How do queer men navigate an stutn not signed for them? Therapist Michael Dale Kimmel offers clu his new book, The Gay Man's Gui to Open and Monogamo Marriage. Check out an exclive excerpt below.
Contents:
- A GUI FOR GAY MEN ON BOTH OPEN AND MONOGAMO MARRIAGE
- GAY MALE COUPL: SEXUALLY OPEN OR CLOSED?
- GAY MEN OPEN RELATNSHIPS: WHAT WORKS?
A GUI FOR GAY MEN ON BOTH OPEN AND MONOGAMO MARRIAGE
A nversatn about open and monogamo marriage, for gay men and for all. * gays and open relationships *
I had the opportuny to talk wh psychotherapist and thor Michael Dale Kimmel about his new book, The Gay Man's Gui to Open and Monogamo Marriage.
MOC: Tell me about The Gay Man's Gui to Open and Monogamo Marriage. MDK: I began offerg workshops for gay, bisexual, and transgenr men about eighteen years’ ago, and after a uple of years there were always a few guys who me up to me and said ( whispered ton), “You’ve got to put this stuff a book. While there are lots of books about how to plan your gay weddg, there were virtually none that addrs what to do after the honeymoon is over (lerally and figuratively).
” — regard to gay marriage — to be ntroversial.
GAY MALE COUPL: SEXUALLY OPEN OR CLOSED?
* gays and open relationships *
The Gay Man’s Gui to Open and Monogamo Marriage dar to ask the qutn: is monogamy or an open relatnship (or a batn of both) the bt way to stcture your marriage? Same-sex marriage has been a long time g – a few thoand years or so - and now that ’s fally here, many gay, bisexual and transgenr men may thk that ’s a bad ia to “rock the boat” by discsg the kds of ias that this book prents.
GAY MEN OPEN RELATNSHIPS: WHAT WORKS?
Many young gay men are "hopels" romantics, but this may be unrealistic. * gays and open relationships *
I believe that now is the perfect time to qutn what gay marriage n, should and will be, while is still relatively new, h and malleable.
MDK: I have been givg workshops on “monogamy or open relatnship” for many years, long before gay marriage was legal. While marriage wasn’t a possibily then, the qutns those workshops were basilly the same as those this book: as gay men, do we choose the monogamy of heterosexual marriage as our mol, or do we prefer an open marriage?
And yet, most gay marriag emulate whout much thought, assumg that ’s the “right” way to be married. As a psychotherapist for gay upl for many years’ now, ’s been que clear to me that “handbooks” for heterosexual marriage don’t really apply to our marriag several signifint ways: our marriag are more “signed” than “assumed.
As assiatn to more mastream culture creas, many gay men are shiftg their attus on non-tradnal relatnships—beg ls acceptg of them. * gays and open relationships *
As gay men, we are ed to fg our own paths and fg our relatnships on our own terms. And yet, when I work wh young gay (and bi, straight and trans) men, I see a sea change ahead. I wrote the chapter about “refg genr rol, " bee we have an amazg opportuny as married gay men to terme who we are as two men, married to each other.
In this two-mute vio, Gay Therapy Center Founr and Director Adam Blum reveals some of the data on open relatnships the LGTBQ muny. * gays and open relationships *
MDK: As gay people, we n create new stctur and paradigms that serve not only , but all people. This book enurag everyone, not jt gay men, to take a good look at that formidable stutn and beg to ask some big, meangful qutns, like:. The are not jt qutns for gay upl, they are qutns for all upl: my polyamoro straight clients are alg wh the very same stuff.