What Do It Mean to Be a Gay Man? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• WHY ARE THERE GAY MEN?
• WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?
• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
• WHY ARE PEOPLE GAY? GAY BY CHOICE OR IS BEG GAY GEIC?
• AS A GAY MAN, I’LL NEVER BE NORMAL
• THE HIDN GAY LIV FALLY BEG UNVERED
• GAY AND BISEXUAL MEN'S HEALTH ISSU
• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
• JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS' KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE COACH TO COME OUT AS GAY MAJOR U.S. SPORTS
• HOW TO GET A MAN (FOR GAY MEN)
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

WHY ARE THERE GAY MEN?

While female sexualy appears to be more fluid, rearch suggts that male gayns is an born, unalterable, strongly geilly fluenced tra. But nsirg that the tra disurag the type of sex that leads to procreatn — that is, sex wh women — and would therefore seem to thwart s own chanc of beg geilly passed on to the next generatn, why are there gay men at all? For several years, studi led by Andrea Camper Ciani at the Universy of Padova Italy and others have found that mothers and maternal nts of gay men tend to have signifintly more offsprg than the maternal relativ of straight men.

The rults show strong support for the "balancg selectn hypothis, " which is fast beg the accepted theory of the geic basis of male theory holds that the same geic factors that duce gayns mal also promote fecundy (high reproductive succs) those mal' female maternal relativ. Through this tra-off, the maternal relativ' "gay man gen, " though they aren't exprsed as such, tend to get passed to future generatns spe of their tenncy to make their male herors no one knows which gen, exactly, the might be, at least one of them appears to be loted on the X chromosome, acrdg to geic molg by Camper Ciani and his lleagu.

WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?

Mal her only one X chromosome — the one om their mother — and if clus the gene that promot gayns mal and fecundy femal, he is likely to be gay while his mom and her female relativ are likely to have lots of kids. If a dghter hers that same X-lked gene, she herself may not be gay, but she n pass on to her sons. Prevly, the Italian rearchers suggted that the "gay man gene" might simply crease androphilia, or attractn to men, thereby makg the mal who posss the gene homosexual and the femal who posss more promiscuo.

But after vtigatg the characteristics of 161 female maternal relativ of homosexual and heterosexual men, the rearchers have adjted their hypothis. Rather than makg women more attracted to men, the "gay man gene" appears to make the women more attractive to men. The androphilic pattern that we found is about femal who crease their reproductive value to attract the bt mal, " Camper Ciani told Life's Ltle out, the moms and nts of gay men have an advantage over the moms and nts of straight men for several reasons: They are more fertile, displayg fewer gynelogil disorrs or plitns durg pregnancy; they are more extroverted, as well as funnier, happier and more relaxed; and they have fewer fay problems and social anxieti.

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

"It is que possible that there are several fluenc on formg a homosexual orientatn, " said Gelf Rieger, a sexual orientatn rearcher at Cornell Universy. But as for why geic factors would exist that make men gay, appears that the gen make women, as well as gay men, allurg to other men. So many gay men grow up believg there is somethg “wrong” wh bee we are different om other supposedly “normal” mal.

It’s not surprisg that a term like “straight-actg” shows up so often gay men’s onle personal ads. It prumably means the advertiser nsirs himself a “real” man—real, that is, acrdg to a standard of masculy he don’t attribute to other gay men. So many gay men learn we are different om other boys by havg the fact poted out and ridiculed by bulli durg our young, most imprsnable, years.

WHY ARE PEOPLE GAY? GAY BY CHOICE OR IS BEG GAY GEIC?

As every gay man knows who has been sulted or asslted for his actual or perceived sexual orientatn, there are steep penalti for vlatg the Boy Co as there are for anyone who is “different” om the prumed (typilly whe, heterosexual, middle-class) standard. How do a gay kid survive the trma he suffers for beg different a culture that still nmns his difference as somethg bad or “ls-than” and wants to mold him to the same shape tri to mold every boy? Robert Pollack says the most important thg a fay n do to support their gay son is to keep lovg him, “to nvey to him, as soon as he shar his feelgs, that he is still loved through and through, that his sexual orientatn will not any way dimish how much he is admired and rpected.

He needs to know that ’s okay not only to be gay if that's what he is, but to be a man who choos what beg a man means for himself.

Fortunately there is a long history of gay men who bucked the accepted fns of masculy and created liv that exprsed their unrstandg of themselv and how they choose to exprs their inty as men who don’t necsarily f tradnal molds.

AS A GAY MAN, I’LL NEVER BE NORMAL

The late Harry Hay often lled "the father of the morn gay movement, " found the Mattache Society Los Angel the fall of 1950 for gay men to gather and ponr the qutns Hay had long been askg: Who are gay people? Hay didn’t tend the Mattach to be a polil anizatn per se, but a group that would e together to enhance their self-unrstandg and explore the ntributns gay people had ma to the human race through the ag. In a 1987 say tled “A Separate People Whose Time Has Come, ” Hay scribed homosexuals as “spir people, ” who, throughout the ag, had served society their rol as “msengers and tercers, shamans of both genrs, prits and prits, imagemakers and prophets, mim and rhapsos, poets and playwrights, healers and nurturers, teachers and preachers, tkers and tkerers, searchers and rearchers.

Hay believed that gay people had somethg special to teach nongay people about human life, and for that reason should be nurtured, rather than reviled, by society.

THE HIDN GAY LIV FALLY BEG UNVERED

He postulated that “gay people reprent a geic mutatn of nscns whose active fosterg is now required for human survival.

Hay believed that gay men are different om heterosexuals and that those differenc go much eper than mere sexual attractn to other men.

He said gay men look at the world differently, are uniquely nonaggrsive, nonpetive, oriented toward sharg and cled to velop what Hay lled “subject-subject” love relatnships of equals. In a 1990 terview for the Washgton Bla, Harry Hay told me our llg as gay men “is not only to accept our uniquens, but to affirm , make joyo. For gay men, learng to accept our “different” sexual orientatn as a posive aspect of ourselv is only part of our “g out.

GAY AND BISEXUAL MEN'S HEALTH ISSU

Lucky for gay/bi men, there are que a number of who know exactly how that feels.

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

It seems like every gay guy out there is a bottom, and when you thk you've met someone who's fely a He too is a bottom.

Unrstand important health issu for gay men and other men who have sex wh men, and get tips for matag good Mayo Clic Staff. However, there are some specific health ncerns that gay men and other men who have sex wh men need to be aware of. Gay men and other men who have sex wh men may be at an creased risk of prsn, bipolar disorr and anxiety.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS' KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE COACH TO COME OUT AS GAY MAJOR U.S. SPORTS

Gay men also are more likely to have body image problems and eatg disorrs, such as anorexia and bulimia, than are other men. Many health re and mental health anizatns foced on the lbian, gay, bisexual and transgenr muny also offer substance e treatment or may be able to provi rmatn about lol rourc. And rearch has shown that gay men and other men who have sex wh men experience timate partner vlence at a higher rate than do other men.

But gay men might be more likely to stay silent about this kd of vlence due to fear of discrimatn. A lack of shelters and other facili equipped to offer gay men a safe, supportive place to get help also may make dntg to seek re.

HOW TO GET A MAN (FOR GAY MEN)

Concern about homophobia and the stigma sometim associated wh homosexualy may prevent some gay men om gettg route health re. Gay, bisexual and queer men's attus and unrstandgs of timate partner vlence and sexual asslt.

A spg review of timate partner vlence as relat to the experienc of gay and bisexual men. Sometim a woman may have been a heterosexual relatnship for years and yet feel somethg is somehow "off;" and she may fd herself askg, "Is my hband gay?

" Many women fd this qutn unthkable but acrdg to Bonnie Kaye,, an expert women married to gay men, is timated that 4 ln women have been, or are, married to gay men.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

If a hband is gay, n vastate not only the relatnship but the straight wife as well.