I’m a gay psychiatrist. Here’s why I went on Grdr to survey men.
Contents:
- GAY CULTURE HAS GROWN TOXIC WH UNCHECKED PRIVILEGE. IT'S TIME FOR TO RET
- WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT TOXIC GAY MASCULY
- WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW GRDR IS AFFECTG GAY MEN’S MENTAL HEALTH
- OPN | WHE GAY CULTURE’S TOXICY REMBL RACISM
GAY CULTURE HAS GROWN TOXIC WH UNCHECKED PRIVILEGE. IT'S TIME FOR TO RET
An open letter to my fellow whe gay cis men: there should be no "returng to normal" after this. * toxic gay culture *
But even though the nversatns that muted this lumn for six weeks are nowhere close to beg over, I do feel like some thgs that me up durg that time of ntemplatn are worth sayg now — particularly to my fellow whe gay cis out more stori on LGBTQ+ ins and activistsHowever, the ghost of Larry Kramer very much remaed my own head as I ma my way through a Pri month unlike any other.
WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT TOXIC GAY MASCULY
W hen I was graduate school, I worked part-time retail. One of my -workers — let’s ll him Jake — was a whe gay man who liked to tell stori about his var datg explos each time we… * toxic gay culture *
I spent a few quiet afternoons readg his 1978 but novel Faggots, a satiril (yet clearly tobgraphil) look at the liv of gay men 1970s New York Cy that he wrote jt before AIDS ma him a figurehead of Amerin activism.
Followg a man his late 30s (based on Kramer himself) who is seekg out a lovg, long-term relatnship a sea of hedonism, the novel has a clear msage: gay men need to start lovg each other stead of beg so obssed wh gettg fucked up and (lerally and figuratively) fuckg each other. - Larry Kramer his but novelUpon publitn, Faggots was dismissed by many as puranil and self-loathg for s cricism of gay men's obssn wh vany, promiscuy and recreatnal dg e. And while, on one level, the book is a wild (if at tim problematic) wdow to an era of gay culture 40 years the past, also felt like had a lot to say about gay culture today.
WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW GRDR IS AFFECTG GAY MEN’S MENTAL HEALTH
Why boys crack up at rape jok, thk havg a girliend is “gay,” and still n’t cry—and why we need to give them new and better mols of masculy * toxic gay culture *
What even do mean to say "gay culture"? In mastream gay media, the phrase almost always refers to a fairly specific subset of the LGBTQ "muny" largely ma up of whe gay cis men — even though many of the battl won around queer rights were fought by people of lour, trans and genr-nonnformg folks, and queer women, and fact the morn Pri movement self was large part iated by Black trans women. If an imprsn of a monolhic "gay culture" fed by such a homogeneo mographic exists, is bee whe gay cis men have until very recently domated mastream reprentatn unr the LGBTQ umbrella and have, general, been hand a level of privilege the last that is wildly disproportnate to any other mographic unr said umbrella.
(Prophetilly enough, Fire Island is where the climax of Faggots — Kramer's exriatn of "gay culture" — tak place.
The panmic sentially shut down all of social gay culture, relievg me of prsur to participate .
OPN | WHE GAY CULTURE’S TOXICY REMBL RACISM
For many gay men, social media and datg apps are hotbeds of body image stggl and risg toxic masculy – the recent ‘10-year-challenge’ on Instagram shows this femmephobia. * toxic gay culture *
Gay bars were shuttered and, unls you were beg a horribly irrponsible person, Grdr was no more.
When was the last time I actually had a good time at gay bar full of people I have fely spoken to on social media or apps but who act like I'm pletely sane when I se or say hello person? In analyzg the show's pictn of young gay men livg San Francis, wrer Daniel Wenger diagnos what he terms the "new gay sadns": an entire generatn of urban, privileged gay men who seem to have no clue what they're lookg for or who they are.
* toxic gay culture *
Largely born the 1980s, they are the earlit wave of a "post-Stonewall, post-plague, post-activist" generatn of gays — "too old to have brought a boy to the prom and too young to have nursed a fantasy of nng away to an urban gay utopia, " Wenger explas. "Gay culture" should learn the same lson: "back to normal" is not enough. Queeri5 pneerg LGBTQ Canadian films you n watch for ee right nowI've seen many of my fellow whe gay cis men seemgly rise to the ocsn by retweetg Black and Indigeno voic, gog to ralli and vowg to te themselv on how to tly be anti-racist (though how performative that is some s is unclear).
Which of the gays do you want to be?
Rettg "gay culture" will require fightg back agast entrenched social prsur and expectatns of gay cis men — and llg them out when they perpetuate, even passively, any form of discrimatory dialogue. Larry Kramer didn't give a sh what people thought of him, particularly other gay men.
We mt acknowledge and accept a harsh realy. There exists a segment of whe gay culture that is jt as herently racist and problematic as their whe heterosexual unterparts. Contrary to what some may believe, there do lie — beneath the culture of queerns — an sid obssn wh whens, to the pot of idolatry.... * toxic gay culture *
And was large part bee of that attu that he uld lead AIDS activists through a rpt and homophobic system to ga accs to the dgs that ma possible for our generatn to have the liv that we do. So let's thk long and hard about how we've been choosg to live the fuckg bolt cutters, gays. We n only image a past when our father was one of those heroic men who laid down their prejudic, their fears, and even their liv for the sake of those, cludg their gay children, who were more vulnerable than themselv.
Toxic masculy affects all of , cludg the gay muny.