I'm 43 – but I'm ma to feel like a dosr by younger gay men | Metro News

Contents:

• I’M 43 – BUT I’M MA TO FEEL LIKE A DOSR BY YOUNGER GAY MEN
• DISVER THE 5 MOST GAY-IENDLY ARAB UNTRI
• THE MYTH OF THE QUEER ARAB LIFEEVOLVINGFOR MOST PEOPLE THE WT LIFE THE ARAB WORLD FOR GAY PEOPLE IS HARD TO FATHOM. IT IS, LIKE MANY OTHER PARTS OF LIFE THIS REGN, PLITED.SALEEM HADDADUPDATED JUL. 12, 2017 6:56PM EDT / PUBLISHED APR. 02, 2016 12:01AM EDT FACEBOOKONE OF MY FAVORE TELEVISN SHOWS GROWG UP WAS A RAMADAN SPECIAL FEATURG AN EGYPTIAN PERFORMER LLED SHERIHAN. ONE YEAR SHE HAD A RAMADAN SPECIAL LLED ‘SHERIHAN AROUND THE WORLD’, A TWENTY-MUTE SGG AND DANCG EXTRAVAGANZA, WHICH HAD HER DRSG EXQUISE STUM OM AROUND THE WORLD AND PERFORMG ELABORATE SONG AND DANCE ROUT. SHERIHAN WAS A WOMAN, BUT SHE WAS THE BT DRAG QUEEN I HAD EVER SEEN: MP, SELF-AWARE, AND FABULO. SHE HAD PLANTED ME, WHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE, THE FIRST SEEDS OF MY OWN GAY INTY.TWELVE YEARS LATER, WHEN I WAS LIVG AMMAN, MY BOYIEND BROKE UP WH ME. I WAS BEG TOO OPEN WH MY SEXUALY, HE SAID. I HAD NFID TOO MANY PEOPLE. BEG WH ME WAS BEG DANGERO. I TOLD HIM THAT NO ONE WOULD KILL , LET ALONE THREATEN . THE JORDANIAN POLICE DON’T HAVE A HISTORY OF TARGETG GAY MEN, I REASONED, PECIALLY THOSE OF OUR SOCIAL CLASS. BUT THAT WASN’T THE DANGER, HE EXPLAED. THE DANGER WAS THAT BEG SEEN WH ME WAS MAKG PEOPLE THK HE WAS ‘GAY’. AND HE DID NOT WANT TO BE SEEN AS ‘GAY’.I DID NOT SEE THIS TRANSFORMATN G, BUT HAPPENED. THE ‘GAY INTY’ HAD UNKNOWGLY BEEN GROWG SI ME LIKE A TUMOR, UNTIL SUDNLY ONE MORNG I WOKE UP AND REALIZED I WAS FECTED, AND THE DISEASE WAS TERMAL. I HAD BEE SOMEONE WHO INTIFIED AS ‘GAY’.I BLAMED SHERIHAN. AFTER ALL, SHE STARTED THIS MS. ***MANY ARABS WHO ENGAGE SAME-SEX PRACTIC DO NOT INTIFY AS ‘GAY’, ‘LBIAN’, OR ‘BISEXUAL’. FOR EVERY QUEER ARAB WHO HAS FORMULATED THEIR SENSE OF SELF BY WATCHG ‘WILL AND GRACE’ AND ‘PARIS IS BURNG’ ARE UNTLS OTHERS WHO DO NOT FEEL IS UNUAL TO ENGAGE SAME-SEX PRACTIC AND REMA UNNNECTED TO THE WORD ‘GAY’. EVEN AMONGST THOSE WHO MAY FEEL AT HOME THEIR GAY INTY, THE NOTN OF PUBLICLY G OUT RGS HOLLOW A CULTURE WHERE WHO YOU SHARE YOUR BED WH IS A PRIVATE MATTER.LIKE EVERYWHERE ELSE THE WORLD, SEXUAL INTI THE MIDDLE EAST TERSECT WH CLASS, GENR, AND THE PLEX TERPLAY OF PRIVATE AND PUBLIC, MAKG IMPOSSIBLE TO SPEAK OF A SGULAR ‘QUEER ARAB’ EXPERIENCE. THERE ARE A MULTU OF QUEER ARAB EXPERIENC: OM GENR RIGHTS ACTIVISTS PROVIDG UNRGROUND ABORTN SERVIC TO LONG ROMANTIC PARTNERSHIPS BETWEEN BEDOU MEN SIWA, EACH QUEER LIFE THE ARAB WORLD IS UNIQUE. TRYG TO WRE ABOUT A SGULAR GAY ARAB EXPERIENCE WOULD BE, AS ONE LEBANE GAY RIGHTS ACTIVIST PUT , THE EQUIVALENT OF “WRG A STORY ABOUT GAY LIFE THE US, AND JT TERVIEWG SOMEONE OM THE WTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH, A CLOSETED TEENAGER NEBRASKA, AND ADAM LAMBERT.” DPE THIS, QUEER ARAB BODI HAVE BEE A BATTLEGROUND A MUCH LARGER WAR. AFTER ALL, IS NO SECRET THAT BOTH LIBERALS AND NSERVATIV NORTH AMERI AND EUROPE HAVE, SCE 9/11, WAVED THE FLAG OF WOMEN’S RIGHTS, AND TO A LSER GREE LGBT RIGHTS, AS A WAY TO GA WTERN PUBLIC SUPPORT TO WAGE WARS THE MIDDLE EAST. IMAG AND STORI OF OPPRSED AFGHAN WOMEN DROVE THE LL TO WAR 2001, AND THE MORE RECENT FOOTAGE OF ISIS THROWG GAY MEN OFF TOWERS AND ENSLAVG YEZIDI WOMEN STOKED THE FIR OF TERVENTN SYRIA.QUEER ARABS FACE A DUAL STGGLE: WE ARE BATTLG OPPRSIVE FORC WH OUR OWN MUNI, AND WE ARE ALSO RISTG THE GLOBAL NARRATIVE THAT TRI TO E OUR “OPPRSN” FOR BROAR ARY OR POLIL GOALS.THE QUTN THEN BE: WHO OWNS QUEER ARAB BODI?***WHOUT MY BOYIEND BY MY SI, I DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WH MY DAYS. I CHA-SMOKED AND CRIED MY BEDROOM. AT WORK, I WROTE LONG, RAMBLG E-MAILS TO MYSELF ABOUT WHAT VALUE A PRIVATE RELATNSHIP WOULD HAVE IF ULD NOT BE CELEBRATED PUBLICLY, THE SAME WAY THE RELATNSHIPS OF MY STRAIGHT IENDS WERE BEG CELEBRATED THE LAVISH WEDDGS I ATTEND EVERY OTHER NIGHT.IN THE AFTERNOONS, I WATCHED OPRAH, BEE SHE SEEMED TO HAVE ALL OF THE ANSWERS. BUT THEN A FEMIST IEND TOLD ME THAT OPRAH PROPAGAT AN DIVIDUALISM THAT GO AGAST THE LLECTIVIST VALU NEED TO ADDRS STCTURAL PROBLEMS LIKE HOMOPHOBIA AND PATRIARCHY.“BIS, YOU STILL HAVE EASIER THAN WOMEN,” SHE SAID. “AT LEAST YOU N RENT A HOTEL ROOM WH A GUY AND NO ONE WILL ASK TO SEE MARRIAGE DOCUMENTS. AT LEAST, AS A MAN, YOU N LEAVE THE HOE THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WHOUT ANYONE BREATHG DOWN YOUR NECK.”I SHAVED MY HEAD, BEE I FELT THAT A SHAVED HEAD MIGHT MAKE ME LS GAY.“IS THIS BETTER?” I ASKED MY BOYIEND.“NO,” HE RPOND. “I’M SORRY.”***WHO OWNS QUEER ARAB BODI?ON MAY 11TH, 2001, 52 MEN WERE ARRTED EGYPT. THE MEN WERE ABOARD THE QUEEN BOAT, A FLOATG NIGHTCLUB ON THE BANKS OF THE NILE. THE MEN WERE CHARGED WH “OBSCENE BEHAVUR”, BEATEN, AND FORCED TO UNRGO HUIATG EXAMATNS TO TERME THEIR SEXUALY.THE STORY REMAED THE HEADL FOR MONTHS. IMAG OF THE MEN WERE PLASTERED ON ERNMENT NEWSPAPERS AND TELEVISN SCREENS. IN ONE PARTICULAR PHOTO, THE MEN WERE DRSED WHE, CRAMMED TOGETHER A GE AS THEY WAED FOR THEIR SENTENCE. MOST OF THE MEN HAD VERED THEIR FAC WH WHE CLOTH A FUTILE ATTEMPT TO PROTECT THEIR PRIVACY.THE BODI OF THE ‘CAIRO 52’, AS THEY HAD BEEN LLED, BEME A BATTLEGROUND FOR AMICS, TELLECTUALS AND RIGHTS ACTIVISTS TO PROJECT THEIR OWN THEORI ABOUT QUEER LIV THE ARAB WORLD. THE NMNATN AND SHAMG OF THE MEN BEME A WAY TO BRG SOME LEGIMACY TO PRINT MUBARAK’S RPT REGIME. WTERN LGBT ANIZATNS AND HUMAN RIGHTS GROUPS AMED THE RAID AS THE ARAB WORLD’S STONEWALL, WH ONE GROUP STAGG A PROTT AT THE EGYPTIAN EMBASSY PARIS WH SIGNS MANDG THE EGYPTIAN ERNMENT “EE OUR LOVERS”. MEANWHILE, ANTI-IMPERIALIST CRICS LIKE JOSEPH MASSAD ARGUED THAT WASN’T THE SAME-SEX SEXUAL PRACTIC THE EGYPTIAN ERNMENT WAS ATTACKG, BUT RATHER “THE SOC-POLIL INTIFITN OF THE PRACTIC WH THE WTERN INTY OF GAYNS.” AFTER ALL, HE SAID, THE MEN DID NOT INTIFY AS ‘GAY’. IN FACT, THEY SPERATELY HID THEIR FAC. “THE ARE HARDLY MANIFTATNS OF GAY PRI OR GAY LIBERATN,” HE ARGUED.THE 52 MEN, THEIR FAC VERED WHE CLOTH, WERE FURTHER OBSCURED AS THEIR LIV BEME POLIL SRG RDS: FOR THORARIAN REGIM, ISLAMISTS, WTERN HUMAN RIGHTS GROUPS AND ANTI-IMPERIALIST AMICS.***WHO OWNS QUEER ARAB BODI?WHEN ISIS THREW TWO MEN OFF A TOWER LAST YEAR AS PUNISHMENT FOR BEG GAY, WTERN MEDIA FUELLED TERNATNAL OUTRAGE AGAST THE TERRORIST ANISATN. BUT AMONG GAY IENDS THE MIDDLE EAST, THE CINT HAD NOTHG TO DO WH THEM. “ISIS DID NOT KILL THOSE GUYS AS A MSAGE TO ,” A GAY IEND TOLD ME AS WE DRANK G AND SLIM-LE TONICS A BAR BEIT, LS THAN 90 OM HOMS, WHERE THE CINT TOOK PLACE. “THE MSAGE WAS MEANT FOR THE WT: ISIS WANTED TO SHOW THAT THEY STOOD AGAST EVERYTHG THE WT BELIEVED .”IN OTHER WORDS, ISIS’S MSAGE WAS THE POLIL EQUIVALENT OF “COME AT ME, BRO.” QUEER BODI FLUNG OFF A TOWER ARE A FOOTNOTE A LARGER POLIL AND ARY BRO-DOWN.WHEN I FIRST READ ABOUT THE CINT, I WANTED TO KNOW HOW THE MEN WERE UGHT. WAS JT A VIC LIE SPREAD BY SOMEONE WH A PERSONAL VENTTA? WERE THOSE MEN A RELATNSHIP WH EACH OTHER? WERE THEY LOVE, AND IF SO, DID THEY HAVE ANY DREAMS? OR WAS JT A QUICKIE A DARK ALLEYWAY? I WANTED TO KNOW MORE. BUT AS I OPENED MY BROWSER, I BEGAN TO WORRY THAT, GIVEN MY ARAB BACKGROUND, PERHAPS SEARCHG ABOUT ‘ISIS’ AND ‘SYRIA’ MAY FLAG ME UP TO SOME WTERN TELLIGENCE OFFICERS AS A TERRORIST THREAT, AND I ALREADY HAD ENOUGH TROUBLE TRAVELG ACROSS BORRS AS WAS. MAYBE ’S BETTER NOT TO KNOW, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF AS I CLOSED THE BROWSER.LATER THAT WEEK, THE SAME LEBANE IEND LOOKED UP OM HIS PHONE AND SAID TO ME: “THE ONE GOOD THG ABOUT HAVG SO MANY SYRIAN REFUGE LEBANON IS THAT YOU N FD SOME GEO SYRIAN RTS ON GRDR.”HE WAS CHATTG TO ONE AS HE SAID THIS. HE VED THE MAN OVER LATER THAT EVENG.THE SYRIAN MAN ARRIVED. THEY CHATTED FOR A WHILE. THE SYRIAN MAN EXPLAED HOW HE HAD PED SYRIA AND WAS TRYG TO MAKE SOME MONEY TO SUPPORT HIS MOTHER. UPON HEARG THIS STORY, MY IEND’S AROAL DAMPENED, AND AS THE RT WENT FOR A KISS, MY IEND PULLED BACK.“NO,” MY IEND SAID. “I’M SORRY I N’T DO THIS.”“PLEASE KISS ME,” THE SYRIAN SAID. “YOU THK I’M A BAD PERSON, I KNOW .”“NO, I DON’T,” MY IEND SAID. HE PUT $100 THE MAN’S HANDS. “PLEASE TAKE THIS AND GO.”“I DON’T WANT THE MONEY,” THE SYRIAN MAN SAID, BURSTG TO TEARS. “I WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU. BUT NOW YOU THK I’M A BAD PERSON.”ISIS KILLS GAY PEOPLE. ASSAD CREAT GAY REFUGE.***IN 2012, 36 MEN WERE ARRTED A CEMA BOURJ HAMMOUD, A NEIGHBOURHOOD BEIT. CEMA PLAZA WAS A NOTOR CISG SPOT FOR GAY MEN. THE RAID HAPPENED AFTER A SIAR CEMA TRIPOLI, A WORKG CLASS CY NORTHERN LEBANON, WAS EXPOSED A LEBANE TELEVISN SHOW LLED ‘INTA HURR’ (‘YOU ARE FREE’). NEHER THE POLICE NOR THE MEDIA PAID ANY ATTENTN TO THE MULTU OF GAY BARS THE MORE UPSLE NEIGHBOURHOODS OF BEIT.IN RPONSE TO THE RAIDS, LEBANE GAY ACTIVISTS RELEASED PICTUR OF THE HOST OF THE TV PROGRAMME PARTYG A GAY NIGHTCLUB MYKONOS. THE HOST SHOT BACK, SAYG THAT HIS PRIVACY WAS VAD. IN A STATEMENT RELEASED BY THE TELEVISN STATN THAT AIRED THE SHOW, THE HOST CLAIMED THAT HE “WILL NOT APOLOGISE [FOR EXPOSG THE CEMAS], BEE THE BREACH OF PUBLIC MORALY IS ONE THG, AND SEXUAL EEDOM IS SOMETHG ELSE.”THE MSAGE WAS CLEAR: PRIVACY IS A LUXURY THAT IS ONLY AFFORD TO THOSE WHO N PAY FOR . IF YOU HAVE MONEY YOU N BUY YOURSELF A GAY INTY MYKONOS. IF NOT, THEN HEAD TO A NDOWN CEMA AND HOPE FOR THE BT.***WHO OWNS QUEER ARAB BODI? IS THE THORARIAN REGIM WHO TRAMPLE ON QUEER BODI FOR MORAL LEGIMACY, THE JIHADISTS WHO BURNISH THEIR RELIG CRENTIALS BY TOSSG THE BODI OFF THE HIGHT TOWERS, THE WTERN HUMAN RIGHTS GROUPS WHO ENFORCE THEIR OWN NARRATIV TO ‘SAVE’ THE BODI, THE ANTI-IMPERIALIST AMICS WHO ARGUE THAT THE BODI ARE NAIVELY ADOPTG LONIALIST DISURS, THE NEONSERVATIV WHO SHAKE AD QUEER BODI ONT OF THEIR NSTUENTS TO JTIFY WARS AND OCCUPATNS, OR THE RICH WHO DICTATE THE LE BETWEEN SEXUAL EEDOM AND PUBLIC MORALY?AS A QUEER PERSON THE ARAB WORLD, EVERYWHERE YOU TURN SOMEONE WANTS TO E YOUR BODY, YOUR STORY, OR YOUR LIFE FOR THEIR OWN PURPOS.***IN ONE SCENE MY NOVEL, RASA—A YOUNG GAY ARAB— OUT TO HIS LLEGE IEND AMERI. SHE RPONDS BY ASKG IF HE IS AT RISK OF BEG KILLED IF HE RETURNS TO THE MIDDLE EAST.“I DON’T THK SO,” RASA REPLI. HE PS FOR A MOMENT BEFORE ADDG, “LISTEN, PEOPLE DON’T JT KILL EACH OTHER LIKE YOU HEAR ON TV.”A FEW MONTHS AFTER MY BOYIEND BROKE UP WH ME, I CID TO MOVE TO EUROPE.I DID NOT LEAVE THE MIDDLE EAST BEE ANYONE WAS GOG TO KILL ME.I LEFT BEE I WANTED A WTERN PASSPORT THAT WOULD ALLOW ME TO TRAVEL WHOUT HAVG TO BOOK VISA APPOTMENTS MONTHS ADVANCE, WHOUT HAVG TO PREPARE E STATEMENTS AND LETTERS OM EMPLOYERS AND HOTEL BOOKGS AND RETURN TICKETS. I LEFT BEE I WANTED A PASSPORT THAT WOULD GIVE ME PROTECTN, A PASSPORT THAT WOULD RAISE THE VALUE OF MY LIFE THE GLOBAL HIERARCHY.I LEFT BEE I FELT THAT THE REGN WAS KNEE-EP TRATN AND HOPELSNS, THAT THGS WERE GOG TO LLAPSE, AND THAT WH MY ARAB PASSPORT I WOULD HAVE NOWHERE TO GO. I LEFT BEE I KNEW ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT THE WORLD DO NOT RE ABOUT ARAB AND MLIM BODI WASHG UP ON THE SHOR OF THE MEDERRANEAN.I LEFT BEE I WAS TIRED OF FDG WAYS TO JTIFY WHY I HAD TO KEEP MY GAY INTY HIDN, AND I FELT THAT MY SEXUALY WAS BEG YET ANOTHER WEAPON THAT ULD BE ED AGAST ME: IF SOMEONE VELOPED A PERSONAL VENTTA AGAST ME; IF I SPOKE OUT OF LE; IF I ENGAGED THE WRONG KD OF POLICS; IF I WAS NOT A GOOD CIZEN WHO SHUT UP AND TOOK . I LEFT BEE MY SEXUALY HAD BEE YET ANOTHER KNIFE HELD AGAST MY THROAT.HERE ARE OTHER KNIV HELD AGAST PEOPLE’S THROATS: BEG A REFUGEE ON A BOAT THE MEDERRANEAN. BEG A BLACK MAN THE U.S. BEG A PALTIAN ISRAEL. BEG A WOMAN PRETTY MUCH ANYWHERE.TWENTY YEARS AFTER I FIRST SAW SHERIHAN DANCG ON TV, I ME ACROSS A YOUTUBE VIO OF HER LEADG THE CROWDS A CHANT TAHRIR SQUARE 2011. MY DRAG MOTHER HAD JOED THE REVOLUTN FOR EEDOM AND DIGNY. WATCHG THIS WHILE STG LONDON, I ULDN’T HELP BUT SE. WE HAD E FULL-CIRCLE, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, NAIVELY ASSUMG THAT THE WORST OF THE VLENCE WAS OVER. LISTEN, PEOPLE DON’T JT KILL EACH OTHER LIKE YOU HEAR ON TV. I DIDN’T LEAVE THE MIDDLE EAST BEE I FEARED FOR MY LIFE. I LEFT BEE I WAS PG ANOTHER SORT OF ATH.***THE TTH IS, I ALMOST DIDN’T WRE MY NOVEL.I ALMOST DIDN’T WRE MY NOVEL BEE, WHENEVER I OPENED THE MICROSOFT WORD DOCUMENT, I THOUGHT OF MY PARENTS, AND THE SHAME MY FATHER WOULD FEEL AS HIS SON EXPOSED HIMSELF SO OPENLY.I ALMOST DIDN’T WRE MY NOVEL BEE, AS MY FGERS HOVERED OVER MY ENGLISH LANGUAGE KEYBOARD, MY THOUGHTS TURNED TO VAR ARTICL, OPN PIEC AND BOOKS WRTEN BY SOME ARABS AND MLIMS WTERN MEDIA; PIEC THAT DULGED NARRATIV OF OPPRSN AND TALKED ABOUT THE NEED FOR SEXUAL LIBERATN THE ARAB WORLD; STORI THAT PANRED TO ORIENTALIST FANTASI AND ISLAMOPHOBIC STEREOTYP. THE SAME FANTASI AND STEREOTYP THAT GET ME TAED AND TERROGATED EVERY TIME I PASS THROUGH AN AMERIN AIRPORT. THE SAME FANTASI AND STEREOTYP THAT JTIFY CLOSG BORRS TO REFUGE FLEEG WAR ZON. THE SAME FANTASI AND STEREOTYP THAT HELP WTERN CIZENS SLEEP EASY AT NIGHT AS THEIR ERNMENTS DROP BOMBS ON YEMEN, AFGHANISTAN, PAKISTAN, SYRIA, PALTE AND IRAQ. I ALMOST DIDN’T WRE MY NOVEL BEE I FEARED THAT WRG WOULD MAKE MORE DIFFICULT TO GO BACK TO THE ARAB WORLD, THE PLACE I LL HOME AND THAT I LOVE ABOVE ALL ELSE.BUT NOT TO HAVE WRTEN MY NOVEL WOULD BE TO ADM FEAT TO ALL OF THE FORC. AND WHILE THE NOVEL REMAS ONLY ONE STORY AMONG THOANDS OF OTHER QUEER ARAB STORI WAG TO BE TOLD, THE END, THE ONLY STORY EACH OF N TELL—THE ONLY BODY WE OWN—IS OUR OWN.SALEEM HADDAD IS THE THOR OF THE NEW NOVEL GUAPA PUBLISHED THIS SPRG BY OTHER PRS. SALEEM HADDAD

I’M 43 – BUT I’M MA TO FEEL LIKE A DOSR BY YOUNGER GAY MEN

Through a haze of shisha smoke and somewhat stiflg sexual stigma, the Arab world unveils an unexpected realm of possibili for trepid gay travellers. If you n five the state-approved homophobia and are willg to act wh discretn while out and about, the Arab untri n reem themselv a thoand and one different ways, om the ancient centre of Petra to the glterg ephets of Bahra and to the serts beyond. While by and large closeted kgdoms, the handful of gay clubs the progrsive cy of Beit n allow you to be your te self, while the luxury ternatnal hotels across the regn n ensure your privacy is rpected.

DISVER THE 5 MOST GAY-IENDLY ARAB UNTRI

Jo as we track the 5 most gay-iendly Arab untri.

THE MYTH OF THE QUEER ARAB LIFEEVOLVINGFOR MOST PEOPLE THE WT LIFE THE ARAB WORLD FOR GAY PEOPLE IS HARD TO FATHOM. IT IS, LIKE MANY OTHER PARTS OF LIFE THIS REGN, PLITED.SALEEM HADDADUPDATED JUL. 12, 2017 6:56PM EDT / PUBLISHED APR. 02, 2016 12:01AM EDT FACEBOOKONE OF MY FAVORE TELEVISN SHOWS GROWG UP WAS A RAMADAN SPECIAL FEATURG AN EGYPTIAN PERFORMER LLED SHERIHAN. ONE YEAR SHE HAD A RAMADAN SPECIAL LLED ‘SHERIHAN AROUND THE WORLD’, A TWENTY-MUTE SGG AND DANCG EXTRAVAGANZA, WHICH HAD HER DRSG EXQUISE STUM OM AROUND THE WORLD AND PERFORMG ELABORATE SONG AND DANCE ROUT. SHERIHAN WAS A WOMAN, BUT SHE WAS THE BT DRAG QUEEN I HAD EVER SEEN: MP, SELF-AWARE, AND FABULO. SHE HAD PLANTED ME, WHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE, THE FIRST SEEDS OF MY OWN GAY INTY.TWELVE YEARS LATER, WHEN I WAS LIVG AMMAN, MY BOYIEND BROKE UP WH ME. I WAS BEG TOO OPEN WH MY SEXUALY, HE SAID. I HAD NFID TOO MANY PEOPLE. BEG WH ME WAS BEG DANGERO. I TOLD HIM THAT NO ONE WOULD KILL , LET ALONE THREATEN . THE JORDANIAN POLICE DON’T HAVE A HISTORY OF TARGETG GAY MEN, I REASONED, PECIALLY THOSE OF OUR SOCIAL CLASS. BUT THAT WASN’T THE DANGER, HE EXPLAED. THE DANGER WAS THAT BEG SEEN WH ME WAS MAKG PEOPLE THK HE WAS ‘GAY’. AND HE DID NOT WANT TO BE SEEN AS ‘GAY’.I DID NOT SEE THIS TRANSFORMATN G, BUT HAPPENED. THE ‘GAY INTY’ HAD UNKNOWGLY BEEN GROWG SI ME LIKE A TUMOR, UNTIL SUDNLY ONE MORNG I WOKE UP AND REALIZED I WAS FECTED, AND THE DISEASE WAS TERMAL. I HAD BEE SOMEONE WHO INTIFIED AS ‘GAY’.I BLAMED SHERIHAN. AFTER ALL, SHE STARTED THIS MS. ***MANY ARABS WHO ENGAGE SAME-SEX PRACTIC DO NOT INTIFY AS ‘GAY’, ‘LBIAN’, OR ‘BISEXUAL’. FOR EVERY QUEER ARAB WHO HAS FORMULATED THEIR SENSE OF SELF BY WATCHG ‘WILL AND GRACE’ AND ‘PARIS IS BURNG’ ARE UNTLS OTHERS WHO DO NOT FEEL IS UNUAL TO ENGAGE SAME-SEX PRACTIC AND REMA UNNNECTED TO THE WORD ‘GAY’. EVEN AMONGST THOSE WHO MAY FEEL AT HOME THEIR GAY INTY, THE NOTN OF PUBLICLY G OUT RGS HOLLOW A CULTURE WHERE WHO YOU SHARE YOUR BED WH IS A PRIVATE MATTER.LIKE EVERYWHERE ELSE THE WORLD, SEXUAL INTI THE MIDDLE EAST TERSECT WH CLASS, GENR, AND THE PLEX TERPLAY OF PRIVATE AND PUBLIC, MAKG IMPOSSIBLE TO SPEAK OF A SGULAR ‘QUEER ARAB’ EXPERIENCE. THERE ARE A MULTU OF QUEER ARAB EXPERIENC: OM GENR RIGHTS ACTIVISTS PROVIDG UNRGROUND ABORTN SERVIC TO LONG ROMANTIC PARTNERSHIPS BETWEEN BEDOU MEN SIWA, EACH QUEER LIFE THE ARAB WORLD IS UNIQUE. TRYG TO WRE ABOUT A SGULAR GAY ARAB EXPERIENCE WOULD BE, AS ONE LEBANE GAY RIGHTS ACTIVIST PUT , THE EQUIVALENT OF “WRG A STORY ABOUT GAY LIFE THE US, AND JT TERVIEWG SOMEONE OM THE WTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH, A CLOSETED TEENAGER NEBRASKA, AND ADAM LAMBERT.” DPE THIS, QUEER ARAB BODI HAVE BEE A BATTLEGROUND A MUCH LARGER WAR. AFTER ALL, IS NO SECRET THAT BOTH LIBERALS AND NSERVATIV NORTH AMERI AND EUROPE HAVE, SCE 9/11, WAVED THE FLAG OF WOMEN’S RIGHTS, AND TO A LSER GREE LGBT RIGHTS, AS A WAY TO GA WTERN PUBLIC SUPPORT TO WAGE WARS THE MIDDLE EAST. IMAG AND STORI OF OPPRSED AFGHAN WOMEN DROVE THE LL TO WAR 2001, AND THE MORE RECENT FOOTAGE OF ISIS THROWG GAY MEN OFF TOWERS AND ENSLAVG YEZIDI WOMEN STOKED THE FIR OF TERVENTN SYRIA.QUEER ARABS FACE A DUAL STGGLE: WE ARE BATTLG OPPRSIVE FORC WH OUR OWN MUNI, AND WE ARE ALSO RISTG THE GLOBAL NARRATIVE THAT TRI TO E OUR “OPPRSN” FOR BROAR ARY OR POLIL GOALS.THE QUTN THEN BE: WHO OWNS QUEER ARAB BODI?***WHOUT MY BOYIEND BY MY SI, I DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WH MY DAYS. I CHA-SMOKED AND CRIED MY BEDROOM. AT WORK, I WROTE LONG, RAMBLG E-MAILS TO MYSELF ABOUT WHAT VALUE A PRIVATE RELATNSHIP WOULD HAVE IF ULD NOT BE CELEBRATED PUBLICLY, THE SAME WAY THE RELATNSHIPS OF MY STRAIGHT IENDS WERE BEG CELEBRATED THE LAVISH WEDDGS I ATTEND EVERY OTHER NIGHT.IN THE AFTERNOONS, I WATCHED OPRAH, BEE SHE SEEMED TO HAVE ALL OF THE ANSWERS. BUT THEN A FEMIST IEND TOLD ME THAT OPRAH PROPAGAT AN DIVIDUALISM THAT GO AGAST THE LLECTIVIST VALU NEED TO ADDRS STCTURAL PROBLEMS LIKE HOMOPHOBIA AND PATRIARCHY.“BIS, YOU STILL HAVE EASIER THAN WOMEN,” SHE SAID. “AT LEAST YOU N RENT A HOTEL ROOM WH A GUY AND NO ONE WILL ASK TO SEE MARRIAGE DOCUMENTS. AT LEAST, AS A MAN, YOU N LEAVE THE HOE THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WHOUT ANYONE BREATHG DOWN YOUR NECK.”I SHAVED MY HEAD, BEE I FELT THAT A SHAVED HEAD MIGHT MAKE ME LS GAY.“IS THIS BETTER?” I ASKED MY BOYIEND.“NO,” HE RPOND. “I’M SORRY.”***WHO OWNS QUEER ARAB BODI?ON MAY 11TH, 2001, 52 MEN WERE ARRTED EGYPT. THE MEN WERE ABOARD THE QUEEN BOAT, A FLOATG NIGHTCLUB ON THE BANKS OF THE NILE. THE MEN WERE CHARGED WH “OBSCENE BEHAVUR”, BEATEN, AND FORCED TO UNRGO HUIATG EXAMATNS TO TERME THEIR SEXUALY.THE STORY REMAED THE HEADL FOR MONTHS. IMAG OF THE MEN WERE PLASTERED ON ERNMENT NEWSPAPERS AND TELEVISN SCREENS. IN ONE PARTICULAR PHOTO, THE MEN WERE DRSED WHE, CRAMMED TOGETHER A GE AS THEY WAED FOR THEIR SENTENCE. MOST OF THE MEN HAD VERED THEIR FAC WH WHE CLOTH A FUTILE ATTEMPT TO PROTECT THEIR PRIVACY.THE BODI OF THE ‘CAIRO 52’, AS THEY HAD BEEN LLED, BEME A BATTLEGROUND FOR AMICS, TELLECTUALS AND RIGHTS ACTIVISTS TO PROJECT THEIR OWN THEORI ABOUT QUEER LIV THE ARAB WORLD. THE NMNATN AND SHAMG OF THE MEN BEME A WAY TO BRG SOME LEGIMACY TO PRINT MUBARAK’S RPT REGIME. WTERN LGBT ANIZATNS AND HUMAN RIGHTS GROUPS AMED THE RAID AS THE ARAB WORLD’S STONEWALL, WH ONE GROUP STAGG A PROTT AT THE EGYPTIAN EMBASSY PARIS WH SIGNS MANDG THE EGYPTIAN ERNMENT “EE OUR LOVERS”. MEANWHILE, ANTI-IMPERIALIST CRICS LIKE JOSEPH MASSAD ARGUED THAT WASN’T THE SAME-SEX SEXUAL PRACTIC THE EGYPTIAN ERNMENT WAS ATTACKG, BUT RATHER “THE SOC-POLIL INTIFITN OF THE PRACTIC WH THE WTERN INTY OF GAYNS.” AFTER ALL, HE SAID, THE MEN DID NOT INTIFY AS ‘GAY’. IN FACT, THEY SPERATELY HID THEIR FAC. “THE ARE HARDLY MANIFTATNS OF GAY PRI OR GAY LIBERATN,” HE ARGUED.THE 52 MEN, THEIR FAC VERED WHE CLOTH, WERE FURTHER OBSCURED AS THEIR LIV BEME POLIL SRG RDS: FOR THORARIAN REGIM, ISLAMISTS, WTERN HUMAN RIGHTS GROUPS AND ANTI-IMPERIALIST AMICS.***WHO OWNS QUEER ARAB BODI?WHEN ISIS THREW TWO MEN OFF A TOWER LAST YEAR AS PUNISHMENT FOR BEG GAY, WTERN MEDIA FUELLED TERNATNAL OUTRAGE AGAST THE TERRORIST ANISATN. BUT AMONG GAY IENDS THE MIDDLE EAST, THE CINT HAD NOTHG TO DO WH THEM. “ISIS DID NOT KILL THOSE GUYS AS A MSAGE TO ,” A GAY IEND TOLD ME AS WE DRANK G AND SLIM-LE TONICS A BAR BEIT, LS THAN 90 OM HOMS, WHERE THE CINT TOOK PLACE. “THE MSAGE WAS MEANT FOR THE WT: ISIS WANTED TO SHOW THAT THEY STOOD AGAST EVERYTHG THE WT BELIEVED .”IN OTHER WORDS, ISIS’S MSAGE WAS THE POLIL EQUIVALENT OF “COME AT ME, BRO.” QUEER BODI FLUNG OFF A TOWER ARE A FOOTNOTE A LARGER POLIL AND ARY BRO-DOWN.WHEN I FIRST READ ABOUT THE CINT, I WANTED TO KNOW HOW THE MEN WERE UGHT. WAS JT A VIC LIE SPREAD BY SOMEONE WH A PERSONAL VENTTA? WERE THOSE MEN A RELATNSHIP WH EACH OTHER? WERE THEY LOVE, AND IF SO, DID THEY HAVE ANY DREAMS? OR WAS JT A QUICKIE A DARK ALLEYWAY? I WANTED TO KNOW MORE. BUT AS I OPENED MY BROWSER, I BEGAN TO WORRY THAT, GIVEN MY ARAB BACKGROUND, PERHAPS SEARCHG ABOUT ‘ISIS’ AND ‘SYRIA’ MAY FLAG ME UP TO SOME WTERN TELLIGENCE OFFICERS AS A TERRORIST THREAT, AND I ALREADY HAD ENOUGH TROUBLE TRAVELG ACROSS BORRS AS WAS. MAYBE ’S BETTER NOT TO KNOW, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF AS I CLOSED THE BROWSER.LATER THAT WEEK, THE SAME LEBANE IEND LOOKED UP OM HIS PHONE AND SAID TO ME: “THE ONE GOOD THG ABOUT HAVG SO MANY SYRIAN REFUGE LEBANON IS THAT YOU N FD SOME GEO SYRIAN RTS ON GRDR.”HE WAS CHATTG TO ONE AS HE SAID THIS. HE VED THE MAN OVER LATER THAT EVENG.THE SYRIAN MAN ARRIVED. THEY CHATTED FOR A WHILE. THE SYRIAN MAN EXPLAED HOW HE HAD PED SYRIA AND WAS TRYG TO MAKE SOME MONEY TO SUPPORT HIS MOTHER. UPON HEARG THIS STORY, MY IEND’S AROAL DAMPENED, AND AS THE RT WENT FOR A KISS, MY IEND PULLED BACK.“NO,” MY IEND SAID. “I’M SORRY I N’T DO THIS.”“PLEASE KISS ME,” THE SYRIAN SAID. “YOU THK I’M A BAD PERSON, I KNOW .”“NO, I DON’T,” MY IEND SAID. HE PUT $100 THE MAN’S HANDS. “PLEASE TAKE THIS AND GO.”“I DON’T WANT THE MONEY,” THE SYRIAN MAN SAID, BURSTG TO TEARS. “I WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU. BUT NOW YOU THK I’M A BAD PERSON.”ISIS KILLS GAY PEOPLE. ASSAD CREAT GAY REFUGE.***IN 2012, 36 MEN WERE ARRTED A CEMA BOURJ HAMMOUD, A NEIGHBOURHOOD BEIT. CEMA PLAZA WAS A NOTOR CISG SPOT FOR GAY MEN. THE RAID HAPPENED AFTER A SIAR CEMA TRIPOLI, A WORKG CLASS CY NORTHERN LEBANON, WAS EXPOSED A LEBANE TELEVISN SHOW LLED ‘INTA HURR’ (‘YOU ARE FREE’). NEHER THE POLICE NOR THE MEDIA PAID ANY ATTENTN TO THE MULTU OF GAY BARS THE MORE UPSLE NEIGHBOURHOODS OF BEIT.IN RPONSE TO THE RAIDS, LEBANE GAY ACTIVISTS RELEASED PICTUR OF THE HOST OF THE TV PROGRAMME PARTYG A GAY NIGHTCLUB MYKONOS. THE HOST SHOT BACK, SAYG THAT HIS PRIVACY WAS VAD. IN A STATEMENT RELEASED BY THE TELEVISN STATN THAT AIRED THE SHOW, THE HOST CLAIMED THAT HE “WILL NOT APOLOGISE [FOR EXPOSG THE CEMAS], BEE THE BREACH OF PUBLIC MORALY IS ONE THG, AND SEXUAL EEDOM IS SOMETHG ELSE.”THE MSAGE WAS CLEAR: PRIVACY IS A LUXURY THAT IS ONLY AFFORD TO THOSE WHO N PAY FOR . IF YOU HAVE MONEY YOU N BUY YOURSELF A GAY INTY MYKONOS. IF NOT, THEN HEAD TO A NDOWN CEMA AND HOPE FOR THE BT.***WHO OWNS QUEER ARAB BODI? IS THE THORARIAN REGIM WHO TRAMPLE ON QUEER BODI FOR MORAL LEGIMACY, THE JIHADISTS WHO BURNISH THEIR RELIG CRENTIALS BY TOSSG THE BODI OFF THE HIGHT TOWERS, THE WTERN HUMAN RIGHTS GROUPS WHO ENFORCE THEIR OWN NARRATIV TO ‘SAVE’ THE BODI, THE ANTI-IMPERIALIST AMICS WHO ARGUE THAT THE BODI ARE NAIVELY ADOPTG LONIALIST DISURS, THE NEONSERVATIV WHO SHAKE AD QUEER BODI ONT OF THEIR NSTUENTS TO JTIFY WARS AND OCCUPATNS, OR THE RICH WHO DICTATE THE LE BETWEEN SEXUAL EEDOM AND PUBLIC MORALY?AS A QUEER PERSON THE ARAB WORLD, EVERYWHERE YOU TURN SOMEONE WANTS TO E YOUR BODY, YOUR STORY, OR YOUR LIFE FOR THEIR OWN PURPOS.***IN ONE SCENE MY NOVEL, RASA—A YOUNG GAY ARAB— OUT TO HIS LLEGE IEND AMERI. SHE RPONDS BY ASKG IF HE IS AT RISK OF BEG KILLED IF HE RETURNS TO THE MIDDLE EAST.“I DON’T THK SO,” RASA REPLI. HE PS FOR A MOMENT BEFORE ADDG, “LISTEN, PEOPLE DON’T JT KILL EACH OTHER LIKE YOU HEAR ON TV.”A FEW MONTHS AFTER MY BOYIEND BROKE UP WH ME, I CID TO MOVE TO EUROPE.I DID NOT LEAVE THE MIDDLE EAST BEE ANYONE WAS GOG TO KILL ME.I LEFT BEE I WANTED A WTERN PASSPORT THAT WOULD ALLOW ME TO TRAVEL WHOUT HAVG TO BOOK VISA APPOTMENTS MONTHS ADVANCE, WHOUT HAVG TO PREPARE E STATEMENTS AND LETTERS OM EMPLOYERS AND HOTEL BOOKGS AND RETURN TICKETS. I LEFT BEE I WANTED A PASSPORT THAT WOULD GIVE ME PROTECTN, A PASSPORT THAT WOULD RAISE THE VALUE OF MY LIFE THE GLOBAL HIERARCHY.I LEFT BEE I FELT THAT THE REGN WAS KNEE-EP TRATN AND HOPELSNS, THAT THGS WERE GOG TO LLAPSE, AND THAT WH MY ARAB PASSPORT I WOULD HAVE NOWHERE TO GO. I LEFT BEE I KNEW ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT THE WORLD DO NOT RE ABOUT ARAB AND MLIM BODI WASHG UP ON THE SHOR OF THE MEDERRANEAN.I LEFT BEE I WAS TIRED OF FDG WAYS TO JTIFY WHY I HAD TO KEEP MY GAY INTY HIDN, AND I FELT THAT MY SEXUALY WAS BEG YET ANOTHER WEAPON THAT ULD BE ED AGAST ME: IF SOMEONE VELOPED A PERSONAL VENTTA AGAST ME; IF I SPOKE OUT OF LE; IF I ENGAGED THE WRONG KD OF POLICS; IF I WAS NOT A GOOD CIZEN WHO SHUT UP AND TOOK . I LEFT BEE MY SEXUALY HAD BEE YET ANOTHER KNIFE HELD AGAST MY THROAT.HERE ARE OTHER KNIV HELD AGAST PEOPLE’S THROATS: BEG A REFUGEE ON A BOAT THE MEDERRANEAN. BEG A BLACK MAN THE U.S. BEG A PALTIAN ISRAEL. BEG A WOMAN PRETTY MUCH ANYWHERE.TWENTY YEARS AFTER I FIRST SAW SHERIHAN DANCG ON TV, I ME ACROSS A YOUTUBE VIO OF HER LEADG THE CROWDS A CHANT TAHRIR SQUARE 2011. MY DRAG MOTHER HAD JOED THE REVOLUTN FOR EEDOM AND DIGNY. WATCHG THIS WHILE STG LONDON, I ULDN’T HELP BUT SE. WE HAD E FULL-CIRCLE, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, NAIVELY ASSUMG THAT THE WORST OF THE VLENCE WAS OVER. LISTEN, PEOPLE DON’T JT KILL EACH OTHER LIKE YOU HEAR ON TV. I DIDN’T LEAVE THE MIDDLE EAST BEE I FEARED FOR MY LIFE. I LEFT BEE I WAS PG ANOTHER SORT OF ATH.***THE TTH IS, I ALMOST DIDN’T WRE MY NOVEL.I ALMOST DIDN’T WRE MY NOVEL BEE, WHENEVER I OPENED THE MICROSOFT WORD DOCUMENT, I THOUGHT OF MY PARENTS, AND THE SHAME MY FATHER WOULD FEEL AS HIS SON EXPOSED HIMSELF SO OPENLY.I ALMOST DIDN’T WRE MY NOVEL BEE, AS MY FGERS HOVERED OVER MY ENGLISH LANGUAGE KEYBOARD, MY THOUGHTS TURNED TO VAR ARTICL, OPN PIEC AND BOOKS WRTEN BY SOME ARABS AND MLIMS WTERN MEDIA; PIEC THAT DULGED NARRATIV OF OPPRSN AND TALKED ABOUT THE NEED FOR SEXUAL LIBERATN THE ARAB WORLD; STORI THAT PANRED TO ORIENTALIST FANTASI AND ISLAMOPHOBIC STEREOTYP. THE SAME FANTASI AND STEREOTYP THAT GET ME TAED AND TERROGATED EVERY TIME I PASS THROUGH AN AMERIN AIRPORT. THE SAME FANTASI AND STEREOTYP THAT JTIFY CLOSG BORRS TO REFUGE FLEEG WAR ZON. THE SAME FANTASI AND STEREOTYP THAT HELP WTERN CIZENS SLEEP EASY AT NIGHT AS THEIR ERNMENTS DROP BOMBS ON YEMEN, AFGHANISTAN, PAKISTAN, SYRIA, PALTE AND IRAQ. I ALMOST DIDN’T WRE MY NOVEL BEE I FEARED THAT WRG WOULD MAKE MORE DIFFICULT TO GO BACK TO THE ARAB WORLD, THE PLACE I LL HOME AND THAT I LOVE ABOVE ALL ELSE.BUT NOT TO HAVE WRTEN MY NOVEL WOULD BE TO ADM FEAT TO ALL OF THE FORC. AND WHILE THE NOVEL REMAS ONLY ONE STORY AMONG THOANDS OF OTHER QUEER ARAB STORI WAG TO BE TOLD, THE END, THE ONLY STORY EACH OF N TELL—THE ONLY BODY WE OWN—IS OUR OWN.SALEEM HADDAD IS THE THOR OF THE NEW NOVEL GUAPA PUBLISHED THIS SPRG BY OTHER PRS. SALEEM HADDAD

Wh so much do see and do, Mt is bt seen by tour b, allowg you to hop off at untls mms, the Sultan’s Palace and the Mutrah Corniche wateront, before venturg further afield on day trips to the beach and turtle-filled lagoons for divg and of the slightly more tolerant untri the regn, Oman is said to have once had s own gay sultan – Sultan Qaboos b Said al Said – although the state prs is quick to ny this as a pric mour! Neverthels, the unofficial gossip is that the former sultan leads a lavish gay liftyle wh his palace, divorced om his wife and enjoyg the ocsnal English lover. Much the way of the Sultan, gay life here is to be led unrground, due to the heavy penalti for homosexualy.

In realy, the laws are rarely upheld except high-profile s, however, and gay Oman remas a perfectly safe place to | Photo: Katera KerdiPetra, particular, is the crowng glory of Jordan, protected wh sandstone cliffs and offerg an unrivalled llectn of monuments, cludg the fg Siq to the Treasury on an ethereal sert se of red rock and dun known as Wadi Rum2. Now you, avid explorer of gay Arab worlds, get to see the antiqui all their majty, movg om Roman Amphheatre to Csar stle wh a samplg of early Christian art along the way. Jordan crimalised homophobia as early as 1951 and while there remas social stigma and ‘public moraly’ laws that hr LGBTQ+ eedoms, gay Jordan gas tractn thanks to s unrground gay muny (most active on Grdr!

) and annual events such as the Internatnal Day Agast Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia. Gay Bahra legalised homosexualy 1976 though this means ltle as an LGBTQ crackdown is still force targetg those that supposedly vlate “public cency”, as Jordan.