‘Don’t Say Gay’ Is Happeng Cha Too. But It Can’t Turn Back the Clock.  – The Diplomat

Contents:

• ‘DON’T SAY GAY’ IS HAPPENG CHA TOO. BUT IT CAN’T TURN BACK THE CLOCK.
• FAT GAY MEN AND FEMALE EX-PRISONERS
• CHINESE GAY BEAR MEN
• THIS FILM IS A TALE OF TWO OLR GAY MEN FDG LOVE HONG KONG
• 90-YEAR-OLD GRANDFATHER OUT AS GAY, SEARCH FOR LONG-LOST LOVE

‘DON’T SAY GAY’ IS HAPPENG CHA TOO. BUT IT CAN’T TURN BACK THE CLOCK.

Adam* said was dangero to e out as gay his home untry and feared beg forced to an arranged marriage wh a said he was "so lucky" to wed his soulmate, Ray, Manchter and wish everyone uld marry who they love. There are more than 60 untri wh laws that crimalise same-sex sexual acts acrdg to the Internatnal Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Associatn, cludg Sdi Arabia.

'Authentilly myself'Ray said he had also stggled growg up gay the 1970s and 80s England, which was "tough" said his relig school "dmmed to you, 'you are gog to hell'" Adam returned home to Sdi Arabia, spe beg more than 3, 000 apart and later rtricted by the Covid-19 panmic, they kept touch daily and the romance years ago, Ray proposed on a vio ll and after succsfully applyg for a UK fiancé visa, Adam moved to Manchter December 2022. Adam said he had been aaid to even wear lours his home untry so the first thg he did when he moved was start to "grow my mullet, got my ears pierced and booked appotments for tattoos" relled how, ntrast, one of his gay iends Sdi had been forced to marry a woman, addg: "It has ed not only his life but the life of his wife.

The uple, who live London, said a "really betiful memory" was on the way home when one of their sons shouted out of the black b wdow to Trafalgar Square, "My dads jt got married" and cheered "Yay, gay marriage".

FAT GAY MEN AND FEMALE EX-PRISONERS

Cred: DeposphotosIn Augt, shortly after arrivg at Yale as a visg scholar om Cha, I watched “Pray Away, ” a documentary about the “ex-gay” movement the Uned Stat. In a clip om an old talk show, an “ex-gay” spokperson tells the dience, “We’re jt sayg that, if you want to change, there is a way to do . ”As a gay man and activist, this msage was eply faiar to me.

Jt days before, a mother Cha had lled me distrs after fdg out her son was gay. I have received numerable lls like hers sce 2008 when I found Cha’s Parents, Fai, and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG), an anizatn dited to helpg parents bee more affirmg of their LGBTQ children. Untentnally echog the “ex-gay” spokperson, she told me, “As long as one is termed, one n change.

”This episo and my time the Uned Stat has remd me that spe the many differenc between the Uned Stat and Cha, anti-LGBTQ rhetoric each follows a siar logic: Beg gay or trans is a “liftyle.

CHINESE GAY BEAR MEN

Unfortunately, this notn that beg gay or trans is like a ntagn that needs to be ntaed or cured, after years of retreat, has regrouped and is on the march aga. We see this the rise of “Don’t Say Gay” the Uned Stat and the velopment of analogo — though more sweepg — polici Cha, new natnal standards classify onle ntent related to “sexual orientatns” and “genr inti” that are “different om most people” as “harmful” to youth.

For example, last year, a lol tn bure southern Cha award a middle school guidance unselor for a se study about the treatment of a stunt who was “suatnally gay” (meang that the stunt was not “tly” gay but was only temporarily so due to social circumstanc). The unselor explaed that one reason for beg gay is “havg ntact wh gay groups while growg up.

”In September, a gay llege stunt Shandong mted suici after beg bullied by a homophobic school admistrator. They et loudly that gays weaken the natn bee they are not manly enough to fight agast foreign enemi.

THIS FILM IS A TALE OF TWO OLR GAY MEN FDG LOVE HONG KONG

”This pots to somethg que ironic: While purveyors of moral panic the Uned Stat have lled LGBTQ History Month a “left-wg social experiment” and pray to “save Ameri om homosexualy, ” keyboard warrrs Cha have clared that “palist nce” and U. At least the two groups of self-styled patrts — who are often chg to fight each other — n agree on one thg: “don’t say gay.

90-YEAR-OLD GRANDFATHER OUT AS GAY, SEARCH FOR LONG-LOST LOVE

”The two groups of “Don’t Say Gay” adherents have somethg else mon too: They will ultimately fail. It is perhaps a ttament to the power of our engagement that others are now doublg down on tryg to stifle, no matter how much we are told not to say gay or trans or bi, we will keep speakg up and reachg out.

While Whel’s book, Fat Gay Men: Girth, Mirth, and the Polics of Stigma and Leverentz’s book, The Ex-Prisoner's Dilemma: How Women Negotiate Completg Narrativ of Reentry and Distance study two very different populatns, the two nsired and enlighteng books pict how big gay men and female ex-prisoners pe wh their dimished social stat and strive towards normaly. Jason Whel is an Assistant Profsor the Women’s and Genr Studi Department at Pace Universy, and his book Fat Gay Men addrs how, Whel’s words, fat gay men, who are “margalized both for their sexual orientatn a heteronormative society and for their size gay society… seek digny and rpect the gay muny.

” In his book Whel analyz his experience studyg the men of Girth & Mirth, social club dited to big gay men, and explas how their many events, some over the top and some surprisgly mundane, help the men rhape their inti.