Can Gay and Straight Men Really Be Friends? | Psychology Today South Ai

Contents:

• 'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY
• MEET THE STRAIGHT MEN WHO ARE TERRIFIED THEY ARE GAY
• WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX
• INTSIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT BEG GAY
• FEELG GUILTY ABOUT "GAY THOUGHTS"
• AM I GAY IF I HAVE SAME SEX FANTASI?
• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY

24, 2014— -- Steven Brodsky, a psychologist who specializ obssive-pulsive disorr, says that at any one time he has a "handful" of clients who are straight and spect that they are gay.

J., said he had one adult patient who was so crippled by obssive thoughts about beg gay that he was unable to live penntly and had to move back wh his parents to pe. Brodsky said a prev therapist had misdiagnosed his patient as gay, and at the patient's requt, sent him off to reparative therapy, a ntroversial method that has not been proven to be effective and n be harmful.

MEET THE STRAIGHT MEN WHO ARE TERRIFIED THEY ARE GAY

"Brodsky argu that today's open acceptance of homosexualy and gay liftyl n bld therapists to this kd of anxiety disorr straight men. Jack Drcher, a noted New York Cy psychiatrist who is nsired an expert gay and lbian mental health and treats patients for OCD, agreed that "beg worried that one might be gay is not the same thg as beg gay. ""A person wh OCD who has is havg tsive thoughts about whether or not he is gay, is not gay, the sense that he has not rporated a homosexual orientatn any mimally affirmg way to his inty, " said Drcher.

"Also, if he is not actually attracted to people of the same sex, do not masturbate to fantasi of people of the same sex, is not really aroed by same sex pornography, then is hard to make the se that he has a homosexual orientatn.

WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX

Another was heterosexual and feared he had agreed wh Brodsky that some therapists may miss an OCD diagnosis, but "the most likely e of that is not that they are too gay-affirmg but that they lack trag regnizg the symptoms of OCD. "Repeatedly, anxly, reviewg past suatns, ttg themselv, askg for reassurance, pulsively rearchg the Inter for gay tts, ttg themselv wh gay porn or gay people. "As for treatment, Brodsky said he would help a patient who was tly gay validate their feelgs and atta self-acceptance, "achievg lm and peace of md.

He rried out the same tt almost every night for the next three weeks, always wh the same searchg Inter mental health foms for answers to his private impasse, Darren beme nvced that he was sufferg om 'HOCD': a not officially regnised form of Obssive Compulsive Disorr fed by the fear of beg or beg homosexual. While he asserts that 'HOCD', an acronym ed by sufferers sharg their stori onle, isn't officially classified the Diagnostic and Statistil Manual of Mental Disorrs (DSM), he says that the irratnal fear of beg or beg gay falls firmly wh the umbrella of Obssive Compulsive Disorr. Darren says he grew up a "liberal-ish" hoehold and believ that homosexualy would have been accepted by his fay and iends, but 's easy to see how a ls tolerant upbrgg uld turn homosexualy to a e for anxiety.

"Rose Bretécher, btsellg thor of OCD memoir Pure O, also experienced tsive doubts about homosexualy, nstantly fearg that her life as a straight woman was a lie.

INTSIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT BEG GAY

Nowadays, the majory of tablished OCD chari – cludg OCDUK, OCDActn and Md - addrs tsive sexual thoughts as a mon trope of the disorr, but that has done ltle to stem a backlash om some high-profile skeptics wh the psychologil muny, who believe that HOCD is at bt misguid, and at worst homophobia s most pernic guise. "My psychologist jt looked bored and hand me a leaflet"In November 2015, BuzzFeed UK's LGBT edor Patrick Stdwick published an article tled '"World's Leadg Anxiety Expert" Offers Treatment For People Who Worry That They're Gay' that heavily cricised the practice of a Harley Street therapist named Charl Ln who, acrdg to the se, boasted of a "100% succs rate" the treatment of "HOCD" the time the article was wrten, Ln's publishers were dubbg him as "the world's leadg thory on anxiety", and his webse ma hefty promis to sexually-nfed OCD sufferers.

"If you are experiencg HOCD … and the thoughts , " the se read, "you are not gay and when you do my Method to elimate this and your other anxieti you'll fd out why you thk you might be and why you certaly are NOT! They terviewed a number of proment mental health profsnals on the matter, who echoed the argument that the ncept of 'HOCD' was seeped homophobia and psdo psychology.

FEELG GUILTY ABOUT "GAY THOUGHTS"

Elizabeth Peel, chair of the Brish Psychologil Society's 'Psychology of Sexuali' sectn and a profsor of Communitn & Social Interactn at Loughborough Universy, stat wh the piece that: "The term 'Homosexual OCD' is simply nversn therapy unr another guise and somethg we strongly nmn as damagg. In rponse she wrote: "The pot I was makg was that 'Homosexual OCD', as I unrstand , is very siar to 'ternalised homophobia'.

"Peel's reference to gay nversn therapy - the wholly discreded and dangero effort to 'cure' homosexualy - certaly darkens the tone of the nversatn. And an age where even the Vice Print of the Uned Stat has exprsed tac support for the practice, 's unrstandable that high profile figur the psychologil muny would nmn anythg that uld fuel the rhetoric of homophobic 'therapists', or provi party-le approval of their methods.

AM I GAY IF I HAVE SAME SEX FANTASI?

After all, spe recent headways by LGBT groups and nunciatn om former Print Barrack Obama, gay nversn therapy is still legal across the US and only six stat have banned the practice relatn to mors. "If a client who is gay but anx about the nsequenc of acceptg themselv or g out go to a therapist who has an agenda about homosexualy, then of urse that therapist isn't workg the bt tert of their clients. "Rose Bretécher believ the accatn HOCD is jt 'ternalised homophobia' is rrect, but don't blame anyone for leapg to such a ncln: "People's unrstandg is only as good as the rmatn available out there – and awarens is still pretty poor.

"Joseph tells me that he has never had a gay person e to him wh tsive thoughts about heterosexualy, but ttimony exists on Inter foms, and the OCD Center of Los Angel stat that do happen. "Over the years, therapists here […] have treated many homosexuals (male and female) who are plagued by obssive fears of beg "straight", and who suffer equally when OCD attacks their sexual inty, " stat their webse, which also offers an onle HOCD tt. […] If the asssment is that the person is not gay, bee you believe as a therapist that there is no evince, that do not mean they have ternalised homophobia.

"If someone is fearful of beg gay bee beg gay reprents to them abandonment by their fay, or rejectn, or experiencg vlence or abe, then you would help them to accept themselv unndnally as a gay man. " Ten years and two psychologists after that first, ght experiment wh gay porn, Darren still suffers recurrg bouts of OCD, but not around his inty as a straight man. What 's like to attend a 'pick up artist' class n by a womanIt's time to nont porn's biggt tattooMeet the straight men who are terrified they are gayWhy n't men stop sendg dick pics?

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

In terms of pure numbers, we know that the vast majory of those who have gay sex intify as straight — and this is te for both women and men.

Though they loved the sexual experience and wanted to have a future relatnship wh the person, they had mixed attus toward homosexualy and premaral sex.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

Bee only four sexual orientatn optns were given to stunts — heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, and don’t know — perhaps many of the dividuals were misplaced the straight tegory. Are the the men who will bee vigilant wh anti-gay rhetoric, and who will e eher their nservative relig or polil beliefs to jtify their behavr? If we lived a culture which havg some gree of same-sex sexualy did not imply that you th had to be the “dread” lbian, gay, or bisexual, would be easier for dividuals who stggle or n’t ci their sexualy to be te to their thentic self.

Would this help them to curb their animosy toward homosexualy and let them accept their same-sex sexualy whout feelg stigmatized? My last post scribed a populatn of mal who nsir themselv heterosexual, do not label themselv gay or bisexual, chew volvement wh the LGBT muny, are often married or romantilly volved wh an oppose-sex partner, and who engage sex wh mal or exprs the sire to do so.

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

Due large part to the popularizatn of the topic the btsellg 2005 book On the Down Low: A Journey to the Liv of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep wh Men, [i] Lato and Ain-Amerin men are the primary subjects rearch wh non-gay intified MSM.

One of the earlit studi, "The Bisexual and Non-Gay Attached Rearch Project" om the early 1990s, found that participants engagg same-sex sexual behavr but not intifyg as gay or bisexual scribed themselv as “kky, ” “normal, ” or “jt a guy. Siar fdgs were found throughout a seri of terviews wh non-gay intified MSM prepared for the Centers for Disease Control and Preventn 2004.

In tally, the men terviewed reported that if sexual activy between men was anonymo, experimental, ocsnal, or if substance e was volved, the act was not “gay. Parsons, “Sexual Behavrs of Non-gay Intified Non-disclosg Men Who Have Sex wh Men and Women, ” Archiv of Sexual Behavr 37, no. [iii] Daryl Hood, Garrett Prtage, June Crawford, Tania Sorrell, and Chris O’Reilly, "Report on the BANGAR Project: Bisexual Activy/non Gay Attachment Rearch Targetg Strategi Intifitn Project.