Here’s What Life Is Like When You’re Gay But Marry Hetero |

Contents:

• HERE’S WHAT LIFE IS LIKE WHEN YOU’RE GAY BUT MARRY HETERO
• HOW GAY MARRIAGE WON
• THE STGGLE FOR GAY RIGHTS IS OVER
• GAY MARRIAGE ALREADY WON | APR. 8, 2013
• GAY MARRIAGE
• THE WAR OVER GAY MARRIAGE IS ALREADY WON
• WHY THE BATTLE FOR GAY MARRIAGE WAS WON SO EASILY
• TIME COVERS THE GAY RIGHTS MOVEMENT
• HOW GAY MARRIAGE WON THE US
• GAY STRASBOURG

HERE’S WHAT LIFE IS LIKE WHEN YOU’RE GAY BUT MARRY HETERO

When at last the doors of the whe marble temple swung open on March 26 for the first of two ssns voted to the subject, the lucky on found seats time to hear Jtice Anthony Kennedy — thor of two important earlier cisns favor of gay rights and likely a key vote this time as well — turn the tabl on the attorney fendg the tradnalist view. Gays and lbians enjoy the same right to privacy their timate liv as heterosexuals, Kennedy clared, while a separate ncurrg opn, Jtice Sandra Day O’Connor add plaly, “Moral disapproval of a group nnot be a legimate ernmental tert unr the Equal Protectn Clse.

The Stggle for Gay Rights Is OverFor those born to a form of adversy, sometim the harst thg to do is admtg that they’ve Tsironis / RtersEdor’s Note: This article is part of a seri about the gay-rights movement and the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall uprisg. For this childhood fan, was a marvel: A sport wh heavily oiled men nng around spanx tights that was neverthels notor for crassly homophobic stereotyp now celebrat gay day seems to brg wele exampl of how Amerins are beg more relaxed about sexual orientatn. Aga, ” clared the headle of a characteristilly psimistic Tim op-ed by the legendary gay activist and playwright Larry this glooms li the 2016 electn, which many gay activists believe threatened to halt, if not reverse, all of the progrs they have ma.

It was an obv joke about Pence’s religsy and social nservatism, an example not of Tmp’s purported homophobia but the lack of rpect he has for even his most loyal followers, up to and cludg his own vice print, whom he is apparently willg to mock before a group of Whe Hoe visors. Days later, the Natnal Coaln of Anti-Vlence Programs (NCAVP), a group mted to batg antigay hate crim, published a report claimg a shockg 86 percent crease “hate vlence related homicis of LGBTQ people” om 2016 to fdgs would be alarmg, if te.

HOW GAY MARRIAGE WON

Likewise, the portn of heterosexual rponnts who said they would feel unfortable “learng a fay member is LGBTQ” was 27 percent 2016, and rose to 30 percent the followg for the report on LGBTQ homicis, is unclear how many of the murrs clud the report were actually motivated by antigay anim.

But is the nflatn of transgenr issu wh the gay-rights movement, a recent velopment and not one unrtaken whout some ntroversy among gays and lbians themselv, which acunts for much if not most of the evince ced as reprentg regrsn on gay to marriage equaly and other protectns for gays advanced by the Supreme Court, Jtice Anthony Kennedy’s “opns seem secure bee his jurispnce largely mirrors chang society, ” Saikrishna Prakash of the Universy of Virgia Law School told Poli, referrg to the former Supreme Court jtice’s majory opns the 2003 se strikg down sodomy laws and the 2015 se legalizg same-sex marriage. The ia that gay Amerins might have achieved somethg approachg equaly go agast a central assumptn of the zegeist, which, this age of Tmp, Brex, and a risg global ti of natnalism and illiberalism, postulat that Enlightenment valu are on the cle. When I asked the Human Rights Campaign, the untry’s leadg gay-rights group, for statistics on the number of LGBTQ people annually nied employment, hog, or service at a hotel or rtrant due to their sexualy or genr inty, the group was unable to provi me wh any.

In a 7–2 cisn, all the more damng for havg been wrten by the judicial hero of the morn gay-rights movement, Anthony Kennedy, the Court cisively led agast a gay uple’s attempt to force a Christian baker Colorado to make a ke for their weddg ceremony. The urt assailed Colorado burecrats for nng roughshod over the First Amendment rights of the baker, whose relig nvictns forba him not om servg gay people—he offered to make the uple all the baked goods they uld ever wish to nsume—but om exprsg approval for somethg he nsirs gay people are expected to be grievoly offend by the behavr of Jack Phillips, the owner of Masterpiece Cakhop. Ameri is a land of some 330 ln people, and I do not require every small-bs owner across the untry to reject 2, 000 years of relig teachg orr to pursue my by a moral absolutism remblg the relig zeal of those they oppose, some gay activists and their progrsive alli have taken a zero-sum approach to the issue of antidiscrimatn, seekg to punish and stigmatize people who hold the exact same view of marriage that Barack Obama exprsed up until May 2012.

THE STGGLE FOR GAY RIGHTS IS OVER

Meanwhile, the state of New York is threateng to close an evangelil adoptn agency that ref to place children wh gay upl, spe the fact that the agency do not even accept ernment fundg and that no gay uple had ever even plaed about beg nied you had told gay activists 10 or even five years ago that their energi would center upon mpaigns related to var foods—forcg p pastry chefs to make k and boyttg Chick-Fil-A, or “hate chicken, ” bee s Christian owner has donated money to efforts opposg same-sex marriage—most would have nsired their missns plete.

To unrstand why so many the movement refe to accept victory, helps to unrstand the tensns that have long existed at s the emergence of “homophile” activists the 1950s, the tenor and aims of the Amerin gay-rights e have alternated between two tennci: tegratnist and separatist. If tegratnists believe that gay people are pretty much the same as straight people and th want the same thgs out of life, separatists ntend there is somethg herently distct about “queerns” obligatg s adherents to pursue polil paths and romantic and social arrangements divergent om the Amerin mastream. Galvanized four years later by the Stonewall rts, when the patrons of a Greenwich Village bar fought back agast police harassment, the gay movement veloped a more radil and antagonistic attu toward straight society as s lears me unr the sway of the untercultural New Left.

”One of the first groups to emerge the aftermath of Stonewall, the Gay Liberatn Front, adopted s name as an homage to the munist Natnal Liberatn Front of North Vietnam, rid marriage as “one of the most sid and basic staers of the system, ” nounced the “dirty, vile, fucked-up palist nspiracy, ” and donated funds to the Black Panthers, an anizatn not exactly known for holdg progrsive views on homosexualy.

GAY MARRIAGE ALREADY WON | APR. 8, 2013

But by the time the worst years of the epimic were over, gays unrstood how much they had to ga om mastream social acceptance the form of hospal-visatn rights and relatnship regnn—and had monstrated that they had more mon wh the straight majory than perhaps eher si had regnized. The language of gay activists durg this perd, wh s emphasis on rights and rponsibili, was all about fdg a place at the table, not overturng leadg gay wrers and tellectuals at this time of unprecented polil progrs and social advancement weren’t the vote of queer theory and tersectnaly who domate llege mp and fe the voice of gay activism and journalism today, but nservativ and classil liberals like Bawer, Sullivan, David Bdnoy, Jonathan Rch, Norah Vcent, Cale Paglia and other wrers affiliated wh the Inpennt Gay Fom.

Texas, the 2003 Supreme Court se strikg down sodomy laws, told me that the wng legal team “nscly chewed argument rooted sexual liberatn favor of arguments that emphasized mment, love, and fay—and pecially the ia that lbians, gays and bisexuals are ‘jt like’ heterosexuals. ”Like the Ain Amerin civil-rights movement (which had s own separatnist analogue the form of black natnalism) before , the e of gay equaly has been most succsful when s spokmen and women addrsed the Amerin majory as fellow cizens seekg the same rights and rponsibili they take for that posss cultural and polil power, the gay-rights movement is revertg to the ntrol of s radil element, wh many the vanguard bent on upendg the Amerin social orr that only recently accepted . Succs has lowered the stak; rponsible lears (cludg many of the morate and nservative gays who played an unsung role the movement’s succs) have retired om the fight, clearg the field for the sort of culture-war topics roilg the left at Tmp, the gay-rights movement is bet by missn creep.

Take, for example, the Wleyan Universy Open Hoe, which once scribed self as “a safe space for Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgenr, Transsexual, Queer, Qutng, Flexual, Asexual, Genrfuck, Polyamouro, Bondage/Disciple, Domance/Submissn, Sadism/Masochism (LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM) muni and for people of sexually or genr dissint muni. Would forever be ashamed of utterg on natnal televisn, “queer” is now affirmatively ployed by homosexual and heterosexual alike spe the disfort still many gays—due not jt to s history as a slur, but the polil and liftyle radilism aga, there’s the unfortable merger of sorts wh the transgenr movement. Meanwhile, has bee an annual rual for followers of the Black Liv Matter movement to halt gay-pri paras major ci across North Ameri to prott the very prence of uniformed police officers, spe a recent survey fdg that 79 percent of LBTQ people (and 77 percent of nonwhe LGBTQ people) support a police prence at Pri celebratns.

GAY MARRIAGE

Consirg that law enforcement ed to terrorize gays—ed, that one such episo of police btaly advertently helped stir the morn gay-rights movement 50 years ago this week— is the height of absurdy to antagonize police partments eager to protect gay people, much ls monize gay ps. “Buttigieg don’t seem terribly sold on the ia of gayns as a cultural amework, formative inty, or anythg more than a tegory of sexual and romantic behavr, ” plas Christa Ctecci of Slate, assailg Buttigieg for unrstandg homosexualy by s leral fn. ” A culture that once preached dividualy and personal eedom has bee nformist and hectorg, s self-appoted queer missars nstantly policg the language and brgg prsure to bear on those who n afoul of their ever-evolvg end of gay rights do not mean the end of homophobia.

But do boost those polil forc bent on nvcg Amerins that the gay-rights movement will only be satisfied once every dividual cizen agre wh s precepts (a tough proposn a relig untry), and that gays will e strong-arm tactics to achieve this ’s promise to protect relig liberty om a hegemonic secular left is one of the major reasons why so many evangelil Christians supported a thrice-married sexual reprobate 2016, and li at the heart of a recent bate among nservative tellectuals over whether they ought abandon civily altogether and, the words of s stigator, “fight the culture war wh the aim of featg the enemy and enjoyg the spoils the form of a public square re-orred to the mon good and ultimately the Hight Good.

Acrdg to a study of same-sex upl Massachetts, the first state to legalize gay marriage, “Married and unmarried participants alike articulated a pervasive feelg that havg accs to legal marriage had greatly dimished the sense of need that had fueled anized LGBQ muny the past” and that “sce gag the right to marry there was ls need to anize for rights and acceptance. Devoid of genue bigotry to nmn and substantive asslts on equaly to rist, they rort to ever more sperate accatns and pettier ncerns, plag about a directive om the State Department prohibg embassi om flyg the rabow flag (but not om displayg on embassy walls), or cynilly misnstg a printial joke told at the vice print’s expense as a wish for gay people to be lynched. Each of the ntrived outrag is prented as a terrifyg blow agast gay equaly, when they are nothg more than smallns of the Amerin bate over the issu do not really strike you until you’ve spent time overseas plac where is tly dangero to be gay.

THE WAR OVER GAY MARRIAGE IS ALREADY WON

Early Years: Same-Sex Marriage Bans In 1970, jt one year after the historic Stonewall Rts that galvanized the gay rights movement, law stunt Richard Baker and librarian Jam McConnell applied for a marriage license Gerald Nelson rejected their applitn bee they were a same-sex uple, and a trial urt upheld his cisn. ” This lg effectively blocked feral urts om lg on same-sex marriage for s, leavg the cisn solely the hands of stat, which alt blow after blow to those hopg to see gay marriage beg 1973, for stance, Maryland beme the first state to create a law that explicly f marriage as a unn between a man and woman, a belief held by many nservative relig groups.

In 1989, the San Francis Board of Supervisors passed an ordance that allowed homosexual upl and unmarried heterosexual upl to register for domtic partnerships, which granted hospal visatn rights and other years later, the District of Columbia siarly passed a new law that allowed same-sex upl to register as domtic partners.

WHY THE BATTLE FOR GAY MARRIAGE WAS WON SO EASILY

C., 1993, the hight urt Hawaii led that a ban on same-sex marriage may vlate that state nstutn’s Equal Protectn Clse—the first time a state urt has ever ched toward makg gay marriage Hawaii Supreme Court sent the se—brought by a gay male uple and two lbian upl who were nied marriage licens 1990—back for further review to the lower First Circu Court, which 1991 origally dismissed the the state tried to prove that there was “pellg state tert” jtifyg the ban, the se would be tied up ligatn for the next three Defense of Marriage Act Opponents of gay marriage, however, did not s on their hnch.

That is, even if a state ma gay marriage legal, same-sex upl still wouldn’t be able to file e tax jotly, sponsor spo for immigratn benefs or receive spoal Social Secury payments, among many other act was a huge setback for the marriage equaly movement, but transient good news arose three months later: Hawaii Judge Kev S.

TIME COVERS THE GAY RIGHTS MOVEMENT

Phg for Change: Civil Unns The next saw a whirlwd of activy on the gay marriage ont, begng wh the year 2000 when Vermont beme the first state to legalize civil unns, a legal stat that provis most of the state-level benefs of years later, Massachetts beme the first state to legalize gay marriage when the Massachetts Supreme Court led that same-sex upl had the right to marry Goodridge v.

HOW GAY MARRIAGE WON THE US

Kansas and Texas were next 2005, and 2006 saw seven more stat passg Constutnal amendments agast gay towards the end of the , gay marriage beme legal var stat, cludg Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont (the first state to approve by legislative means) and New Hampshire. Domtic Partnerships Throughout the and the begng of the next, California equently ma headl for seawg on the gay marriage state was the first to pass a domtic partnership statute 1999, and legislators tried to pass a same-sex marriage bill 2005 and 2007.

For the first time the untry’s history, voters (rather than judg or legislators) Mae, Maryland, and Washgton approved Constutnal amendments permtg same-sex marriage marriage also beme a feral issue 2010, Massachetts, the first state to legalize gay marriage, found Sectn 3 of DOMA—the part of the 1996 law that fed marriage as a unn between one man and one woman—to be unnstutnal. Wdsor, nservative Jtice Anthony Kennedy sid wh Jtic Ruth Bar Gsburg, Stephen Breyer, Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan favor of same-sex marriage rights, ultimately makg gay marriage legal across the natn June this time, was still outlawed only 13 stat, and more than 20 other untri had already legalized gay marriage, startg wh the Netherlands December 2000. When at last the doors of the whe marble temple swung open on March 26 for the first of two ssns voted to the subject, the lucky on found seats time to hear Jtice Anthony Kennedy — thor of two important earlier cisns favor of gay rights and likely a key vote this time as well — turn the tabl on the attorney fendg the tradnalist view.

GAY STRASBOURG

Even as nservativ fight for relig-liberty exemptns om the new norms around same-sex marriage, such as those the Supreme Court is nsirg a challenge om a Catholic social-servic agency that ref to place foster children gay fai, they’ve effectively nced feat the broar war over the earlier civil rights projects to which the qut for marriage equaly was often pared — notably, for women’s sufage and racial segregatn — not only took much longer to reach their goals but also appeared to leave a ridue of unrolved nflict even after the nstutnal issu were settled. In the sprg of 1996, Whe Hoe talkg pots on the topic — which Print Bill Clton personally approved — argued that the print “do not believe is appropriate for srce feral rourc to be voted to providg spoal benefs to partners gay and lbian relatnships.

In pretrial statements, the state attorney general’s office dned a range of potential ratnal: that Hawaii thori had an tert ensurg that the state’s legal relatnships were regnized other jurisdictns; that the state had an tert furtherg procreatn wh marriage; that heterosexual marriag were better for children; that the islands’ tourist enomy uld suffer if Hawaii beme Lake Tahoe for gay and lbian none of the ratnal managed to persua judg — eher Hawaii or subsequent succsful challeng to marriage laws Vermont, Massachetts, Connecticut, California and Iowa. ” But afterward, even the most cynil observers of events Massachetts and the stat that followed s lead uld not pot to any societal y that gay marriage both the legal and polil spher, opponents were forced to shrk the circle of those expected to feel direct harm om lettg gay men and lbians marry.

Even if simple exposure to gay fai ed harm to children (and gay-marriage opponents uld never mter anythg beyond njecture to support that claim), they did not brg much to the fight agast same-sex marriage as voters, donors or the same time, the aln of those vted legalizg same-sex marriage not only broaned, but their vtment the oute epened.