My Teen Son Says He's Gay | Psychology Today

Contents:

• THIS IS HOW I FELT WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY
• MY SON THKS HE’S GAY
• YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?
• THIS IS HOW I REALLY REACTED WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS
• OUR SEVEN-YEAR-OLD SON TOLD HE WAS GAY
• IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?
• MY TEEN SON SAYS HE'S GAY

THIS IS HOW I FELT WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY

If you’d like to jo the Fom, drop a le at do feel like to fd out that your son is gay?

So my 19-year-old son told me he is gay last night. He don’t “act gay, ” but ’s not a huge leap to image him beg still put me to shock. ”“Don’t get stuck on thkg about the mechanics of gay sex.

Bee I’m obvly the person who is gog to have trouble unrstandg that he’s gay.

MY SON THKS HE’S GAY

Rather than emphasizg whether or not to try to cut off his terchange — there is, after all, nothg wrong wh beg gay — a more important, longer-term qutn would be, “How n I help him improve his social skills?

This strategy would hopefully provi a long-term solutn, whether or not he ntu to intify as gay. For straight parents, havg a child reveal that he is gay n be a jolt. You might ask how long he or she has known, and why he feels he is gay, bi, or trans, suggts Jonathan Tobk, M.

D., a psychiatrist private practice New York Cy and the -thor of When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need to Know. You n fd one through the Associatn of Gay and Lbian Psychiatrists.

YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?

Take the extra step and show your child that you are terted beg the parent of a gay child. Edute yourself on what means to be gay, lbian, bisexual or transgenr. PFLAG, or Parents for Lbians and Gays, which now has a group for transgenr youth, and holds natnwi chapters and meetgs;.

“I’m gay. I have had gay iends (and been eply hurt and disappoted when beme obv.

THIS IS HOW I REALLY REACTED WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY

He never wanted to be gay. To iends of me who may have gay children, or be gay themselv, please five me for my ignorance. I don’t know if I’ll ever be “okay” wh the gay liftyle, but right now, I am okay wh my son beg gay, and right now, that is all that matters.

What would you do if your child told you they were gay? When parents learn that their child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, they n experience a range of emotns.

As a matter of fact, you might someday look back and fd that you are grateful for the experience of havg a gay or lbian child. Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

If you jt found out your child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, you may be thkg that such ias are prepostero. The tstworthy nfidants let them vent but also rrected some of the misperceptns they absorbed om society, such as that gay people are lonely, unhappy, promiscuo, not fay-oriented, unable to have children, or sted for an unhappy life.

Contact Parents, Fay, and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG). List of Helpful Books for Parents of Gay and Lbian Children.

Straight Parents Gay Children: Keepg Fai Together (revised edn). Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lbians, and Gays Talk About Their Experienc.

HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS

Somethg to Tell You: The Road Fai Travel when a Child is Gay.

Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child.

Fortunate Fai: Catholic fai wh lbian dghters and gay sons. Mom, Dad, I'm Gay: How Fai Negotiate Comg Out.

OUR SEVEN-YEAR-OLD SON TOLD HE WAS GAY

When a child first out to their parents as eher beg gay or havg same-sex attractn, their ial rpons are ually the wrong on, says Chris Doyle, a psychotherapist who specializ York Cy gay pri para crowd this undated photo.

"Sce homosexualy is beg more wily accepted Amerin society, an creasg number of teens who experience SSA are intifyg as gay. They believe that if you experience same-sex attractns, then you're gay, " Doyle told the negative rpons parents have, acrdg to Doyle, are avoidg the issue by barrg their child om talkg about SSA or their gay inty; believg that 's a passg phase; or threateng to kick their olr teen or 20-somethg child out of the hoe. He also emphasized that parents nnot talk their child out of beg gay or havg SSA.

"We know, our clil rearch over the last 25 years, that fay culture, environment and other non-blogil factors play a signifint role the velopment of same-sex attractn, " he asserted, addg that parents shouldn't seek therapy as an attempt to change their the book, Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Fay Healg, wrten by Richard Cohen, executive director of IHF, Doyle said 12 prcipl are discsed to help fai navigate through SSA and s .

IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?

"Regardg sleepovers and big life events such as parents' attendg a child's same-sex weddg ceremony, Doyle suggted that parents treat their homosexual child the same as they would their heterosexual the se of sleepovers, parents should mata the same standards for every child and not allow their gay intified or SSA child to have somone they're attracted to spend the night wh them. "The same l should apply to heterosexual upl and homosexual upl, " he when down to attendg a child's gay weddg ceremony, Doyle suggted that attendg the ceremony don't necsarily reflect that the parents agree wh same-sex marriage, their prence merely shows their love for their child. He took a be of chicken and announced, his matter-of-fact way, “I hope you know I’m gay.

In a flood of words, he told me he wanted to tell his iends that he was gay— felt like he was keepg a secret om them, and when he thought about too much, ma him feel heart ached, and I wished I uld rewd to the time when kiss and cuddl fixed absolutely everythg.

” to “Who are you gay wh?

MY TEEN SON SAYS HE'S GAY

So when another stunt said somethg to him like, “Well, at least I’m not gay! My 17-year-old son and I got to a b of a heated argument this weekend and the midst of my son said he's gay.

My hband says that he has always thought that our son is gay and that if he's gay, he's gay. There are no other gays our fay as far as I know.

It is highly unlikely that your son told you that he is gay simply to upset you. Gay kids often tell their parents about their sexualy the middle of a fight bee they feel that they have nothg left to lose sce you are already upset wh them.