What to Do When Your Child Says: "I'm Gay" | Psychology Today

Contents:

• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• THE DIGAL SEX LIV OF YOUNG GAY TEENAGERS
• MY TEEN SON SAYS HE'S GAY
• GAY TT FOR BOYS AG 12 TO 16
• GAY TT FOR MAL AG 12-16
• A 16-YEAR-OLD WENT TO A GAY BAR WH A FAKE I.D. AND THGS COULD’VE END TERRIBLY IF NOT FOR THIS DRAG QUEEN
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• GAY KIDS COMG OUT YOUNGER, BUT PARENTS ASK "HOW DO YOU KNOW?"

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

Both lbians and gay men often have a history of cross-sex-typed behavrs: ltle boys beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg.

Prehomosexual boys tend to be more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer. Children who show pronounced sex-atypil behavrs may have more of a geic loadg to their homosexualy. The behavral patterns are feared, loathed and often spoken of directly as harbgers of adult homosexualy.

THE DIGAL SEX LIV OF YOUNG GAY TEENAGERS

It is only relatively recently, however, that velopmental scientists have nducted ntrolled studi to intify the earlit and most reliable signs of adult homosexualy. In lookg refully at the childhoods of gay adults, rearchers are fdg an trigug set of behavral ditors that homosexuals seem to have mon.

Curly enough, the age-old homophobic fears of many parents reflect some genue predictive currency.

MY TEEN SON SAYS HE'S GAY

Zucker, both psychologists, published a semal paper on childhood markers of homosexualy 1995. So on the basis of some earlier, shakier rearch, along wh a good dose of mon sense, Bailey and Zucker hypothized that homosexuals would show an verted pattern of sex-typed childhood behavrs—ltle boys preferrg girls as playmat and beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls strangely enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg—that sort of thg.

GAY TT FOR BOYS AG 12 TO 16

Given that a small proportn of the populatn is homosexual, prospective studi require a large number of children. Although only 12 percent of the women grew up to be genr dysphoric (the unfortable sense that your blogil sex do not match your genr), the odds of the women reportg a bisexual or homosexual orientatn were up to 23 tim higher than would occur a general sample of young women.

GAY TT FOR MAL AG 12-16

And the same holds for gay men.

A 16-YEAR-OLD WENT TO A GAY BAR WH A FAKE I.D. AND THGS COULD’VE END TERRIBLY IF NOT FOR THIS DRAG QUEEN

Bailey and Zucker, who nducted a retrospective study which adults answered qutns about their past, revealed that 89 percent of randomly sampled gay men relled cross-sex-typed childhood behavrs exceedg the heterosexual median. The thors found that “those targets who, as adults, intified themselv as homosexual were judged to be genr nonnformg as children. There is also evince of a “dosage effect”: the more genr-nonnformg characteristics there are childhood, the more likely is that a homosexual or bisexual orientatn will be prent adulthood.

Not all ltle boys who like to wear drs grow up to be gay, nor do all ltle girls who spise drs bee lbians. I took to middle school wrtlg as a rather scrawny 80-pound eighth grar, and so dog, ironilly beme all too nsc of my homosexual orientatn.

Cross-cultural data show that prehomosexual boys are more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer; they are also ls likely to be childhood bulli. Rearchers readily nce that there are que likely multiple—and no doubt extremely plited—velopmental rout to adult homosexualy.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

Bee the data often reveal very early emergg tras prehomosexuals, children who show pronounced sex-atypil behavrs may have more of a geic loadg to their homosexualy, whereas gay adults who were sex-typil as children might trace their homosexualy more directly to particular childhood experienc.

Why do parents worry so much about whether their child may or may not be gay?

GAY KIDS COMG OUT YOUNGER, BUT PARENTS ASK "HOW DO YOU KNOW?"

All else beg equal, I spect we would be hard-prsed to fd parents who would actually prefer their offsprg to be homosexual. Evolutnarily, parental homophobia is a no-braer: gay sons and lbian dghters are not likely to reproduce (unls they get creative).