Adult Children of Gay and Lbian Parents: Relign and the Parent-Child Relatnship - PMC

Contents:

• “MOM, DAD… I’M GAY.” A CHRISTIAN PARENT’S RPONSE
• HOW CAN CHRISTIAN PARENTS RPOND TO THEIR GAY CHILD?
• HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS
• EVANGELIL CHRISTIAN PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN STRIVE FOR ACCEPTANCE SI CHURCH
• CHRISTIAN LEAR WH SAME-SEX ATTRACTN SAYS PARENTS MT SHOW LOVE FOR THEIR GAY CHILDREN
• 'RETURN THE KEY': THE PARENTS WHO REJECT THEIR GAY CHILDREN
• RAISG A GAY TEEN: WHEN FAH, FAY AND SEXUALY LLI
• PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE
• SUPPORT YOUR CHILDREN IF THEY ARE GAY, POPE TELLS PARENTS
• EVANGELILS WH GAY CHILDREN CHALLENGE CHURCH
• PASTOR SAYS PARENTS SHOULD 'ALIENATE' GAY KIDS, 'TURN THEM OVER TO SATAN'
• ADULT CHILDREN OF GAY AND LBIAN PARENTS: RELIGN AND THE PARENT-CHILD RELATNSHIP
• SHOULD CHRISTIANS “DISOWN” GAY SONS AND DGHTERS?
• HOW SHOULD CHRISTIAN PARENTS RPOND IF ONE OF THEIR CHILDREN OUT AS GAY?

“MOM, DAD… I’M GAY.” A CHRISTIAN PARENT’S RPONSE

They believe that if you experience same-sex attractns, then you're gay, " Doyle told the negative rpons parents have, acrdg to Doyle, are avoidg the issue by barrg their child om talkg about SSA or their gay inty; believg that 's a passg phase; or threateng to kick their olr teen or 20-somethg child out of the hoe.

"We know, our clil rearch over the last 25 years, that fay culture, environment and other non-blogil factors play a signifint role the velopment of same-sex attractn, " he asserted, addg that parents shouldn't seek therapy as an attempt to change their the book, Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Fay Healg, wrten by Richard Cohen, executive director of IHF, Doyle said 12 prcipl are discsed to help fai navigate through SSA and s . "Regardg sleepovers and big life events such as parents' attendg a child's same-sex weddg ceremony, Doyle suggted that parents treat their homosexual child the same as they would their heterosexual the se of sleepovers, parents should mata the same standards for every child and not allow their gay intified or SSA child to have somone they're attracted to spend the night wh them.

"The same l should apply to heterosexual upl and homosexual upl, " he when down to attendg a child's gay weddg ceremony, Doyle suggted that attendg the ceremony don't necsarily reflect that the parents agree wh same-sex marriage, their prence merely shows their love for their child.

HOW CAN CHRISTIAN PARENTS RPOND TO THEIR GAY CHILD?

" | (Photo: Christopher Yuan)Sharg his own story of beg a Christian as a same-sex attracted man at the Ethics and Relig Liberty Commissn's Natnal Conference Tuday, Moody Bible Profsor Christopher Yuan revealed how Christian parents n bt love their lbian, gay, bisexual, and transsexual children and gui them back to the Gospel.

A statistic circulated on Twter statg that about 40 percent of the homels youth intify as LGBT and have been kicked out of their hom, seemgly poted out that some Christian parents might be, fact, rejectg their homosexual also challenged Yuan's ll to love LGBT children as trivial. "My parents mted not to foc upon the hopelsns but upon the promis of God, " he told the urged Christian parents wh gay children not to play the blame game, but rather realize that "the job of Christian parents is not to produce godly children, but the job of Christian parents is to be godly parents. He also wrote a book wh his mother lled Out of a far Country: A Gay Son's Journey to God, A Broken Mother's Search for 's ttimony was one of several discsns about the gospel, homosexualy and the future of marriage hosted by the ERLC Natnal Conference Nashville, Tennsee, Oct.

Celebry stori of heartbreakg parental rejectn are also November, the Amerin thor and producer Robyn Crawford released a book nfirmg she had had a romantic relatnship wh Whney Hoton – but had to abandon out of fear of the repercsns om Hoton’s by Oprah Wey if would have bothered her if her dghter was gay, Cissy Hoton said “Absolutely. "You jt wa, " Bent dated boys bee that's what she thought she was supposed to, one day middle school, she learned what "gay" don't remember the tails of the disvery — she thks the rmatn me om the "terrible kids" who ro the b wh her — but sudnly she reached an unrstandg of liked girls, and that attractn had a was gay.

HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS

VATICAN CITY, Jan 26 (Rters) - Pope Francis said on Wednday that parents of gay children should not nmn them but offer them spoke unscripted ments at his weekly dience reference to difficulti that parents n face raisg issu clud "parents who see different sexual orientatns their children and how to handle this, how to acpany their children, and not hi behd an attu of nmnatn, " Francis has prevly said that gays have a right to be accepted by their fai as children and has also said that while the Church nnot accept same-sex marriage n support civil unn laws aimed at givg gay partners jot rights areas of pensns and health re and herance issu. REUTERS/Remo Casilli Acquire Licensg RightsLast year, the Vatin's doctral office issued a document sayg that Catholic prits nnot bls same-sex unns, a lg that greatly disappoted gay some untri, such as the Uned Stat and Germany, parish and misters had begun blsg same-sex unns li of marriage, and there have been lls for bishops to facto stutnalise the.

EVANGELIL CHRISTIAN PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN STRIVE FOR ACCEPTANCE SI CHURCH

3 billn-member Church have said the pope - who has sent not of appreciatn to prits and nuns who mister to gay Catholics - is givg mixed signals on homosexualy, nfg some of the month, a Vatin partment apologised for "g pa to the entire LGBTQ muny" by removg om s webse a lk to rource material om a Catholic gay rights advocy group preparatn for a Vatin meetg 2023 on the Church's future directn. The parents have only recently started fdg each other onle and through fah-oriented anizatns for gays and lbians such as the Gay Christian Network, The Reformatn Project and The Mar Lda Robertson, who blogs about her son at, said a private Facebook page she started last year for evangelil mothers of gays has more than 300 members. And the last few years, high-profile s of proment Christian parents embracg their gay children dite a change is occurrg beyond a few isolated Brownson, a New Ttament scholar at Wtern Theologil Semary, a Michigan school affiliated wh the Reformed Church Ameri, last year published the book "Bible, Genr, Sexualy, " advotg a re-examatn of what Scripture says about same-sex relatnships.

CHRISTIAN LEAR WH SAME-SEX ATTRACTN SAYS PARENTS MT SHOW LOVE FOR THEIR GAY CHILDREN

"I thk at some pot moms and dads are gog to say to their pastors and church learship that you n't tell me that my child is not loved unndnally by God, " said San Shopland, the dghter of a Prbyterian missnary who, along wh her gay son, is active wh the Gay Christian Baldock, a Christian who advot for gay acceptance through her webse, said evangelil parents are speakg out more bee of the example set by their children. The followg them emerged om phenomenologil analysis of the terviews: (a) fay break-up more difficult than the parents’ g out; (b) disvery that parent was gay or lbian; (c) ial shame over havg gay or lbian parent; (d) posive aspects of havg a gay or lbian parent; (e) refed relatnship wh relign; and (f) impact of culture on how gay and lbian dividuals are viewed.

'RETURN THE KEY': THE PARENTS WHO REJECT THEIR GAY CHILDREN

Over the years, rearchers have started to vtigate the perspectiv of adult children who have been raised by gay and lbian parents (Bailey, Bobrow, Wolfe, & Mikach, 1995; Tasker & Golombok, 1995), and the foc has moved beyond explorg stigma to unrstandg their long-term experienc greater pth (Goldberg, 2007a, 2007b) children may have been raised by an tact gay or lbian uple sce fancy, but others may have to balance relatnships wh both gay and heterosexual parents.

The may be children who were origally born to a heterosexual relatnship which one parent me out later the children’s liv, or rarer s children who were ially part of a fay led by a gay or lbian uple and mt pe wh fay disptn when one parent enters to a heterosexual relatnship. Conversely, when dividuals and fai are able to rolve the apparent nflict between acceptg a gay or lbian fay member and relig homonegative msag, the out n eventually be more posive (Lease & Shulman, 2003) discsed below, the impact on fai occurs over time, and relatnships wh the fay as well as wh their relign may change as children are able to reflect on their experienc and mature themselv. Therefore, the goal of the current study was to exame the perceived role of relign over time the parent-child relatnships of adult children wh a gay or lbian parent and a heterosexual Out to ChildrenWhen gay and lbian parents e out after they have tablished fai a heterosexual relatnship, the g out procs affects the entire fay (Armto, 2002; Beeler & DiProva, 1999; Bozett, 1980; Van Voorhis & McCla, 1997).

RAISG A GAY TEEN: WHEN FAH, FAY AND SEXUALY LLI

In addn, fai often create their own l about discsg homosexualy and/or may experience negative emotns followg the g out procs (Beeler & DiProva, 1999), Gillis, and Cogan (2009) found that gay, lbian, and bisexual dividuals who were more relig had higher sr on the Revised Internalized Homophobia Sle (IHP-R), suggtg that ternalized heterosexism or self-stigma was posively related to relig-based homonegative msag. Fai of Gay and Lbian IndividualsRearchers started explorg the psychologil and emotnal well beg as well as genr inty velopment of children wh gay and lbian parents the 1970s, and they have sce foced on breakg down stereotyp that gay and lbian parents are unf (Patterson, 2005; Tasker & Golombok, 1995). Fay members of gays and lbians are often aware of heterosexism society as well as their own heterosexual privilege; therefore, many may choose to fight agast homonegativy and to support equal rights for gay, lbian, bisexual, and transgenr (GLBT) dividuals (Arm et al., 2009; Goldberg, 2007a).

Siarly, Beeler and DiProva (1999) found that fay members not only have a fdg out story but also have their own g out procs as the relative of a gay and lbian recently scholars have started to explore the fluence of relign the procs of fay members acceptg or rejectg their gay and lbian relativ (Lease et al., 2005). Although some rearch ntu to be biased by the assumptn that gay and lbian dividuals have to choose between beg relig and acceptg their non-heterosexual inty, other vtigatns have begun to exame the rporatn of both inti (Barret & Barzan, 1996; Buchanan, Dzelme, Harris, & Hecker, 2001). Lease and Shulman (2003) reported that although fay members of gay and lbian dividuals may e relign to impe their relatnships wh their gay and lbian relativ, many are also able to expand their the views of an acceptg and lovg y to one who would accept their gay or lbian relative.

Over time, fay members of gay and lbian dividuals may experience gnive dissonance between their posive perceptn of their own gay or lbian relativ wh the religly-based homonegative msag they receive, and their relatnships may be termed based on their abily to rolve this dissonance. However, Hunsberger (1996) found that fundamentalist Christian, Jewish, Mlim, and Hdu nomatns were all generally tolerant toward gay and lbian dividuals, regardls of their to the homonegative msag, gay and lbian dividuals may believe that they have to ci between their relig inty and intifyg as gay or lbian, and the dividuals may rema celibate if they choose their relign (Rter & O’Neill, 1989). In one of the few articl that nsired the relativ of gay and lbian dividuals, Lease and Shulman (2003) found that fay members ed strategi such as focg on relig msag that facilated their acceptance, adjted their level of volvement when relign imped their acceptance, and advoted for acceptance wh their relig muny, to rencile their relig inty wh acceptg LGB fay gays and lbians of lor, the challeng bee more plex, as a ls tolerant culture may further impe the g out procs for people of lor (Merighi & Grim, 2000).

PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE

Bee of the plex teractns of multiple inti, gay and lbian dividuals may stggle between g out to a muny that is unsupportive whout the guarantee of acceptance to the larger gay and lbian muny due to racism (Smh et al., 2008) summary, although the negative associatn between relign and sexual orientatn has been addrsed, rearch regardg other aspects of relig fluence on gay and lbian dividuals is limed. Participants have the followg current relig inti: Jewish (2), Catholic (3), Prottant (1), Mennone (1), nfed (1), and two participants no longer have an intifyg 1Participant DemographicsNameSexAgeFay RelignCurrent RelignRace/ EthnicyGay or Lbian ParentSexual OrientatnMariaF29Catholic- PentestalConfedLataFatherHeterosexualAmyF19LutheranMennoneWheFatherUnknownRogerM30CatholicCatholicWheFatherUnknownNancyF30JewishJewishWheMotherHeterosexualSarahF43Roman CatholicRoman CatholicWheFatherHeterosexualShellyF33CatholicNoneWheFatherHeterosexualAlexM23JewishNoneWhe/ Native AmerinMotherHeterosexualRachelF34JewishJewishWhe/ JewishMotherHeterosexualVictoriaF28CatholicCatholicWheFatherHeterosexualTammyF28ChristianChristianWhe/ ItalianMotherLbianNe participants were raised the ntext of heterosexual relatnships that dissolved, and one dividual was born to the ntext of a same-sex relatnship that dissolved when one of the participants’ mothers entered a heterosexual relatnship and ntued to intify as heterosexual while the other mother ntued to intify as lbian. ProcrThe terview protol was veloped by the first and send thors based on an extensive lerature review and was foced to answer the followg rearch qutn: How do adult children wh both a gay or lbian parent as well as a heterosexual parent retrospectively perceive the impact of relign on their relatnships wh both their heterosexual and gay or lbian parents?

In velopg our terview qutns we nsired qutns addrsed prr related studi: (a) the role of relign their fay, how the role of relign has evolved, and how their relign viewed gay and lbian dividuals (Lease & Shulman, 2003), and (b) the impact heterosexual parent’s rponse to the g out had on parent-child relatnships (Goldberg, 2007a). Also, bee of the potential tersectn of relig and ethnic inti (Greene, 1997), we asked about ethnic inty and how the participant’s ethnic muny views gay and lbian recg participants, two volunteers who met the study creria but were not part of the study participated terviews and provid feedback on both the mographic qutnnaire and terview protol for this study. The mographic qutnnaire clud the followg ems: sex, race/ethnicy, relig background, current relign, age, level of relig participatn, age when gay or lbian parent me out to child, which parent is gay or lbian, the parent’s intified sexual orientatn, which parent is straight, and child’s age when the parents were divorced or separated.

The semi-stctured terview was also ed to ga more rmatn regardg how the parent-child relatnship may differ between the adult child and her or his gay or lbian parent and heterosexual first thor utilized bracketg before the study began, and wrote about her personal experience and knowledge of this phenomenon to bee more aware of her prenceptns. Rndant statements were exclud as meangs were rived om the signifint statements by rereadg through the statements to unver meangs that uld have been ncealed (Crwell, 1998, 2007) anizatn started by clterg the statements to intify the major them related to how relign impacts the parent-child relatnships of adult children wh a gay or lbian parent.

SUPPORT YOUR CHILDREN IF THEY ARE GAY, POPE TELLS PARENTS

Bearg wns to homonegativy has motivated her to study relign, psychology, and soclogy to better unrstand the relatnship between relign and send thor is a Whe female who is also a licensed psychologist and associate profsor of unselg psychology at a private religly affiliated universy the northeast. Personal relatnships wh gay parents who are accepted as full members of this muny have led her to believe that tegratn of relign wh sexual mory stat is possible, and that the impact on children do not have to be third thor was a Psychology Major and was enrolled a bed bachelors and masters program at a private religly affiliated universy the northeast.

RultsThe followg six them emerged om the terviews: (a) fay break-up more difficult than parents’ g out; (b) disvery that parent was gay or lbian; (c) ial shame over havg a gay or lbian parent; (d) posive aspects of havg a gay or lbian parent; (e) refed relatnship wh relign; and (f) impact of culture on how gay and lbian dividuals are viewed.

” Although Alex scribed how beg raised a gay-affirmg Jewish muny further validated his experience, later on he allud to directg negative attentn to himself orr to divert om his participants reported that they veloped a closer relatnship wh their gay or lbian parent after the disclosure. Wh my dad, I’ve gotten a lot closer, he feels like he n be himself now, and he is happier many ways so, he seems lighter and I feel like I know him better, and so we talk a lot more than we ed to and we do thg together whout my mom which we never did participants reported that although the layed disclosure may have been upsettg, also gave them time to procs how they felt about havg a gay or lbian parent. Sce my mom wouldn’t talk about , I sort of phed away, but then wh the real g out, I gus was easier ‘e had been on my md and I procsed a ltle, a 33-year old, explored how she self-disvered and accepted that her father was gay before she experienced homonegativy society:.

EVANGELILS WH GAY CHILDREN CHALLENGE CHURCH

Some of the major them prented are ngent wh prev rearch while other them addrs new ncepts that may spire future scholars, to date, have explored the adult perspective of children wh gay or lbian parents (Goldberg, 2007a; Patterson, 2005), and the thors of this study were the first to explore relign as a factor the parent-child relatnships of adult children wh both a gay or lbian parent as well as a heterosexual parent.

PASTOR SAYS PARENTS SHOULD 'ALIENATE' GAY KIDS, 'TURN THEM OVER TO SATAN'

In this study, adult children wh a gay or lbian parent discsed the impact of their fay’s break-up, disvery that parent was gay or lbian, ial shame, relign, and culture had on their parent-child relatnships addn to the posive aspects of havg a gay or lbian fdgs of this study have implitns for practice, rearch, and rmg judicial cisns regardg children wh a gay or lbian parent. Acrdg to Murray and McCltock (2005), adult children of lbians and bisexual mothers were more likely to report their mothers’ disclosure as a posive experience than adult children of gay and bisexual fathers; however, lbian and bisexual mothers tend to disclose their sexual orientatn to their children at an earlier age.

Participants reported that not havg an open discsn earlier ma them feel betrayed, miststed, and/or ashamed due to the secretivens of this the other si of the story, Armto (2002) reported that gay fathers experienced distrs cidg whether or not they should e out to their children, and when. Although gay and lbian parents may lay the disclosure to protect themselv om rejectn, many of the adult children the prent study reported feelg ial shame or betrayal if they had self-disvered or heard about om another fay member rather than havg their gay or lbian parent e out to them directly. In some s, not beg able to talk about the havg a gay or lbian parent after a self-disvery or hearg about om a fay member uld be perceived as an unspoken le that this topic is off lims, while other dividuals who fd out on their own may be unsure about who else knows and if this is accepted or not.

ADULT CHILDREN OF GAY AND LBIAN PARENTS: RELIGN AND THE PARENT-CHILD RELATNSHIP

In the current study and the Goldberg (2007a, 2007b) projects, general participants were found to be aware of societal homonegativy, but tertgly, some participants took pri the belief that their non-nventnal fai helped them to be more acceptg and appreciative of diversy. The fdgs were nsistent wh Lease and Shulman’s (2003) study on the role of relign acceptg a relative’s sexual orientatn, which found that fay members of gay and lbian dividuals e relign to eher assist or impe their relatnships wh their gay or lbian relativ, and that dividuals tend to differentiate between what their personal experience has been parison to their broar relign. One signifint fdg was that although adult children who self-disvered or were told that their parent was gay or lbian may stggled wh the secrecy surroundg the disclosure, the majory of participants this study reported improved relatnships wh their gay or lbian parents after they were out.

It’s not like an eleven-year old who feels pletely nfint mom and dad’s love turns twelve or thirteen, tells mom and dad he’s gay, listens to them object morally but experienc their ntued affirmatn of him otherwise, will then ci that they don’t fact love him and try to hurt himself. “Warng: Don’t take your dghter to see Barbie, ” the headle parents will wrongly believe Barbie is a kid-iendly film due to the film’s ti to the popular Barbie doll anchise, Moviegui film “fets s re dience of fai and children while terg to nostalgic adults and phg lbian, gay, bisexual and transgenr character stori, ” Moviegui add.

SHOULD CHRISTIANS “DISOWN” GAY SONS AND DGHTERS?

HOW SHOULD CHRISTIAN PARENTS RPOND IF ONE OF THEIR CHILDREN OUT AS GAY?