Why Marriage Matters (to Straights and Gays Alike) | Psychology Today

Contents:

• GAY RIGHTS: WHY MARRIAGE MATTERS
• TEN REASONS TO SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE
• SHOULD GAY MARRIAGE BE LEGAL?
• GAY MARRIAGE
• WHY GAY MARRIAGE MATTERS
• WHY GAY MARRIAGE MATTERS TO ME
• WHY MARRIAGE MATTERS (TO STRAIGHTS AND GAYS ALIKE)

GAY RIGHTS: WHY MARRIAGE MATTERS

Supreme Court lgs this month on two same-sex marriage s, June — the tradnal month for weddgs and pri paras — giv gay people the chance to reflect: How have their own liv and views changed sce a Hawaii urt lg first thst marriage equaly onto the natnal stage 20 years ago? For many gay people, cludg for me, the weight of this prospect has taken a while to sk .

” When Massachetts beme the first state to legalize gay marriage, I was thrilled — but my ey foced on the 49 remag stat. Even now, as the urt appears poised to strike down the feral Defense of Marriage Act, I fear that the related lg on California’s Proposn 8 uld fall short of endg marriage bans all OP-ED: Fightg for gay marriage and immigratn reformStill, an end to DOMA might fally rolve somethg that’s long hred my abily to fully celebrate progrs on marriage equaly. Ined, the 1970s and 1980s, when jt a handful of visnari had uttered “gay” and “marriage” the same breath, many LGBT Amerins took ltle note of the ia and some actively opposed were foced more on securg privacy for their srned relatnships than wng the kd of public regnn that marriage reprents.

TIMELINE: Gay marriage chronologyIn terviews I nducted for a history of the gay-marriage movement, a proment lbian legal activist told me she was ncerned about “leavg some of our own people behd” by fixatg on marriage. And over time, the ia of marriage equaly not only attracted more support om straight Amerins but also won over gays nfirm this trend.

TEN REASONS TO SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE

A 2007 Hunter College poll shows that younger gay people rank marriage and parentg rights at the top of their list of policy prri, while gays and lbians over 65 hardly rank them at all. In my view, ’s a fundamental gredient of what marriage is — for gays and straights foc on ncrete benefs, for all their value, downplays a ccial functn of marriage: to engage our muny not only publicly celebratg our private mments but also enforcg them.

I often hear gay people exprs some variety of this sentiment: “I don’t need the state’s stamp of approval for my love” or “I don’t re what straight people thk of my relatnship, so long as I have equal rights.

Gay people serve the same accs to the stutn of marriage enjoyed by straight people bee our need for support is intil to theirs. It’s also why gay support (and donatns) for Print Obama surged when our natn’s lear endorsed same-sex marriage last year.

SHOULD GAY MARRIAGE BE LEGAL?

Nathaniel Frank, thor of “Uniendly Fire” and a visg scholar at Columbia’s Center for Genr and Sexualy Law, is wrg a book lled “The Anti-Gay Md.

GAY MARRIAGE

Ined, arose cultur that had no ncept of sexual orientatn and some that fully accepted homoeroticism and even took for granted.

[25] Proment scholars and LGBT (lbian, gay, bisexual, and transgenr) activists have lled for “marriage equaly” for multipartner relatnships sce at least 2006.

WHY GAY MARRIAGE MATTERS

The ncern is not so much that a handful of gay or lbian upl would be raisg children, but that would be very difficult for the law to send a msage that fathers matter when has refed marriage to make fathers optnal. Universy of Calgary Profsor Elizabeth Brake thks that jtice requir g legal regnn to “normalize[] heterosexual monogamy as a way of life” and “rectif[y] past discrimatn agast homosexuals, bisexuals, polygamists, and re works. Same-sex unns often rporate the virtu of iendship more effectively than tradnal marriag; and at tim, among gay male relatnships, the openns of the ntract mak more likely to survive than many heterosexual bonds.

… [S]omethg of the gay relatnship’s necsary honty, s flexibily, and s equaly uld undoubtedly help strengthen and rm many heterosexual bonds.

WHY GAY MARRIAGE MATTERS TO ME

Siarly, a New York Tim Magaze profile, gay activist Dan Savage enurag spo to adopt “a more flexible attu” about allowg each other to seek sex outsi their marriage. The New York Tim recently reported on a study fdg that exclivy was not the norm among gay partners: “‘Wh straight people, ’s lled affairs or cheatg, ’ said Colleen Hoff, the study’s prcipal vtigator, ‘but wh gay people do not have such negative nnotatns. Anti-equaly right-wgers have long sisted that allowg gays to marry will stroy the sancty of “tradnal marriage, ” and, of urse, the logil, liberal party-le rponse has long been “No, won’t.

WHY MARRIAGE MATTERS (TO STRAIGHTS AND GAYS ALIKE)

Could the gay male tradn of open relatnships actually alter marriage as we know ? We often prott when homophob sist that same sex marriage will change marriage for straight people too.

”[41] Profsor Ellen Willis celebrat the fact that “nferrg the legimacy of marriage on homosexual relatns will troduce an implic revolt agast the stutn to s very heart. ”[43] Same-sex upl should “fight for same-sex marriage and s benefs and then, once granted, refe the stutn of marriage pletely, bee the most subversive actn lbians and gay men n unrtake…is to transform the notn of ‘fay’ entirely. [F]or all my sympathy for the evangelil Christian uple who may wish to n a bed and breakfast om which they n exclu unmarried, straight upl and all gay upl, this is a pot where I believe the “zero-sum” nature of the game evably to play.