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OP-ED: SIX REASONS WHY SUCKS TO BE A GAY MAN

The gays have been g the ter to get laid sce AOL lnched chat rooms to Friendster, but wh Craigslist and Manhunt g their formulas, what is a homo wh a hard-on to do now? What's next for easily-available ass? * gay dating sucks *

This week, we were remd about all of the real reasons why beg gay is hard. As the Uned Stat Supreme Court heard two landmark s the gay rights movement, the glarg dispari of the way gay men and women are treated this untry, once aga, beme pafully apparent (jt se anyone was startg to fet. ) So today, let's fet about what mak actually hard to be gay and let's talk about the thgs that jt pla are the top six reasons why jt kd of sucks to be a gay guy:6.

AFTER CRAIGSLIST AND MANHUNT, HERE IS WHERE GAYS WILL GET THEIR CLICKS

So trated wh datg the gay world.  I am creatg this blog to share experienc and get thgs off my cht.  I do not have any good gay iends to nfi and although I am out to my fay and iends, none of them are really terted hearg about my love life. … * gay dating sucks *

You would thk that the season of tank tops and flip-flops would be the most fivg for a gay man on a budget. There are certa groups of gay men that still love to quote the immortal le of "You n't s wh !

WISNS MIDDLE SCHOOL FEATUR 'THIS BOOK IS GAY' LIBRARY, STIRRG ONLE OUTRAGE

You would thk that a group of people who have experienced more than enough of beg ostracized, cricized, and trivialized for beg gay would be more clive.

In the grand scheme of the gay rights movement, the men often fail to realize the people that are tly makg a difference are the on that maybe aren't "fabulo" enough to make the ve list to your next really wants to s wh you, anyway. The gym is gay church...

And you are a the heterosexual onlooker, gay men surely enjoy the rults om untls hours spent the gym.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* GAY DATING SUCKS

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ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-radi-12--AmQy9 social-preview-box post"><div class="social-image-box"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset=" /><img src=" siz="100vw" alt loadg="lazy" width="120" class="ontend-ponents-rponsive_img-module__img--Pgjj2 social-image" /></picture></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-y-8--exiCC ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-left-12--eE6bp"><h4 class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-16--fFowu ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-bold--Ps9DB ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-primary--ud4Z0 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ">"No Fats, No Femm, No Asians"</h4><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 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class="available-ntent"><div dir="to" class="body markup"><p><span>Gay datg sucks. I wouldn’t go so far as to proclaim that gay datg is ad, but fely sucks. Ask any gay person and they will agree that there are many challeng to datg that aren’t as pronounced the straight world. My favoure phrase om a straight person is '“Did you match wh them on Grdr?” followed by the look of shock when I tell them that lerally anyone n msage you on this app as long as they f wh the neart 100 squar, which n be extend and modified by age, race and tegory to su your </span><em>preferenc</em><span>. Yuck. Preferenc. I hate that word. But ’s precisely this word that perpetuat a very unhealthy digal environment for young queer people, as well as old queer people. In amia, this ia has been labelled homonormativy, which skips along hand hand wh hyper-masculy, down the Yellow Brick Road towards a Tmp rally or somethg. So what is homonormativy and how do this have tangible impacts on the liv of many queer people today?</span></p><div class="ptned-image-ntaer"><figure><a class="image-lk is-viewable-img image2" target="_blank" href=" data-ponent-name="Image2ToDOM" rel="nofollow ugc noopener"><div class="image2-set"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" /><img src=" width="1456" height="2184" data-attrs="{"src":"" class="sizg-normal" alt srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" fetchprry="high" /></picture><div class="image-lk-expand"><svg xmlns=" width="16" height="16" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="#FFFFFF" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-maximize2"><polyle pots="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyle><polyle pots="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyle><le x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></le><le x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></le></svg></div></div></a></figure></div><p>Where heteronormativy not an implic bias of everythg the media and cultural space towards perpetuatg and privilegg the ia of straightns (see The Bachelor and Love Island), homonormativy exists to prerve a toxic culture wh the queer muny that favours young, whe, attractive cis-genred men. For a long time, black amics have been criqug the rhetoric around femism and queer studi domated by whe women and gay whe men (this is important), particularly theorists like bell hooks and Patricia Hill Colls, who champn ias like tersectnaly. More recently, however, anthropologists and soclogists have been explorg the ia of homonormativy, particularly the way manifts digal worlds.</p><p>The queer muny is ma up of pneers, not only their trailblazg nstctn of heteronormativy, but also lonisg (for lack of a better word) the ter. Grdr and Tr, for example, are natural succsors of chatrooms, which were origally safe spac for queer dividuals to nnect wh likemd people outsi of gay bars and dodgy cisg spots. Particularly durg the AIDS epimic, beg queer was particularly regard as unsafe wir society, so the ter beme a place for people to make iends safety, and share mon experienc. From s ceptn, queer onle munitn has been exclive, almost by sign, and this culture has been rried to the morn eratns of digal munitn.</p><p><span>When I first went on Grdr, I was jt another facels profile, lurkg, seeg how this esystem worked before engagg wh anyone. What I noticed, very quickly, however, is that at the time was fairly normal (although disgtg) to see statements such as “No Fats, no Femm, no Asians” on untls (whe) profil, people clearly statg their </span><em>preferenc</em><span> openly, wh very ltle repercsns for blatant racism, fatphobia and ternalised homophobia. This is homonormativy ma manift. Homonormativy serv to em everyone outsi of the “normal” (young, whe, mcular cis-genred men) as unattractive, unwanted, unsirable and ultimately worthls. This is why you see gay upl who are lerally clon of each other. Homonormativy is prevalent most Wtern societi, but particularly so settler societi, where the perceptn of non-whe people is particularly skewed orr to prerve stctur of whe supremacy. But even whe people are victims of homonormativy. If you are feme prentg or “old” (and old-ns is relative) or don’t have a six-pack, you were also grouped to the out-group, ma to feel unattractive and th worthls a muny hung up on athetics and penis size.</span></p><p>The very fact that Grdr allows you to filter not only by age, but by race and “tribe” as well shows that was signed to be discrimatory. It is difficult to fend an app that is solely signed to maximise the likelihood of anonymo sexual enunters, th enuragg mimal teractns, while at the same time allowg people to actively practice their racism and ll a preference. Gettg no rponse is probably the worst form of rejectn on the app. Where on Tr you at least have to swipe right on each other to enable you to match and make ntact, Grdr’s sign enurag you to “tap” or msage every six-pack your grid - if you don’t do now, you may never see them on your grid aga, and then you have missed your opportuny. For the most part, Grdr is a dangero cycle of rejectn after rejectn, which is particularly acute for people who suffer om mental illns or have low self teem. Couple this sign wh a culture of homonormativy, and you have a platform that actively punish “fats, femm and Asians” among everyone else who don’t f wh the narrow fn of “attractive” that hnts all.</p><p>Homonormativy is not jt limed to datg apps. You see everywhere - look at any queer character on film, and they are ually one of two thgs - a riture of an effemate gay man who serv to only brg ic relief, or a mcular whe gay man who is hypermascule his performance. You look at a show like RuPl’s Drag Race which supposedly champns diversy amongst s drag performers (and this is creasg as the fanbase grows cril of the excln of trans performers and drag kgs), and even here we see homonormativy perpetuated through the P Crew, who are almost always exclively whe, mcular and mascule prentg. All of this is of urse changg, and I’m happy that we are seeg big swgg mov to expand the reprentatn of queerns on screen, to move beyond the very narrow experience of whe cis-genred men. </p><p>As a person of lour, I have been subjected to many stanc of homonormativy discrimatg agast me both onle and offle. Onle, I often get asked where I’m om before people even ask my name. Usually upon tellg them, people don’t rpond. Onle I have been lled a terrorist jt bee of the way that I look, which is funny when you nsir that the only stanc of terrorism here New Zealand have been perpetrated by whe people (see Rabow Warrr and March 15th). In person I have been told that I am only attractive bee I am light-skned - “I’m to dark boys wh culture, but not too dark” (Yuck). As an overthker, I have ternalised all of the ments, measurg myself agast a homonormative standard that I will never be able to live up to by the very accint of birth. Homonormativy is a dangero ia, and I hope that as a queer muny we n work tirelsly to dismantle , and rever om the harms has ed over many generatns. I also hope that we n build safe onle muni that are tly clive and foster genue healthy relatnships, so we may fally be ee of the athetic-driven csps that our existg datg apps have bee.</p><div class="ptned-image-ntaer"><figure><a class="image-lk is-viewable-img image2" target="_blank" href=" data-ponent-name="Image2ToDOM" rel="nofollow ugc noopener"><div class="image2-set"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" /><img src=" width="1456" height="1092" data-attrs="{"src":"" class="sizg-normal" alt srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" /></picture><div class="image-lk-expand"><svg xmlns=" width="16" height="16" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="#FFFFFF" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-maximize2"><polyle pots="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyle><polyle pots="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyle><le x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></le><le x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></le></svg></div></div></a></figure></div></div></div><div class="visibily-check"></div><div class="post-footer"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flexGrow--mx4xz ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-space-between--NvIcg ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-align-center--rSd6h ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-16--TpblU ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-y-16--ohCEm ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-top-tail-themed--e17yZ ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-bottom-tail-themed--eVwFY post-ufi"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-8--HFpIK"><div class="like-button-ntaer post-ufi-button style-button"><a role="button" class="post-ufi-button style-button has-label wh-borr"><svg role="img" style="height: 20px; width: 20px;" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="#000000" stroke-width="2" stroke="#000" xmlns=" class="in"><g><tle>.

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