Self-loathg among gay people is nothg new. We’re overwhelmed by | Matthew Todd | The Guardian

Contents:

• LIVG AUTHENTILLY THE LGBTQ COMMUNY: HOW TO MOVE PAST “GAY SHAME” [VIO]
• SELF-LOATHG AMONG GAY PEOPLE IS NOTHG NEW. WE’RE OVERWHELMED BY
• GAY SHAME: 5 WAYS GAY MEN COMPENSATE
• OVERG THE SHAME OF BEG GAY
• HOW TO GET OVER THE SHAME OF REALIZG YOU ARE GAY
• HOW TO OVERE FEELGS OF SHAME AROUND BEG GAY
• GROWG UP GAY
• FORMER TMP-SPOKWOMAN STEPHANIE GRISHAM SAYS HER GAY SON WAS 'ASHAMED' SHE WORKED FOR TMP

LIVG AUTHENTILLY THE LGBTQ COMMUNY: HOW TO MOVE PAST “GAY SHAME” [VIO]

Livg Authentilly the LGBTQ Communy: How to Move Past “Gay Shame” [Transcript] For some people, gay shame may seem like a term for only queer, cisgenr men. Watch a ee webar on how to live thentilly by overg gay shame Breakg the cycle of gay shame the LGBTQ muny So how do we break the cycle of shame the LGBTQ muny?

For example, many are raised a relig hoeholds that hold beliefs like “gay people are unnatural or will go to hell.

SELF-LOATHG AMONG GAY PEOPLE IS NOTHG NEW. WE’RE OVERWHELMED BY

Read more about how gay men pensate for gay shame Developg a sense of LGBTQ empowerment Fdg the eedom and LGBTQ empowerment to be the te you may not be a lear journey. Therapy may be an optn for you if you would like support overg gay shame and havg a safe space to disver your thentic self.

Bee of society's expectatns that everyone should live a bary world, I envisned that havg a gay child uld be looked upon as a stigma. Acrdg to psychiatrist Jonathan Tobk, -thor of my book, When Your Child Is Gay, "guilt tends to be limed to an actn that we have taken or not taken, whereas shame is a pervasive negative emotn about how we feel overall.

GAY SHAME: 5 WAYS GAY MEN COMPENSATE

A straight parent, Dorothy spected that her son Kev was gay and tried to redirect him. Once ashamed of havg a gay son, now Dorothy refers gay people the muny to her ntal office, where she is a ntal hygienist. The ntist's office is known as "the office of the gay muny" bee of Dorothy's support.

"Gay and lbian children should not only get the msage that they are loved, but also that they are not damaged or ls than. Parents should not thk that havg a gay child or beg gay is somewhat unsirable or ferr. If you are worried about how others will treat you bee you have a gay child, you need to reexame the nature and strength of your relatnship the same way you would tell your child to do if one of her iends sudnly rejected her upon fdg out she was gay.

Internalized homophobia n be fed as the tenncy of some lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and queer (LGBTQ) dividuals to regularly validate, margalize, and/or opprs their own or other LGBTQ members’ sexual orientatn, sexual inty, self-worth, dividual exprsns, and human rights. Often, those wh gre of ternalized homophobia are nscly or unnscly socialized to believg that members of the LGBTQ muny are “abnormal”, “shameful”, “unsirable” and “unacceptable”, and should be regard wh disda (self-rejectn) and ntempt (self-loathg). It is important to emphasize that ternalized homophobia typilly occurs the ntext of a hetero-centric society that often stigmatiz, nigrat, and nmns LGBTQs.

OVERG THE SHAME OF BEG GAY

It is also signifint to note that while some people wh ternalized homophobia are “out of the closet” and openly alg their own sexual orientatn/sexual inty issu, many others are still “ the closet” (to themselv and/or to others) and secretly stgglg.

HOW TO GET OVER THE SHAME OF REALIZG YOU ARE GAY

Many closet LGBTQ dividuals grew-up tradnal, nservative environments where “anti-gay bias” and “gay bashg” are the norm fay, social, tnal, relig, media, social media, and polil environments. It is a classic example of gaslightg, where a perpetrator ( this se a hetero-centric, homophobic society) nvc the victim that she/he/they are much ls important and worthy than who they tly are. While some LGBTQ dividuals may ocsnally dabble the followg behavrs, which might not be a ser issue, someone wh strong ternalized homophobia will routely engage one or more of the pathologi (dysfunctns) below, while remag largely unaware of (or unncerned wh) the tangible and psychologil damage done to onelf and others.

Feelg ashamed or embarrassed when seeg LGBTQ dividuals “beg gay/bi/trans/queer” daily activi, social teractns, popular media, or social media. (Endg to sensize the effects of discrimatn notwhstandg, regular negative self-preciatn is still a reflectn of ternalized homophobia. Judgg, beltlg, or makg-fun of other LGBTQ dividuals based on homophobic bias and negative stereotyp (gay bashg).

HOW TO OVERE FEELGS OF SHAME AROUND BEG GAY

Defendg, jtifyg, and excg dividual acts of homophobia fay, iendships, school, at the workplace, or other social or stutnal scenars (learned helplsns).

For tips on how to handle ternalized homophobia related strs, whether om onelf or om others, see referenc below. If Ethan Stabl, the 20-year-old man nvicted on Monday of planng to kill atten of a lol gay pri event Cumbria, was really bisexual as he claimed urt, why would he want to hurt other LGBT people? Sadly he wouldn’t be the gay people know the most homophobic school bully often pops up the lol gay bar a few years later, but there are wir exampl: Hollywood agents who bar clients om g out, historil figur such as Senator McCarthy’s anti-gay lawyer Roy Cohn, who mataed till the end that the Aids-related illns that killed him was liver ncer, the untls homophobic policians ught wh male rts.

GROWG UP GAY

Omar Mateen, who mted Ameri’s most adly homophobic attack at the Pulse nightclub Orlando, Florida 2016, pledged his allegiance to Isis but was also alleged to have ma sexual advanc towards men. We all grow up hearg homo- and transphobia, and, as I say my book Straight Jacket, LGBT kids aren’t given magil earplugs. This should be ont-page people are not the only on to suffer such shame, but experts, both gay and straight, agree that gay kids are overwhelmed wh .

Many bury their feelgs, hopg they’ll go away, some psychologilly “spl”, like the heterosexually married men who believe anonymo ter hook-ups don’t unt as gay if they happen secret. Jt this week I met a young man who told me he hated gay pri, hated effemate men but ccially was tryg to work through the feelgs by talkg about them. Perhaps like former notor 1980s neo-Nazi street fighter Nicky Crane, who also eventually me out as gay.

FORMER TMP-SPOKWOMAN STEPHANIE GRISHAM SAYS HER GAY SON WAS 'ASHAMED' SHE WORKED FOR TMP

It fli the face of the msage of gay pri that has domated the gay rights movement of the last 50 years. Jt last month, the 38-year-old prenter of the Disvery Channel’s Storm Chaser programme, Joel Taylor, died om a GHB overdose on an Atlantis gay cise. So much foc has been on changg laws and enuragg footballers to e out or on promotg sexual eedom – all important thgs – that we’ve missed the huge ground-level sufferg of those stgglg wh the legacy of society’s gay shame, right unr our may not f the narrative we wish to promote but there are huge numbers of people gettg themselv to ser suatns whout enough support.