'They jt wanted to silence her': the dark si of gay stan culture | Mic | The Guardian

misogyny in the gay community

For gay men, ‘stanng’ – beg a super fan of – female pop stars n be a valuable part of your inty. But too often this fandom laps to misogyny and body shamg

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DO GAY MALE CULTURE HAVE A MISOGYNY PROBLEM?

Usually portrayed—often simplistilly—as ironclad, the bonds between gay men and straight women have been the foc of much bate lately. Actrs Rose McGowan ed a stir last month when she scribed gay men as “as misogynistic as straight men, if not more so” and blasted gay men for not standg up more for women's rights. More recently, rapper Azealia Banks echoed McGowan's remarks as she r... * misogyny in the gay community *

Usually portrayed—often simplistilly—as ironclad, the bonds between gay men and straight women have been the foc of much bate lately.

Actrs Rose McGowan ed a stir last month when she scribed gay men as “as misogynistic as straight men, if not more so” and blasted gay men for not standg up more for women's rights. McGowan is hardly alone her belief that gay men are generally myopic about the rights of other opprsed groups. Dpe the prevalence of straight woman/gay man bt iend clich, 's fair to say that gay men's relatnships wh and attus toward women are often more plex than what's portrayed your typil episo of “Will and Grace.

” Still, plexy is not evince of misogyny, and to claim that gay men are misogynistic pends on how you classify what nstut misogyny. From the gossipy slut-shamg of Hilton's blog to the mpy bchft that is RuPl's Drag Race, gay men have long been known to engage the kd of polilly rrect, bg repartee that often mak women the butt of the joke. Who among the LGBT muny n claim to not know any of the followg typ of gay men: Men whose social circle nsists almost exclively of other gay men.

GAY MEN LIKE ME NEED TO START ACKNOWLEDGG OUR MISOGYNY PROBLEM

* misogyny in the gay community *

Men who ll their bt female iends “fag hags” or “u fli” and who put them down routely while draggg them to gay bars or dance clubs? The gay rights movement has largely succeed nvcg the world that LGBT folk are “normal” but, perhaps as a si effect of the assiatnist tennci, has taken on some of the unfortunate baggage associated wh mastream culture, cludg s misogyny. Gay men are still mocked for their tennci to be histrnic, monstrative, and emotnal—i.

" Should we be surprised, then, that so many gay men have ternalized the cricisms and, an attempt to monstrate their “masculy, ” mean women the procs? In his documentary, Do I Sound Gay?, to be released next year by IFC/Sundance Selects, David Thorpe ets over his long-standg securi about his voice and speech. In seekg to fd the root for the speech patterns that many gay men share, he terviews gay celebri, voice ach, and lguists and disvers that his ep aversn for “soundg gay” is shared by many other gay men.

In dog so, however, he soon regniz that the procs of tryg to “expla” the voic of gay men is self a byproduct of a kd of ternalized homophobia as well as gay men really be so unfortable wh the way they sound had they not experienced so much cricism and abe about while growg up? Sedaris stat that when someone tells him that they didn't know he was gay, mak him feel good, and he wonrs why that is, nsirg that he thought himself “beyond all that. A tenncy to fetishize hypermasculy, to exalt “tops” over “bottoms, ” and to disparage men who are effemate persists among gay men until this day, spe the fact that the feelgs no doubt stem part as a rponse to all the ments hurled their way when they were younger.

THE UNSPOKEN EPIMIC OF MISOGYNY IN THE GAY COMMUNY.

It seems only natural, once you've ternalized feelgs of aquacy and self-loathg, to want to monstrate that you're not what other people say you are, or worse, that you're not as queer as those other gay men over there, pecially if the very tribe you're a part of seems to be as much on board wh the assumptns as the straight culture. But 's worth rememberg that lns of gay men strongly support women both their actns and beliefs— their polil alignments and votg rerds, for stance—and monstrate a distctly femist worldview. It's important then, to distguish the kd of misogyny that gay men might monstrate om the kd of misogyny g om straight men, the kd we associate wh sexual harassment, rape culture, polil opprsn, and vlence.

For gay men, misogyny seems to be borne out of a subnsc sire to be accepted—by their gay male peers and society at large, which has told them that soundg “feme” is not ial and that beg a man often means makg fun of or beltlg the ncerns of women.

'THEY JT WANTED TO SILENCE HER': THE DARK SI OF GAY STAN CULTURE

In some ways this is an extensn of the straight locker room culture, wh gay men may simply dog what society expects all men to do (even as don't ndone ). Even the aversn to lbians that some gay men have n likely be attributed to the women's refal to adhere to genr the fluidy of genr today—and wh an creasg acceptance of transgenr men and women as well as other exprsns of inty—'s possible we may be movg away om the narrow fns of mascule and feme, and wh , om some of the lgerg shame gay men have, which might manift self the more subtle forms of misogyny. Gay men should be ls aaid of embracg their feme tennci, which, after all, are also associated wh quali of kdns, passn, and empathy.

THE ‘GAY MEN ARE MISOGYNISTS’ MOVEMENT

Beg proud to be gay should mean beg proud of whatever way your gayns exprs self, and acceptg the tras that you posss whout havg to classify them—much the same way that straight women have treated gay men for so long now. This is the systematic opprsn of women, an jtice we ntribute to every time we ll women “bch” and thk ’s OK — bee we’re gay.

On the eve of a polil admistratn that is cidly antiwomen, wh a print-elect who has eely bragged about sexual asslt, we n no longer s idly by and allow this behavr among gay men to ntue. Blanket refals to a certa mographic of gay men — black, Asian, HIV-posive, kky — dite that you’re the sort of person who ref to see people beyond their membership said mographic. If you thk all fem guys are unattractive and refe to see them as more than their femy, you’re a gay misogynist.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* MISOGYNY IN THE GAY COMMUNITY

Gay Men and Misogyny - why should they be lked? Read on to fd out.

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