Why do everyone thk I'm gay? - relatnships onledatg datg | Ask MetaFilter

Contents:

• "I REALIZED I WAS GAY": MEN WHO CAME OUT LATER IN LIFE ARE SHARG WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR THEM TO REVEAL THAT TTH AND LIVE AUTHENTILLY
• AM I GAY?
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
• HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY
• ASK POLLY: WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS THK I’M GAY?
• I’M TRYG TO RAISE MY KIDS AS HOMOSEXUALS (AND I NEVER EVEN HAVE TO SAY ‘GAY’)
• WHAT WORDS CAN I SAY TO DECLARE THAT I’M GAY?
• READ THE 'YEP, I'M GAY' ELLEN DEGENER INTERVIEW FROM 20 YEARS AGO
• HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY
• I WAS TEAM DESANTIS BEFORE HIS DISGTG ANTI-GAY ADGONE TOO FARTO DESANTIS, IF YOU ARE GAY, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE A PART OF THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT.YVONNE DEAN-BAILEYUPDATED JUL. 05, 2023 12:28PM EDT / PUBLISHED JUL. 01, 2023 11:46PM EDT OPNMICHAEL M SANTIAGO/GETTY IMAGIN THEORY, I AM RON DESANTIS’ PERFECT VOTER. I AM A LIFELONG NSERVATIVE, I VEHEMENTLY OPPOSE ANY AND ALL COVID RTRICTNS, AND I AM PASSNATELY ANTI-TMP. WHAT ULD BE A MORE IAL VOTER FOR A NDIDATE LIKE DESANTIS?THERE’S ONE PROBLEM FOR DESANTIS, THOUGH: I AM A GAY WOMAN. AND I N’T STAND BEHD HIS ATTACKS AGAST THE LGBTQ+ MUNY.I WAS UNNIABLY ON TEAM DESANTIS BEFORE HIS MPAIGN SHARED WHAT ULD BE NSIRED THE MOST ANTI-LGBTQ+ AD RECENT HISTORY, BOASTG ABOUT ALL THE MEASUR HE’S SUPPORTED CRACKG DOWN ON THE LGBTQ+ MUNY. NOT ONLY DID DESANTIS SHOW THAT HE IS AS ANTI-LGBTQ+ AS THE MASTREAM MEDIA HAS ALLEGED, HE MA A MOCKERY OF ANY GOP NDIDATE THAT SHOWS AN TERT LGBTQ+ RIGHTS, SETTG THE WHOLE PARTY BACK S. DPE MY NSERVATIVE CRENTIALS, YOU ULDN’T PAY ME TO VOTE FOR THE FLORIDA ERNOR NOW. I AM A LBIAN AND DESANTIS HAS MA ABUNDANTLY CLEAR THAT HE DON’T WANT ANY LGBTQ+ NSERVATIV ON HIS TEAM BEE OF THEIR INTY. WHEN DESANTIS WAS TOYG WH THE IA OF NNG FOR PRINT, HE SOUND LIKE THE PERFECT NDIDATE: HE WAS TMP WHOUT THE TMPS. LTLE DID I KNOW DESANTIS WAS FARTHER TO THE RIGHT ON ISSU THAT MEANT THE MOST TO ME AND THE MORE THAN 70 PERCENT OF AMERINS WHO SUPPORT GAY RIGHTS.HE HAS MA CLEAR THE PAST FEW WEEKS THAT HE’S MORE TERTED APPEASG TWTER TROLLS WHO ABHOR ANY AMERIN WHO INTIFI AS LGBTQ+. TO DESANTIS, IF YOU ARE GAY, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE A PART OF THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT.A FEW YEARS AGO, I WOULDN’T HAVE BELIEVED THIS, BUT DESANTIS' RECENT ANTI-LGBTQ+ AD HAS PROVED THAT HE IS TO THE RIGHT OF TMP WHEN TO LGBTQ+ ISSU. IF TMP WAS SOMEONE WHO DON’T SUPPORT THE MOVEMENT, DESANTIS IS AN ALL-OUT HATER.MY GAYNS HAS NOTHG TO DO WH THE FACT THAT FLORIDA IS A BOOMG STATE AN OTHERWISE LACKLTER ENOMY. THAT BEG SAID, DESANTIS HAS MA ABUNDANTLY CLEAR THAT HE DO NOT SUPPORT GAY AMERINS REGARDLS OF WHETHER THEY SUPPORT HIS NSERVATIVE AGENDA.WHEN I FIRST ENUNTERED DESANTIS DURG HIS BOLD STANCE AGAST COVID MANDAT EARLIER THIS YEAR, I WAS GENERALLY PLEASED WH THE FLORIDA ERNOR. HE SEEMED JT LIKE WHAT NSERVATIV HAVE BEEN MISSG. BUT WHEN THE LEGISLATIVE SSN BROUGHT ISSU NCERNG LGBTQ+ RIGHTS TO THE FOREONT, MY EXCEMENT QUICKLY TURNED TO DISAPPOTMENT. IT BEME EVINT THAT DESANTIS WAS NOT THE CHAMPN OF DIVIDUAL EEDOMS AND RIGHTS THAT I HAD HOPED FOR.HIS ANTI-GAY RHETORIC AND ACTNS ARE NOT ONLY EPLY HURTFUL TO LGBTQ+ AMERINS LIKE MYSELF BUT ALSO TARNISH THE IMAGE OF THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT. AS A LIFELONG NSERVATIVE, I BELIEVE THE PRCIPL OF LIMED ERNMENT, PERSONAL RPONSIBILY, AND DIVIDUAL LIBERTI. YET, DESANTIS’ APPROACH TO LGBTQ+ ISSU GO AGAST THE VERY PRCIPL.BY EXCLUDG LGBTQ+ NSERVATIV AND ATTACKG THEIR RIGHTS, DESANTIS ALIENAT A SIGNIFINT PORTN OF HIS POTENTIAL BASE, EFFECTIVELY DRIVG AWAY VOTERS WHO SHARE MANY OF HIS OTHER NSERVATIVE BELIEFS. IT IS DISHEARTENG TO WNS A NDIDATE WHO ULD HAVE BEEN A UNG FORCE WH THE PARTY STEAD NTRIBUTG TO FURTHER DIVISIVENS.DESANTIS’ STANCE ON LGBTQ+ ISSU NOT ONLY NTRADICTS NSERVATIVE VALU BUT ALSO REFLECTS A SEVERE DISNNECT OM THE MAJORY OF AMERINS WHO SUPPORT GAY RIGHTS. ACRDG TO POLLS, OVER 70 PERCENT OF AMERINS SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE, AND THIS NUMBER NTU TO RISE. BY DISREGARDG SUCH A SIGNIFINT PORTN OF THE POPULATN, DESANTIS REVEALS A NCERNG LACK OF UNRSTANDG OF THE EVOLVG SOCIETAL NORMS AND VALU.AS A GAY WOMAN, MY SEXUAL ORIENTATN IS JT ONE ASPECT OF MY INTY, AND SHOULD NOT FE MY POLIL BELIEFS OR MY PLACE WH THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT. UNFORTUNATELY, DESANTIS SEEMS TO BELIEVE THAT ONE’S SEXUAL ORIENTATN TERM THEIR WORTHS TO BE PART OF THE NSERVATIVE E. THIS DIVISIVE MENTALY DO NOT BO WELL FOR THE FUTURE OF THE REPUBLIN PARTY OR S CHANC OF SUCCS BROAR ELECTNS.THE REPUBLIN PARTY SHOULD STRIVE TO BE A BIG-TENT PARTY, EMBRACG DIVERSE PERSPECTIV AND VOIC. ALIENATG LGBTQ+ DIVIDUALS ONLY WEAKENS THE PARTY’S APPEAL AND RTRICTS S ABILY TO ATTRACT NEW SUPPORTERS. IT IS VAL FOR THE PARTY TO EVOLVE AND ADAPT TO THE CHANGG ATTUS OF THE AMERIN PEOPLE, RATHER THAN CLGG TO OUTDATED AND DISCRIMATORY VIEWS.DESANTIS MT REGNIZE THAT HIS ANTI-GAY RHETORIC IS NOT ONLY HARMFUL TO LGBTQ+ AMERINS BUT ALSO TRIMENTAL TO THE VERY PRCIPL HE CLAIMS TO UPHOLD. IF HE TLY AIMS TO LEAD THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT AND BRG ABOUT POSIVE CHANGE FOR ALL AMERINS, HE MT ABANDON DIVISIVE TACTICS AND FOC ON POLICI THAT PROMOTE UNY AND CLIVY.SO FAR, HE IS ONLY LOSG EVERYDAY AMERINS, CLUDG MANY NSERVATIV LIKE MYSELF, THROUGH HIS DISGTG ANTI-GAY RHETORIC. HIS ATTACKS AGAST THE LGBTQ+ MUNY AND EXCLN OF LGBTQ+ NSERVATIV ARE NOT ONLY MORALLY WRONG BUT POLILLY MISGUID. THE REPUBLIN PARTY MT DISTANCE SELF OM SUCH HARMFUL BEHAVR AND STRIVE TO BE A PARTY THAT WEL ALL AMERINS, REGARDLS OF THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATN. ONLY THEN N HOPE TO REPRENT THE TE VALU OF NSERVATISM AND GARNER THE SUPPORT NEED TO SUCCEED FUTURE ELECTNS. YVONNE DEAN-BAILEY

"I REALIZED I WAS GAY": MEN WHO CAME OUT LATER IN LIFE ARE SHARG WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR THEM TO REVEAL THAT TTH AND LIVE AUTHENTILLY

When I found out earlier this month, along wh the rt of the world, that one of my favore actors, Kal Penn, is a fellow gay man and now engaged to his long-time partner, I was so happy that he was openly livg his tth. I me out as bisexual at 44 after my stepson me out as gay at 11 years old. Once the untry around me changed and I started seeg more gays the muny, felt safer, and I felt more fortable to e out.

Part of me felt rponsible for her ath, as if beg bi or gay and my feelgs of regret somehow ed . But when I moved to California and saw more gay people, then I really started to realize . I have a lot of stori about folks who were homophobic but me around to acceptg me and honorg me for beg a gay man, once they got to know me beyond what I do bed.

In the meantime, I kept watchg gay porn but wouldn't accept and felt guilty after jerkg off to . I me out to my wife many moons ago but took a long time to realize that prayg the gay away wasn’t workg.

AM I GAY?

I’m a good place right now and share my home wh gay iends, as well as adult children. "I fally started serly qutng my early 40s and quickly realized I was gay.

Pl the ‘80s was not a particularly good time to be gay — I thk fear of AIDS was possibly one thg that had me nial. I wonr if I'd accepted I'm gay when I was 20, if thgs would have been much different.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

After spendg years dog all the manly thgs that were supposed to straighten me out, I had a particular weekend — a men-only whewater raftg trip — when I realized I did all the thgs I was aimg for that were supposed to change me, and I was still 100% gay.

HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY

Once I knew the gay wasn't gog anywhere, I figured I wanted to be open and hont wh people om then on, regardls of how the rt of my life went.

In Lat Ameri and my untry of Venezuela, beg gay is associated wh beg ls of a person. When I was a kid, I went through all the dumb pre-ter gay kid thgs like lgerg the JCPenny's men’s unrwear sectn. I e om a strict Irish tholic fay, so any of my mannerisms or actns that were ‘too gay’ were discsed by my fay.

Grad school was the first time I was around people who seemed to genuely not re or treat people different bee they were gay. When I rennected wh my bt childhood iend who me out to me as bi, I was spired and told him I was gay. Growg up was the whole ‘relig upbrgg/ternalized homophobia’ dance: I liked gay porn, but uldn't adm to myself I was gay.

ASK POLLY: WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS THK I’M GAY?

My wife and I are gog to unselg together to work through thgs and while ‘’ has a shelf life, I'm foced on figurg out what beg gay means to me.

"At around 28 years old, I had a cent grasp that I'm overwhelmgly gay, wh some rare and specific attractn towards women. After a few months of experiencg very novel and tense sexual feelgs, I overme my fear of masturbatn and started dog to var kds of straight and gay porn. After the divorce, I me out to my close fay and iends and started my journey of figurg out how to be gay.

I’M TRYG TO RAISE MY KIDS AS HOMOSEXUALS (AND I NEVER EVEN HAVE TO SAY ‘GAY’)

Tellg my therapist I'm gay and utterg that simple word changed somethg me.

And thanks to r/AskGayBrosOver30 for creatg a space for queer men to be vulnerable and empathize wh each other.

Gay - While this adjective has historilly scribed men who are attracted to other men, the term now is ed to refer to anyone who experienc romantic, emotnal, or physil attractn to people of the same genr. Sce genr inty and sexual orientatn are separate, transgenr people n intify as straight, gay, lbian, bisexual, etc.

WHAT WORDS CAN I SAY TO DECLARE THAT I’M GAY?

" And while would be so nice to shake a magic 8 ball and get some clary here, 's actually ccial for you to e to the answer all on your are some thgs to keep md if you're thkg you might be gay:You're not you're thkg that you might be gay, then know that you have a whole built- support group of wonrful and diverse people who are jt wag to meet you. Everyone is wele to the table, and you're bound to meet some pretty credible humans once you take a 's ok if you don't have 's a huge leap om "I feel a ltle different" to "I'm a mascule-of-center genrqueer gay woman. I kept wag to be h by some bolt of lighteng that would show me that I was unniably, 100%, totally, purely gay.

Know where you n go to get might be wonrg if you're gay, but you don't have anyone your life to turn to wh qutns and ncerns. Read up on the difference between thgs like genr inty and sexual orientatn so you n get a better grasp of what's gog on your head and are a few other anizatns where you n fd supportive muni and so much more:The Trevor Project: A natnal anizatn providg crisis terventn and suici preventn servic to lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr and qutng (LGBTQ) young people ag 13-24. It Gets Better Project: A nonprof anizatn wh a missn to uplift, empower, and nnect lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and queer youth around the Lifele: A non-prof dited to the well beg of transgenr to learn more about g out?

Gay dividuals are romantilly or sexually attracted to people who are the same genr as them.

READ THE 'YEP, I'M GAY' ELLEN DEGENER INTERVIEW FROM 20 YEARS AGO

If you’re more aroed by people who are the same genr as you, you might be gay.

Keep md that experienc of sexual aroal are extremely nuanced, and aren’t ncrete proof that you’re gay. For stance, you n be aroed by gay adult media whout necsarily beg gay yourself.

If you tend to velop csh on people who are the same genr as you, uld be a sign that you’re gay. If you often fantasize about relatnships volvg specific genrs, you may be queer or gay.

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY

You may be gay, but you uld also be pansexual or bisexual if you sometim thk about the other genr. You’ve probably heard stereotyp about what mak someone gay, but none of the are te. Keep md that even if you have a sexual experience wh someone of the same genr or another genr, that don’t necsarily mean that you’re gay.

Thgs would be so simple if you uld jt label yourself as gay and be done wh , but may not be that easy.

I WAS TEAM DESANTIS BEFORE HIS DISGTG ANTI-GAY ADGONE TOO FARTO DESANTIS, IF YOU ARE GAY, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE A PART OF THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT.YVONNE DEAN-BAILEYUPDATED JUL. 05, 2023 12:28PM EDT / PUBLISHED JUL. 01, 2023 11:46PM EDT OPNMICHAEL M SANTIAGO/GETTY IMAGIN THEORY, I AM RON DESANTIS’ PERFECT VOTER. I AM A LIFELONG NSERVATIVE, I VEHEMENTLY OPPOSE ANY AND ALL COVID RTRICTNS, AND I AM PASSNATELY ANTI-TMP. WHAT ULD BE A MORE IAL VOTER FOR A NDIDATE LIKE DESANTIS?THERE’S ONE PROBLEM FOR DESANTIS, THOUGH: I AM A GAY WOMAN. AND I N’T STAND BEHD HIS ATTACKS AGAST THE LGBTQ+ MUNY.I WAS UNNIABLY ON TEAM DESANTIS BEFORE HIS MPAIGN SHARED WHAT ULD BE NSIRED THE MOST ANTI-LGBTQ+ AD RECENT HISTORY, BOASTG ABOUT ALL THE MEASUR HE’S SUPPORTED CRACKG DOWN ON THE LGBTQ+ MUNY. NOT ONLY DID DESANTIS SHOW THAT HE IS AS ANTI-LGBTQ+ AS THE MASTREAM MEDIA HAS ALLEGED, HE MA A MOCKERY OF ANY GOP NDIDATE THAT SHOWS AN TERT LGBTQ+ RIGHTS, SETTG THE WHOLE PARTY BACK S. DPE MY NSERVATIVE CRENTIALS, YOU ULDN’T PAY ME TO VOTE FOR THE FLORIDA ERNOR NOW. I AM A LBIAN AND DESANTIS HAS MA ABUNDANTLY CLEAR THAT HE DON’T WANT ANY LGBTQ+ NSERVATIV ON HIS TEAM BEE OF THEIR INTY. WHEN DESANTIS WAS TOYG WH THE IA OF NNG FOR PRINT, HE SOUND LIKE THE PERFECT NDIDATE: HE WAS TMP WHOUT THE TMPS. LTLE DID I KNOW DESANTIS WAS FARTHER TO THE RIGHT ON ISSU THAT MEANT THE MOST TO ME AND THE MORE THAN 70 PERCENT OF AMERINS WHO SUPPORT GAY RIGHTS.HE HAS MA CLEAR THE PAST FEW WEEKS THAT HE’S MORE TERTED APPEASG TWTER TROLLS WHO ABHOR ANY AMERIN WHO INTIFI AS LGBTQ+. TO DESANTIS, IF YOU ARE GAY, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE A PART OF THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT.A FEW YEARS AGO, I WOULDN’T HAVE BELIEVED THIS, BUT DESANTIS' RECENT ANTI-LGBTQ+ AD HAS PROVED THAT HE IS TO THE RIGHT OF TMP WHEN TO LGBTQ+ ISSU. IF TMP WAS SOMEONE WHO DON’T SUPPORT THE MOVEMENT, DESANTIS IS AN ALL-OUT HATER.MY GAYNS HAS NOTHG TO DO WH THE FACT THAT FLORIDA IS A BOOMG STATE AN OTHERWISE LACKLTER ENOMY. THAT BEG SAID, DESANTIS HAS MA ABUNDANTLY CLEAR THAT HE DO NOT SUPPORT GAY AMERINS REGARDLS OF WHETHER THEY SUPPORT HIS NSERVATIVE AGENDA.WHEN I FIRST ENUNTERED DESANTIS DURG HIS BOLD STANCE AGAST COVID MANDAT EARLIER THIS YEAR, I WAS GENERALLY PLEASED WH THE FLORIDA ERNOR. HE SEEMED JT LIKE WHAT NSERVATIV HAVE BEEN MISSG. BUT WHEN THE LEGISLATIVE SSN BROUGHT ISSU NCERNG LGBTQ+ RIGHTS TO THE FOREONT, MY EXCEMENT QUICKLY TURNED TO DISAPPOTMENT. IT BEME EVINT THAT DESANTIS WAS NOT THE CHAMPN OF DIVIDUAL EEDOMS AND RIGHTS THAT I HAD HOPED FOR.HIS ANTI-GAY RHETORIC AND ACTNS ARE NOT ONLY EPLY HURTFUL TO LGBTQ+ AMERINS LIKE MYSELF BUT ALSO TARNISH THE IMAGE OF THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT. AS A LIFELONG NSERVATIVE, I BELIEVE THE PRCIPL OF LIMED ERNMENT, PERSONAL RPONSIBILY, AND DIVIDUAL LIBERTI. YET, DESANTIS’ APPROACH TO LGBTQ+ ISSU GO AGAST THE VERY PRCIPL.BY EXCLUDG LGBTQ+ NSERVATIV AND ATTACKG THEIR RIGHTS, DESANTIS ALIENAT A SIGNIFINT PORTN OF HIS POTENTIAL BASE, EFFECTIVELY DRIVG AWAY VOTERS WHO SHARE MANY OF HIS OTHER NSERVATIVE BELIEFS. IT IS DISHEARTENG TO WNS A NDIDATE WHO ULD HAVE BEEN A UNG FORCE WH THE PARTY STEAD NTRIBUTG TO FURTHER DIVISIVENS.DESANTIS’ STANCE ON LGBTQ+ ISSU NOT ONLY NTRADICTS NSERVATIVE VALU BUT ALSO REFLECTS A SEVERE DISNNECT OM THE MAJORY OF AMERINS WHO SUPPORT GAY RIGHTS. ACRDG TO POLLS, OVER 70 PERCENT OF AMERINS SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE, AND THIS NUMBER NTU TO RISE. BY DISREGARDG SUCH A SIGNIFINT PORTN OF THE POPULATN, DESANTIS REVEALS A NCERNG LACK OF UNRSTANDG OF THE EVOLVG SOCIETAL NORMS AND VALU.AS A GAY WOMAN, MY SEXUAL ORIENTATN IS JT ONE ASPECT OF MY INTY, AND SHOULD NOT FE MY POLIL BELIEFS OR MY PLACE WH THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT. UNFORTUNATELY, DESANTIS SEEMS TO BELIEVE THAT ONE’S SEXUAL ORIENTATN TERM THEIR WORTHS TO BE PART OF THE NSERVATIVE E. THIS DIVISIVE MENTALY DO NOT BO WELL FOR THE FUTURE OF THE REPUBLIN PARTY OR S CHANC OF SUCCS BROAR ELECTNS.THE REPUBLIN PARTY SHOULD STRIVE TO BE A BIG-TENT PARTY, EMBRACG DIVERSE PERSPECTIV AND VOIC. ALIENATG LGBTQ+ DIVIDUALS ONLY WEAKENS THE PARTY’S APPEAL AND RTRICTS S ABILY TO ATTRACT NEW SUPPORTERS. IT IS VAL FOR THE PARTY TO EVOLVE AND ADAPT TO THE CHANGG ATTUS OF THE AMERIN PEOPLE, RATHER THAN CLGG TO OUTDATED AND DISCRIMATORY VIEWS.DESANTIS MT REGNIZE THAT HIS ANTI-GAY RHETORIC IS NOT ONLY HARMFUL TO LGBTQ+ AMERINS BUT ALSO TRIMENTAL TO THE VERY PRCIPL HE CLAIMS TO UPHOLD. IF HE TLY AIMS TO LEAD THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT AND BRG ABOUT POSIVE CHANGE FOR ALL AMERINS, HE MT ABANDON DIVISIVE TACTICS AND FOC ON POLICI THAT PROMOTE UNY AND CLIVY.SO FAR, HE IS ONLY LOSG EVERYDAY AMERINS, CLUDG MANY NSERVATIV LIKE MYSELF, THROUGH HIS DISGTG ANTI-GAY RHETORIC. HIS ATTACKS AGAST THE LGBTQ+ MUNY AND EXCLN OF LGBTQ+ NSERVATIV ARE NOT ONLY MORALLY WRONG BUT POLILLY MISGUID. THE REPUBLIN PARTY MT DISTANCE SELF OM SUCH HARMFUL BEHAVR AND STRIVE TO BE A PARTY THAT WEL ALL AMERINS, REGARDLS OF THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATN. ONLY THEN N HOPE TO REPRENT THE TE VALU OF NSERVATISM AND GARNER THE SUPPORT NEED TO SUCCEED FUTURE ELECTNS. YVONNE DEAN-BAILEY

I thk I’ve begun to realize that I’m attracted to men and I might be gay. While “gay” is a totally valid label to intify wh, isn’t the only LGBTQ+ label out there. That means, for example, that you n be transgenr but also straight (for stance, you might intify as a woman and feel attracted to men) or gay (e.