Am I Gay or is my OCD? – MyOCDdiary

Contents:

• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD
• DO YOU HAVE HOCD OR ARE YOU JT NYG THAT YOU'RE GAY OR BI?
• HOW DO I KNOW I'M NOT REALLY GAY?: OCD AND SEXUAL INTY OBSSNS
• AM I GAY OR IS MY OCD?
• 'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY
• HOCD BUT GAY ANYWAY
• GAY OCD / HOCD TT
• HOCD; GAY OR STRAIGHT OR OCD?
• LETTERS TO THE EDOR: I’M GAY AND DON’T WANT TO PATRONIZE BIGOTS. THANKS, SUPREME COURT

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

This may sound like ’s a set-up for a joke, or an ongog lgh le a s, but is a real disorr that some have labeled as Homosexual Obssive-Compulsive Disorr (HOCD), though the Diagnostic and Statistil Manual of Mental Disorrs, the “bible” of psychiatry, has yet to regnize .

Influenced by the heated atmosphere around sexual polics nowadays, and even the amount of media verage around LGBTQ issu, some gays argue that the g-out procs they went through much of the same nfn, and therefore believe that the HOCD person is simply experiencg the same thg.

Currently sufferg om OCD (Obssive Compulsive Disorr)Recurrg unwanted or tsive thoughts about your own sexualyConstantly reassurg yourself that you are straightAvoidg people of your same genr due to anxiety or unwanted fears that you might be gayWorryg that you might be sendg out “signals” that will make others thk you are gayHomosexual thoughts are repulsive to you, rather than arogFeelg no attractn to your same sexRepeatg an actn bee you worry that you might have done somethg a way that mak others thk you are gay (example: a man repeatedly gets up and ss down on a chair bee he worri that he tak a seat a way that looks too feme).

YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD

Homosexual thoughts are enjoyable and/or arog to the person, even if they hi their sexual orientatn om others or are ashamed of Havg had past sexual experienc wh those of their same genrPreferrg to date or have sexual enunters wh people of their same genr stead of wh those of the oppose sexOften, people who are gay report havg felt differently than their same-sex peers at an early age. A person sufferg om this sub-type of OCD nstantly doubts their sexual orientatn:A straight person worri whether they might actually be gay even though they haven’t doubted their sexual orientatn the pastThey might worry that homosexualy is “tchg”They may thk that talkg wh a gay person will make them act out by triggerg their own latent homosexual tennci. Where a tly gay person obtas happs and relief the act of revealg their homosexual orientatn, HOCD people who e out ntue to doubt their wh tradnal OCD, people who are affected by this ternalized homophobia engage ruals to help them alleviate their anxiety and prove to themselv that they are tly straight.

DO YOU HAVE HOCD OR ARE YOU JT NYG THAT YOU'RE GAY OR BI?

You may still get the thoughts here and there, but you will no longer feel that you mt react to them, and you will be able to let them typil Exposure therapy homework assignments I have assigned to people are highlighted below (please note that the are no special orr):Readg books by or about gay persons. Then somethg happened that make them thk they were gay and then beg wh guys sudnly seemed way better than beg wh Im gay:Gay fger rat - only gays have thisbetter asms to thoughts of guys when I masturbategroals rpons or aroals to seeg guys every day No groals for girls. While may seem that the dividual wh Gay OCD / HOCD has obssns whout pulsns, a review of his/her symptoms almost always reveals var pulsive behavrs, avoidant behavrs, reassurance-seekg behavrs, and “mental pulsns” which are not at first as easily observed as other, more obv OCD pulsns.

HOW DO I KNOW I'M NOT REALLY GAY?: OCD AND SEXUAL INTY OBSSNS

People wh HOCD often thk they are gay or bisexual bee of obssive thoughts and self-doubt, not bee they feel attracted to people of the same n often clu excsive checkg for signs of homosexualy, qutng recent teractns wh others and playg out potential the ndn first entered the public doma, was labelled HOCD and, acrdg to Bhatia & Kr, 2015 (1), was marked by excsive fear of beg or beg homosexual. Watchg same-sex porn to see if you get aroedWatchg straight porn to see if you get aroedYou might try to image beg wh a member of the same sex to check out your theory that you might be to gay bars to see if you are attracted to anyoneYou might have remembered an event om your childhood that you now see as evince that you are gay. AvoidanceIf you avoid thgs as you are aaid they may trigger your HOCD, this n be a pulsn that you are changg your behavur rponse to thoughts your uld be certa songs or artists you associate wh beg gay, typ of TV programs, magaz or books that you might associate more wh same-sex might avoid gog out, mixg wh a same-sex uple, or showg support for same-sex upl.

Avoidg men if your HOCD is ncerned wh beg gayAvoidg women if your HOCD is related to the feelg that you are lbianAvoidg takg part thgs that you believe are too manly or too femaleAvoidg changg rooms where you will see members of your sex drs and undrsNot beg able to make eye ntact wh members of the same sex or avoid hangg out wh themAny topics of nversatn relatg to sexual preferenceMovi where same-sex actors may kiss or be romantilly volvedTreatments for HOCDSelf-helpI remend you start wh self-help and have ma a vio to allow you to look si MoodSmh’s onle urse for HOCD.

AM I GAY OR IS MY OCD?

By Spectm HOCD do you mean somethg like this: I for example feel tense sexual stimulatn by thkg homosexual thoughts, but on the other hand I’m feelg extremely uncerta if I am gay and the thoughts leave me very prsed, somethg I never experienced wh heterosexual thoughts ever. I have had hocd for about 17 years now, and I have the groal rponse hocd, but what’s been happeng for the past year the rponse is stronger and now I get like excement feelgs and my penis gets a ltle bigger and when I tt myself wh gay sexual thoughts I don’t know that I don’t like anymore and when my penis mov when this is happeng I thk this means I am gay or bisexual…. Hey – I had an stance where I was at a public venue and the mens room was so crowd…I jt urated and was leavg but I had to squeeze between people and what happened was my rear end bshed up agast some guys privat and then I felt movement my penis…I was panicked and annoyed… do that mean I was aroed or that I am gay?

If you were to track somethg like gay pornography om s least mdful perspective to s most mdful, would go like this: a terrifyg threat to your existence, a potential source of nfn about sexualy, gay people havg sex, imagery pictg gay people havg sex, erotic imagery, imagery on a puter or tv screen, and fally, lights on a box wh sounds. Freaked out: went to work…saw a uple of girls thought they were attractive and I thought of beg wh them sexually and I was gettg aroed then I started talkg to a worker who is gay and he was cheery when greetg me and then I saw a betiful girl who I was attracted to but I was discsg somethg wh you the gay worker and he was cheery and I thought he’s all bubbly and I felt a weird magic kid oof attractn or somethg and I thought he’s good lookg and I looked at him when he walked and noticed and thought he looked gay and I had a feelg my penis…and I thk I had a thought about kissg him and a feelg gro aga… was weird I don’t know if was anxiety or if I really liked him or I was jt aroed general wh all the women I was seeg and gettg turned on by……or I don’t know if this means I amm gay or bisexual now……what was that? Im not diagnosed wh OCD, but seeg as my problem was centered aeound anxiety, nd havg suffered om anxiety all my life (led to believe as my dad was never around) she thought was a simple anxiety problem, though bee s not OCD (When first started, whout lookg onle i was mentally checkg) dont mean im gay, my therapist said s not un mon for people my age (18) to obss over their sexually.

'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY

And a thought of “maybe ’s bee you’re supposed to be wh a girl” and my whole life fell apart that seemed to make sense so I me out to my parents and everythg however I didn’t want a relatnship wh a woman and I didn’t want to go near one sexually once I accepted they I was gay and got my life back orr mean while I still had anxiety still didn’t seem to be the answer then I started fdg men attractive aga and was like no I’m not gay how ridiculo I’m straight!! I noticed your ments to Daemon on July 23, 2011 you mentn Spectm HOCD as “beg a ltle gayish and obsg about s meang” But acrdg to the article there are heterosexual men who enjoy gay fatasi and are not bisexual or gay e they are not pable of dog anythg wh a man.

I have been alg wh unwanted gay thought s for about a year now I don’t like the thoughts I get really big migra when they bash themselv to my head and I get really anx I nstantly check myself for aroal and even if I’ve read this webse all I have managed to do is latch onto the negative thgs I read and right now I’m up to the pot where I evenn believe Imight be gay. There is so much more I uld say I feel like I’m beg tortured my own body and my life is jt cmblg around me I have also been diagnosed wh prsn and generalized anxiety but not OCD I found this webse by mere chance I don’t unrstand what’s happeng anymore and one of my biggt qutns is HOCD somethg I’m hopg I have jt so I don’t believe I’m gay or is real I have all the symptoms but is jt me hopg ’s real bee I don’t want to be gay I have no problem wh gay people or beg gay what bothers me is that I know me and I know that ’s wrong but I feel like my md and subnscareelg me other wise I’m tired of the thoughts I do not want them anymore I mange to reprs them for awhile then I get h twice as hard I’m at the end of the rope here I hontly don’t know what to believe and what to feel I hontly have no tert Anythg anymore I uld say more wre a book on this as I’m sure everyone else uld and I know that I’m probably dog this to re assure myself but please uld anyone help me. I have a qutn I have been alg still wh all this and I read this and I have everythg hocd scrib my qutn to you is hocd real many psychologist steer away om this and don’t cred as real and another qutn n you believe you are gay llong enough to were you actually feel like your gay n bee so overwhelmg that th only way out is to accept that you are gay and live athat way even though don’t feel right also excement and anxiety are two sis to the same if you are havg trouble feelg or seeg the difference between the two is that normal what if you have gay thoughts for so long that everythg your head keeps swchg on you lets say like me I have always waned a fay a wi and everythg a girliend and I’ll know what I’m sayg but my head will swch everythg I will remember a good experience I had wh amy girliend and will be her mymnd and I’ll be happy but my head will swch the word om girliend to boyiend or when you tell yourself I have always liked girls gets to the pot where swch words on me and feel wrong and anxiety kicks or is excement I have even so overwhelmed that I n’t even remember how I e to feel and all my memori and feelgs are beg taken over wh stuff that I don’t like I dije know what to do I see my only optn as hopg out of the closet be of all this the thg is I’ve been so open wh all this I’ve told everyone om my psychologist to my fay and iends to me beg gay is not wrong I don’t hate them to me ’s myself I’m not aaid of the stigma of beg gay I font feel right if I say I am even though I’m up to the pot where I believe I am and I don’t like at all and I feels wrong and if I get a moment where I feel alright feels wrong bee I feel like I’m jt acceptg that I’m gay I don’t want to be gay but the thoughts and the abily to feel lime I ed to is killg me I wake up wh spltg headach and am aaid to go to sleep anymore bee I know I’m jt gonna wake up to the same but the exhstn om not sleepg don’t let me fight the thoughts and they repulse to the pot where I want to throw up or make myself I get weird sensatns everywhere my voy and I want tell if there good or not I n’t tell if I like or not is hocd real and do I have or is some exce for gay dividuals not wantg to accept I obss over all this the thoughts the hocd and the fact that this is rag my life I have not been able to be happy a very long time and people I love are beg hurt and are leavg I have nobly been diagnosed wh generalized anxiety I read this webse and all the symptoms I n remember havg om the start but I’m up to the pot where I don’t know anythg anymore I miss beg attracted to women i miss beg aroed by them I miss fantasizg about them or checkg them out I feel nullified sexually bee the send I feel aroed I believe for somethg else and I don’t want that and I won’t want so I’d rather not believe any if that n hocd if ’s real twist your memori even though you member how you felt and was real but now you don’t know even though those thoughts and memori where how you felt and still want to feel what do I believe anymore I lost someone I loved bee ofall of this and I n’t even remember the good time we had together bee my md swch everythg on me what do I do.

HOCD BUT GAY ANYWAY

The thg which make me doubt, is that i have the imprsn that girls are imperfect, they are not perfect, i am not able to see a perfect girl, i uld crise their boobs ( too big or too small) or vaga ( i uld see a vaga and say is gtg and i have the same pot of view for every vaga) a negatif way or fd somethg negatif on their body and all this make me believe that i am gay but i have always been exced by girls and i love my girliend.

GAY OCD / HOCD TT

For some reason I n see my self more fortable a relatnship wh one of my mat but I don’t love them and I’m not physilly or sexually attracted to them ’s jt this thought and I don’t md the thoughts of livg wh them and this me to thk I’m gay and I am always obssg about and I am nfed 24 hours a day about my sexualy and my bra says I want to be gay and ’s always tellg me to e out and I will be happy. I n remember beg very bored one day and obsssg over events my past that are still disturbg to me to this day (not homosexualy-related), and all of a sudn, I remembered a specific experience I had when I was about 20, beeg dkenly kissed the neck by a female iend of me and fdg rather pleasant. I know for a fact that I’ve been romantilly and sexually attracted to men (even though at the ripe age of 28, I still haven’t had any long-term relatnship, never longer than a few months, which also worri me a lot), on the other hand, but I’m still qutng to what gree, as if the “gay thoughts” meant I had been wrong all along and nullified my love for men.

But now that I have accepted unpleasant gay thoughts, that I’ve proved able to “enjoy” some same-sex fantasi, I feel like the last thg that mak me straight and not gay (very black and whe, I know)is that up until very recently, I knew I had never felt attracted to a woman real life. I believe i have been sufferg om gay obssns sce i was about 11 (after a same sex experience that seems to affected me ever sce, i am now 45) I am married, enjoy sex wh my wife, get turned on by women really easily, masturbate to womens imag etc) Never got an erectn wh a man or felt horny wh any man etc.

I’m 13 and 1 month ago I got a random thought sayg your gay, I was eaked out, everyday I fight the thought, sometim I’m like wow they are stupid thoughts and other tim I n’t ntrol my thoughts tellg me I’m gay, I talked to my parents they say thkg about gay thoughts and dog that stuff is all a part of puberty, I want to have a wife and kids and when I get gay thoughts my anxiety rag and my stomach hurts and I need to go to the bathroom. For the fear of gog wh a therapist who do not unrstands this, i havent seek for help, what i started to do, is to stop my mental pulsns and stop seekg reassurance, i´ve jt started to stop the pulsns, and ´s difficult, but i n manage , an i have noticed improvement, i mean i jt have like 3 days tryg to stop my mental pulsns, but i thk that the most difficult part of , is that i start thkg thgs like ¨this is not gog to change anythg, maybe uld if this was OCD, But maybe s not, maybe you are jt beg sudnly gay, and there is no treatment for that¨, or like ¨how much time is this gog to take to improve, what if i do not do pulsns and stop seekg for reassurance but still n´t get rid of the thoughts, maybe bee is not OCD¨, those are some thoughts that get me down.

HOCD; GAY OR STRAIGHT OR OCD?

I keep havg the analysis of my past and “fdg thgs” which “tell me I’m gay”, not jt porn but also that I’ve never been a “mascule guy”: to sports etc I read somethg onle about Genr nonnformy and how many GNC kids end up beg gay, I was many ways GNC through middle school and worry that some of my “girly” mannerisms are an ditn of my sexualy, spe not beg happy about my lack of guy iends and beg bullied adolcence. I jt cried every day, felt anx all the time, uldn’t unrstand what was happeng, started ttg if was attracted to mal, lookg at pictur to prove I wasn’t aroed, and specially thkg about sexual gay suatns, and if I wasn’t aroed, then I was sure I still wasn’t gay.

However, the past, whenever I experienced a “gay thought” I was easily able to dismiss , for I was always attracted to girls and the fears never manifted any sort of perceived or real attractnFast forward to a month or two ago, one of my childhood iends passed away om a heroe overdose and I was super prsed.

The thg that really bothers me is when I smoke weed and thk about this I feel like I am fely gay and then when I try to tt myself to gay porn while stoned I get aroed and “enjoy” ( feels like I am but there’s still anxiety and I don’t know if I’m actually enjoyg or my HOCD is jt much more magnified. I’m not sure if I should seek treatment as I’ve mostly stopped reassurance seekg and pulsns, I don’t unrstand ERP as I’ve also exposed myself to many shows volvg gay characters and gay porn and I don’t get as anx as before but how do that help gettg rid of the HOCD.

LETTERS TO THE EDOR: I’M GAY AND DON’T WANT TO PATRONIZE BIGOTS. THANKS, SUPREME COURT

Im 15 and have had thoughts about Beg gay for maybe 2 years, IT started wh me watchg an episo of fay guy when 2 guys had sex and i felt somethg i dont know what But jt somethg, i got sred and sce then ive had thoughts such as “am i gay”, is that person attractive, Watchg guys to see a reactn, scrollg up and down to see the picture aga, to see My first rponse, all of the thoughts was horrible for me and wasnt pleasible at all, i uld watch a Guy to see My rponse for 20 mut jt to be sure..

My iends have said “why don’t you try kissg or hookg uo woth a girl” and my first ial reactn is “ew I would never ew no no no” but my md thks that’s nial and even though I relate to a lot of what people say here I’m jt nial and I like the thoughts pecially sexual on my md tells me I like them and I’m nial but they make me so prsed and ep down I know I’m straight but apart of me still thks I’m aftaid to e out and I know that if I was gay i would jt know but my md tells me I do know and I jt accept or I need to learn to love . Hey I’m 18 yo turng 19 this July, male, have been straight for whole life, started last months when I read about woman whose hband left her and his child for his new gay partner and later on I read about sexualy which says ’s fluid, effect of ’s circumstanc and nstantly mak me panic, gay thoughts, imag (penis peratg ass) and what if’s started to pop up and g my fuck day, everytime.

I have tsive thoughts sce i was 11, i don’t like the thoughts or the imag they make me feel unnfortable and i keep matg If i like the thoughts or not But the qutn dont go away and i also get urg to see gay porn i feel Very anx and sperate bee i dont enjoy watchg But i have to do It everytime or the qutns If i like Guys feel Dire for them or wanna have sex wh them and the sexual imag don’t Go away then i do It and while i’m dog i feel relieve bee i am not thkg about sex wh Guys or fdg the porn atractive when i ejaculate ( Sorry for gettg só visual) and sce i dont have an asm the qutng Go away for a few mut But later eback i fell to the same cycle aga so i pray to god take the thoughts away and watch Disney movi to avoid the imag and qutng pecially the this Hocd or i am jt gay Denial? But after I put him down I noticed that the saliva my mouth on my teeth was ld and was nng down my teeth a lot and I though that this uld mean I was gay but jt moments before I had been salivatg bee I was worrg about somethg else and I know ocd will try and make me worry by g me to salivate bee this is a recent veloupment and I don’t know what to do.