The Washgton Post</tle><path d="M39.2 32v36.6c4.7-2.8 7-6.8 8.7-12.1l1.2.6c-1.1 13.2-10.3 26-24.3 26S0 72.6 0 55.8C0 43 7.7 35.1 18.7 28.2a16.11 16.11 0 00-4.4-.6c-7.2 0-11.4 4.9-11.4 9.9H1.5a14.77 14.77 0 01-.1-2.1c0-9.3 5.5-19.7 16.9-19.7 7.3 0 12.9 6.7 21.4 6.7 4.3 0 6.7-1.6 8.4-5.3h1.2c-.1 6.5-2 12.8-10.1 14.9zm-19-3.3C15.1 34 10.1 39.6 10.1 50.9c0 6.2 1.9 12.4 6.6 16.4l3.1-1.7V40.3L16.6 42l-1-1.6 15-8.4c-3.8-.8-6.9-2.3-10.4-3.3zm17.1 3.7a17 17 0 01-2.3.1 17.52 17.52 0 01-4-.4v29.5l-12.8 7a15.57 15.57 0 009.9 3 22.58 22.58 0 009.2-2zm44 9.2v34.3c0 9.6-8.51 16.11-18 18l-.6-1c4.7-2.3 7.8-6.41 7.8-11.41V45.7l-4.9-4.5-2.6 2.6v27.1l3 2.8v.4l-8.1 8.61-9.3-8.51v-.4l3.6-3.8V25.8l10.6-11.3.2.1v26.6l8.7-9.2 8.7 7.9 2.7-2.6 1.31 1.3zM97.91 62v4.5l9 7.1 7-7.3 1.3 1.3L101 82.8 88.21 72.6l-2.8 2.8-1.2-1.3 3.1-3.2V45.8l18.9-13.8 10.5 16.3zm.2-22.6l-.2.1v20.1l8.7-6.4zM180 82.71l-13.9-12-10.6 12-14.4-12.41V50.7h-2.8a3.89 3.89 0 00-4.1 3.5h-1a15.87 15.87 0 01-.5-3.8c0-2.6 1.1-9.4 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love</span></h1></div><div class="flex prt-byle prt-mt-none"><div class="byle-wrapper flex-lumn flex"><div class="PJLV PJLV-ihSmMVC-css"><div class="PJLV PJLV-iPJLV-css mb-xxs overriStyl" style="gap:0.5rem" data-qa="thor-byle"><span class="wpds-c-PJLV"><div class="flex ems-center" data-qa="thor-byle"><div class="mr-sm flex lh-0"><div class="wpds-c-iTcer"><img src=" alt="" class="wpds-c-dgBqAZ"/></div></div><span class="left"><div class="flex"><div class="dib font-xxs mb-xxs" data-qa="name-wh-optnal-lk" data-cy="name-wh-optnal-lk"><span data-qa="attributn-text" class="wpds-c-cNdzuP">Perspective by <!-- --> </span><span data-qa="thor-name" rel="thor" class="wpds-c-cNdzuP wpds-c-cNdzuP-cIdiJW-isLk-false">Jamal Jordan</span></div></div><span class="wpds-c-ewNrgJ thor-scriptn" data-qa="thor-scriptn">Author and photographer</span></span></div></span></div></div><div data-ttid="timtamp" class="wpds-c-kgabfe wpds-c-kgabfe-ieEDlgV-css"><span data-ttid="display-date" class="wpds-c-iKQyrV">September 24, 2021 at 6:00 a.m. EDT</span></div></div></div></hear></div><article class="grid-article mb-xxl-ns" data-qa="ma"><div data-ttid="le-art" data-qa="le-art" class=""><figure class="overflow-hidn relative hi-for-prt center center mb-sm mb-md-ns ml-to-ns mr-to-ns grid-mobile-full-bleed"><div style="filter:blur(10px);transn:filter .1s;le-height:0" class="w-100 mw-100 h-to" width="600" height="441"><img style="background-size:ver;max-width:1600px;background-image:url('data:image/svg+xml;charset=utf-8,%3Csvg xmlns='http%3A//; xmlns%3Axlk='http%3A//; viewBox='0 0 1280 853'%3E%3Cfilter id='b' lor-terpolatn-filters='sRGB'%3E%3CfeGssianBlur stdDeviatn='.5'%3E%3C/feGssianBlur%3E%3CfeComponentTransfer%3E%3CfeFuncA type='discrete' tableValu='1 1'%3E%3C/feFuncA%3E%3C/feComponentTransfer%3E%3C/filter%3E%3Cimage filter='url(%23b)' x='0' y='0' height='100%25' width='100%25' xlk%3Ahref='data%3Aimage/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAAAkAAAAGCAIAAACepSOSAAAACXBIWXMAAC4jAAAuIwF4pT92AAAAs0lEQVQI1wGoAFf/AImSoJSer5yjs52ktp2luJuluKOpuJefsoCNowB+kKaOm66grL+krsCnsMGrt8m1u8mzt8OVoLIAhJqzjZ2tnLLLnLHJp7fNmpyjqbPCqLrRjqO7AIeUn5ultaWtt56msaSnroZyY4mBgLq7wY6TmwCRfk2Pf1uzm2WulV+xmV6rmGyQfFm3nWSBcEIAfm46jX1FkH5Djn5AmodGo49MopBLlIRBfG8yj/dfjF5TUAAAAASUVORK5CYII='%3E%3C/image%3E%3C/svg%3E')" alt="" class="w-100 mw-100 h-to" width="600" height="441" srcSet=" 400w, 540w, 691w, 767w, 916w, 1200w" siz="(max-width: 440px) 440px,(max-width: 600px) 691px,(max-width: 768px) 691px,(m-width: 769px) and (max-width: 1023px) 960px,(m-width: 1024px) and (max-width: 1299px) 530px,(m-width: 1300px) and (max-width: 1439px) 691px,(m-width: 1440px) 916px,440px" dg="async"/></div><figptn class="ml-gutter mr-gutter mr-to-ns ml-to-ns font--subhead font-xxxs mt-xs left gray-dark">Mike Petross, left, and Phil Pugh hold hands outsi of their home Detro on June 22. (Jamal Jordan/For The Washgton Post)</figptn></figure></div><div class="grid-body"><div class="wpds-c-PJLV wpds-c-PJLV-hSmMVC-isLive-false"><div class="wpds-c-jUMcim wpds-c-jUMcim-ibVGacg-css hi-for-prt mb-sm"><div class="PJLV PJLV-ieDMgMI-css flex ems-center" nfig="[object Object]" data-qa="article-actns"><div class="wpds-c-mfMEg"><div class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-hnjNCH wpds-c-kSOqLF-bywHgD-variant-primary wpds-c-kSOqLF-biynoz-nsy-pact wpds-c-kSOqLF-hZSyid-isOutle-te wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-in-left wpds-c-kSOqLF-futx-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-eNNUQD-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-jGqLyO-cv"><div id="gift-share" data-ttid="gift-share" class="PJLV PJLV-ieGzigK-css hi-for-prt"><button aria-haspopup="dialog" aria-expand="false" aria-ntrols="gift-share-drawer" role="button" tabx="0" aria-label="Share this article" id="gift-share-drawer-ntrol" data-ttid="gift-share-drawer-ntrol" class="wpds-c-PJLV wpds-c-gsmDXe wpds-c-gsmDXe-dTGBTO-placement-ActnBar foc-highlight"><svg xmlns=" fill="currentColor" viewBox="0 0 16 16" class="wpds-c-fBqPWp wpds-c-fBqPWp-idCxsxc-css " aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img"><path fill="currentColor" d="M8 .6v3.8h.1c-4.4 0-7.3 4.5-6.9 8.8.1.8.2 1.2.2 1.2l.2 1 .4-1.3c.8-2 2-4 6.2-3.9H8v4l7-6.9L8 .6Zm1 11.3V9.3h-.9c-3 0-4.8.5-6.2 2.9.5-3.3 2.7-6.8 6.2-6.8H9V3l4.5 4.4L9 11.9Z"></path></svg></button></div><span aria-hidn="te" class="wpds-c-fBEbFG">Share</span></div></div><div class="wpds-c-mfMEg"><div class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-hnjNCH wpds-c-kSOqLF-bywHgD-variant-primary wpds-c-kSOqLF-biynoz-nsy-pact wpds-c-kSOqLF-hZSyid-isOutle-te wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-in-left wpds-c-kSOqLF-futx-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-eNNUQD-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-jGqLyO-cv"><button aria-label="Comment" class="wpds-c-gPbxFP"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 16 16" fill="var(--wpds-lors-primary)" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img" class="wpds-c-kKAfCG wpds-c-efqEZa flex ems-center jtify-center brad-lg poter transn-400 ease--out transn-lors" aria-label="Comment on this story"><tle>Comment on this story</tle><path d="M14 14V2H2v9.47h8.18L12.43 13ZM3 10.52V3h10v9.23l-2.5-1.66Z"></path></svg></button><span aria-hidn="te" class="wpds-c-fBEbFG">Comment</span><span class="wpds-c-fOvfhP wpds-c-fOvfhP-kshkDy-isCommentType-te none" aria-hidn="te"><span class="ment-unt font-xxxxs sc-ral-unt"><span></span></span></span></div></div></div></div></div><div class="teaser-ntent grid-center"><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><a href="><i>About US</i></a><i> is a fom to explore issu of race and inty the Uned Stat. </i><a href="><i>Sign up for the newsletter</i></a><i>.</i></p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">The ia of growg old as a gay man ed to terrify me. I simply had no ncept of what longevy looked like for gay Black men.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="db dn-ns mr-neg-gutter ml-neg-gutter mb-md hi-for-prt" data-qa="subscribe-promo"><div data-orientatn="horizontal" role="separator" class="wpds-c-dbVHzF wpds-c-dbVHzF-hDkAcj-variant-flt"></div><a class="pt-sm pb-sm flex ems-center bold font-xxxs font-xxs-ns jtify-center" href=" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" style="lor:#166dfc;borr:none"><svg class="ntent-box" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" xmlns=" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img"><tle>Wp</tle><path d="M11.055 8.728l-1.018-1.019-.782.782v6.292l1.782 1.564.018-.019v-7.6zm-4.11.236L5.674 7.71l-.836.855v6.237l1.545 1.327.564-.636V8.964zm2.656 9.074l-2.528-2.182-1.927 2.182-2.619-2.255v-3.564h-.509c-.454 0-.672.273-.745.636H1.09a2.89 2.89 0 0 1-.091-.69c0-.473.2-1.71 1.527-1.71V7.691c0-1.073-.709-1.127-.709-2.054 0-1.037.982-2 2.782-2.637l.164.145c-.6.291-1.09.655-1.09 1.437 0 1.2 1.163.89 1.163 2.782v.727l2.127-2.236 2.237 2.2 2.109-2.2 2.036 2v6.728l-3.745 3.455zm11.108-9.625l-1.073-.982-.964 1.018v6.6c.855.11 1.491.4 2.019.964l.018-.018V8.413zm-2.382.418l-.528.545v10.237l.528.492V8.83zm1.49 9.055c-.308-.382-.69-.709-1.145-.836v3.782l-.036.018-1-.927-2.11 1.945-.036-.018V16.96c-.636.145-1.327.545-1.854 1.2l-.146-.091c.127-1.4.818-2.436 2-2.837v-3.545h-.382c-.527 0-.89.363-.963.763h-.219c-.054-.145-.127-.381-.127-.836 0-.891.6-1.564 1.582-1.564h.11V8.085l-.655-.582-.51.51-.254-.237 2.018-2.073 1.71 1.564V9.05l.527-.564v-2.09h.345v1.727l2.273-2.419L23 7.576v7.91l-3.182 2.4z" fill-le="evenodd"></path></svg><span class="mr-xs ml-xs gray-darkt flex ems-center">Get the full experience.<span class="ml-xs subs-theme blue">Choose your plan</span></span><svg class="ntent-box" width="16" height="16" viewBox="0 0 16 16" xmlns=" style="fill:#166dfc" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img"><tle>ArrowRight</tle><path d="M7.664 1.25l6 6a1 1 0 010 1.414l-6 6L6.25 13.25 10.499 9H2V7h8.585L6.25 2.664 7.664 1.25z" fill-le="nonzero"></path></svg></a><div data-orientatn="horizontal" role="separator" class="wpds-c-dbVHzF wpds-c-dbVHzF-hDkAcj-variant-flt"></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">My fear wasn’t irratnal. A look at statistics pats a bleak image: LGBTQ senrs<a href="> have worse mental and physil health out</a> than their straight and cisgenr unterparts, are more likely to avoid or lay health re, <a href=">have ls money saved for retirement,</a> <a href=">have a harr time fdg (and pay more for) retirement livg and nursg home re</a>, and as a rult of weaker “rmal support works” like iends, livg fay and children, LGBTQ senrs are <a href=">much more likely to suffer om lonels and social isolatn</a>.</p></div></div><div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Wispread reprentatn of lbian, gay — and to a lser extent, bisexual and transgenr — people media have only recently bee anythg near “mastream.” And for much of my life, seemed that olr LGBTQ people <i>didn’t even exist. </i>It was nearly impossible to fd imag of them, pecially olr LGBTQ people of lor, and particularly imag of health, love and joy.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Until I met Mike and Phil.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Phil Pugh and Mike Petross, thrivg at 79 and 75, rpectively, serve as strong mols for younger queer people.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“We jt want to let young gay people know that they n have somethg to look forward to when they get old,” Phil said to me on the send-floor ck of their Amerin Foursquare on Detro’s Wt si, one of the greatt pris of their 50-year relatnship. “We’ve seen so many people kill themselv — wh liquor, wh dgs, wh sex — bee they thought they didn’t have anythg to live for.”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“Here we are!” Mike exclaims, sudnly, between puffs of his jot, “Two old Black queens!”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div data-qa="article-image" class="hi-for-prt"><div style="m-height:358px"></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Phil smirked as he watched Mike llapse his chair, lghg at his own joke, and as we settled to a lm stillns, we began to reunt how much life has changed sce our last nversatn, on this same pat, two years ago.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">I first met Mike and Phil 2019 while reportg my book, “<a href=" target=_blank>Queer Love Color</a>.” We were troduced by Curtis Lipsb, the executive director of LGBT Detro (also featured the book), who, hearg me lament the arth of olr gay men my life, sisted that I meet this uple. He scribed them as “val” to the cy’s gay Black muny, and was easy for me to unrstand why: I spent my teen years Detro. I me out of the closet there. And for so many years, I uld never image myself growg old, beg healthy, love and happy this cy, like Mike and Phil. It would’ve changed my life to meet someone like them when I was younger.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">After our first meetg, I posted <a href=">a snippet of their story and a portra</a> to Twter, where went viral (and still pops up random posts om time to time). Among the tens of thoands of lik and retweets, I was most stck by the ments om younger people, the people who told me that they had never seen a versn of love like this before.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Now, as I’m explag how Twter works and how many lik they got, Phil looks at me tently, somewhat nfed, but beamg: “That’s all I’ve wanted my life,” he says. “We’ve dited our liv to makg sure younger gay Black people know that they n grow old, and that they’ll have somethg to live for.”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div data-qa="article-image" class="hi-for-prt"><div style="m-height:358px"></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">--</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Mike and Phil first met at church — the Shre of the Black Madonna, on Detro’s East Si — on Easter Sunday 1961.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“I wore my hot red pants,” Mike says, lghg mischievoly.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“Y, he did,” Phil nfirmed. “The Lord knew he need help. I was sent as his guardian angel. He was beg too wild, but I’m glad I was there to lm him down.”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div id="gift-share-le" data-ttid="gift-share-le" class="PJLV PJLV-ilotWTr-css hi-for-prt"><button aria-haspopup="dialog" aria-expand="false" aria-ntrols="gift-share-drawer" role="button" tabx="0" aria-label="Share this article" id="gift-share-drawer-ntrol-le" data-ttid="gift-share-drawer-ntrol-le" class="wpds-c-PJLV wpds-c-gsmDXe wpds-c-gsmDXe-goNocI-placement-Inle foc-highlight"><div data-ttid="gift-share-terstial-trigger" class="wpds-c-kPqOkS wpds-c-kPqOkS-jtSXsT-hasSubsText-false"><span class="wpds-c-hBJqc"><span class="wpds-c-dzSncg">Share this article</span></span><span class="wpds-c-eCvK"><span class="wpds-c-enedHQ wpds-c-enedHQ-cCdK-isShown-false">Share</span><svg xmlns=" fill="currentColor" viewBox="0 0 16 16" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img" class="wpds-c-fBqPWp wpds-c-fDHGth"><path fill="currentColor" d="M8 .6v3.8h.1c-4.4 0-7.3 4.5-6.9 8.8.1.8.2 1.2.2 1.2l.2 1 .4-1.3c.8-2 2-4 6.2-3.9H8v4l7-6.9L8 .6Zm1 11.3V9.3h-.9c-3 0-4.8.5-6.2 2.9.5-3.3 2.7-6.8 6.2-6.8H9V3l4.5 4.4L9 11.9Z"></path></svg></span></div></button></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">It was, for both of them, the first day wh a new ngregatn. Mike had recently moved to the cy and was lookg for muny. Phil had lived Detro all his life and was gog to church bee he loved and always had. Before that day, however, their liv uld not have been more different.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“First of all, I’ve been out my whole life,” Phil says, reuntg his upbrgg. He had a gay uncle that his entire fay “held up on a pestal,” so he knew om a young age that beg gay was accepted his fay. “The few tim anyone ever ma fun of me, rarely impacted me, bee beg gay was affirmed by the people my life who meant the most to me.”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">In high school, his bt iend was a football player and drag queen. “He uld n through you like nothg,” Phil says. So he didn’t enunter too much trouble his teenage years. “People gave me s---, but people will always give you s---. What I learned, om a very early age, is that you have to be strong who you are, what you are and what you thk you want to be.”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div data-qa="article-image" class="hi-for-prt"><div style="m-height:358px"></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Mike let out a sigh, and for the first time sce I’d met him, he wasn’t sg. He don’t want to spend too much time on his backstory and offers me only the followg: “I grew up Flt, Michigan, a homophobic cy, was reprsed. Then I moved to Detro ’61, and I was heaven ... I loved .”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">On that Easter morng 1961, Mike was 21 and livg his grandmother’s hoe, while Phil was 25 and the last days of a 10-year relatnship. (Phil was not clear about why this relatnship end, but Mike took this as an opportuny to suggt, “the red pants? They worked.”)</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Soon after meetg, they moved together.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">The next was a whirlwd. Bored wh his admistrative job at the Chrysler Foundatn, a particularly chy gig for a Black man 1960s Detro, Phil cid to qu. Wh their newfound eedom, they eventually end up rentg a farmhoe. “Eighty-five acr of land,” Mike rells. “Nety dollars a month. And we stayed there for 10 years.”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">On my send vis to their home, Mike led me to a woon cht their basement, and pulled out multiple photo albums filled wh Polaroids om that time on the farm. Later, over a dner of spaghetti, ied tfish and red we, the pair walked me through pag and pag of imag featurg their fay and iends, the Ao-crowned and bell-bottom-clad visors to what they lled their “sanctuary outsi of Detro.” Their on the farm, livg on unemployment surance, and then later their e om odd jobs, cemented a muny-buildg drive the men that never went away.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">I asked the men about the bt tim of their liv, and, whout psg, Mike exclaimed: “We ed to own a bs!” Through the ’70s and ’80s, the uple owned a “New Amerin-style” rtrant lled the Oakland Exprs — and for a while, an adjacent antique shop — Detro.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div data-qa="article-image" class="hi-for-prt"><div style="m-height:358px"></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“We were a bougie rtrant the middle of the hood,” Phil rells, crackg up at the ntrastg image. “But we lasted for 10 years.”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Wh Phil as the chef and Mike as the host/waer/people person, they tried to make their rtrant feel like a neighborhood hub. The tablishment soon beme a popular spot for churchgoers, who wanted to hang out a welg space that wasn’t a bar.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">There is one set of patrons, however, whose memory hnts the uple to this day: In the weeks after they first went to bs the 1980s, a group of eight gay teenagers me to the rtrant every Sunday. But after a while the iends eventually stopped showg up. Months later, Phil ran to one of the young men while grocery shoppg and disvered why. “They went to one particular church Detro and one day the mister had sgled that group out,” he says. “He talked about them so badly the church, sayg horrible thgs about homosexualy. One of them end up mtg suici two weeks later.”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">The group of iends started to drift apart soon after.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">This moment provid a lson that has bee a guidg prciple for Mike and Phil as they’ve settled to old age: “More of olr gays need to talk to younger people like you,” Phil tells me. “There’s no one around to teach about love. To teach about health. To offer support. We need to do that for each other.”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Settled to retirement, the gentlemen dite much of their time to volunteerg, workg wh anizatns like <a href=">LGBT Detro</a> to help build a more equable future for young queer Black people the cy. And, as their neighborhood rapidly chang around them, they ntue to pour love to their home, still obssg over the layout of the wicker furnure set on the ck, or the ntrast of a bright red wall and a tufted, cream-lored len sofa their sun room.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">It’s been years sce I first ma photos wh Mike and Phil, but I still revis my early imag of them om time to time, an artifact om the day that I met my first olr gay Black uple. The power of media to shape how we view ourselv and what is possible for our future is well-studied and documented, but I still feel an explible joy, a profound sense of relief, to be able to s wh Mike and Phil, watchg them love and support each other after 50 years, and thk, <i>One day, that uld be me.</i></p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div data-qa="article-image" class="hi-for-prt"><div style="m-height:358px"></div></div></div><div class="wpds-c-jkoBlc wpds-c-jkoBlc-leHWbT-removeAllStyl-te"><div class="wpds-c-dhzjXW wpds-c-dhzjXW-iPJLV-css overriStyl mt-md tt"><div id="gift-share-end" data-ttid="gift-share-end" class="PJLV PJLV-idiqKOk-css hi-for-prt"><button aria-haspopup="dialog" aria-expand="false" aria-ntrols="gift-share-drawer" role="button" tabx="0" aria-label="Share this article" id="gift-share-drawer-ntrol-end" data-ttid="gift-share-drawer-ntrol-end" class="wpds-c-PJLV wpds-c-gsmDXe wpds-c-gsmDXe-iIVoLq-placement-Shortcut foc-highlight"><div class="wpds-c-UazGY" id="gift-share-shortcut" data-ttid="gift-share-shortcut"><svg xmlns=" fill="var(--wpds-lors-primary)" viewBox="0 0 16 16" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img" class="wpds-c-fVfumU "><path fill="currentColor" d="M8 .6v3.8h.1c-4.4 0-7.3 4.5-6.9 8.8.1.8.2 1.2.2 1.2l.2 1 .4-1.3c.8-2 2-4 6.2-3.9H8v4l7-6.9L8 .6Zm1 11.3V9.3h-.9c-3 0-4.8.5-6.2 2.9.5-3.3 2.7-6.8 6.2-6.8H9V3l4.5 4.4L9 11.9Z"></path></svg><div class="PJLV wpds-c-kwcHlj">Share</div></div></button></div><div class="wpds-c-hcekgi"><div class="mb-lg-mod" data-qa="ments-btn-div"><button aria-label="Scroll to the ments sectn" data-qa="ments-btn" class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-kSOqLF-SQjOY-variant-sendary wpds-c-kSOqLF-eHdizY-nsy-flt wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-in-left wpds-c-kSOqLF-igqYgPb-css ments hi-for-prt"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 16 16" fill="currentColor" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img" class="wpds-c-fBqPWp "><path d="M14 14V2H2v9.47h8.18L12.43 13ZM3 10.52V3h10v9.23l-2.5-1.66Z"></path></svg><span></span> Comments</button></div></div></div><div class="PJLV PJLV-iipsdti-css"><div></div></div><div class="PJLV PJLV-iipsdti-css"><div></div></div><sectn class="PJLV PJLV-icEohIP-css dn-ns hi-for-prt" data-ttid="mostRead" subscriptns-sectn="ntent"><div data-ttid="lazy-most-read-parent" class=""><div style="m-height:800px"></div></div></sectn><div class="PJLV PJLV-ickXkbz-css"><div data-qa="newsletter" class="hi-for-prt relative"><div class="dib w-100"><div><div class="flex jtify-center align self-center center transn-all duratn-400 ease--out" data-qa="sc-newsletter-signup" aria-label=""><svg aria-labelledby="react-aria-1-aria" role="img" viewBox="0 0 100 80"><tle id="react-aria-1-aria">Loadg...

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