12 Thgs to Never Say to Gay Men

Contents:

• GAY CULTURE HAS GROWN TOXIC WH UNCHECKED PRIVILEGE. IT'S TIME FOR TO RET
• IS LLG A HOMOSEXUAL PERSON “GAY” OFFENSIVE?
• GAY STEREOTYP: ARE THEY TE?
• THE 'GAY' WORD: WHAT DO MEAN WHEN YOUNG PEOPLE E NEGATIVELY?
• WHY DO STRAIGHTS HATE GAYS?

GAY CULTURE HAS GROWN TOXIC WH UNCHECKED PRIVILEGE. IT'S TIME FOR TO RET

But even though the nversatns that muted this lumn for six weeks are nowhere close to beg over, I do feel like some thgs that me up durg that time of ntemplatn are worth sayg now — particularly to my fellow whe gay cis out more stori on LGBTQ+ ins and activistsHowever, the ghost of Larry Kramer very much remaed my own head as I ma my way through a Pri month unlike any other. I spent a few quiet afternoons readg his 1978 but novel Faggots, a satiril (yet clearly tobgraphil) look at the liv of gay men 1970s New York Cy that he wrote jt before AIDS ma him a figurehead of Amerin activism. Followg a man his late 30s (based on Kramer himself) who is seekg out a lovg, long-term relatnship a sea of hedonism, the novel has a clear msage: gay men need to start lovg each other stead of beg so obssed wh gettg fucked up and (lerally and figuratively) fuckg each other.

- Larry Kramer his but novelUpon publitn, Faggots was dismissed by many as puranil and self-loathg for s cricism of gay men's obssn wh vany, promiscuy and recreatnal dg e. And while, on one level, the book is a wild (if at tim problematic) wdow to an era of gay culture 40 years the past, also felt like had a lot to say about gay culture today.

IS LLG A HOMOSEXUAL PERSON “GAY” OFFENSIVE?

In mastream gay media, the phrase almost always refers to a fairly specific subset of the LGBTQ "muny" largely ma up of whe gay cis men — even though many of the battl won around queer rights were fought by people of lour, trans and genr-nonnformg folks, and queer women, and fact the morn Pri movement self was large part iated by Black trans women. If an imprsn of a monolhic "gay culture" fed by such a homogeneo mographic exists, is bee whe gay cis men have until very recently domated mastream reprentatn unr the LGBTQ umbrella and have, general, been hand a level of privilege the last that is wildly disproportnate to any other mographic unr said umbrella.

(Prophetilly enough, Fire Island is where the climax of Faggots — Kramer's exriatn of "gay culture" — tak place. When was the last time I actually had a good time at gay bar full of people I have fely spoken to on social media or apps but who act like I'm pletely sane when I se or say hello person? In analyzg the show's pictn of young gay men livg San Francis, wrer Daniel Wenger diagnos what he terms the "new gay sadns": an entire generatn of urban, privileged gay men who seem to have no clue what they're lookg for or who they are.

Largely born the 1980s, they are the earlit wave of a "post-Stonewall, post-plague, post-activist" generatn of gays — "too old to have brought a boy to the prom and too young to have nursed a fantasy of nng away to an urban gay utopia, " Wenger explas. Queeri5 pneerg LGBTQ Canadian films you n watch for ee right nowI've seen many of my fellow whe gay cis men seemgly rise to the ocsn by retweetg Black and Indigeno voic, gog to ralli and vowg to te themselv on how to tly be anti-racist (though how performative that is some s is unclear). Rettg "gay culture" will require fightg back agast entrenched social prsur and expectatns of gay cis men — and llg them out when they perpetuate, even passively, any form of discrimatory dialogue.

GAY STEREOTYP: ARE THEY TE?

And was large part bee of that attu that he uld lead AIDS activists through a rpt and homophobic system to ga accs to the dgs that ma possible for our generatn to have the liv that we do. Chan School of Public Health, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundatn and Natnal Public survey, a natnally reprentative sample of 489 lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr and queer adults, found that more than half of them experienced slurs (57 percent) or offensive ments (53 percent). “Even as we see advanc like gay marriage or pollg that says people are supportive of LGBTQ issu or know a gay person, average muny members are sayg that don’t mean discrimatn has gone away.

People who intify as lbian, gay, or bisexual may experience harassment or discrimatn om people who are sred of or unfortable wh the inti. Both gay and straight people n be transphobic and biphobic, and people n be transphobic whout beg homophobic or biphobic. Homophobia n take many different forms, cludg negative attus and beliefs about, aversn to, or prejudice agast bisexual, lbian, and gay people.

In s most extreme forms, homophobia and biphobia n e people to bully, abe, and flict vlence on lbian, gay, and bisexual people. Internalized homophobia refers to people who are homophobic while also experiencg same-sex attractn themselv. This may mean that they feel disfort and disapproval wh their own same-sex attractns, never accept their same-sex attractns, or never intify as lbian, gay, or bisexual.

THE 'GAY' WORD: WHAT DO MEAN WHEN YOUNG PEOPLE E NEGATIVELY?

People alg wh ternalized homophobia may feel the need to “prove” that they’re straight, exhib very stereotypil behavr of straight men and women, or even bully and discrimate agast openly gay people. People who experience homophobic, biphobic, or transphobic harassment often feel alone and are aaid to tell anyone what’s happeng.

Other LGBTQ people Your lol LGBTQ muny center Onle muni of LGBTQ people Q Chat Space is a way for LGBTQ+ teens to nnect wh each other through live-chat group discsns — no matter where they are Tsted LGBTQ adults that you may already know, such as fay members or teachers Straight people who are alli to LGBTQ people A Gay/Straight Alliance at your high school, if applible. LGBTQ anizatns such as the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), The Trevor Project, and Parents and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG). If you’re a young person experiencg homophobia and ’s g you to feel prsed or suicidal, the Trevor Project n help.

WHY DO STRAIGHTS HATE GAYS?

If you feel safe dog so, speak up when other people are beg homophobic or biphobic, such as makg offensive jok, g negative language, or bullyg or harassg someone bee of their sexual orientatn or inty. The term homophobia was first scribed 1972 by Gee Weberg, and fed as an irratnal fear, hatred, and tolerance of beg close quarters wh homosexual men and women. More obv forms of homophobia clu laws and regulatns geared towards discrimatn and unrmg the basic human rights of lbian, gay, and bisexual people.

And though not as physilly threateng, anti-gay slurs and lack of acceptance of sexual mori to muni and fai n also have vastatg psychologil nsequenc on gay and bisexual people. For dividuals who belong to other mory groups—such as racial or ethnic mori—the effect of homophobia is signifintly amplified.