‘Young gay people beg out and happy? It’s revolutnary!’ Meet the Heartstopper generatn | Life and style | The Guardian

Contents:

• IS MY CHILD TOO YOUNG TO LEARN ABOUT BEG GAY? | TIM RAMSEY | TEDXOXFORD
• AM I TOO YOUNG TO THK I'M GAY?
• GAY KIDS COMG OUT YOUNGER, BUT PARENTS ASK "HOW DO YOU KNOW?"
• COMG OUT AS GAY IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
• AGE DIFFERENC GAY COUPL
• A GAY TEEN DISVERS HIMSELF AT SUMMER MP THIS FLAMER FIRST LOOK
• ‘YOUNG GAY PEOPLE BEG OUT AND HAPPY? IT’S REVOLUTNARY!’ MEET THE HEARTSTOPPER GENERATN
• WHY DO YOUNG GAY MEN TRY TO BE THE BT?
• YOUNG, GAY AND TRYG TOO HARD
• GAY YOUTH COMG OUT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL
• IS YOUNG THUG GAY? RAPPER ADDRS MOURS ABOUT HIS SEXUALY

IS MY CHILD TOO YOUNG TO LEARN ABOUT BEG GAY? | TIM RAMSEY | TEDXOXFORD

You’re worried about her enunterg homophobia, and I unrstand that, but I thk you also need to nsir the harm that uld rult om not beg able to be open about who she is.

AM I TOO YOUNG TO THK I'M GAY?

When we say, "I am gay, " or "I am straight" or "I am bisexual, " or "I am qutng, " or "Hell if I know who I like, " we're speakg for what we know about ourselv and our attractns now and the history we have had up until right now. It certaly n be tougher certa areas and muni to be out as gay when you're young, as n be more challengg to fd support and peers wh the emotnal matury to be supportive and passnate. Of the llege stunts they surveyed, 26% of self-intified gay and bisexual llege stunts beme aware of their sexual preference llege, 48% high self-intified gay and bisexual men, 20% knew junr high school, and 17% knew gra school.

Wh women, 6% knew junr high school, and 11% knew gra a 3-year-old don't fully unrstand what beg gay means (even the nt admted that he uld change his md  the future), a fay allowg their son to fearlsly be whoever he wants to be om such an early age uld be monumental his formative years.

Denizet-Lewis wr that when he started workg for the gay men's magaze XY 1998, "we received dozens of letters each week om teenagers the pths of spair. " He explas, That's not to say that gay teenagers didn't still suffer harassment at school or rejectn at home, but many seemed ls burned wh shame and self-loathg than their olr gay peers.

GAY KIDS COMG OUT YOUNGER, BUT PARENTS ASK "HOW DO YOU KNOW?"

Gog onle broke through the isolatn that had been a hallmark of beg young and gay, and allowed gay teenagers to fd rmatn to refute what their fai or church sometim still told them - namely, that they would never fd happs and to the Inter and to creasg cultural acceptance of homosexualy (an crease marred, we should note, by measur like Proposn 8), kids who might once have waed until high school or even llege to e out are now dog so earlier. At least 120 middle schools the untry have gay-straight alliance groups, and others let stunts observe the natnal Day of Silence prott agast anti-gay harassment. " They were not, however, silent: "Good luck gettg middle-schoolers not to talk, " the school unselor youth of the Webster kids and other gay middle-schoolers is a sign of how far gay rights have e — but 's also the kids' biggt obstacle to acceptance.

The irony of a parent spectg her kid is gay and then refg to believe he uld know his own orientatn highlights how much more difficulty some parents have wh burgeong gay sexualy than they would wh a straight kid's of this may have to do wh the misnceptn that you have to have gay terurse to be gay, or that homosexualy is somehow a more "sexual" orientatn than heterosexualy.

COMG OUT AS GAY IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

'Eileen Ross, director of a Mounta View, CA program for gay youth, says that when a 12-year-old boy says he lik girls, "No one says to them: 'Are you sure? A lawyer Florida argued that gay-straight allianc promote the "premature sexualizatn of the stunts, " and when At started a gay-straight alliance, his Michigan school ma him ll somethg "ls ntroversial" (he chose "Peace Alliance"). Denizet-Lewis reports the hopeful words of velopmental psychologist Rch Sav-Williams: "This is the first generatn of gay kids who have the great joy of beg able to argue wh their parents about datg, jt like their straight peers do.

”Dannielle Owens-Reid and Krist Rso, -founrs of Everyone Is Gay and -thors of This Is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids, attribute lower g-out ag to the power of reprentatn. The next generatn is growg up wh gay characters on their televisns, pansexual rappers on their playlists, and queer micro-muni on their Tumblr the change also means that there is a new generatn of fai scramblg to raise LGBT kids who have specific needs and challeng — kids who are growg up a society that, while creasgly LGBT-tolerant, is still plagued by hate crim, job discrimatn, and the more banal, everyday sort of homophobia borne by sual ignorance. ”Like Kate Ree, Chloe spent early childhood sred and nfed about cshg on girls, pecially after beg lled an anti-gay slur for the first time the fourth gra.

Amelia, a Midwtern mother of a 10-year-old boy who first began intifyg as gay when he was 7, said that her son’s unabashed outns tends to startle many adults who would rather not thk about children havg sexual sir. “Consirg how much more fluid the younger generatn is about sexualy, ” she said, “[Informatn about and accs to queer culture] shouldn’t only be ma available to gay intified children — should be [available] to all children.

AGE DIFFERENC GAY COUPL

” Kate’s mother, Ey, driv her to a LGBT youth group town, sce there’s no straight or gay alliance at her is proud of Kate for beg vol about her inty and passnate about LGBT issu. ”In Febary, Amelia blogged about the first time her son was met wh anti-gay sentiment: A boy his class told him that beg gay was illegal (somethg that boy picked up om his parents).

” In nversatn wh the Uned Stat Interagency Council on Homelsns, Krehely said that “ some ways, this is a good thg — means they are gettg societal cu that is OK to be gay — but they are not old enough to be able to live penntly yet, and they face rejectn by parents and fai, and emotnal and/or physil abe at school.

Ey, who wrote about beg the straight spoe of a recently out gay man, creds the experience wh her abily to be a better mother to Kate now than she otherwise might have been. Wh the World Wi Web at their disposal, many LGBT kids go beyond googlg gay search terms — some are also g technology to nnect wh, and support, queer youth om around the don’t have many queer iends at home Reno, Nevada, but she has plenty on the ter.

A GAY TEEN DISVERS HIMSELF AT SUMMER MP THIS FLAMER FIRST LOOK

Many quiri I have received over and over aga through the years beg somethg like this: “I've always liked olr men, but many gay iends close to my age are cril of me and spic of my motiv. Var labels have been ascribed to tergeneratnal upl, whether straight, gay or bisexual: tergeneratnal, age-gap, age-discrepant, or, more often than not, “May-December” relatnships.

‘YOUNG GAY PEOPLE BEG OUT AND HAPPY? IT’S REVOLUTNARY!’ MEET THE HEARTSTOPPER GENERATN

Inially, I was unnvced the relatnships were ser, but that was bee I held stereotypil views: an olr gay man who was lookg for a trophy-mate and has the money to take re of his boy toy and a younger man who was lookg for a sugar daddy.

Based on the number of tim this qutn drops to my mailbox, the reasons for the age-discrepant attractns nsum a great al of bandwidth the thoughts of a lot of young gay and bisexual men.

WHY DO YOUNG GAY MEN TRY TO BE THE BT?

Was pletg his doctoral dissertatn, “May-December: Navigatg Life as an Intergeneratnal Gay Couple, ” he thoroughly rearched what proved to be the limed available lerature on tergeneratnal upl. Eventually, one ntracts productn, box office & pany Vios1More like thisReview Well worth watchg unls you're homophobicI saw this nice ltle movie Luxembourg one week or so after 's premier here.

All imag: Godw BooksAdolcence n be a ighteng perd for young gay men, who are sudnly faced wh new sexual feelgs that n often nflict wh social prsur placed on them by fay, iends, and the media. This 2018 romantic edy-drama follows Simon, a 17-year-old who has not yet e out to his iends or fay and fds himself nversatg onle wh an anonymo gay stunt who go by the name "Blue. Based loosely on Shakpeare's Henry IV, Part 1 & 2, and Henry V plays, this movie shows the journey of gay htlers Mike and Stt, and their search for Mike's mother.

UFO enthiast Brian reprs the memory and nvc himself he was a victim an alien abductn, whereas Neil mov to New York to seek fulfillment as a gay sex worker. I’ve been gay sce I n remember, I’ve never found femal sexually attractive… I never even had a female childhood csh, fact my childhood csh was on a boy and I ed to wre a diary about (I uldn’t have been any olr than 12). Aimed primarily at a younger dience, the show is about an openly gay male sixth former at an English prehensive (played by 18-year-old Joe Locke) who falls love wh the school’s most popular gby player the year above.

YOUNG, GAY AND TRYG TOO HARD

By the time – episo eight – the two ma characters had tly fallen for each other, teenage Blackpool FC footballer Jake Daniels had e out; he was the first gay male profsnal footballer to do so sce Jt Fashanu 1990. A week after Fashanu me out more than three s ago, his own brother – fellow footballer John – all but disowned him: “John Fashanu: My gay brother is an outst” read a headle The Voice.

When I left school, jt over a ago, LGBTQ+ societi were credibly unmon: my sendary tn began only a year after sectn 28 was repealed, legislatn which banned lol thori and schools om “promotg homosexualy” any form. Wh mut, one sixth-former, Ada, is tellg me how a heteronormative society, spac n by and for queer people – such as their school’s active Gay Straight Alliance – are important plac for self-exprsn and personal stunt shar reflectns on their own experienc: 18-year-old Greg reunts his disfort his prev tn settg, a fah school, while holdg hands wh his now boyiend; Milo, a non-bary sixth-former, was readily accepted by most rners of the school muny wh ltle send Photograph: David Levene/The Guardian“I had a really posive experience of beg queer when I was younger, ” says Amy, a fal year pupil.

Havg spent 14 years workg at the club var paci, she has seen huge shifts the way clivy at the club is implemented: at every level, players and staff have attend Football v Homophobia ssns and trag, and 2018, Leeds Uned was the primary sponsor for the cy’s Pri events.

GAY YOUTH COMG OUT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL

In the same way, shows like Heartstopper take the dialogue further: the mentorship picted between an out gay teacher and a gay pupil feels firmly new terrory; as Sex Edutn, young gay male characters are fally shown to foster close iendships wh their heterosexual male peers.

In the ntext of that upsurge of homophobia, sectn 28 and the Aids crisis, there was a fight agast silence as so many were dyg or havg their voic siled. Unr Tony Blair’s Labour ernment, sectn 28 was scrapped, the Equali Act troduced, the age of nsent was equalised, and out gay men and lbians uld for the first time serve the armed forc. Of urse this isn’t te of all gay men, but the stereotype do emerge om the many gay men that seem to put ordate effort to makg themselv perfect every achievable way—spendg a lot of time at the gym, at work, or strivg for the bt gras school.

Sce the publitn of Tobias' memoir, numero gay thors, therapists, and public figur have harnsed the "bt ltle boy the world" theme to scribe their own formative experienc of prentg an fallible fa to guard the personal secret of their sexual orientatn. Psychiatrist Richard Isay wr Beg Gay that young gay men are forced to bee reliant on their own ternal rourc bee approval om others is not guaranteed. Clil psychologist Alan Downs poignantly discs the phenomenon of gay men gog to great lengths to prent an fallible fa to mask their secrets his clil acunt, The Velvet Rage.

IS YOUNG THUG GAY? RAPPER ADDRS MOURS ABOUT HIS SEXUALY

As clil psychologists and public health rearchers, we too noticed that "the bt ltle boy the world" phenomenon seemed to elegantly expla the strategi ed by so many young gay men whom we enunter our personal and profsnal liv. Given all the theorizg, story-tellg, and personal observatns documentg this phenomenon, we were surprised that no one had ever empirilly studied the supposed tenncy of young gay men to pe wh the early, isolatg awarens of their sexual orientatn by strivg to be "the bt" and the potential psychologil sts of this strivg.

We wonred whether, nsistent wh "the bt ltle boy the world" narrative, young gay men would be particularly likely to vt their self-worth those life domas which they are particularly likely to succeed spe beg stigmatized.