Is Flirtg Between Gay and Straight Men Okay? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?
• IS FLIRTG BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN OKAY?
• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• IS IT POSSIBLE TO SYSTEMATILLY TURN GAY PEOPLE STRAIGHT?

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

Of urse, some intify as straight but are realy closeted bisexuals or gays by sexual orientatn—perhaps likely to e out at a later age (if ever). In his Royal Oaks, Michigan, practice, Joe specializ Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy and IMAGO Relatnship Therapy, often treatg men who are qutng their sexual orientatn. Number one is the high cince of male-female upl enterg my office bee the woman thks her man might be gay.

He’s actually straight, but for whatever reason, he’s been lookg at gay porn or he’s been havg sex wh men. A lot of the time the men e on their own and they’re holdg my book about g out as gay, and they want to know, “Is this me? And I thk ’s very important to state right here that I’m a gay man, yet here I am sayg that most of the time the men who are beg sexual wh other men aren’t gay.

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

That’s unual, bee most gay men, even most gay therapists, believe that if a guy is havg gay sex, he’s gay.

IS FLIRTG BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN OKAY?

” I always joke wh clients that for me, as a gay man, when I’m walkg on the beach and checkg people out, the women are the way. Wh gay clients, they say they feel the same way; wh bisexual clients, they say they’re lookg at both the men and the women; wh straight clients, they say they’re lookg only at the women. When a man is a long-term relatnship wh a woman but beg sexual wh men, eher lookg at porn or havg actual sex, he eher will or won’t be homophobic.

The straight men have no homophobia at all—to the pot where they’re willg to seek unselg om me, an openly gay therapist. A lot of tim the gay men never even make to me (whout promptg om their wife, anyway) bee they’re riddled wh homophobia and I’m too gay for them.

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

So if a client is stgglg wh his sexual orientatn and he’s got a lot of homophobia, he’s probably gay. A gay guy wants to do all of that wh a man, a bisexual guy might want a man or a woman, and the straight guy wants to only be wh a woman that way. So this is a way of bondg wh men—ironilly, through sex—and happens not bee the man is gay but bee he don’t know any other way to get this need met.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO SYSTEMATILLY TURN GAY PEOPLE STRAIGHT?

Eher they’re worried that their man will eventually ci he’s gay and end the relatnship, or they want monogamy, and his cheatg is a threat to the marriage regardls of who he’s dog wh. And I should pot out here that the men when they’re engagg this behavr (regardls of whether they’re gay, straight or bi) nearly always tell themselv that what they’re dog is not cheatg bee they’re dog wh a guy.

For example, when a “closeted” gay or bisexual man has sex wh another man, he views that sex as reflectg his secret gay/bisexual inty. A mory of the men I terviewed were homophobic and held prejudice agast LGBTQ2+ people and this prejudice mak the thought of an LGBTQ2+ inty unappealg to them.

McKellan is a gay man who me out 1988, and although 33 years have passed sce he me out, n still be shockg to the world to see such a close same-sex iendship that cross sexual inti. Along wh his supervisor, Robb Travers, he lnched a study that surveyed 350 straight men and 275 gay or bisexual men om across North Ameri.

Siar to qutns that loom about whether straight men and women n ever tly be platonic iends, the same qutn lgers over the iendships between gay and straight men. A bromosexual iendship is a nonsexual iendship between two men, where typilly one iend is gay (or bisexual), and the other is straight.

In days past, this may have seemed as unlikely as a iendship between a ln and a moe, given the tradnally high levels of homophobia among straight men. McKie’s rearch reported that straight participants felt that a gay iend ma for the ultimate wgman bee the gay iend uld help to attract prospective partners for the straight iend. Other rearch has shown that women prefer iendships wh gay vers straight men, partly bee the threat or loomg qutn of sexual attractn is renred moot.