Jaguars' Kev Maxen First Male Coach to Come Out as Gay U.S. Sports

gay man came

Two athlet recently g out has highlighted the arth of openly gay players the world of U.S. men's profsnal sports, often dubbed "the last closet" for s lack of LGBTQ reprentatn.

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KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH A US MEN’S PROFSNAL SPORTS LEAGUE TO PUBLICLY E OUT AS GAY

Kev Maxen has bee the first male ach a US men’s profsnal sports league to e out as gay. * gay man came *

Per Outsports, Maxen is the “first publicly out male ach a major Amerin men’s pro sports league, ” wh WNBA ach Curt Miller, who publicly me out to the media as gay 2015, also a publicly out male ach an Amerin profsnal sports league. -- Jaguars assistant strength and ndng ach Kev Maxen has bee the first male ach major Amerin men's profsnal sports to publicly e out as gay, tellg he ma the cisn bee he didn't want to hi who he is any longer and to possibly spire others siar 's a cisn and move that drew praise and support om owner Shad Khan, who was a vol and emphatic supporter of a cy ordance that expand protectns on the grounds of sexual orientatn, genr inty and genr exprsn. When I found out earlier this month, along wh the rt of the world, that one of my favore actors, Kal Penn, is a fellow gay man and now engaged to his long-time partner, I was so happy that he was openly livg his tth.

After spendg years dog all the manly thgs that were supposed to straighten me out, I had a particular weekend — a men-only whewater raftg trip — when I realized I did all the thgs I was aimg for that were supposed to change me, and I was still 100% gay.

In a now-leted tweet that was screenshotted by celebry gossip and news se The Jasme Brand and posted to Instagram, the 45-year-old crooner, who is bt known for his early '90s classics like "Can We Talk" and "I'm Ready, " reportedly nfirmed that he is gay to a fan. "My mom keeps tellg me Luther Vandross, Teddy Penrgrass, and Tev Campbell were gay, " the fan's tweet read, to which Campbell simply quote-tweeted and said, "Tev is, " acpanied by the rabow flag and sunglass emojis. Then Augt, durg an terview wh People Magaze's Every Day podst, the R&B star remisced about his s-long reer the mic/entertament dtry so far, while also givg listeners a rare glimpse to his personal life and nfirmg that he do intify as a gay man.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS ASSISTANT KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH MAJOR U.S. PRO LEAGUE TO E OUT AS GAY

Jacksonville Jaguars ach Kev Maxen, who joed the team last year, me out publicly as gay an terview wh Outsports published on Thursday, beg the first ach a U.S. men’s profsnal league to do so" emprop="scriptn * gay man came *

The popular and credibly private vio game streamer, who is most known for playg Mecraft and for streamg on Twch, me out an April Twter Q&A wh his followers when he was asked by a fan what his favore moment the gay, romantic, teen Netflix seri Heartstopper was.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS' KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE COACH TO COME OUT AS GAY MAJOR U.S. SPORTS

Jaguars assistant Kev Maxen has bee the first male ach major Amerin men's pro sports to publicly e out as gay, tellg he ma the cisn bee he didn't want to hi who he is any longer. * gay man came *

""For those nfed basilly I gus I am technilly unlabeled as the way I have kda always gone around life jt beg attracted to whoever I am attracted to jt so happens that most of them le up wh a 'certa type' you uld say, " he later clarified, sayg that he is "okay wh the gay label.

Though the pop sger has been open about her sexualy for years ( 2019 she told Attu that she was bisexual and an open relatnship), she took to Instagram June to celebrate Pri Month and to talk even further about her sexualy, remdg everyone that she is, fact, a queer in who is "not gay and not straight. "Now is a good time for me bee the Commonwealth Gam is a month's time, and there's gog to be a lot of people watchg that, and there are so many untri the Commonwealth where beg gay is illegal. The 25-year-old athlete and former Richmond Flyg Squirrels player revealed to his fans and followers that while he is no longer playg for the team, which is part of the San Francis Giants system, he is thankful for the time he had and isn't givg up on his love of baseball, pecially as an out, gay man.

Amics at the Universy of Sydney pared the voic of gay, straight and bisexual men a study volvg 160 the rearch led by clil psychologist Jam Morandi, people were reced to analyse the voic of 60 men, 20 of whom were gay, 20 straight and 20 bisexual.

JAGS' MAXEN IS FIRST MALE AMERIN PRO SPORTS ACH TO E OUT AS GAY

Is my hband gay? is an unthkable qutn to many wiv, and some hbands do turn out to be gay. Learn the signs of a gay hband. * gay man came *

‘Voice may unter visibily many bisexuals feel’An abstract of the study, tled Can listeners tect if a man is bisexual om his voice alone, reads: “The prent study examed whether bisexual men n be intified om their voic ak to how gay men n be intified on their voice alone. “The fdgs may also she light on whether bisexual male voic, like gay male voic, differ om straight voic terms of their genr non-nformy – a qutn that to date has not been examed. ”But amics noted the rearch was limed on the grounds all men who participated the study are Atralian, which may not be reflected among wir the thors nced the study did not ntrol for the rerdg environment or microphone-to-mouth distance, which uld have affected the qualy of the voice thors said the fdgs suggted that while the voic of bisexual men the sample were perceived as more mascule and attracted to femal, listeners did not associate this imprsn wh a rult, while bisexual men may appear to be at lower risk of facg voice-based intifitn and discrimatn than gay men, they may often be mistaken as beg study was published the Journal of Sex Rearch.

No NFL ach had ever publicly e out as gay, so Maxen, an assistant strength and ndng ach for the Jacksonville Jaguars, kept quiet about his sexual that ma him angry — at himself.

Acrdg to the article, Maxen ma his cisn to do so last year and reached out for advice om Carl Nassib, who 2021 beme the NFL’s first out gay active player as a member of the Las Vegas was Nassib who put Maxen ntact wh Outsports. Heterosexuals make up a greater percentage of the untry than whe people do on the Supreme ask everyday Amerins to gus at jt the gay and lbian populatn, and Gallup shows they nsistently overtimate. Every remr of my different path ma me yearn for a fettable broar, blanr mastream sir thenticy foreign cuise or subtled foreign streamg shows, but mands sad homogenizatn of the forever foreign nature of queerns.

"I REALIZED I WAS GAY": MEN WHO CAME OUT LATER IN LIFE ARE SHARG WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR THEM TO REVEAL THAT TTH AND LIVE AUTHENTILLY

Rults also reveal listeners uld distguish between gay and heterosexual men’s voic wh an accuracy of 62 per cent * gay man came *

Before jog Jacksonville’s achg staff, he was a strength ach for the football teams at Baylor and Febary 2022, Maxen reached out to NFL player Carl Nassib, who me out as gay 2021, to seek advice. Both of their bank acunts were they may not be the only gay New Yorkers are g forward for the first time wh acunts that share notable siari to the unexplaed aths this sprg of Jul Ramirez, 25, a social worker, and John Umberger, 33, a polil biggt difference so far: They News spoke to two people who scribed harrowg experienc that seem to broadly f the pattern of what happened to Ramirez and Umberger. Meanwhile, the gay muny the untry’s largt LGBTQ cy awas Person, 55, says he was robbed siar circumstanc 2018 and, bed wh the recent reports, the experience has left him shaken.

”No memori and emptied bank acuntsIn December, Burt — who reached out to NBC News on social media after recent reports regardg the two aths — was walkg home om a night out wh iends when he stopped at The Boiler Room, a popular gay bar Manhattan’s East Village, for one last drk by himself. Lda Clary is prsg the NYPD to further vtigate the ath of her son, John ClaryRoughly a month later, Umberger was found ad after he and two unintified men left another popular Hell’s Kchen gay bar, The Q.

As gay people mt ci on a daily basis whether to reveal and to whom they will reveal, g out is a procs that never the jargon of ntemporary homosexual culture, those who hi their sexual inti are referred to as eher closeted or said to be the closet. On the ntrary, begng childhood--and distguishg them om racial and ethnic mori--gay people are often subjected to the antihomosexual attus of their own fai and muni (Drcher et al., 2004). Antihomosexual attus clu homophobia (Weberg, 1972), heterosexism (Herek, 1984), moral nmnatns of homosexualy (Drcher, 1998) and antigay vlence (Herek and Berrill, 1992).

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

Kev Maxen, Jaguars assistant strength and ndng ach, is the first male ach a major U.S. men’s profsnal sports league to e out as gay. * gay man came *

Consequently, the feelgs mt be dissociated om the self and hidn om and when same-sex feelgs and attractns n no longer be kept out of nscns, the dividual be homosexually self-aware. While regnizg their homosexual feelgs, the dividuals reject the feelgs and, spe the low odds of succs, may even seek to change their sexual orientatn (Shidlo et al., 2001) above classifitn of homosexual inti privileg the role of self-fn. Clil prentatns of closeted gay people may lie somewhere severy between selective attentn--most monly seen the se of homosexually self-aware patients thkg about "the possibily" that they might be gay--to more severe dissociatn-- which any ht of same-sex feelgs ris totally out of nsc awarens.

More severe forms of dissociatn are monly observed married men who are homosexually self-aware but nnot perm the thought of themselv as gay (Roughton, 2002) and the ClosetSome closeted gay people n reflexively speak whout revealg the genr of the person beg discsed or whout providg any genred tails of their personal liv.

Transparency, visibily, losg one's voice, and beg stuck behd walls or other barriers are some of the terms ed to scribe the subjective experience of dissociative tachment (Drcher, 1998) Closet and Gay-BashgFor some gay men, "Hidg and passg as heterosexual be a lifelong moral hatred of the self; a maze of rptns, petty li, and half tths that spoil social relatns fay and iendship" (Herdt and Boxer, 1993).

JAGUARS ASSISTANT KEV MAXEN IS FIRST MALE NFL ACH TO E OUT AS GAY

Homosexual inti n be scribed as closeted, homosexually self aware, gay/ lbian and non-gay intified. This classifitn privileg the role of self-fn. In g out, gay people tegrate, as bt as they n, dissociated aspects of the self. As gay people mt ci on a daily basis whether to reveal and to whom they will reveal, g out is a procs that never ends. * gay man came *

Herdt and Boxer (1993) classified g out as a rual procs of passage that requir a gay person to 1) unlearn the prcipl of natural or sentialist heterosexualy; 2) unlearn the stereotyp of homosexualy; and 3) learn the ways of the lbian and gay culture they are enterg.

AS A GAY MAN, I’LL NEVER BE NORMAL

For lbians, gay men, bisexuals and transgenr people, realizg their sexual orientatn or genr inty and sharg that rmatn wh fay * gay man came *

Fally, as gay people mt ci on a daily basis whether to reveal and to whom they will reveal themselv, g out is a procs that never out to onelf is a subjective experience of ner regnn. After makg such a move, gay people may pletely (and perhaps dissociatively) sever relatnships wh their past Therapist's RoleA therapist's regnn and rpect for dividual differenc allows multiple possibili the g out procs.

It is a prerequise of this work that therapists be able to accept their patients' homosexualy as a normal variatn of human sexualy, and that they value and rpect same-sex feelgs and behavrs as well (Drcher, 1998).

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS ASSISTANT STRENGTH ACH KEV MAXEN OUT PUBLICLY AS GAY

* gay man came *

Therapists should regnize gay patients' stggl to fe themselv as the important theraptic foc--and that this is not a typil stggle for those who claim a heterosexual inty. Theraptic holdg entails beg able to nta both sis (Wnitt, 1986) gay patients unrstand their own antihomosexual attus--and the fens agast them--they have a wir view of themselv.

Conversely, the same is te if a patient cis not to e the social stigma, the severy of antihomosexual attus the culture and the difficulti associated wh revealg one's sexual inty, why would a gay person e out at all? For lbians, gay men, bisexuals and transgenr people, realizg their sexual orientatn or genr inty and sharg that rmatn wh fay and iends is often a gradual procs that n unfold over a seri of years. Lbians and gay men are more likely than bisexuals to have told at least one close iend about their sexual orientatn (96% of gay men and 94% of lbians, pared wh 79% of bisexuals).

GAY NEW YORKERS SHARE ACUNTS SIAR TO ROBBERI THAT LEFT TWO AD

And they are much more likely to say that most of the people who are important to them know about this aspect of their life: 77% of gay men and 71% of lbians say all or most people know, pared wh 28% of bisexuals. Among all LGBT adults, those wh a llege gree are more likely than those who have not graduated om llege to say all or most of the important people their life know they are lbian, gay, bisexual or transgenr (64% vs. The age gaps may be related to the fact that younger adults who may not yet intify themselv as lbian, gay, bisexual or transgenr (but may the future) would not qualify to be clud the survey.

WHY THERE ARE FEW OPENLY GAY ATHLET IN MEN'S PROFSNAL SPORTS

Among LGB adults who have not told their father about their sexual orientatn, 13% of gay men say this is bee he already knew, as well as 17% of lbians and 5% of bisexuals. For LGBT adults who have not told their father that they are lbian, gay, bisexual or transgenr, about one--ten (12%) say they didn’t tell him bee they do not have a close relatnship wh him.

Gay men and lbians are more likely than bisexuals to say tellg their mother about their sexual orientatn was a difficult thg (64% of gay men and 65% of lbians say was difficult, vs. Lbians are twice as likely as gay men to say tellg their mother about their sexual orientatn hurt their relatnship (23% of lbians say the relatnship grew weaker, pared wh 12% of gay men). Siarly, roughly three-quarters of gay men (74%) and lbians (76%) wh at least one brother say they have told a brother about their sexual orientatn, pared wh 42% of bisexuals.

At the same time, Midwterners are more likely than those livg any other regn to say there is some acceptance their muny of LGBT dividuals (52% of gay men and lbians livg the Midwt say this, pared wh 35% or ls of those livg the Northeast, South or Wt). Gay men and lbians livg the South are much more likely than those livg the Wt or Midwt to say there is only a ltle or no acceptance of the LGBT populatn where they live (36% the South vs. Gay men and lbians wh a llege gree and those wh annual of $75, 000 or higher are among the most likely to say there is a lot of acceptance of the LGBT populatn the cy or town where they live.

ALL THE OPENLY GAY MALE CELEBS WHO ARE OUT, PROUD & SMOK’ HOT

LGBT adults who say there is a lot of acceptance of people who are lbian, gay, bisexual and transgenr their cy or town are much more likely to say this is an important reason why they live there than are those who say there is ltle or no acceptance of the LGBT populatn their muny. Overall, gay men and lbians are more likely than bisexuals to say the level of social acceptance the cy or town where they live is an important reason why they live there. Gay men and lbians wh a llege gree are more likely than those who have not pleted llege to say the level of social acceptance their cy or town is one reason for livg there (49% of llege graduat say this is a major or mor reason, pared wh 35% of non-llege graduat).

Fully one-third (35%) of those who say beg gay or lbian is extremely or very important to their overall inty eher live an LGBT neighborhood now or have lived one the past. People who intify as lbian, gay, bisexual, or transgenr are more socially active on social workg s than the general public, but this is likely due part to the relative youth of the LGBT populatn.

The term gay is equently ed as a synonym for homosexual; female homosexualy is often referred to as different tim and different cultur, homosexual behavur has been varly approved of, tolerated, punished, and banned. Homosexualy was not unmon ancient Greece and Rome, and the relatnships between adult and adolcent mal particular have bee a chief foc of Wtern classicists recent years. Others—om factns wh mastream Prottantism to anizatns of Reform rabbis—have advoted, on theologil as well as social grounds, the full acceptance of homosexuals and their relatnships.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* GAY MAN CAME

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tabx="-1" class="BasePageMaContent-kFvAuh ewPCZH page__ma-ntent"><article class="article ma-ntent" lang="en-US"><div class="ArticlePageLeBackground-EufvU tFsh"><hear class="ContentHearWrapper-clujbs kaZCaf ntent-hear article__ntent-hear"><div data-ttid="ContentHearContaer" class="ContentHearContaer-cGKRbE knDxNq"><div class="ContentHearHedAccredatnWrapper-GFiQf cDNVlV"><div data-ttid="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper" class="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper-cjmSKp cCntXd"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric" class="ContentHearRubricBlock-LmpbT eRFpQc"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubricDateBlock" class="ContentHearRubricDateBlock-kAQcZP fTFWxD"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX kpuNXj bric ContentHearRubricContaer-eTudtt iRsSlw"><a class="RubricLk-gRWSOU fTtYjx bric__lk" href="/culture"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Culture</span></a></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd jPOabC BjYFU">Comg Out Later Life: A How-To Gui</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB etVsnJ ntent-hear__accredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearDek-bIqFFZ eASNBN">Though pop culture often portrays queer people succsfully g out young, a generatn of our closeted LGBTQ elrs might disagree.</div><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH gtxxjM byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd fhQbnq dzFUnH eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/nick-leve">Nick Leve</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2020-05-05T08:00:00-04:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd ivrQAn cZpOSL">May 5, 2020</time></div></div><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard ContentHearAccredatnSocialIns-jorO fPzfaa ntent-hear__social-share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div></div><div class="ContentHearLeadAsset-hGbumP fEknXh lead-asset ContentHearLeadAssetWrapper-hfXHEc Grck lead-asset--width-fullbleed" data-ttid="ContentHearLeadAsset"><figure class="ContentHearLeadAssetContent-kOfYSG dRGWbI"><div class="ContentHearLeadAssetContentMedia-bLEIpi jjhWdS lead-asset__ntent__photo"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz ccdiSo"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w, 1920w, 2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="Olr man rippg shirt to show rabow flag" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></div></div></span><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE dVZQpq ptn ContentHearLeadAssetCaptn-hPWmSN XczIg"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd cdsJgg fNaHcW ptn__cred">Photo Illtratn by C.J. Robson</span></div></div></figure></div></div><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR oEIBz persistent-asi persistent-asi--align-left" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jNgrSF sticky-box ContentHearPersistentAsi-fsnAmQ dFzKzm"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--has-background ContentHearSocialIns-jzJiyg ctaZl social-ins--share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kJkLmH article-body__ntent"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP eRxRjL"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eOdfIs"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Comg out isn’t like flickg a swch or movg to a new cy. For many LGBTQ people, g out n be an evolvg procs of beg hont wh yourself, then a nfidant, then fay members and classmat or -workers—if you’re fortable and ready to do so. Recently, <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">a number of</a> <a href=">surveys</a> report that queer people are g out at younger ag than ever before as they benef om growg (though not wispread) acceptance and better LGBTQ reprentatn the media. The landmark <a href=">mastream 2018 rom- <em>Love, Simon</em></a> ma stris showg a closeted gay high schooler g out to iends and fay and gettg a boyiend.</p><p>But even benchmarks like that don't mean all queer people feel ready to embrace their sexualy by the time they leave home. "Comg out is an timate and personal cisn, and everyone serv the opportuny to e out safely on their own time," says Mathew Lasky, GLAAD’s Director of Communitns. "Whether you e out at 16 or 60, there is validy your experience and bravery sharg your tth wh the world."</p><p>Netflix's movg new documentary, <em>A Secret Love</em>, chronicl a lbian uple (Pat Henschel and Terry Donahue) who didn’t e out to fay members until they reached their <em>eighti</em>. And over the past few years, several proment olr celebri have e out, too. Sger-songwrer Barry Manilow was 73 when he first <a href=">spoke publicly about beg gay</a>; Osr-wng actor Joel Grey <a href=">did so at 82</a>.</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>But g out is still generally prented as a re-of-passage for teens and twenty-somethgs. <em>A Secret Love</em> featur s lbian uple g out to fay members after more than 60 years together, somethg that should challenge what has long been a rctive narrative that’s potentially unhelpful for people who don’t f that mold. Only by discsg <em>why</em> some queer people take longer to embrace their sexualy n we help other late-bloomers to do the same.</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>Neil Baer, executive producer and show nner on the Netflix seri <em>Dignated Survivor</em>, me out as gay his fifti bee he was feelg “creasg anxiety about livg a double life.” He’d gotten to a pattern of havg sex wh men “on the down low,” then “jtifyg my behavr by tellg myself I wasn’t unfahful to my wife bee I wasn’t havg sex wh women.” Though Baer had moved relatively tolerant circl durg adulthood (he studied at Harvard Medil School the early ‘90s before beg a staff wrer on <em>ER</em>), his early years a “fairly nservative muny” Denver were tough to shake off. “No kids were out then and to be thought of as queer was, I felt, the worst thg that uld happen to me,” he rells. “Fortunately, I’ve managed to get past that.”</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="8pa2h"></div></div><p>In fact, Baer says that sce g out, “I feel ee to love openly and hontly, and no one r who I’m dog that wh.” He scrib himself as "still me, jt prentg a clearer versn to the world," and remas on such good terms wh his ex-wife that they're currently self-isolatg together. He also sists he has no regrets about g out later. "If I uld have done years, months, days, or even mut earlier, I image I would have," he says. "But I n’t change the past—I n only live as myself now and the future.”</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="ivu4hd"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div data-ttid="RowWrapper" class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="w7g23n"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>While Baer's story is one wh a heartwarmg endg, ’s important to acknowledge that many queer people still stggle emotnally after g out. Stuart, 44, says he’s “never fully revered” om growg up a small town “where I didn’t even know what beg gay was.” Stuart had his gay sexual experience when he was 23, then began a “dragged out” g out procs at 28. He says he only fully accepted his sexualy about seven years ago durg a self-scribed breakdown, after a iend tervened. “It was this nstant mental tsle of not unrstandg my own self,” he rells. “I’d beat myself up all the time: ‘Why me? It would be so much easier not to be gay.’” Stuart says his mental health has improved sce then, but he still fds difficult to form romantic relatnships wh men. “I know there are still so many thgs [for the LGBTQ muny] to fight for,” he says, “but I wish so much I’d grown up the world that we have now terms of unrstandg and acceptance.”</p><p>There’s no such thg as a “rrect” way to e out—'s almost a certaty that many queer people will regret some aspect of how they approach . Still, GLAAD’s Mathew Lasky says that bee n be “a sry and potentially ostracizg experience at any age,” ’s helpful to “have a supportive iend, an affirmg therapist, or a lol LGBTQ muny center to help you through.” Of urse, not everyone has accs to the thgs—pecially durg this time of social distancg. Jak, a 30-year-old gay man who me out a few weeks before the COVID-19 panmic took global hold, says he’s benefed enormoly om the kdns of strangers. “Through Instagram and Twter I beme iends wh gay guys who gave me advice, helped me when I was my darkt plac and beme ‘that person’ I uld speak to,” he says. “I’m not good at speakg about my emotns person, but I’ve found I n put how I feel to words.”</p><p>Comg out is a eply personal procs, but that don’t mean needs to be a lonely one. The key is askg for help when you thk you might be ready. “It’s all about nnectn and honty,” says Jak. “I wouldn't have e out if wasn’t for a handful of people I met onle—people I now class as some of my bt iends.” Millns of queer people have already gone on this paful but potentially credibly fulfillg journey; let them help you navigate the bumps the road.</p><hr/><div class="ExternalLkEmbedWrapper-hNDkqw eHbBlq" data-ttid="external-lk-embed--le"><div class="ExternalLkEmbedText-glBTSy kAxHEA"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ExternalLkEmbedRubric-hYBGeO dQqwqj iQVNop">Read More</div><a attribut="[object Object]" class="external-lk-embed__hed-lk button" href="/story/how-to-embrace-agg-as-a-gay-man"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ExternalLkEmbedHed-dSIMOS iUEiRd dvcrqF gsZLZF">How to Embrace Agg as a Gay Man</span></a><p class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ExternalLkEmbedDek-btrWcN iUEiRd cASNqQ jwHNCY">“When you’ve spent your formative years the closet, ’s difficult to pe the feelg that you need to make up for lost time.”</p><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ExternalLkEmbedByl-fFFaGd eNAzyl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH goEeDF byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd fhQbnq dzFUnH eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/nick-leve">Nick Leve</a></span></span></p></div></div><a attribut="[object Object]" class="external-lk-embed__image-lk" href="/story/how-to-embrace-agg-as-a-gay-man"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ExternalLkEmbedRponsiveImage-iGydLQ dGzCDw rponsive-image"><img alt="a 30 year old gay man lnch out om si a birthday ke spoutg a rabow between his hands. He's very happy to be where he is life." class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src=" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/></picture></a></div></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="gzbcp"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__le-barrier article__body"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"><asi class="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper-iBnuqk lfXXa-D" data-ttid="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper"><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--paywall-le-barrier" role="prentatn" aria-live="pole" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--paywall-le-barrier"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></asi></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ContentWrapperGrid-fvkmBv brYtrA grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__ntaer"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"></div></div></div></div></div></div></article><div class="ContentFooterWrapper-jVNdRG dTJkpP ArticlePageContentFooterGrid-ccsXYy eMZRHU article-body__footer"><div data-ttid="RowWrapper" class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"></div></div></div><div data-ttid="RowWrapper" class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div data-ttid="TagCloudWrapper" class="TagCloudWrapper-gGgndx izEVNC ContentFooterTagCloud-krQmRG ZLGh"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ TagCloudSectnHear-cOforY iUEiRd dUgcfE kQQRmu">Related Stori for GQ</span><a href="/about/lgbtq" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM TagCloudLk-kvjZFu iUEiRd fhQbnq iGlBER hIhJOI"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ TagCloudName-eAUnLd iUEiRd fdqZBT bUkXwu">LGBTQ</span></a></div></div></div></div><div data-ttid="ContentFooterBottom" class="ContentFooterBottom-jwWZfC kcbyiW"><div class="ntent-bottom-anchor"></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-footer" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-footer"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="recirc-list-wrapper viewport-monor-anchor"><div data-ttid="RowWrapper" class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><asi class="RecircListTextOverlayWrapper-EAayj ikNPKA ContentFooterRelated-kEBiFe kVUuwq"><div class="recirc-list__ntaer"><hear class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ RecircListTextOverlayHeadg-icEzDE iUEiRd fWXTnu iCFeNq">Read More</hear><ul class="RecircListTextOverlayItems-kknlpG lpbERO recirc-list__ems hi-read-more-ad"><li class="RecircListTextOverlayItem-dLTGJZ DRac"><a class="OverlaySummaryItemWrapper-jydJgB eInHsS 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cLxcNi">Sex</span></div><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemHed-cljMtD iUEiRd hNEuYK cRpZRn">The Bt Sex Toys for Begners Are The Gateway to Bigger O's </div></div></div><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl OverlaySummaryItemByl-bogcUE fjwtNK"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH bfGBQB byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Kate Sloan</span></span></p></div></div></a></li><li class="RecircListTextOverlayItem-dLTGJZ DRac"><a class="OverlaySummaryItemWrapper-jydJgB eInHsS summary-em-trackg__image-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-2" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu rponsive-image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jgsWEn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><img alt="In You Are So Not Inved to My Bat Mzvah, All the Popular Middle Schoolers Wear Onle Ceramics" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></div></div></picture></span><div class="OverlaySummaryItemContent-ddGOWz fHZSgO"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX hXmUmf bric bric--wh-bg BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemRubric-bFqsqT iUEiRd bGlCJj cvqxGA"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Style</span></div><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemHed-cljMtD iUEiRd hNEuYK cRpZRn">In <em>You Are So Not Inved to My Bat Mzvah</em>, All the Popular Middle Schoolers Wear Onle Ceramics</div></div></div><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl OverlaySummaryItemByl-bogcUE fjwtNK"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH bfGBQB byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Eileen Cartter</span></span></p></div></div></a></li><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--read-more"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--read-more" data-no-id="9oal"></div></div><li class="RecircListTextOverlayItem-dLTGJZ DRac"><a class="OverlaySummaryItemWrapper-jydJgB eInHsS summary-em-trackg__image-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu rponsive-image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jgsWEn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><img alt="I Get Football Now, Thanks to Quarterback on Netflix" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></div></div></picture></span><div class="OverlaySummaryItemContent-ddGOWz fHZSgO"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX hXmUmf bric bric--wh-bg BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemRubric-bFqsqT iUEiRd bGlCJj cvqxGA"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Culture</span></div><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemHed-cljMtD iUEiRd hNEuYK cRpZRn">I Get Football Now, Thanks to <em>Quarterback</em> on Netflix</div></div></div><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl OverlaySummaryItemByl-bogcUE fjwtNK"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH bfGBQB byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Chris Black</span></span></p></div></div></a></li><li class="RecircListTextOverlayItem-dLTGJZ DRac"><a class="OverlaySummaryItemWrapper-jydJgB eInHsS summary-em-trackg__image-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-4" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu rponsive-image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jgsWEn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><img alt="There’s a Lot of Great New TV to Watch This Fall, Even as the Strik Contue" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></div></div></picture></span><div class="OverlaySummaryItemContent-ddGOWz fHZSgO"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX hXmUmf bric bric--wh-bg BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemRubric-bFqsqT iUEiRd bGlCJj cvqxGA"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Culture</span></div><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemHed-cljMtD iUEiRd hNEuYK cRpZRn">There’s a Lot of Great New TV to Watch This Fall, Even as the Strik Contue</div></div></div><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl OverlaySummaryItemByl-bogcUE fjwtNK"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH bfGBQB byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Grant Rdner</span></span></p></div></div></a></li></ul></div></asi></div></div><div data-ttid="RowWrapper" class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="TaboolaWrapper-hMVdpE iYfBhy"><div class="TaboolaWidgetWrapper-egPIjc hkSrgt 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