‘Honey, I’ve got a secret’ : When gay men e out to their wiv | SBS Voic

Contents:

• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
• ‘HONEY, I’VE GOT A SECRET’ : WHEN GAY MEN E OUT TO THEIR WIV
• BRAS OF GAY PEOPLE REMBLE THOSE OF STRAIGHT PEOPLE OF OPPOSE SEX
• GAY MEN HAVG SEX WH WOMEN?
• 'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN
• WHY DO WOMEN PREFER GAY MEN AS FRIENDS?

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

Beg a gay man, I have always noticed that women treat me differently om my heterosexual unterparts. Firstly, whenever I tell women (pecially femists) that I am gay, they bee more passnate and label me an ally, tellg me that I am not a part of the 'patriarchy' and they unrstand my stggle. Send of all, I get sexually harassed by women, and they jt bsh off bee 'you're gay, 's fe'.

Sometim a woman may have been a heterosexual relatnship for years and yet feel somethg is somehow "off;" and she may fd herself askg, "Is my hband gay? " Many women fd this qutn unthkable but acrdg to Bonnie Kaye,, an expert women married to gay men, is timated that 4 ln women have been, or are, married to gay men. If a hband is gay, n vastate not only the relatnship but the straight wife as well.

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

The cleart way to know if your hband is gay is if he tells you. If the hband is hont wh both you and wh himself (read: How Do I Know If I Am Gay?

Signs You Are Gay), that is when you n tly know that he is gay.

‘HONEY, I’VE GOT A SECRET’ : WHEN GAY MEN E OUT TO THEIR WIV

Unfortunately, is timated that 50% of gay hbands hi their homosexualy om their wiv and don't reach this place of honty on their own. In many s, is the wife, who after spectg that somethg is wrong, mt nont the gay hband wh the evince, and only then n hontly be achieved.

But if you're wonrg, "Is my man gay, " might be helpful to know that there are signs to look for, acrdg to Kaye. Kaye has veloped the Official Gay Hband Checklist to help women know if their hbands are gay. You fd pop-ups of gay pornography on the puter while he claims they are not his.

BRAS OF GAY PEOPLE REMBLE THOSE OF STRAIGHT PEOPLE OF OPPOSE SEX

He viss gay bars claimg he's there only to hang out wh his gay iend(s). He mak ntual homophobic ments or he mak too many gay ments nversatns.

His ego appears to be boosted by pliments om gay men. A hband may be gay and display none of those signs or a hband may display the signs and not be gay.

GAY MEN HAVG SEX WH WOMEN?

The signs of a gay hband are signed as a startg pot. Kaye advis that women "follow their stcts" when cidg whether their hband may be gay.

If turns out that a hband is, fact, gay, the fallout n be difficult to al wh, particularly for the straight partner. (If you're thkg that you n cure the gay by havg your hband go to gay nversn therapy, read this.

What's important to remember is that the hband's homosexualy is entirely his rponsibily and has nothg to do wh the wife. The wife has not been aquate any way and likely the gay hband married her bee he tly red about her. Some gay men believe that beg married n rid them of their homosexualy.

'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN

Scientists may have fally solved the puzzle of what mak a person gay, and how is passed om parents to their children.A group of scientists suggted Tuday that homosexuals get that tra om their oppose-sex parents: A lbian will almost always get the tra om her father, while a gay man will get the tra om his mother.The heredary lk of homosexualy has long been tablished, but scientists knew was not a strictly geic lk, bee there are many pairs of intil tws who have differg sexuali.

Scientists om the Natnal Instute for Mathematil and Blogil Synthis say homosexualy seems to have an epigeic, not a geic lk.Long thought to have some sort of heredary lk, a group of scientists suggted Tuday that homosexualy is lked to epi-marks — extra layers of rmatn that ntrol how certa gen are exprsed. In homosexuals, the epi-marks aren't erased — they're passed om father-to-dghter or mother-to-son, explas William Rice, an evolutnary blogist at the Universy of California Santa Barbara and lead thor of the study."There is pellg evince that epi-marks ntribute to both the siary and dissiary of fay members, and n therefore feasibly ntribute to the observed faial herance of homosexualy and s low nrdance between [intil] tws," Rice not.Rice and his team created a mathematil mol that explas why homosexualy is passed through epi-marks, not geics. Evolutnarily speakg, if homosexualy was solely a geic tra, scientists would expect the tra to eventually disappear bee homosexuals wouldn't be expected to reproduce.

WHY DO WOMEN PREFER GAY MEN AS FRIENDS?

But bee the epi-marks provi an evolutnary advantage for the parents of homosexuals: They protect fathers of homosexuals om unrexposure to ttosterone and mothers of homosexuals om overexposure to ttosterone while they are gtatn."The epi-marks protect fathers and mothers om excs or unrexposure to ttosterone — when they rry over to oppose-sex offsprg, n e the masculizatn of femal or the femizatn of mal," Rice says, which n lead to a child beg gay. Rice not that the markers are "highly variable" and that only strong epi-marks will rult a homosexual offsprg.Though scientists have long spected some sort of geic lk, Rice says studi attemptg to expla why people are gay have been few and far between."Most mastream blogists have shied away om studyg bee of the social stigma," he says.