the 14 stat that did not prevly allow gays and lbians to wed. Adults (37%) favored allowg gays and lbians to wed 2009, a share that rose to 62% 2017. For stance, 45% of adults the Silent Generatn (those born between 1928 and 1945) favor allowg gays and lbians to wed, pared wh 74% of Millennials (born between 1981 and 1996).