How to Talk to Your Son About Beg Gay - Advice for Men om Dave Holm

Contents:

• PARENT SPECTS THAT CHILD MIGHT BE GAY
• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY
• EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAYTIMOFDIATHE DIFFICULT JOURNEYUNRSTANDG, ACKNOWLEDGG, AND SHARG ONE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN WH THE WORLD, IS EASY FOR SOME, WHILE FOR OTHERS THE JOURNEY IS LONG AND DIFFICULT.GETTY-IMAGCOMG OUT ISN'T EASYGAY YOUTH OFTEN FACE THEIR SET OF CHALLENG AFTER G OUT ABOUT THEIR GENR PREFERENC.GETTY-IMAGTHE ROLE OF PARENTSAS PARENTS, ALL YOU N DO IS PROVI THEM WH LOVE AND SUPPORT. THIS N START OM AN EARLY AGE IF YOU N INTIFY THE SIGNS OF YOUR CHILD'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN.GETTY-IMAG​DRSG UPIT MAY SEEM STEREOTYPIL, BUT SOME REARCH SUGGTS THAT KIDS SHOW THEIR CLATN BY THE WAY THEY DRS UP. GETTY-IMAG​SPEECHAS PER A STUDY, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE SPEECH OF KIDS WHO ARE CLED TOWARDS THE SAME SEX. THE CHANGE THE TONE N EASILY BE TECTED EVEN WHEN THEY ARE FIVE YEARS OLD. GETTY-IMAG​TOYS PREFERENCEWHEN ROLE-PLAYG, IF A BOY OFTEN TAK THE FEME ROLE OR THE GIRL LIK TO PLAY ROUGH GAM, THEN YOU NEED TO PAY A LTLE ATTENTN. GETTY-IMAGYOU MAY ALSO LIKECOVID: WAYS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR KID'S IMM...
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR KID IS GAY
• IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• PARENTG A GAY CHILD
• HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOUR CHILD IS GAY, LBIAN OR BISEXUAL
• MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?

PARENT SPECTS THAT CHILD MIGHT BE GAY

The word is often ed to scribe a ame of md when a person se homosexualy as a primary intifyg characteristic (ually acpanied by acceptance of homosexualy as beg normal and moral).

As I relayed When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterlg, 2016), I found out that my son was gay om a note wh our son's name entwed wh another boy's, surround by a heart. Acrdg to my -thor, psychiatrist Jonathan Tobk, "Gay children feel credibly vulnerable when g out to their parents, and tak time to work up the urage to do this. Both lbians and gay men often have a history of cross-sex-typed behavrs: ltle boys beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg.

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

Prehomosexual boys tend to be more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer. It is only relatively recently, however, that velopmental scientists have nducted ntrolled studi to intify the earlit and most reliable signs of adult homosexualy. In lookg refully at the childhoods of gay adults, rearchers are fdg an trigug set of behavral ditors that homosexuals seem to have mon.

So on the basis of some earlier, shakier rearch, along wh a good dose of mon sense, Bailey and Zucker hypothized that homosexuals would show an verted pattern of sex-typed childhood behavrs—ltle boys preferrg girls as playmat and beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls strangely enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg—that sort of thg.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY

Although only 12 percent of the women grew up to be genr dysphoric (the unfortable sense that your blogil sex do not match your genr), the odds of the women reportg a bisexual or homosexual orientatn were up to 23 tim higher than would occur a general sample of young women. Bailey and Zucker, who nducted a retrospective study which adults answered qutns about their past, revealed that 89 percent of randomly sampled gay men relled cross-sex-typed childhood behavrs exceedg the heterosexual median. The thors found that “those targets who, as adults, intified themselv as homosexual were judged to be genr nonnformg as children.

There is also evince of a “dosage effect”: the more genr-nonnformg characteristics there are childhood, the more likely is that a homosexual or bisexual orientatn will be prent adulthood. I took to middle school wrtlg as a rather scrawny 80-pound eighth grar, and so dog, ironilly beme all too nsc of my homosexual orientatn.

EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAYTIMOFDIATHE DIFFICULT JOURNEYUNRSTANDG, ACKNOWLEDGG, AND SHARG ONE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN WH THE WORLD, IS EASY FOR SOME, WHILE FOR OTHERS THE JOURNEY IS LONG AND DIFFICULT.GETTY-IMAGCOMG OUT ISN'T EASYGAY YOUTH OFTEN FACE THEIR SET OF CHALLENG AFTER G OUT ABOUT THEIR GENR PREFERENC.GETTY-IMAGTHE ROLE OF PARENTSAS PARENTS, ALL YOU N DO IS PROVI THEM WH LOVE AND SUPPORT. THIS N START OM AN EARLY AGE IF YOU N INTIFY THE SIGNS OF YOUR CHILD'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN.GETTY-IMAG​DRSG UPIT MAY SEEM STEREOTYPIL, BUT SOME REARCH SUGGTS THAT KIDS SHOW THEIR CLATN BY THE WAY THEY DRS UP. GETTY-IMAG​SPEECHAS PER A STUDY, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE SPEECH OF KIDS WHO ARE CLED TOWARDS THE SAME SEX. THE CHANGE THE TONE N EASILY BE TECTED EVEN WHEN THEY ARE FIVE YEARS OLD. GETTY-IMAG​TOYS PREFERENCEWHEN ROLE-PLAYG, IF A BOY OFTEN TAK THE FEME ROLE OR THE GIRL LIK TO PLAY ROUGH GAM, THEN YOU NEED TO PAY A LTLE ATTENTN. GETTY-IMAGYOU MAY ALSO LIKECOVID: WAYS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR KID'S IMM...

Cross-cultural data show that prehomosexual boys are more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer; they are also ls likely to be childhood bulli. Bee the data often reveal very early emergg tras prehomosexuals, children who show pronounced sex-atypil behavrs may have more of a geic loadg to their homosexualy, whereas gay adults who were sex-typil as children might trace their homosexualy more directly to particular childhood experienc. Evolutnarily, parental homophobia is a no-braer: gay sons and lbian dghters are not likely to reproduce (unls they get creative).

Lang, Elton John and Rachel Maddow's close relativ, but I n only image that the straight k are far better off terms of their own reproductive opportuni than they would be whout a homosexual danglg so magnificently on their fay tre. So cultivate your ltle prehomosexual's native talents, and your ultimate geic payoff uld, strangely enough, be even larger wh one very special gay child than would be if 10 medcre straight offsprg leaped om your los. I n say as a once prehomosexual pipsqueak that some preparatn on the part of others would have ma easier on me, rather than nstantly fearg rejectn or worryg about some rels slipup leadg to my “exposure.

And another thg: mt be pretty hard to look to your prehomosexual toddler's limpid ey, bsh away the okie cmbs om her cheek and toss her out on the streets for beg article was origally published wh the tle "Is Your Child Gay?

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR KID IS GAY

So below I've provid a better list of ways to tell if your son is a gay person who is you e home om work and you hear nois upstairs and you go up to vtigate and your son's door is open and you tch him "hookg up" (as kids ll today) wh his iend Michael, and you quickly turn around and walk back downstairs and later that night over dner you say "You know, honey, if there's ever anythg you need to tell me... " and he says "Mom, I'm gay, " then your son is your son has recently gone to llege and hasn't been touch much and you figure hey he's new to llege, he's by makg iends and whatnot, and then late one night he lls you on the phone soundg upset about somethg and you ask him what's wrong and he's quiet for a while and then says "Nothg's wrong, really, I'm jt...

IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?

Dad, I'm gay, " then your son is your son ever been on a long drive to one of your dghter's swim meets wh you and when stopped at a red light he's turned to you and said "Mom, I feel like I owe to you and dad to tell you that, well, Donald is my boyiend. Chanc are that if you are on your athbed and your tranged son to vis you the middle of a ray night and he ss by your bed quietly until he begs to cry and clutch your hand and says "I wish I'd told you sooner that I'm gay" and then you both stay there silence, you pretendg to be asleep, the only noise the beepg of the mach that will only keep you alive for a ltle while longer, your son is you and your spoe are ever visg your son the big cy he now liv wh all his fancy iends and fancy rtrants and you're out to an awkward lunch before your tra home and you three get to another potls fight about years-old stuff and 's really unfortable and fally you or your spoe says "Well, if you'd jt settle down wh the right girl, I thk-" and then your son terpts you by yellg "Guys, I'm GAY.

" and then you lgh and ms his hair and the livg room your hband shows your son's boyiend his mol ships, then your son is probably gay, though he might be bisexual, so be reful about your son ever says "Oh my goodns, " when surprised or when openg a gift, well then yeah, he probably gay.

It’s what the behavrs signal to parents about their child’s cipient sexualy that mak them so unsirable—the behavral patterns are feared, loathed and often spoken of directly as harbgers of adult homosexualy. However, is only relatively recently that velopmental scientists have nducted ntrolled studi wh one clear aim md, which is to go beyond mere stereotyp and accurately inty the most reliable signs of later homosexualy.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

In lookg refully at the childhoods of now-gay adults, rearchers are fdg an trigug set of early behavral ditors that homosexuals seem to have mon.

And, curly enough, the age-old homophobic fears of parents seem to have some genue predictive their technil wrgs, rearchers this area simply refer to pt-sized prospective gays and lbians as “prehomosexual. Michael Bailey, a psychologist om Northwtern Universy, and Canadian psychiatrist Kenh Zucker published the semal paper on childhood markers of homosexualy wh their ntroversial 1995 review article Developmental Psychology.

” So one thg to keep md is that this particular work isn’t about intifyg the of homosexualy, per se, but stead ’s about xg the childhood rrelat of same-sex attractn. In other words, nobody is disputg the geic factors unrlyg adult homosexualy or the well-tablished prenatal fluenc; but the prent work is orthogonal to those al mols.

PARENTG A GAY CHILD

Not surprisgly, therefore, boys naturally select other boys for playmat, and girls would much rather play wh other girls than wh on the basis of some earlier, shakier rearch, along wh a good dose of mon sense, Bailey and Zucker hypothized that homosexuals would show an verted pattern of sex-typed childhood behavrs (ltle boys preferrg girls as playmat and fatuated wh their mothers’ make-up ks; ltle girls strangely enamoured by field hockey or profsnal wrtlg…that sort of thg). Usually this is done by g somethg like the famo Ksey Sle, which volv a semistctured clil terview about sexual behavr and sexual fantasi to rate people on a sle of 0 (exclively heterosexual) to 6 (exclively homosexual). First, given that only about 10 percent of the populatn is homosexual, a rather large number of prehomosexuals are need to obta a sufficient sample size of eventually gay adults, and this would require a huge oversamplg of children jt se some turn out gay.

Fally, and perhaps the biggt problem wh prospective homosexualy studi, not a lot of parents are likely to volunteer their children.

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOUR CHILD IS GAY, LBIAN OR BISEXUAL

In fact, the rearchers found that the odds of the women reportg a bisexual/homosexual orientatn was up to 23 tim higher than would normally occur a general sample of young women.

MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?

Not all “tomboys” bee lbians, of urse, but the data do suggt that lbians often have a history of cross-sex-typed the same holds for gay men.

In their 1995 report, Bailey and Kenh Zucker revealed that, retrospective studi (the send method ed to exame the relatn between childhood behavr and adult sexual orientatn, which adults simply answer qutns about their childhoods) 89 percent of randomly sampled gay men relled cross-sex-typed childhood behavrs exceedg the heterosexual median. Some crics have qutned the general retrospective approach, argug that participants’ memori (both those of gay and straight dividuals) may be distorted to f wh societal expectatns and stereotyp about what gays and straights are like as children. The thors found that, “those targets who, as adults, intified themselv as homosexual were judged to be genr nonnformg as children.

There is also evince of a “dosage effect”: the more genr nonnformg characteristics there are childhood, the more likely is that a homosexual/bisexual orientatn will be prent —and I know you’ve been wag for me to say this—there are several very important veats to this body of work. But I also wasn’t an overly effemate child, was never bullied as a “sissy, ” and by the time I was ten I was distguishably as annoyg, unuth and wired as my close male fact, by thirteen, I was already eply socialized to mascule social norms; this se, I took to middle school wrtlg as a rather scrawny eighty-pound eighth grar, and so dog I ironilly beme all too nsc ed of my homosexual orientatn.